Hell Sings for Death!

Disclaimer: I Don't Own Grim Tales, Hellsing Ultimate, Hellsing Ultimate Abridged, or anything else that shows up here.

Summary: Junior stumbles across a certain abridged series on his computer. Grim Reaper Junior + Hellsing Ultimate Abridged= This. Bye-bye sanity! "Excuse me, I'm a F***Mothering Demon-Reaper! I ate a lot of souls to get that title and I deserve to be referred as such!" Rated for Cursing, Killing, Soul Eating, Hilarity, and Junior being a Total A$$.

Regular speak

Thoughts in Minds

Demonic or Animalistic Speak

Demonic or Animalistic Thoughts

"Mistress? We have a situation..." Pain called with uncertainty, his face appearing on the security computer Mandy had installed in her own bedroom.

"What is it now, Charles? If another of my bottles broke, I'm going to fire that delivery company- literally," She asked in annoyance.

Charles was about to answer when, to Mandy's slight surprise, Grim pushed him out of the way, "Mandy! Get yer ass downstairs now!" Grim called over the screen.

"Calm your skull, Bonehead. What's wrong?" She asked evenly.

"It's Junior, he jus appeared in de cour yar!" Grim answered.

Mandy raised an eyebrow at that. Sure, it was surprising that Junior teleported in some form, but not too surprising given the whole Reaper-Beast issue from a week ago, "So? He's learning how to use his powers, big deal," She asked with a shrug.

"He's covered from head ta toe in blood," The Reaper answered grimly.

"...I'll be right down," Mandy answered, her eyes widening a fraction of an inch.

When Mandy got down to the court yard, she wasn't sure what to expect. A traumatized son? A raving Nergal possessing Junior? Hell, she could even take him being perfectly okay, having fallen into a river of blood by accident. What she got, on the other hand, was not what she expected.

Junior was standing in the middle of the court yard, the guards giving him a wide birth. There he stood looking completely human...except for two small details. He was grinning a shark-tooth grin like a complete loon and green, scythe-tipped tentacles slowly slid out like serpents from his back, as if daring anyone to approach. The blood, as Grim had mentioned, covered every inch of him…green demon blood.

"Junior?" Mandy called cautiously.

"Hold on!" Junior interrupted swiftly, "Wait for it...," He said promptingly as a green portal opened up over head, a familiar scream ringing out as a body fell through, which he caught in his tentacles, "There we go. Took you long enough, Ragdoll," Junior said with a grin.

"Pardon, Brother, but I am unused to the changes to mine person...," Minnie answered a bit woozily as she stood up slowly on her own two feet...

"What. The. Fucking. Hell?" Mandy said slowly as the jaws of everyone else hit the floor, "Junior, explain, now!" She ordered to her grinning, possibly insane child.

"Okay...but you have to let me finish," Junior answered, practically bursting with glee...

Flashback- Junior POV

It all started with a walk through Hell. The flames were hot, the screams were delicious, and I was dying to sink my scythe into something. Hehehe, Get it? Because I'm a Reaper!...Shut up, it's funny!

"So, you finally arrived!" Someone called out to me, in a loud and almost goofy voice, as I approached the red shores of the River of Acheron.

"What?" I asked; both to what he was talking about and what the fuck I was looking at. At first, I thought he was HIM as he was red all over. However, unless HIM suddenly shrunk a few feet and gained a few hundred pounds, I don't think that was HIM- or that they're even related. This idiot has red eyes with yellow instead of whites, pointed horn-like ears on his head, a tiny tail with an arrow on it and a giant ass. Just to clarify, I only mention the ass because...this guy is naked, I mean not even a hair on him. Talk about a mood killer.

"I was wondering when you would arrive!" He said with a very annoying chuckle, showing off his perfectly straight white teeth. With a snap of his fingers, about a dozen scrawny little humanoid-demons appeared, each with a knife in their hands. I already knew what they are- Hell Minions. These guys are the lowest of the low in terms of demons down here. If this guy is trying to impress me, he's off to a bad start, "After all, your sister is getting lonely." He said as he pulled out Minnie's Ragdoll body from behind him, tied up and gagged. To my credit, I resisted the urge to growl and just kill this guy immediately when I saw that Minnie's arm was half way cut off.

I made an uninterested hum of acknowledgement. I mentally wondered for a moment what the royal fuck Minnie was doing here, but guessed she followed me in through my portal without me knowing and had been spying on me. This guy's goons probably just jumped her all at once. Right now, I'm just wondering what this shitcake's game is, hence why I'm just letting him rant off.

"I think I might have some fun with her," He added on perversely, licking his lips as Minnie squirmed in his grasp, looking to me pleadingly, "Might not last long with this body of hers..."

"Neat," I retorted blandly, but my Nergal is just itching to pop out now. Something Minnie can probably tell, I hope. But seriously, THAT was what the guy's plan was?! What kind of idiot kidnaps a princess of the underworld and- Ohhhh! This sorry excuse for a demon didn't know who he was shitting with. You know, I was almost tempted to just drag him back to Mom and see what she'd do to him…almost.

"But first I'm going to let my boys here have their fun with you!" He declared cheerfully.

"Oh? See, that would be intimidating if you were...well, intimidating!" I said with a smirk as he blinked.

"Are you mocking me?" He asked, clear agitated, but more confused by my lack of fear.

"No, no...ch, Yeah!" I answered as I nergalized, dozens of scythacles shooting out and making a beeline straight for him. They impaled the red idiot, missing Minnie perfectly as I ripped out his soul.

"W-wait! Stop! Please, I didn't know who you were! I swear!" He pleaded desperately, probably realizing who we were, as his soul clawed at the ground in a futile attempt to avoid what I'm about to do. His eyes went wide in horror as he saw me raise my right arm, the tentacles growing in size and length before they split open and grew teeth, taking on the form of a giant head with dozens of eyes all over and jagged teeth, along with a black abyss in the back of the throat, "No, please! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He squealed in a very high pitched voice, now in the mouth, "No! No! N-!" He tries to cry out, only for the mouth to snap shut.

"Yuck, that didn't even taste good," I said to myself in slight disgust as I wrinkled my nose and de-Nergalized before heading up to Minnie. To my disappointment, the minions left the moment I Nergalized- I needed something to get rid of the taste of that Red Guy, "Hey Ragdoll, you okay?" I asked in concern as I cut her bonds.

"Y-yes, sorry for troubling ye, Brother," She said, a bit shaken by what she just saw. Or, more likely, by whom just did it.

"Oh, it's no trouble," I answered with a chuckle, "But next time you want to come along, ask instead of stalking me. Seriously, that's just creepy," I chastised. By the look on her face, she wasn't sure how respond to that, but was clearly embarrassed, "I'm going to guess you don't have a thread and needle under that skirt of yours?" I asked with a smirk. Minnie glared and blushed lightly before shaking her head, "Well, lucky for you, I know someone that can help with that, Ragdoll," I assured with a grin.

"Must thou keep referring to me by the state of my soul's current vessel?" Minnie asked, a bit annoyed at this point with the nickname.

"Would you prefer Princess?" I asked with a smirk, getting a long pause.

"...Ragdoll it is!" She declared. Minnie really is a smart one- she can tell I have a hundred ways to make her hate being called Princess all the time by me. But I want to save those up for someone else- I'm bound to meet at least one spoiled princess, after all.

"I thought you'd see it my way. Now, let's get a move on! I got places to be and people to eat!" I said with a grin as I tossed her over my shoulder and headed up river, "Hey Charon! We need a lift! Hold the damn boat or I'll rip you head off and punt it down to Dis!..."

End Flashback, Normal POV

The entire court yard was in absolute silence, everyone too shocked to say anything to that story. Of course, while everyone else was gaping like idiots, Grim and Charles included, Mandy just looked annoyed with a twitching eyebrow, "So... that's your story then?" She asked slowly, trying to process and comprehend what she was hearing.

"Yup," Junior answered instantly, grinning toothily at her with his fangs.

"You went for a walk in Hell?" She asked to clarify.

"Yup," He answered again.

"Proceeded to reap and eat one-hundred seventy demons while you were down there..." She continued

"One-hundred eighty," He corrected smugly.

Mandy sighed as she looked over to her sheepish daughter, "And after Minnie got torn up a bit, you took her down to the second circle and somehow got Lilith to turn her into a-," Mandy started again, only for Junior to interrupt.

"Big-titted Adult Ragdoll, yes, like I didn't just get done explaining this," Junior answered with a roll of his eyes, clearly annoyed with having to go over this a second time. Once again, every single soul was shocked into silence over Junior's attitude, Grim even looking ready to drop his scythe in pure amazement.

Mandy, on the other hand, wasn't really thinking about how her son had just disrespected her in front of the entire castle, "Minnie...is all of that true?" She asked as she took in Minnie's form. MiniMandy had officially inherited her looks, and then some.

Minnie now stood just a few inches shorter than her. The back of her hair had grown, or extended more likely, and now went down to between her shoulder blades while still having the horn shaped hairstyle on the side. Most notibly, Minnie now sported a bust that was at least E cups, bordering on F cups, at least two sizes bigger than Mandy's, and had a much more plump and firm rear.

"A-aye, Mother, Brother speaketh the truth," Minnie admitted, a bit sheepishly, trying to pull her dress down a bit, as it was far too short for her liking now, "I am still...adjusting to my shift in gravity," She said awkwardly as she wobbled a bit.

"Well, look at the bright side. You get to skip puberty and still reap all the benefits!" Junior pointed out, "And those are big benefits," He added with a smirk.

"Brother!" Minnie squealed in protest with a blush, standing stiff as a board, afraid if she leaned over, someone would see that she had accidentally left her underwear back in Hell...

"I...have only one question," Grim said after a moment, getting everyone's attention, "How, exactly, did ya convince Lilid ta do dis fer ya?" He asked curiously.

"Oh, I just gave her exactly what she wanted," Junior answered offhandedly as Minnie blushed scarlet and looked at her feet.

The screeching in everyone's mind was actually audible. Mandy actually blinked in surprise with wider eyes, as she processed the meaning of THAT. Charles, of all people, fell backwards, unconscious with a nosebleed. Grim just kept on staring and by the looks of it, Junior was eating it all up.

"...Well, got anything to say, Mom?" Junior asked, blinking as she just stood there, not moving an inch, "Mom?" He called as he walked over to her, sprouted tentacles to put him up to her height, and waved his hand in front of her face, "I think I broke her!" Junior said with a victorious chuckle...only to get punched in the face by Mandy, resulting in him landing on his back several feet away, "Worth it!" He yelled, pointing a finger into the sky as if to affirm his statement, before blinking, "I think my boner's back," He muttered to himself.

"I quit," Mandy said suddenly in an even and dry tone, holding up her hands as if in surrender. "You left me speechless. Take that and hang it on your wall. For now, I'm going back to my room, pouring myself a drink, and finding a new wardrobe for Minnie," She said bluntly as she turned to head back inside.

"Can I come?" Junior asked curiously, almost hopeful, making Mandy pause for a moment.

"...Fuck it, sure," Mandy answered after a moment, the eleven year old bounding after her. Minnie stood there awkwardly before running inside and to her room, not liking all the attention on her, "After you take a bath!" She added in, remembering he was covered in blood and didn't want it all over the place.

"Not a problem," Junior assured as he followed after her, the blood starting to vanish as his Nergal drank it through the skin.

"...Okay, I'll admit it," Grim said after a moment, "I haven't seen stranga den dis," He confessed as he headed back in as well, "Now, where de fook did I pu my cyanide?"

End of Chapter

There we go, ladies and gents! First chapter of Hell Sings For Death! AKA The Fuckmothering Demon-Reaper. Lot of credit to my Beta, Dragon Wizard

Yes, as you can see, Junior has developed an attitude VERY similar to Abridged Alucard. And he does have his own material, as you can tell. For example: 180 demons? Final Destination Reference. Also, yes, that was The Red Guy from Cow and Chicken. Seemed appropriate for this scene.

No, this is NOT going to be an exact copy from Hellsing Ultimate Abridged. Its more that it inspired this. Don't worry, I have more than a few surprises for you all.

But, yes, I have turned Junior into a trolling ass who loves to screw with people- apparently in more ways than one. So, in other words, Abridged Alucard. And yes, he somehow got the Original Sex Demoness to turn Minnie into an Adult Ragdoll with bigger breasts than his mother. Take that however you want. Also, if it isn't clear, Junior killed and ate the rest of the 180 demons on the way down to the second circle.

And, if you haven't figured out, Minnie/Ragdoll is going to be Seras/Police Girl for a lot of this.

I would leave you all with several Questions to Ponder, but let's face it, something like this has too many questions to ponder. So, I'm just going to leave you with these four:

1. How are Mandy, Grim, and Minnie going to handle/respond to Junior's new personality?

2. How are the Afterlives going to respond to THIS kind of nightmare?

3. You think Minnie likes her new body?

4. ...What the flaming hell did Junior (do with/give to) Lilith?!