Konnichiwa, Sakuma here. I decided to do this story before Conquest for Cream Cheese. It's just another pointless oneshot. Enjoy:

It was just another ordinary Sunday at Shigure's house, when the phone rang. Shigure answered it.

"Shigure Sohma speaking," Shigure said.

"Get to the Main House now. Bring Kyo, Yuki, and Tohru with you," said Akito.

"Whatever you say Akito-san, see you later," Shigure said, and Akito hung up.

Shigure round up Yuki, Kyo and Tohru and they took a cab to the main house (Yuki and Kyo wouldn't trust Shigure to drive). When they arrived, they noticed all the other12-shi there and were confused.

"Did Akito call you here too?" Momiji asked Shigure.

"Yeah, do you know why?" Shigure asked.

"Nope!" Momiji said.

"Hello everyone!" Akito called happily.

"Huh?" everyone said in unison.

"Follow me, I have a surprise for everyone," Akito said and led everyone to a room and opened the door for everyone.

Once everyone was inside, Akito locked the door and grinned evilly to herself.

"Sit down," she ordered.

Everyone sat down on the floor, not knowing what was going on.

"I have called you all here to…….. tell you a story!" Akito cheered.

"That's all?" Hiro asked.

"What the hell do you mean 'that's all'" Akito said angrily.

"Just what I mean," Hiro said.

Akito pulled out a shotgun and shot at Hiro, almost hitting him in the head.

"Anyone who interrupts me will be eliminated. The last people here get a prize," said Akito.

"What's the prize?" Momiji asked.

"You'll see. Now, on with the story! Once upon a time, I was walking through the forest with my brother-" Akito started.

"You don't have a brother," Hatori said.

Akito pulled out her shotgun and blasted a hole through Hatori's skull (A/N: NOOOOOOO!).

"Anyone else want a bullet in their brain?" Akito asked.

Everyone shook their heads violently.

"Now then, we were walking through the woods- "

"I thought you said forest," Hiro said.

Akito pulled out her shotgun again and eliminated Hiro.

"So, we were walking through the forest when suddenly a yeti attacked my brother and killed him-"

"Yeti don't live in the forest," said Yuki.

Akito yet again pulled out her shotgun and aimed for Yuki, but accidentally shot Haru instead.

"Oh my god, you killed Haru!" Yuki exclaimed.

"You bastard!" Rin yelled.

Akito sighed, and shot Rin.

"Ok, so my brother was attacked by a yeti and then I ran for my life. I got so thirsty from running, so I went to 7-11-"

"What's 7-11?" asked Momiji.

Akito eliminated Momiji.

"So I went to 7-11 and got a soda, but it tasted flat so I strangled the cashier and left. Then I met Elvis-"

"Elvis died a long time ago," said Shigure.

Akito shot Shigure three times, and continued to tell her story.

"So I met Elvis and he gave me his autograph-"

"Then where is it?" Kureno asked.

Akito shot Kureno and continued the story.

"Then Elvis walked away and then I saw a squirrel! It was so cute, then Kyo appeared out of nowhere and ate it!"
"Did not!" Kyo yelled.

Akito shot Kyo twice and missed both times. Instead she shot Kisa, on accident, and killed her.

"Now then, Kyo ate the squirrel and Yuki showed up and then two dueled-"

"Did not!" Yuki and Kyo yelled in unison.

Akito shot Kyo and continued the story.

"So they dueled-"

"Why didn't you shot Yuki?" asked Kagura.

Akito shot Kagura and continued the story.

"And Yuki won. So then Ritsu showed up and stole my purse-"

"AAAAAHHHHHH! I'M SORRY I'M SORRY! I DON'T DESERVE TO LISTEN TO YOUR STORY!I'M SORRY I STOLE YOUR PURSE!" Ritsu screamed.

"SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY!" Akito yelled and shot Ritsu. (A/N: poor confused Ri-chan)

"Did Ritsu really steal your purse?" Ayame asked.

"Yes, now DIE!" Akito yelled and shot Ayame.

"So, Ritsu stole my purse and then I went home. The end!" Akito said.

Only Yuki and Tohru remained, and the room was covered in blood and smelled bad.

"So you two win!" Akito cheered.

"Win what?" Yuki asked.

"You two are now my bitches," said Akito.

"Oh hell no!" Yuki said, and pulled out a gun and shot himself.

"Oh well, looks like it's just us to, Tohru-san," said Akito, smiling evilly.

"Mom, please help me!"

THE END!

OK, I was thinking of doing Jerry Springer Furuba style. I had a weird dream that all the Furuba characters were on Jerry Springer. It was bizarre. If anyone thinks I should turn my weird dream into a fanfic: LET ME KNOW!