People say that love has no boundries or limits,that you give it your all every single minute.
Well sometimes people can be wrong..my love for naomi is unconditionally but it hurts.
everytime she walks hurt today more than anything...it made me want to vomit and cry made me want to hurt and just die.I mean last night was...amazing! to say the least but i thought mabey she had stopped running finally decided she wanted me back...but her walking away in the morning...leaving me in her bed again was the worst feeling ever,She left me in her bed again like i was a whore or like one of those acient marriages where a king would have a wife but wouldnt sleep in the same bed unless he wanted sex.I felt dirty but i also felt happy,happy that Naomi was there with me..Touching me,caressing me,making me happy.
When she walked away i didnt care about me...i'd given up.
When she was finally out of sight i went back to the blanket and sat down..Bursting into tears.I felt cold,lonely.
I was offically empty.
I dont know how long i stayed like this just lieing on the blanket and crying,i was ment to have college today.
I didnt give a fuck,Why should i go to college just to see her face again? Although i wanted to see her face.
i just could what was i ment to do? just stand there and act all she won the election was i ment to just clap for her and be .I couldnt.
I stripped down to my underwear once more and went to the waterfront...it was sunny again.I climbed in slowly this time so i was useto the cold water by the time i got was peaceful...Just clear and simple.
I dove under water and swam for about a minute before the need for air was too much.I wiped my face when i got to the surface to get rid of the masacra runs down my must be about mid day,the sun is fully out and shining..whilst i was in darkness.I knew katie would go crazy when she found out i wasnt in college...even worse that i wasnt home last .Let them fucking worry for once.
See i can loose myself in water its just so beautiful this lake is is where my heart became hole...then was crushed once more.
not going to think about her! I refuse to!
I climbed out the lake and started a little fire again there was still 1 spliff and most of the im a loner.
So i sat on the blanket drying off and started smoking the spliff whilst staring into the fire...all i could see was her face what she looked like when she walked away.I was disturbed from my musing by a violent vibrating..It was coming from my bag which ment it was my phone.i went into my bag i saw 'Katie' Flash on the the ringing stopped i saw how many missed calls and texts there there were quite a few voicemails.
45 Texts most from katie and mum but shockingly there was one from a very unlikely person...Effy.
55 missed calls Most from katie of course and mum.
and 7 voicemails.i opened the texts basically all saying 'where are you bitch?' Or 'sweetie are you ok'
Effys said 'Im here..Ring me if you need a friend' Sweet.
I Clicked voicemails and listened as katie yelled down the phone telling me to get my arse back home because mum was going out her fucking why i hadnt been at college. what time was it!
I didnt want to go home...I didnt want to do anything.I just wanted to lie down and stay there forever.
I Called the one person i knew would judge me or act weird.
Effy Stonem.
The phone rang twice then a casually'Hello' was muttered from Effy
'Hey eff its me'
'Well duh your name did flash on the screen,idiot' she giggled as did i.
'So what do i owe the pleasure of this call?' I knew she wasnt an idiot 'Aww um i was wondering...do you mind if i come round to your or something? i just dont wanna go home and you know some shit...' my eyes were watering as they threatend to break into frantic sobs.I cant help but remember her face.
'Sure where are you?i'll get mums car and come pick you up' 'Im at this lake.i'll text you directions but eff i have a bike'
'We can put it in the anything else'
'Um could u bring a towel and mabey some fags? 'She giggled ' you soon'
With that she hung up...who would have thought big bad Effy stonem being nice to little ol Emily Fitch.
I put my clothes and the blanket into my bag and waited patiently for effy i put out the fire and was drinking some vodka.
About 20 minutes later effy pulled up in the car,got out and walked over to me with towel in one hand and fags and a lighter in the other.I smiled at her nervously,she just smirked back.
'Nice outfit' she winked and giggled.
'Fuck off' i giggled back,she wrapped the towel around me as i lit up my fag,she put her arm around my shoulders as we walked to the car she opened the passenger door for me and i got in she then went around the car and got in the drivers probably sensed i was still cold cause she put the heating on really high and started driving.
'So gonna tell me whats happend?' She glanced at me as i took another drag out of my fag.
'Naomi' Was all i had to say she already knew stuff she caught me talking to naomi and the underground was just all knowing...I winced as i remember that was something that naomi had said last night.
'Well she was at college,didnt win the election but harriet tryed to fix the election so she won but she gave it to cook' She seemed amused.
'Yeah well you never know what to expect from naomi' I said with a bit of venom in my voice.
'Eff what time is it? I havent even checked' She glanced at her watch '20 Past 5' SHIT! oh my god! i've been all most of the day 'So where am i taking you then?' i looked out the window to see we were near bristol 'Not home! Defo not home!' I half yelled the words.
'staying at mines then' She simply said...wow she was forceful 'Thanks Eff' I smiled at just nodded and continued to drive we finally got to her house as we got out she grabbed my bag and we walked into her house and she just directed me straight upstairs then we got into her was simple with a double bed,A table,Book case,Stereo and thing on the wall that said 'daily sex' i scoffed typical she followed my eye line and chuckled also and winked at me.
Mabey Effy Stonem wasnt that bad.
We went and sat down with me still wrapped in a towel,i pulled out my bottle of vodka from my bag and took a gulp the vodka burning my throat.i handed it to effy which she took in a instant drinking it like it was water.
Once she finished drinking she spoke.
'So you can have a shower and ill give you some clothes to wear just now yeah? Then we will figure out what to do'
She smiled at me once more.
I was in the shower for about half an hour just scrubbing my skin...even though last night was one of the best nights of my life...i felt dirty,like a fucking used whore.
when i came out effy was sitting on her bed rolling a spliff she looked up and pointed to a bundle of clothes on a chair.
I went over and picked simple t-shirt and jeans.i went into the bathroom and got changed and returned to the bedroom and effy was once again just sitting on the bed rolling a spliff .but this was a different one..Ahh she was using the best cure.
I sat on the bed as we smoked our spliff just laughing about any random thing when my phone was vibrating again.
'Katie' once again flashed on the raised her eyebrow at me...daring me to answer.I flipped her off but smiled and she giggled i answered 'Hello'
'EMILY FUCKING FITCH WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!? DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING WORRIED WE HAVE BEEN!? YOU WERE OUT ALL NIGHT THEN YOU WERENT IN COLLEGE!? WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU,YOU SELFISH COW!? YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST TEXTED OR CALLED!"
'Sorry katie i forgot to text or call okay i didnt mean to worry out with a friend and i wont be back till i dunno..Im staying at there house for a while because i need space.I need to think things through'
'Ems think what through? What friend'
'I just need to think ok? And Effy im with Effy'
' but next time bloody call yeah mums been going out her fucking and that fucking lezza came round.
Wanting to talk to you about some fucking assignment told her we havent heard from you and that you werent at college she seemed fucking upset that you were missing by the way' My eyes were watering again And Effy could see i was upset so she wrapped her arm around my shoulder as i put my head on her chest she took the phone out my hand to talk to katie because i was in no fit state.
'Ems you there? Emily'
'Katie its just trying to do something right now so she will call you later yeah'
I heard katie speak one more time 'yeah ill tell her...no problem katie' She turned to me and whispered 'Katie says she loves you'
she hung up the phone and put it on the table and pulled me closer to her as i sobbed into her chest as she just stroked my hair and waiting for me to calm down. She knew i didnt want to talk knew i just wanted a friend.i had calmed down it was around 11,and i was knackered to say the least.
'Eff do you mind if i go to sleep? Im really tired' She nodded and pulled the covers over us.I hugged into her as she held me But i wish it wasnt her arms...i wish it was naomi's.
As i sleep began to take over i fell asleep on a thought that probably wont happen..of me and .
THE NEXT MORNING.
I began to stir slightly at hearing effys bedroom door and the sound of a voice whispering to effy.
'Whos this effy'
' needs a place to stay for a while'
'Ok.I also need to tell you a friend from college is blonde.' I Froze at the description and i knew effy knew i was awake as she gave me a little squeeze.
'ok ill be down in a minute tell her to go in the living room and ill be down in a sec yeah? do you mind going in the kitchen or something'
'Im going out for food space wise its fine'
'Thanks' And with that the door clicked shut.I opened my eyes as effy looked at could see the question forming in my eyes 'I dont know if its her ill go check you just go back to sleep.I wont be long ok? Best just go back to sleep'
She gave me a quick squeeze before getting out of bed and putting a different outfit least she was leaving with a explanation.
She flashed me a quick smile as she left.I heard her walk into the living room and i could only hear murmurs but i was still to tired to care..I was drifting.
When i woke up it was the bedroom clicking open once again i presumed it was effy but i was wrong when the door didnt shut and she didnt climb back in the bed i slowly let my eyes flutter open to reveal a blonde towering over staring at me with sadness in her eyes.
Im going to fucking kill Effy.
'Em...'She chokes out,her eyes are watering as she reachs out for me.I get out of the bed at the other side.
'Fuck off Naomi' there was alot of venom in my voice..she winces slightly..mabey it was a bit harsh...No she left me.
'Please Em..I need to explain..Im so sorry' She was just making me more and more angry...My hands were clenched into fists and i was shaking slightly 'SORRY?! DO YOU THINK THATS ENOUGH NAOMI!? YOU BROKE MY HEART! YOU LEFT ME! YOU MADE ME THINK I WAS A FUCKING WHORE! YOU'D HAD YOUR FUCK AND YOU COULD JUST WALK AWAY SO EASY!'i took a deep breath she started to slowly walk towards me,i slowly backed away till my back was on the wall even though it was clear i didn't want her near me she kept walking towards was one step away when she stopped 'Im so so sorry wasnt fucking easy to walk i was so scared...Im just not like you..Im not sure.
But Emily all i know is i cant live without if your just a friend or more i need so sorry i walked away but your not a night was...Icredible but i freaked out.I got scared but i was more scared when i found out you hadnt been home,that you were missing...that scared the life out of me em'
'well i didnt feel upto going to Your always scared you've hurt me so many times.I dont know what to fucking do how do i know your not going to lie and fuck off again'
'You dont want secrets then? Do you want me to tell you everything? Do you want to know how i know i cant be with anyone else apart from you?' She was staring at me,Staring into my very core.I nodded.
'I cant be with anyone else because i've already tried.I said something to cook that made him think if he won the election i would fuck him'I froze,she noticed,'No wait! Just let me explain.i was talking to him and i kissed him..We kissed but i could go through with it because all i saw was you...standing there begging me to be brave,so i stopped it,Then i had a talk with my mum and she told me the people who make us happy are never the ones we expect..I think shes right'
She looked at the floor i was still frozen in place but tears were now streaming down my took a deep breath and closed the space between us and wrapped her arms around me,i attempted to push her off but that made her hold me even tighter,i broke into heart wrenching sobs as she kept whispering 'im sorry' and 'Dont give up on me,on us'
in my was now begging me to be brave...but could i? I mean shes amazing but i dont just fancey her...Im in love with this girl and i cant tell her because i know she will run.
i lifted my head from her shoulder to look into her eyes..i knew this was the biggest mistake i will ever make but i had to know if she was going to run..she was now looking into my eyes aswell 'Naomi i need to tell you something..i dont know how your going to take it' She froze 'Ok'
'Naomi...I..I Love you' i quickly shut my eyes as i heard her sharp intake of breath i slowly opened my eyes once again,her face was blank just staring at me 'Im sorry'But then when i felt everything was lost she broke into the biggest smile i've ever seen She quickly connected her lips with mines in a passionate and long waited for kiss,my arms wound themselves round her neck as her arms went round my tongue grazed my bottom lip asking for entrance which i granted as our tongues and lips moved in sync at some point she took hold of my hands and put them above me on the wall so i wasnt touching her but she began to kiss down my neck 'Naoms..'She groaned as a reply,'Wheres effy'
'Shes...Downstairs...in..the..living room' She mumbled in between kisses now her mouth was back on mines siliencing my moan that escaped.
i pulled away and laughed at her pout 'Well i dont think we should do anything here...Anyway why did you come to effys'
'I thought she might have heard from you.i've been everywhere noone heard from you.I checked the lake,your house most of the clubs.I asked everyone they said they hadnt heard from you but i didnt ask effy..Then when she came into the living room she had the look where she knows who and what your looking told me you were here asleep,i almost pushed her over whilst trying to run up she stopped me and talked to me for a she said you were probably asleep but still very angry and upset so i came up here to try and talk to you'
I just nodded my head.I was still angry at effy she knew i didnt want to see or hear from there was something bugging me 'Naomi if you were worried why didnt you try and call me or text or anything?' She bit her lip...far too sexy for this subject 'Because i knew you wouldnt pick soon as you saw it was me that was calling you would reject the call.I knew you would read my text but you wouldnt text back..Cause i had to come to of you come to me' She was finally understanding that i couldnt do all the chasing,that she could be the person always upset.
she wrapped her arms around my waist again and buried her head in the crook of my neck...she wasnt trying to seduce me.
she was hugging me.I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her back 'I missed you' She mumbled 'I missed you too' I still didnt know what was going on with us though.I mean was she my girlfriend? Did she love me too?
We stayed in this position for a while then i heard effy shout up the stairs 'You's two better not be shagging! Em Do you want breakfast'
'Yes'
'What about you naomi?'She just nodded into my shoulder not wanting to be disturbed 'She wants breakfast too Oh and effy im gonna kick your butt.' 'Whatever you say dearest' I knew she was grinning and so was lifted her head and glared at the door 'Since when were you and effy friends?' she was being a bit harsh...Oh My God...Shes jealous 'We are does it matter?' I glared at her 'I just dont trust flirting with you i know she is' she was now glaring at me aswell.I Took her hands and unwound her arms from around me,and walked to the other side of the bed 'Why are you being like this? Shes a friend!' 'Emily shes flirting with you and you dont even obviously not just your friend'
'Why are you fucking being like this!? You dont have a fucking claim to me! Im not property Naomi! And shes being a mate not like you and cook are mates! So just fuck off yeah!' With that i stormed out the room,downstairs and into the kitchen It was a low blow but she was being a complete tosser,i mean effy was there for me and shes acting like im no one can even go near me for fuck sake!
I walk into the kitchen and smile at effy she rolls her she heard the arguement.
'Eff wheres the coffee?' She pointed to the kettle i laughed and got a cup making myself a naomi came in obviously now in her eyes but i dont really know cause im not even looking at her now im just standing waiting for the kettle to boil.I wonder what shes doing then i feel arms circle round my waist across my stomach and her head go into the crook of my neck.
'Im sorry.I shouldnt have got jealous' I lean back into her embrace,and put my hands over kissed my temple 'its okay' It wasnt but i didnt want to fight with her.
'no its not...Effys your friend and im hoping thats all..But im sorry.I wont get jealous again..Your right i dont have a claim to you can be angry about just really sorry' I spun round in her arms and held her face in my hands 'Honestly its dont do it again...I mean with cook...I dont think i could bare it..And effys just a friend ok? She just knows how to help me..Also Its kinda cute when your jealous..bit annoying also'
'Em i dont know if i can stand seeing you with anyone else anyway...So Emily Fitch..Would you be my beautful redhead girlfriend?' She smirked 'Depends...I mean i would be a tricky girlfriend...i have the sex drive of a 14 year old boy..I eat alot and i like sex .Didnt i already mention that?' I giggled and so did she,she knew i was playing with her 'Well thats good for the sex drive and the sex..And eating fine...keep your energy up for the sex' She winked at me 'Fine if i must' I grinned and kissed her pout i suddenly remembered i stopped kissing my girlfriend! and looked around the kitchen for effy but she wasnt there as if reading my mind naomi scoffed 'Shes in the living you really think i would have been that soppy infront of effy?!' I just kissed her as soon as i felt she was getting really into it i turned round and poured my coffee i heard her let out a frustrated circled my waist and pulled me back into her so her head was in the crook of my neck, was teasing was sucking and nipping so i let out a groan.
I felt her smirk on my effy came in 'Eww! Gross' She smiled at us and made a gagging just flipped her off and i giggled 'Eff shut up am i not aloud to kiss my girlfriend?' Naomi challenged.
'Girlfriend huh? Well Congrats Now fuck off i want some proper sleep,Em is a fucking heavy clinger,And its obvious you two want to be somewhere else' she winked at me and i winked back but naomi didnt see me winking.
Once we had said our goodbyes we started walking to naomis hand in hand she turned to me with a smirk on her face 'Heavy clinger aye? Looking forward to that' she winked at me.I would know what i was like when i slept..she already did.
But she didnt know what i was like properly in the mornings.I stared ahead as we kept probably could sense something was wrong as she came to a halt making me stop put her hands on my waist and brought me closer to her facing me to her.
'Whats wrong?' She looked in my eye and all i could see was utter concern 'Your not going to...'I took a deep breath,'Your not going to leave me in the morning again are you'
She released a shaky breath and smiled brought me closer to her,tucking my head under her chin 'Im going to be there every morning you want me to be' she kissed the top of my head.
I felt .Complete.
Only tomorrow was another would just have to live it to see how it goes