A short AU one-shot that was inspired by this Dr. Who video by 0RainbowProductions

www . youtube watch?v=wO6tD7cG8Jo (remove spaces)

It's amazing and you should definitely check it out.

Really, despite what anyone says, I had tried.

My god had I tried.

But it was just so hard, even for someone as persistent as me, as stubborn as me, sometimes I just couldn't. Because living, for those who longed for death, was just another version of hell.

I had been fine for a while, months really, the Doctor traveling about in his TARDIS just as he should, as the universe needed him to, as she had wished of him. I had done it all in her name really, after she was gone. The thought of her was the only thing that kept me going, kept me fighting after I could no longer hold her in my arms. So as I scaled the Empire State Building of the Great Depression, storm clouds rolling threateningly overhead as I griped ice cold steal, hoisting myself up as quickly as I could, I did it in the name of Rose, because if she were here she would have been doing it right alongside me.

Eventually I reached the top of the towering structure, finding three sheets of Dalekanium attached to the lightening rod pointed towards the thundering heavens. With not much time left to spare, I launched myself at the ticking time bomb, tan coat billowing about me in the wind as I crouched, sonic screwdriver in hand as I attempted to remove the lethal metal from the conductor. While pulling as hard as I could at the bolts keeping everything in place, it was still making little progress, the sonic able to do only so much on its own.

Of course, there was another way to prevent this premature doomsday, a possibility I had been thinking of the entire climb to the top, a way that would kill two birds with one stone. But I couldn't; not now when there were still other options, I owed it to Martha at least to try the safer way first. The poor girl had already seen me beg a dalek to shoot me down today, she needed only so many disturbing thoughts to keep her up at night, and this visit had seen more than enough.

It was this visit that did it though, the reappearance of the daleks, the so hated creatures that I thought I had all destroyed, that was what had driven me to the edge, had made me become so desperate. Because I could no longer see point anymore if they we here, no reason to continue on if they always remained while I lost everything, while I lost her. Why should I always be subjected to such torture?

And there was such an easy way out, standing right in front of me, because I had a secret, something that I hadn't even told Rose, despite how dear she was to me. I hadn't wanted to worry her at the time of my regeneration, it already being so stressful and scary for her, so I had claimed that this was my 10th regeneration, that I had two more still left in my back pocket to use. But I had lied, had lied so plainly but yet so well. Because this was not my 10th body, but my 12th. This life I was living would be my last.

But I had no need for this information at the moment, because I was still taking the safe way out, still playing on the small part of my head that told me to live on, because I had responsibilities, because it's what Rose would have wanted. Though in all honesty it was the latter reason that really kept me breathing.

Eventually I was able to pry the first sheet of Dalekanium off, the bolts lose enough for me to completely remove it and throw it aside like the filth that it came from. Rapidly I moved on to the next one not even a foot away, crouching next to it as the blue light of the sonic illuminated the bolt I was working on.

But then, of all things to have happen, my grip slipped, an honest mistake, and the trusty screwdriver tumbled over the edge of the towering structure before I could even attempt to go after it. As seconds ticked on, a deadly clock counting down for the entire universe, my options were growing more and more limited. I pulled at the deadly metal in frustration, willing it to come off with only my meager strength to assist it, still fighting, but because I was supposed to. Still, the Dalekanium would not budge, no matter my efforts, and it seemed that fate had left me with only one option if I was to save the universe, the one that I longed for but held so many consequences and insincerities even for trying. For once the universe was being kind.

I took a moment to steel myself before hand, reminding myself that, upon the completion of this endeavor that the TARDIS would initiate Safety Protocol 1.2, and Martha would be taken home, to her own time and her own apartment. The old ship would have just enough energy for the last trip before following her pilot, never one to be without the other.

As for the creatures whose biological makeup I was about to interfere with, they would no longer be simply dalek and human as their masters had intended, but also part Time Lord. With this, they would not kill, they would question orders, and quite soon revolt, and though some would die, they would take their creators with them. The Doctor was not always needed for things to work out properly; I had known that for quite a long time already.

And that was all that there really was to it. Of course there were other minor complications in my plans, things known to me already or not, they were still there, but now was not a time for lingering, it was a time for choosing. For a Time Lord, I certainly made a habit of running out of time.

So, with all remaining traces of hesitation gone, I stepped up to the lightening rod, arms wrapped around it tightly in preparation, knowing there were only seconds left before enough voltage to power the city for a year coursed through me. And all I could think was, 'finally, finally I'm going home.'

A faint picture drifted through my mind then, knowingly inaccurate after having been months since the young girl's death, but close enough that both of my hearts gave a wrenching pull at the sight. Despite my situation, despite my readiness to die when all that she had stood for was life, the young girl smiled at me, her tong poking out from behind her teeth as golden hair cascaded down the frame of her face. It always did make me feel better whenever I saw Rose happy.

And then pain, so much pain. An electric current with the strength of a lightning bolt worthy of Zeus coursed through me as it hit the pole, nearly throwing me off if I hadn't held on so tightly. I screamed out in agony, there being little else that I could do as my flesh burned, frying every nerve in my body. For once I had no idea how much time had passed throughout my torture, minutes and hours, even seconds becoming irrelevant as I held on. But even my strength would wain, and as the current ceased its attack upon the metal building, I slipped from my perch on the pole, letting go and losing all feeling before I even hit the ground, though how far down that was I would never know.

For quite a while there was simply a sensation of nothing, not even a passage of time, only the blackness that surrounded me and kept me floating. I could feel nothing, and by doing that didn't seem to mind. Opinions were hard to make in a place such as this...wherever this may be.

After a while, though I hadn't a clue exactly how long, a faint humming could be heard, not just with my ears, but throughout my mind, the melody a familiar comfort as what felt like a floor materialized beneath me. It didn't take me long to recognize the song, it was that of my TARDIS, my trusted ship that would follow me anywhere. As the last important thing in my world materialized around me, I opened my eyes, despite having no remembrance of ever closing them, and I was in the only place that ever really felt like home to me.

I found myself sprawled across the grading next to the console, and I quickly leapt up, finding no remaining pain in my muscles despite the ordeal that had brought me to where I was. Immediately I began running about the controls, as old habits die hard, and checking to make sure that my beloved ship was alright. She sang joyfully with life as I assured myself that she was indeed okay, ready as ever for our next adventure together. But then...

Finally I looked up from the console, scanning the room for something that I desperately wanted to see...and came up with nothing. I was still alone.

Dejectedly I dropped my gaze back to the monitor, hope deflating just as quickly as it had come. Maybe I wasn't dead, I could have been for awhile, enough for Security Protocol 1.2 to kick in, but maybe, as my Time Lord biology had tendency to do, I was brought back to life. This meant I had been mostly dead, not completely dead. It had happened before, and upon my returning to conciseness the TARIS had materialized around me, like the amazing ship I so often proclaimed that she was.

With a heavy heart I set the controls to scan for where we were, not knowing how much time had passed or if the TARDIS had taken me somewhere else upon finding me. I at least needed a point of reference, needed to know if I was to stay where I was for the moment or travel somewhere else. I probably needed to let Martha know I was okay, she would most likely be out of her mind with-

"Doctor?"

My hands stilled against the console, eyes growing wide at the voice I had so sorely missed for nearly longer than I could stand. But no, because there was no possible way that she could be here, I had watched her fall into the void myself, the day that my hearts were violently ripped from my chest as my love was no more. It was another hallucination, like the ones that my mind had come up with so often after I had lost her, a vain attempt for breaks in the constant pain I felt.

But as my eyes turned to the door of the ship, she looked so real, golden hair framing a face that held such exited hazel eyes, both trained on me and nothing else. For a moment I could only stare at the girl in the pink hoodie, words failing me as I took in the sight of her, my mind screaming at me that this couldn't be real despite just how badly I wanted it to be.

"Rose." I finally choked out, the emotions coursing through me threatening to strangle me. That one word was all she apparently needed to hear from me, as the next second she launched herself up the railing towards me, and I couldn't have stayed still if I had tried, converse hitting the floor in rapid succession as I met her half way.

And then Rose was in my arms again, despite all odds, all of the things that had kept us apart, I had her. Her name fell from my lips over and over again like a mantra as I buried my face into her shoulder, lavender and vanilla and everything that was Rose meeting my senses, and I took them all in deeply.

As I continued my chant of her name, my mind unable to come up with much else at the moment, the girl in my arms was a bit more literate as she held me just as tightly as I held her, desperate and never wanting to let go. "Oh my god, I've waiting so long. I can't believe you're finally here. Doctor."

I fell silent as she drew my attention with my name, pulling out of my grasp a bit so that she could cup my face in her hands, bringing my forehead to rest against hers. "I've missed you."

I let out a half laugh, half sob, the sting of tears beginning to prick at my eyes as the months and months that I had been away from my Rose flew through my mind, the power of it nearly bringing me to my knees now that I had her again. "I missed you too." I finally got out in a shaky voice, and by the looks of it the beautiful blond in my arms had to blink away threatening tears as well. "Oh Rose, I missed you so much." And then we were hugging again, somehow even tighter than before, and I doubted that we may ever let the other go again.

Behind me the TARDIS gave a noise of alert, letting me know that the scan of where we were was finished. It wasn't enough to cause my release of my precious pink and yellow girl though, and was quickly shoved to the back of my mind, being one of the least important things going on at the moment. Because Rose was here, after everything she was finally here in my arms again. With that not too much else mattered, because wherever she was that was where I needed to be, that was where I was truly home.