Cisco leaned against the wall, watching the flashing numbers above the elevator doors- 4, 3, 2, 1, ding. The doors slid open and he was faced with the Indiana-Jones-meets-boy-scout fashion disaster that Julian was wearing. That was a matter for a different time.
He liked Julian. Honest, he did, but spending 48 hours on the run with somebody always gave you a new perspective. Something about the way that he spoke to Caitlin rubbed Cisco the wrong way, and now that he knew what it was, he felt like it was his duty to give Julian some advice. He knew that it probably (definitely) wasn't his business, but frankly, Julian needed all the help that he could get.
It occurred to him that since he was legally too sleep-deprived to drive, it might be a good idea to wait until tomorrow to have this conversation, but he could keep it friendly. That was what he was good at.
"Yo, Indiana," he called, stepping away from the wall. Julian, who was stepping through the doors, glanced up.
"Hey, mate. On your way out?" Julian smiled amiably, but his eyes were lined with fatigue. A petty part of Cisco's brain thought that he looked like crap. Then again, he probably did, too. He pushed his judgmental thoughts away and focused his eye on the ball.
"Uh, yeah. I'm beat." Cisco mirrored Julian's friendly stance. "You?"
Julian nodded. "Although, I was hoping to see Caitlin before I left. Do you happen to know where she is?"
Aha. Ahahahaha. Two sentences into the conversation and there they were. Cisco hadn't even needed to prompt him. "I think maybe she left. I'm not sure." That was a total lie. He knew exactly where she was, but if he told Julian that, he would take off and somehow charm Caitlin with his absolute lack of flirting skills. Yet another area where Julian could benefit from Cisco's expertise.
Julian's face fell slightly. "Well, maybe I can still catch her." He made a move for the door.
"Hang on a second." Cisco sidestepped in front of Julian, blocking his path to the revolving glass doors. "I actually wanted to talk to you about that. Caitlin, I mean."
Julian's brows shot up. "What about her?"
"She's my best friend." Julian looked confused, so he rushed on. "What I mean is, I've known her for years, and I know her better than I know anybody else. I know her strengths and weaknesses, I know how she ticks, and I know how she deals with emotions." Which was to say, badly, but he left that part out. "She's had a lot on her mind lately. With recent frosty events-"
"You mean Killer Frost." Julian brushed his hair away from his forehead, apparently impatient with Cisco's euphemisms. "I know. I've been doing my best to help."
"Yeah, that's what I'm getting at." Cisco scratched the back of his neck. "Look, man, you're great and I'm sure you have the best intentions in the world, but I think maybe you're not... really helping her." Julian's face hardened and he started to protest, but Cisco bulldozed over him. "Case in point, our fun field trip. You, uh, came because of Caitlin? Because you thought she needed to be protected? I appreciate the concern, but she doesn't. You probably would have been better off if you'd stuck with 'I live for danger'."
Julian folded his arms. "I wasn't being misogynistic, if that's what you're getting at," he said coolly.
Whoops. This was taking a decidedly not-friendly turn. Cisco backpedaled. "No, that's not what I meant, of course not. I just meant, Caitlin doesn't like to be coddled, and it kind of pisses her off when people try."
"I wasn't coddling her," Julian said defensively. "I was concerned about her facing a situation where she had to use her powers, given how frightened she is of them."
"Okay, that's fair, but I don't think that's what Caitlin got out of that interaction." Julian raised an eyebrow, challenging him to go on. Challenge freaking accepted. "I just don't think she was too thrilled that you were trying to protect her, or that you thought she couldn't handle herself."
Not thrilled was an understatement. Caitlin hated feeling weak, and she hated people trying to protect her. Caitlin needed to feel in control in order to overcome her fear. She had to feel in charge, and none of that involved a British prick who invited himself on a dangerous expedition to protect her.
Julian's jaw clenched. "I was just trying to help. She asked me to, you know." He raised an eyebrow at Cisco's blank expression. "She asked for my help because I've been through what she has. Because I can understand her struggle." And you don't, his defiant gaze said.
Cisco clenched his hands into fists. "Okay, clearly I overstepped my bounds or something. I'm just trying to give you some advice, Julian, since she's my best friend." This time, he put a little too much emphasis on my. It had become the operative word.
"Maybe so. But I'm her-" Julian said, and then stopped, and folded his arms.
Cisco felt his face heat up. All the things that rubbed him the wrong way were starting to make sense to his exhausted brain. "Finish that sentence, why don't you. What are you, Julian?" The words spilled out of his mouth before he could stop himself, and he instantly knew that he shouldn't have said it, but it felt satisfying.
Julian's nostrils flared and a vein in his head throbbed. "You know what, I think I know what this is about. You have feelings for Caitlin. Don't you?"
"Feelings for-" Cisco repeated blankly, his brain scrambling to catch up, and then his brain tripped and faceplanted. "No, no, I don't-" He paused. That was a lie. He had, for sure, but there was Cynthia now, and anyway, that wasn't what this was about. Or was it?
Julian was watching him intently and smirked. "I thought so."
"I don't-" Cisco said again, and then stopped. "I shouldn't have to justify this to you. This is about Caitlin and what she deserves. I want her to be respected in her relationships, because I care about her, and in what way shouldn't matter." But it did matter, and they both knew it.
Julian pursed his lips, and his eyes flashed with something Cisco wasn't used to seeing on his face- spite, maybe. "If you don't care," he said slowly, "then you won't mind if I ask her out to dinner, right now."
His heart did a backflip. "I-" He shouldn't care. He was into Cynthia, not Caitlin, not anymore, but the more he thought about that, the more he wondered how much that was true. Cynthia was just one kiss, so far. Caitlin was 4 years of intimate friendship and unconfronted feelings. He had always figured that he would have time to work through those feelings. After her disastrous tryst with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, he figured she would be hitting up the closest convent, so he put his feelings on hold. And then Julian showed up and the long game went down the drain and maybe… maybe that was why everything he said bothered Cisco so much.
Speak-of-the-devil was watching angrily, still waiting for an answer. Cisco tilted his chin up defiantly. "Ask her out if you want. But make sure you're doing it because you love her, not because you're trying to prove a point."
Julian scowled. "Is that your rendition of the shovel talk?"
"No, that was my way of saying she deserves love and respect." Cisco took a step closer and stood up straighter. He wished he was just a couple inches taller so that he felt more threatening. He settled for intimidating eye contact instead. "But if you hurt her, you can bet your ass there'll be shovels. Mate," he added.
Maybe he was imagining it, but Julian's face looked a few shades of mayonnaise lighter than usual. He recovered quickly, however. "You don't have to worry about that. Caitlin is wonderful."
"She's absolutely incredible," Cisco retorted. Words couldn't do her credit. He reached up and pulled his beanie over his ears. "Good luck. Point of interest, I think that new bar down the street has a rejection special."
"Ha." Julian's jaw clenched. "I'm going to go ask her."
Cisco slipped his hands into his pockets to keep them busy, because he kind of wanted to deck that pretty British face. "Okay."
"I'm going to ask her right now."
"Okay," Cisco repeated coolly. "See you around." He turned and walked briskly toward the door. He felt Julian's eyes on his back and tried to diffuse the angry, jittery feeling in his limbs. He ducked through the revolving door and stood in the frigid air for a moment. He thought it might have the head-clearing effect of cold water, but all it did was calcify the angry feeling in his gut into an acrid stomach ache.
He liked Julian, he told himself as he crossed the street towards his car. He had no reason not to like Julian. Besides, Caitlin was happy. He made her smile. So do you, his selfish brain told him, but he pushed it down. Hadn't he just told Julian that Caitlin could take care of herself? So why was he meddling?
He unlocked his truck and as he reached for the door handle, something over the top of the car caught his eye. Caitlin and Julian headed down the sidewalk, shoulder to shoulder, and- he craned his neck to be sure, and felt like he'd taken a kick to the gut. Yep. Not just holding hands, but her arm was linked in his, and she was huddling against his shoulder. He placed an arm across her back and grasped the top of her shoulder with one of his pansy British hands, and said something in her ear. She smiled and turned her head towards him, and for a second, Cisco expected them to kiss. Instead, she just looked at him, her eyes overflowing with soft, warm affection. Cisco had seen that look in her eyes before, and always when he was standing right by her side. That look used to be reserved for him, he thought forlornly. It was somehow worse than watching her kiss him.
The couple turned towards a crosswalk, and as Julian glanced around to check for traffic, his eyes locked with Cisco's. His Adam's apple bobbed and his hand clenched on Caitlin's arm. Cisco nodded at him curtly and ducked into his Ford before Catlin could see him.
He leaned his head back against the headrest and pressed his hands against the steering wheel, trying to quell the tension and hurt and anger he felt. He stabbed the key into the ignition- legal or not, he needed to get home and down a bottle of something that would make him even less fit to drive.
Well, crap. He still loved Caitlin.
That would have to be yet another thing that he suffered through, for her. But it was okay, because that was what he did. It was all he ever did. Besides, it was worth it for her. Her friendship wasn't worth any less; it was so important to him.
He just wished his heart didn't ache so badly.