Simon Gets the Mario Treatment, by Dickfart
One day Finn and Jake were chilling in their tree house playing Tetris or some shit, but then the Ice King showed up.
"Hey guys I found out which castle the princess is in, unlike that pitiful Mario character," said Ice King.
"That's cool, Simon," said Finn. "Be a bro and get us some dew and doritos. The COD is calling me, homie G."
"Sure, but I need to store my princess here," said Simon, pulling Princess Peach out of his asshole. She was shivering and had a cold. "Bee arr bee! That means be right back."
"P-p-peachy," said Peach, still shivering.
"Hey, we should introduce the princess to Princess Bubblegum," said Jake.
"That's a great idea, Jake. Adventure time!" said Finn, with his sword. Then Bowser showed up.
"RAH!" said Bowser. "I want to come, too."
"OK," said Jake. So Bowser, Peach, Finn, and Jake galloped through the Candy Kingdom until they reached Princess Bubblegum's house. They knocked on her door, and when she answered her hair was disheveled and most of her clothes were on the floor.
"Umm, yeah," said PB. "You guys could not have picked a worse time."
"Bonniebell, I'm lonely," said Marceline, completely naked and licking PB under the ear. "Hey Finn and Jake. Got anything red for me to eat?"
"You can have this," said Princess Peach, handing Marceline a toad. The toad screamed as Marceline sucked the red out of it.
"I like you. You should join us," said Marceline, pulling Princess Peach into the house and slamming the door in everyone else's face. Loud, passionate lesbian sex could be heard from every which corner of 0oo for generations to come. Bowser stayed and watched, but Finn and Jake got bored and went home.
When they arrived, their buddy Simon was there with dew, doritos, tequila, and a bag of weed. They all hugged, bro-fisted, high fived, chest-bumped, bro-hoofed, and played some effin' Call of Duty.
But then Simon remembered, "Say guys, where's the princess?"
Both of them snorted.
"You could say..." said Jake, turning blue and exploding with laughter. It was only funny because he was high.
"YOUR PRINCESS IS IN ANOTHER CASTLE!" Finn screamed.
Finn and Jake laughed, hooted, coughed, gagged, then laughed again until they peed themselves.
And Simon was like, "Oh, you guys." And then BMO played a laugh track from a Sitcom and all was well.
Except for Mario, way back in the Mushroom Kingdom, who had nothing better to do than stare at grass all day.
"You can hang out with me," said Luigi.
"Haha. That's a really a funny joke, Luigi. Now go find out what Mama Mia is making for dinner."
Luigi sighed, drooped his shoulders, and skulked off.
The End