Yo, what's up? Thanks for clicking on the story! Really, means a lot. I just wanted to let you know not to take this too seriously, and to check the Author's note at the end. This is... sort of an experiment.

The Cost Of Burgers

"Yo, mate." John gave Sam a twisted smile. "I bet I can put you off your meal."

The two friends had met up for lunch; it was hard to stay in contact, so they had decided that once a month they would go to a local burger joint and catch up. They both had ordered burgers and chips.

Sam gave his friend a nervous look. "Well, that's easy to do. What are ya gonna talk about, something to do with…bodily functions?"

John stuck his tongue out. "Why does your mind always go to such disgusting places? No, I'm just gonna tell you about this recent pokémon study I read."

The other man sighed. He took a bite of his burger, before gesturing for his friend to continue. "Well, how bad could it be? Go ahead…"

John ate a chip and smirked. "Right, okay. You've heard about those new pokédexs, right? The one's that can interface with a Rotom?"

"They're supposed to be all the rage in Alola, right?" Sam ate a couple chips.

"Yeah, man! They're awesome. It's got, like, all the functionality of a normal pokédex, but also has the companionship qualities of a pokémon. Freaking sweet, right?"

Sam raised a brow at his friend. "Yeah? Weren't you trying to put me off my meal?"

"Patience, dear friend of mine." John took a sip of his drink. "Okay, so, did you know that the Rotom-Dex can… talk?"

Sam blinked, amazed. "Really? That sounds incredible!"

"Right?" John laughed. "It's why they're so useful. It can remind you of things, hold a conversation, be a pal, ya know?"

"Wow…" Sam lightly chucked. He took a bite of his burger. After a moment, he gave his friend a confused look. "Once again, how is that supposed to put me off my food?"

John stared at the man like he was stupid. He shook his head and sighed. "You don't see it? This proves that Rotom are capable of complex thought."

"So?"

"Really? You don't find it unsettling that rotom have complex thoughts? They can have opinions, feelings, and stuff like that?"

"Sounds cool, actually…"

John pinched the bridge of his nose. "You dumb mother… Okay, if rotom are on our level, what about other pokémon? The common ones, like rattata or zigzagoon. Or hey, we know that alakazam and metagross are way smarter than us, right?"

Sam took a bite out of his fries. "So what? Are you saying that all pokémon are sentient and sapient?"

John smirked and clicked the fingers on both of his hands. "Yep, totally. Freaky, yeah?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Not really. I mean, sure, that's a lot to think about, but why would that be unsettling?"

John's expression fell. He was quiet for a moment, just watching his friend eating. First the chips, than he had a healthy bite of his burger.

"Where do you think meat comes from?"

Now Sam looked at his friend like he was an idiot. "Burgers come from miltank, duh."

"Too true. What about KFC? Or, the best thing to ever exist, bacon?" John grinned evilly.

Sam turned his head in confusion. "KFC? As in the meat? Combusken legs… I hope. And bacon has a lot of different sources." Sam held his hand out as he counted. "You've got pignite, primeape, grumpig. I still don't get what you're getting at."

John put his hands together as if he were praying. "Oh, Arceus who art in ultra-space, give me the strength to deal with such apparent stupidity."

Sam glared at the other man. "Okay, first of all, arceus isn't a god. He didn't create Sinnoh, or the world. It's just a myth."

John rolled his eyes. "Rude much? I believe that Arceus created us, and I would ask you to respect that."

Sam sighed, holding his hands up in surrender. "Fine, whatever. Why don't you get back to enlightening the idiot over here?"

John gestured wildly. "We just went over this. Rotom proves that pokémon have complex thoughts, yeah?"

"Yeah?" Sam asked, still confused.

"So…miltank, pignite, primeape, and grumpig are probably also capable of those complex, dare I say, human feelings, surely?"

Sam scoffed. "Not likely. They're just farm pokémon."

"Yeah, and some people use them for pokémon battling." John raised a brow. "You didn't question that a common pest like rattata could be sentient and sapient, but you draw the line at miltank?"

"Well yeah," Sam said. "Miltank are meant to be eaten."

John gave Sam a disbelieving look. "And who decided that?"

Sam stopped eating. He'd just taken a bite of his burger. He stayed like that for a moment, before swallowing. He started breathing irregularly. "We did…"

John nodded. "Nothing that walks this earth is meant to do anything, except for what it wants to. For all we know, every pokémon is capable of feeling happiness, fear, and pain, as well as planning for the future or forming an opinion."

"So…" Sam gulped, looking down at his half eaten burger. The burger itself was one hundred percent miltank beef. Sam felt sick as the realisation that the cheese in the burger was also probably made from miltank milk. "It's kind of like eating another person…"

John grinned smugly. "By Arceus, I think he's got it."

Sam was so uncomfortable that he didn't even feel like arguing about arceus' status as a world creator. "Oh my god… I've been eating burgers since I was a kid."

John shrugged. "Well of course you have. Burgers are freaking delicious." The man grabbed his burger for the first time, and bit into. He tore it in half with his teeth. Sam watched, his eyes were drawn to the juice that seemed drip from the burger.

Sam started to cry.

"Hey, don't worry about it, pal! I'm sure the miltank would understand." John grinned maliciously. "I mean, it is damn tasty, right?"

Okay, we all know that the Pokémon community has some drama, yeah? If you don't know what I'm talking about, check the reviews on basically any story that was posted this month. Now, I'm not going to name any names or state my opinion on the matter. I'm just going to outline what these two groups do in a frank and non-opinionated way. Okay? Okay.

One of these groups, let's call them the Critics, writes very critical reviews, usually talking about anything from basic grammar to pokémon canon.

The other group, the Anti-Critics, don't care for this first group and tries to warn other users of the first group's existence. They usually do this by leaving a review detailing their side of the situation. Also, some of these users leave PMs.

My question to you, the readers (preferably people who aren't associated with either group, but hey, I can't control who does and doesn't decide to interact...) which group do you find more "annoying"?

Please, leave your opinions either in a review, or a private message, or there is a blind poll on my profile. This information is only for me, but it would help to get more numbers so please share this fic if it isn't too inconvenient. Thank you, everyone, for your time.

Peace out!