Bella and her mother Rene went for the weekend.
I can't calm myself down. Bella out of my sight would be like leaving a blind person without its guide dog.
The room didn't seem big enough since I wasn't walking anymore.
"Edward do us the favor to calm, you're making us unease too." Carlisle's voice emerged through the darkest worries of my thoughts.
"I'm sorry Carlisle but it's vital that I be in movement for this upcoming weekend." I said without revealing more details.
What could possibly go wrong in two days? Infinite possibilities of tragic and inane –but plausible for Bella- accidents crossed my mind in a quarter of second.
From simple fallings through mountains falling towards her, everything could happen to this human girl.
"Edward isn't it strange that I feel like leaving when I'm in no means planning to leave Alice's side?" Jasper grimaced and looked towards Alice.
My family that was sat, starring expressionlessly to nowhere, placed their eyes on me with sudden curiosity.
"And I'm not planning on leaving Japer either Edward." Alice tiny face smiled at me, with curiosity in her eyes. This time her face didn't go blank, she smiled at this vision.
This vision was meaningless, a constant, burning sun, a valley surrounded by mountains, orange dusks, gravel and a dry scenario, freeways running through every direction, I-10 highway, cactuses and creosote bushes, then I got clearer, an airport, The Sky Harbor.
A second before I finished seeing what she saw, Alice spoke again:
"But I can't help but wonder, how is that you're going to survive in Phoenix since, how is it called, The Valley of the Sun?" Alice smile was turning wider.
"Am I going to Phoenix?" I asked not fully perplexed, it sounded more like a confirmation. I had considered that option unconsciously. I had blocked that idea from my conscious and rational ideas, but deep inside I knew this plan from beginning to end. I didn't want to accept it because, it was partly selfish. My family would become implicated if I decided to do something as fool as this.
But I was stupid enough to consent this idea. And I was willingly selfish that going there was something I should do.
Alice smiled more, stood up and placed by my side.
"It's exactly what you should do. You hadn't chosen yet, but, wait, no, you had. So you know what the answer is then." She gave me a soft punch in the ribs and smiled wider, again.
"Carlisle would it be much to ask if you can lend me you car?" I asked, half ashamed, half relieved.
"Of course not son." I began to check the minds from the room, worried about how they would take this selfishness from me.
Carlisle as always was cautious, he was happy from me and that happiness sadly exceeded the worries he also felt for the rest of the family.
Esme as always cared for me more than I deserved. She couldn't give time to worry about herself and the family. She was happy for me and it was all that matted. An image of my face with eyes that flickered with life, the sound of the unnamed lullaby I composed for Bella, the days that I got from school with a smile placed on my face because few hours were away from night where I could spend more time with Bella, all the memories of a men that wasn't myself filled her with immense joy, that everything that was really substantial was forgotten.
I don't deserve Esme.
Emmet spoke the same thoughts.
"You're crazy bro." he said, I nodded. After all I was, but this time being crazy didn't felt like a sickness to me, at least not when I was near to Bella. I blessed that craziness called love. Love did now exist for me and if being love with a human a Bella meant madness I didn't wanted to be sane, never again.
Rosalie, I didn't expect any kind of thoughts from her, any good. She was cursing me, wishing I was as far as I could from her and the family, she actually saw what I was doing. She was the only who was being reasonable here.
She knew that I was exposing the family too much. She didn't believe that Bella could keep our secret, and I too. It's impossible to believe that Bella took it well, too well. I still expect to see her running out from me, from my family, but I could never see her tu0rning me in, revealing our secret.
She is too loyal, too warm hearted, too lovely for her own good.
And Jasper blocked my way in. Alice distracted me for a moment.
"Passport, suitcase, gloves, sun glasses." She spoke. Alice had a black suitcase at my side, sunglasses in her hand my passport in the other one.
"There will be tickets, ask for the 9:30, it's the earliest flight." She handed me the passport and the sun glasses.
Then the barrier on Jasper thoughts broke up completely. He couldn't believe I had fallen for a human. It was unconceivable to him. Love or any other sentiment towards humans was imperceptible for Jasper, all except hunger.
He was seeing Bella too; he was tasting her blood also in his mind, but not as something exceptional, just as some other food, maybe more appetizing than others.
The thought of Bella's blood tasting in Japer's throat, made mine burn too, for hunger, for desire and need.
A growl escape from my mouth.
I shook off that thought from my head, feeling the venom, burning my mouth.
"That's not likely to happen." I gritted under my teeth.
Jasper looked away and shoved the image and flavor from his head too. He escaped my infuriating stare looking to Alice.
"Jasper is incapable of hurting, you ought to know that Edward. You must trust him." That's not likely to happen also, not after this.
"It doesn't seem like that Alice, at least not in his head." I said still looking at Jasper wishing him near to make some physical harm.
But he's my brother, I thought. But he wanted to harm her, I thought acidly this time.
I was getting near to Jasper; my hands were conveniently closing into fists. Jasper faced me this time, seeing my notorious intentions.
"Stop!" Alice shouted.
"You won't get a ticket if you don't go." I wasn't hearing her anymore. Jasper and his thought was the only thing I saw. I wanted to place my hands on his throat and ripped him in pieces.
"Now!" Alice shouted again. This time she took my by the arm and Emmet and Rosalie placed between us.
Rosalie's lips moved.
"Idiot." She said and turned her back to me. I nodded, when I got conscious of what I was doing. I was truly and idiot.
Carlisle and Esme escorted me to the door, while Alice reached to Jasper and led him upstairs.
"Everything will be alright son, it should be and will be Edward, you deserve it." Esme lowered my head and kissed my forehead.
I really don't deserve her.
Carlisle hugged me and without words and with a half smile. He told me everything.
His thoughts told me everything.
"Do what you must son, we just want you happy. Don't worry about us." He thought.
I nodded and ran-walked to the garage.
I put the suitcase in the trunk, got in the Merced's and le the path ran beneath the tires. I looked through the rearview mirror and saw the figure of my father and mother. Bemused and anxious I left them behind, not worrying for what was back, but anxious for what I was about to see: Bella.