Dear readers,
the idea for the following story has been going around in my head for quite a while now. In "Avengers" we see a rather shaken Hill after Coulson's death, so the two of them were probably close. In Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D, the two (mostly) get a long as well.
But there is this other women who, in my opinion, is totally the right one for Phil Coulson: Melinda May. Still, somehow none of them makes a move (at least in the first few seasons).
This drabble is Maria Hill trying to get them to work things out and at the same time delivering some interesting news herself. It is set somewhere in the middle of Season 2.
I realize their friendship is not really canon and they both might be a bit ooc, but it just fitted the one-shot.
Please let me know what you think!
Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel.
Maybe
Mondays were her least favourite days, Maria Hill had decided that a while ago: When the weekend was over, she had to get up early and Stark would harass her again with heaps of incredibly stupid questions. This monday wasn't any different, for she had to get her head into the sheets of intel piling onto her desk. Those were the days when she cursed the private sector, wishing to be back in S.H.I.E.L.D., back in the field, back in charge. But that wasn't her life any more. Other people did that job now, or rather, never had stopped doing it. Coulson was rebuilding the organisation, and when Coulson was doing something, there was always a woman who had his back: Melinda "the Cavalry" May, one of the best agents ever recruited by S.H.I.E.L.D. And a friend to Maria too, which made her even more exceptional. So when the SI employee's head started to swim with figures and problems and she decided to take a break, Maria got out her phone and started to text:
Hill: Hey May, what's going on? What are you up to?
While Hill was comfortably sitting in an office chair, May was busy doing her daily workout. The beeping of her phone however got her out of the flow. She hurried over, wondering who on earth would text her. Phil and the others were all in the building, so they had no reason to. When she saw the source oof the text, May's lips curved into a smile. Without hesitation, she texted back:
May: What kind of question is that? We are rebuilding S.H.I.E.L.D., if you want to know more, join up again!
Maria was surprised at how quickly her friend had answered, she did not seem to be busy. After a moment of considering, she decided to tease the other woman.
Hill: You're missing me! Admit it!
To be fair, May was really missing the Deputy Director. Of course she would not give in to the other so easily, Melinda always put up a fight. Giving up just wasn't her strongest suit. Remembering what the Academy had taught her years ago, she did not really answer with yes, nor with no. Maria had left them for the private sector, it had been her choice, and it was a waste.
May: Just saying we need good agents and you're one of the best. Too good for Stark anyway.
When the message came through, Maria started to smile. It wasn't often that people complimented her and it was even more special to hear something like that from Melinda. One could be sure her compliments were honest and not only empty flattery. It was true, she sometimes felt unconfortable in Stark's company, missing the thrill and excitement that S.H.I.E.L.D. had brought. But she didn't feel wasted on Stark and Potts, she just felt... a little empty. May however did not have to know it, Maria was currently in no mood for long discussions. To avoid further probing, she decided to change the topic and target May's soft spot: Phil Coulson.
Hill: Who are you and what did you do to Melinda May? Someone stole your face again? You are actually NICE to me! Or is Coulson's good influence coming through at last?
Coulson. Phil Coulson. Her Phil. The reason she'd joined the team in the first place. The friend she'd had since the Academy. The man who had gone through hell with her. The man who had never given up on her. He meant everything to her but that wasn't Maria's business. Not at all. As much as she liked the other woman, some things had to stay secret.
May: I am just realistic and you leave Phil out of it!
Coulson loved May. May loved Coulson. Maria Hill with her spy's instincts had been sure about that since she had befriended them years ago. But the two of them had never come out of the friendzone, Melinda had eventually married Andrew while Phil had caught the eye of a cellist, Audrey something. They had probably sincerely loved their respective partner, though Hill would bet that there had always been something electric between the two. In the use of Coulson's first name, she saw prove of their new-found closeness.
Hill: You are back to PHIL? Cute!
Damn it, probably she had revealed too much. On the other hand, she could swear Maria had already had her suspicions. But it was still not her business! It probably never would be.
May: Shut up Hill! Btw, shouldn't you be at work?
Oho, May was avoiding the topic, interesting...one more reason to ask questions. Or at leat, to tease her. Maybe she'd tell her more. Or she'd pout. She'd see.
Hill: I am at work, multitasking! Just randomly asking, who of you is on top?
That sentence brought back bad memories. Of a man kneeling above her, trying to kill her. A man she had slept with, yes, but who had meant nothing to her in comparison to Andrew or Phil. Ward had been a physical comfort in a very dark time and, looking back, the affair was nothing she was exceptionally proud of. Talking about it once had been awkward enough, May didn't want to be reminded of it again.
May: Fuck off! There is NOTHING going on! Just because you did not just use your desk for paperwork
you don't have to assume anyone else does!
What did that mean? Had they or had they not? Hill was aware that her thoughts might be a bit...inappropriate but hey, they were her friends, and she was just a concerned good friend to them! May was right in one point, maybe: Maria herself might have used her desk for special encounters with a certain man she had had a crush on for the last 10 years. Maybe even longer.
Hill: As if you never thought about it May... and by the way it was definitely worth it!
Truth be told, her thoughts had gone south in some very lonely, very boring hours in administration, but she had never taken it as a serious option. It was a fantasy, one of those you didn't admit to even to yourself because you didn't want to accept it. She had felt so guilty for thinking about another man when she had just been divorced. Seeing him again had been... weird. If he'd stood next to Phil, she couldn't have said who she wanted. Or didn't want to say. Whatever. But what she wanted even less were pictures of Maria's lovelife in her head!
May: That's not the point!
The avoidance strategy again! They were going to the level of high school girls who had crushes on the head boys. The interrogation wasn't finished yet!
Hill: What is the point then?
Maria had nerves! Apparently she really wanted to annoy her! Hill's admission had led to a lot of awkward talks with Fury. Well, awkward for Melinda at last. She wasn't entirely sure if he knew that she knew, but he probably did. Fury was the master of secrets, especially when it came to himself.
May: I couldn't look Fury in the eye for nearly a month after you told me.
Having to avoid Hunter and Morse now is bad enough, I don't need your stuff stuck in my brain as well.
Lance Hunter and Barbara Morse? Again? Something seemed to tear them back together every time they broke up. That she knew. But after they divorced, Hill would have thought there would be more distance between them. But that was there business, if they didn't endanger a mission, they could have as much fun and heartache as they wanted. Other than that, they would never learn.
Her personal lovelife, however, was another thing. As Fury's second (and now as a member of Stark Industries), she had to keep her name clean from that stuff. Of course May would never tell anyone anything, so it wasn't that bad. Still, sometimes Maria thought it might have been better if she hadn't talked that fatal evening...
Hill: Holy shit, I still regret the last vodka shot back then!
Did she regret telling them? Maybe she did. The night had been fun before everything had gone down the drain. Not for Natasha, she drank vodka like water. Not for May either, she could handle her alcohol without a problem. But for Maria? Years of always beeing in charge and always having to be the responsible good agent hadn't given her much experience, so by the end of the third round, she had been totally drunk.
May: It was tequila. And you are lucky you only told me and Romanoff. Other people would assume that's why you
got the Deputy job. I know he picked you because of other qualities.
She was right. Melinda May was so right. And Maria hated her for it. Metaphorically of course. Usually Hill wasn't really concerned about what people thought about her... more than businesslike relationship with Nick Fury, she was an adult and it was her life for goodness sake, but in her position it had been crucial to gain and keep her agents' respect. Her sleeping with the boss might have raised some uprising against her and encouraged people to think less of her as a leader. Although grateful for May's begrudging support, Hill really couldn't be bothered to talk about herself right now. She was far to close to cracking the shell of the other agent.
Hill: Honestly, thanks, but that's not the point!
It was so annoying,. that woman just wouldn't give up! Not talking about herself but pushing May towards the point of giving up and confessing, just to be left in peace. But they weren't there yet. May still had some resiliance left.
May: You are stealing my words!
Maria smiled to herself at the next attempt to block her prying. This was getting more and more fun! Although she felt guilty for making her friend unconfortable, she knew it would also be for the best if she spit it out at last. After a short while she decidede to reply cheekily. Maybe this would help.
It was a fact that Melinda didn't talk much. If she did, unless it was on a mission, it was suspicious. Then something was wrong or she had a hidden agenda. Even more suspicious was May laughing out loud. Hill had only seen it once when they were at the Academy, and that had been because of Phil. That man had made a total fool out of himself while playing poker with them which had eventually lead to Melinda's pokerface changing into a smile; and then the unthinkable - a laugh. After that, the maximum Hill had witnessed was a smirk or a short smile, but never that careless laughter again. After Bahrain, even the smiles had become scarce, as well as the words.
Hill: There is not a lot to steal then.
It was so exhausting arguing with Hill. Maybe that was why she had made it that far up in the ranks of S.H.I.E.L.D. - because half of the agents were to lazy to argue with her or were afraid she would make them look stupid. The other half probably just knew about her reputation as an outstanding field agent who could silence you with one stern look. Right now, May who didn't feel like putting up with Hill's nonsense anymore. She tried to keep her message as short and as straight to the point as she could.
May: B****!
Melinda May using swearwords - that didn't happen on a regular basis. Usually her controlled demeanour and calm personality didn't leave any room for insults coming out of her mouth. She seemed to be quite annoyed, Maria figured.
She was also a bit proud she could coax such a reaction out of the warrior with the heart of ice. Which was crap anyways. Melinda's heart had never been made of ice, but it just had been in cryostasis for the last few years. Well, Captain America had woken up again and Coulson nearly done a backflip. If May's heart thawed, what would he do then?
Hill: Love ya too! And I know you care about him deeply, you always have. (And I am not referring to Nick!) Don't mess this up Melinda just because you are scared!
Hill had hit the bullseye. May cared for Coulson - hell, she even had signed up for a mission again just to be able to keep an eye on him. He was her partner and best friend, for goodness sake! But the truth was, she also still thought about Andrew. About their time together, their marriage and about what could have been. She had been convinced Andrew was the one for her, the one you only find once in a lifetime. But lately she had started to wonder if that man hadn't appeared in her life a lot earlier, disguised as a dorky young man just being recruited by Nick Fury.
May: I know but I need time...and there is still Andrew...
Andrew wasn't the problem here, that was for sure. Melinda just hadn't given herself the chance to move on, afraid of the change it could bring. After Bahrain, so much had been different, now she wanted to protect the bit of normality she had. Well, as normal as life could possibly be if one of your team members wasn't currently trapped on a different planet and inhumans keep disappearing. Life as an agent didn't get any easier those days.
Hill: You might not have time. He already died once, that should be warning enough. Plus screw Andrew! I know he is a nice guy but relationships between civillians and agents hardly ever work out. You know that, don't you?
Time was a silly thing. There was never enough. It wouldn't wait for anyone. And no matter what you did, there was no going back. It had a one-way flow and if May listened to her feelings, they would tell her it would end soon. So Hill was right. Again.
Once upon a time, Melinda had promised Coulson to always have is back and she had, during every mission they had done together. The day Phil had been chosen to assist in the Avengers Initiative, he had been so excited about it. She had been happy for him - why wouldn't she be? - but when she had said goodbye to him at the Triskelion, a weird feeling had settled into her stomach. When the message had come, she hadn't been able to talk. Processing it had just been impossible. Her Phil. Dead. Taken out of her life by this Asgardian who casually had wanted to take over earth. It had felt like a part of herself had been ripped away for good. She didn't know if she could go through that again.
May: How did you do it?
Hell yes, THAT was an interesting question. Maria sometimes still asked herself what had come over her that day. One didn't simply confess their feelings for their boss without a good reason. Especially if their boss was Nick Fury, director of S.H.I.E.L.D. Still, she could remember the day as if it was yesterday (it hadn't been that long ago anyway). HYDRA had risen, Nick had had to die and of course she had had to help covering it up. Even though she had known all along that it was partly staged, seeing Nick's dead-looking body in front of her eyes had been a shock. It had confirmed her theories: She didn't just admire him. She didn't just care. She hadn't just followed him out of duty. She didn't just desire him, nor did she just desire the way only he could make her go wild. No, it had made it even more clear that she loved him, had loved him for years now. That she didn't want to keep it casual anymore.
Hill: Nick? Told him after he died. Kinda cheesy I know... if you tell ANYONE...
May had had her suspicions, so she wasn't too surprised. Even inside the Deputy Director there could be a little romantic. Fury and Hill had been the perfect team for years now. Perfect not in terms of cooperation - far from that actually, but always there in case of an emergency.
Hill had written reports about Fury being irresponsible and reckless, and Fury in turn had tried to put her in her place more than once, but in the end they had always faced battle together. Just as she and Phil had. Even after all that shit that had happened - her not telling him about T.A.H.I.T.I. and him keeping Theta Protocol from her. Speaking of it, Hill had been involved in both incidents and had known about both. That was so unfair!
May: Lucky girl! I know you have a reputation to keep up, hardass Hill :-)
Of course she had a reputation and of course she wanted to keep it. Even if she was just working in the private sector. Hell, she might have just been the third little name under Tony Stark and Pepper Potts in Stark Industries, but still she had her vanity. Maybe too much, as Fury tended to say. And Phil. And May.
But she'd deal with her personality issues later. Depending on whether the world needed saving or not. And whether Nick would be home from his last trip. That would also change the course of the evening...
Hill: Shut up May! As if you didn't keep your ice queen facade up on purpose! That's what we chose when we moved up in S.H.I.E.L.D.
Ice Queen... why did everyone connect her with ice? Her name was May, not December! And May was a month in spring for goodness sake! She could understand why people thought she was cold - just because she was. Somehow. On the outside. She wouldn't lie about that, the this exterior gave her security, kept others away and most of all kept questions away. That was the main thing about it. It hadn't always been the case though, there had been warmer times. But even when everything was falling apart, after Bahrain, when even Andrew had to leave her life, Phil had been there, a reminder of a summer breeze. Making her feel like a popsickle in the sunshine, not like a icicle in a snow storm.
May: Maybe one day, when this is over...
Maybe one day...one day...one day, my prince will come… Hill had to think back to her childhood, watching Disney cartoons, dreaming of being a princess. Melinda was definitely a lot like Mulan though, a fierce warrior, not talking much, not in accord with her reflection. And even though Phillip was Aurora's prince in the movie, Hill was going to let that count! May had definitely yet to be kissed awake!
Hill: What then? You'll let him in? May, it will never be over and you know that. Old threats go, new threats come. You belong to the shield of humanity, it won't get any easier. And you deserve as much happiness as you can get under those circumstances.
Yes, it would never be over. You rarely got a holiday and the demons would always haunt you. That was the price any S.H.I.E.L.D. agent had to pay. They payed it so that others could live in peace. It was what she felt was the right thing to do for her, her purpose in life, to keep people safe. She had made hard calls to ensure that, very hard calls, and sometimes Melinda really wondered if she still deserved to be happy. Phil made her happy. But did she deserve him? He was such a good man, kind and caring and believing in the good in people. And she was The Cavalary.
May: …
She still blamed herself for what happened in Bahrain, that was so frustrating! Maria didn't know all the details, but she knew without her, a lot more people had died. But she also had eyes and she had seen that, whatever events had taken place, had changed the older woman. That's why she had grudgingly approved of transferring May to Administration, after she had requested it several times. Nevertheless Hill was happy Melinda was back in the field, back with Coulson. She had looked a lot better last time they met, more alive, not like the corpse in the dimm lamplight of the administration building.
Hill: Yes! Believe me once in your life! And if you don't, ask Phil!
She did not have to ask Phil, she knew what he would say. She almost always knew what was going on in his mind, if something was bothering him. She even talked about feelings with him, that was more than she did with most other people. Well, about his feelings anyway. Not about hers, that was dangerous terrain. She had locked her own feelings away in a dark corner of her heart and now she was afraid to drag them out into the daylight again. It was true, Melinda May was afraid.
May: He would say the same as you do
At least May could admit that! It was a promising start for her to accogknowledge that other people saw her in a more positive light than she did herself. May still had to forgive herself, to learn to love herself again. To accept she had done bad things, but for the right reasons. That those bad things had been a necessary evil. That other people didn't judge her for it. That she was her own biggest foe.
Hill: See, point for me! It's because he cares!
The man who always cared, that was Phil Coulson. He would never let a friend down. Friends. Just friends. That's what they had always been. It had never been discussed, rather a mutual silent understanding. There were boundaries that had never been overstepped, hardly ever been touched. And even if from time to time a spark had flown up from the most innocent of touches, both had made sure it was not growing into something bigger. They had always had other relationships, she had had Andrew for such a long time and he had found Audrey. Both had been happy. Just friends.
May: I know he cares and Maybe I have let him in ages ago, but not in THAT way. I think he still loves this cellist.
Phil had loved Audrey and he had never mae a secret out of it. She had loved him back and nearly broke down when they told her he was dead. Hill herself had brought the message. She had figured she owed it Coulson as his boss and even more as his friend to go down that gravelly path to the blue door and knock. Seeing the cellist so broken had been hard. But seeing the silent grief in May's eyes, the emptyness that was suddenly in them, that had been worse. Maybe Coulson did not know it himself, but Maria was fairly certain Melinda was the love of his life. The platonic love until now, but that had to change! It was so obvious there was more than met the eye!
Hill: He can do better#you
Hashtags? Since when did Maria use hashtags? That was something Skye would do, maybe Jemma as well, but Hill? She was far to serious for that. But well, maybe that thing with Fury had loosened her up a little.
May: #? Seriously?
Maria could not understand what problem May had with her using hashtags. Well, it was unusual for her, that was certain, but why not go for something new? That was what she told herself every morning now: Try out something new, something you couldn't do as the second in charge of S.H.I.E.L.D. Such as writing #. Melinda should also try out something new, maybe give coffee a go again. Who knew, maybe she'd even like it now.
Hill: Why not?
Perhaps Hill was starting to feel the beginning of a very early midlife crisis, who knew? A very very early midlife crisis. Maria could only be in her early thirties, if someone should have one, then it was herself. But Melinda hoped it would not come that far. As an agent, you didn't have time for personal crisises. You have to work, to function, to do your job. Always.
But thinking about Maria, it quite looked like a time of change for her...New job, new style, new boyfriend... or maybe she was pregnant? Jeez, the world was definitely not ready for a second Fury yet. Or a third, depending whether Maria would marry him and take his name or not. Probably not, she liked her own name too much, Melinda mused. She could understand that, after all, she had never been Melinda Garner. Melinda Coulson? Didn't sound too bad, but that was something she should not think about.
May: Stark's definitely not good for your brain!
Maybe he was, maybe he wasn't, but after all, she had a well-paid job that would allow her to have time for a family. An own family had never really been a goal for her, a working relationship always being enough and she knew Nick felt the same way. However at some point, things had changed. Maria smiled to herself, she did that a lot lately. She knew that in a few months, the slight emptyness that S.H.I.E.L.D. had left would go away, that the excitement that came out of saving the world would be replaced by the excitement that came out of caring for another tiny human being. Phil was so going to be her godfather, he didn't know yet, but he would quite soon. Maria and Nick both liked and trusted him, they had the feeling he was the right man for this thing. On the downside, they couldn't tell anyone because officially Nick and Phil were still dead. So the other godparent had to be one of the few women that knew, those were basically Romanoff and May. Both not the ladies you would pick in the first place but that made them perfect, Maria wasn't the first one one would pick for a mother either.
Hill: Perhaps. Anyway, gotta go, business is waiting. But this conversation is not finished yet, remember my words!
There was no way Hill would let go of the topic soon, but well, May could always get a new phone number if her former boss was bugging her too much. Besides, she had a suspicion that Hill would be occupied by other things quite soon. No idea why, it was just such a vague feeling. She had never expected Maria to be the motherly type, but who knew. Few people expected it from the Cavalry and nevertheless had she dreamed of kids years ago. With Andrew. Now she sometimes had the feeling she had found a daughter in Skye, that obviously made Coulson the father of her "kid". Those two were so incredibly close it touched her heart, making her wish it was reality. A family with Phil, that didn' t sound so bad, did it?
May: You are not the one giving me orders anymore! Especially not when you start getting confused by all the hormones.
You didn't honestly think I wouldn't notice!
Shit, how did May figure that out?! Had she changed so much? On the other side, detecting something like that was an ability May had always had, she was just too much of an interrogator. Arguing was pointless, or, more precisely, she just couldn't be bothered doing it right now. It was hard to keep your drive when you were running to the toilet every other minute, had a constant headache and a craving for cake. Well, the cake was the smallest problem when working for Stark.
Hill: I'm your friend, that's even better than being your boss! And you have to be a good example for your future godchild!
So that bastard Fury really had knocked her up after all! Who had seen that coming? Definitely not her! She was kind of surprised by Hill wanting her as the godmother, but it was a nice surprise for a change. Melinda didn't have so many friends, well, her current amount of friends was restricted to the team.
May: So he REALLY swept you off your feet.
I am honoured you'd trust me with your kid, but maybe ask Potts to be the godmother, that would be a lot safer.
And she isn't a fugitive right now. Or ask Romanoff. She isn't a fugitive either. Now go to work!
Technically Melinda was very right about the current situation, but Maria just wanted it to be that way. It was hard to explain, maybe she should just stop trying to explain and go with it. That was exactly what May had to do too, just go with it!
Hill: I want you. I know Nick would agree. so yeah, I'll go back to work then. Or back to throwing up, whatever works
May nearly felt sorry for Hill, feeling sick all the time couldn't be nice. However, she was sure she would get over it, Hill always got over it. That woman was resiliant like very few others she knew, so Melinda wasn't particularly worried. The ex-second-in-command putting her trust in the agent made her wonder whether she should go and trust herself, trust herself in being good enough for a new beginning, good enough for Phil. She would have to think about it, there were so many things unclear. But one thing she knew now for sure: Maybe it was time to start.
May: Maybe