Everything's so blurry
Even though you didn't want it, you still wonder.
You didn't want a baby, yet you still think about it.
Would it have been a boy or a girl?
A mini-Mark or mini-Addison?
Would it have been happy?
These thoughts never really left Addison's mind since the day she had an abortion.
She tried like hell to erase them, by forcing things with Derek, by having sex with Mark, kissing Alex. Nothing made it go away. It was always there, like a ghost haunting her mind.
The nights where she snuggled up next to Derek, trying to escape it all, she dreamed she were in New York with a huge belly, looking like pregnancy had thrown up all over her. The dream became a reoccurring nightmare that began appearing every night. Derek never even noticed when Addison would sit up in bed for hours every night after tossing and turning. Then again, Derek never really had noticed her at all once he was in Seattle.
Days, weeks, and months passed, and the dreams faded away.
Then Derek was gone, and she couldn't handle being alone. So, she had called the only person who knew what she had done. Her would-of-been baby's father. He came, she didn't know wether it was for sex, or if he had actually cared. She honestly didn't even care today.
Today would be the day. Her baby boy or baby girl would have been here today.
She knew for sure the nightmare would be back tonight.