Disclaimer: Watsuki owns it all.
This came out of my brain when I was in Japan. It took me until now to actually get it out.
This should be considered a very Canon-timeline (manga) deviation fic. It is set up as a prequel of sorts to my Homeward Traveler series but makes no mention of Naruku.
As for the pairings...well, you'll see no kisses or confessions of love, so hopefully nothing you can get too aghast at. (Whether you're aghast at me writing a conventional pairing or because you can't stand alternate pairings...)
Big thanks to Liem for beta-ing!
Dovetail
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Chapter One: Aoshi
She tottered unsurely on her slipper-clad feet, dressed in a pretty, summer kimono. One hand reached out to brush the shoji door, and withdrew quickly. It was just as it had been yesterday, and the day before, and virtually all the days since they had arrived at the Shirobeko ryokan two weeks ago.
He always caught her there, hesitant, afraid. She never went in, not once, but instead stood there every morning, always careful to leave before Megumi came in to check on Kenshin.
On this particular morning, Kaoru closed her eyes and started past the door.
"What are you afraid of?" he spoke, unable to keep the curious question inside.
She jumped, startled at his intrusion, but more so at his impertinence. Her eyes flew open, revealing them brightly to him.
The blue color was still surprising, even after two weeks of seeing it. There was something almost enchanting about those eyes, though anyone else would say there was nothing at all spectacular about Kamiya Kaoru. Still…those eyes…
Kaoru didn't answer the inquiry, instead striding past Kenshin's door. As she passed Aoshi in the hallway, she bowed shortly and offered a small "excuse me."
He stood back and let her pass, out into the pandemonium of the dining room. With one eye, Aoshi watched her smile widely and sit seiza-style beside Misao at the zatoku.
Aoshi turned and slid like water back into the shadows.
It was by chance that he saw her again that day, practicing with her bokuto alone, some ways away from the Shirobeko.
He himself had been on his way to a nearby temple. Usually he was able to meditate there undisturbed—the monks had very little interest in a battle-weary swordsman, except to offer him sencha tea from time to time.
The peace and quiet he received at the temple was not easily found elsewhere. He wondered if Kaoru felt the same way, and if that was why she was way out here instead of practicing behind the Shirobeko with her boy student.
As these thoughts lazily crossed his mind, Aoshi found himself almost transfixed by her simple movements, and the sudden sweep of her clothing over her body.
For the second time that day, he spoke to her, unsure of exactly why he opened his month in the first place. He knew that somehow he owed her thanks, gratitude of sorts.
"I had heard about your skill with the bokuto. I am lucky to witness it now."
She was mid-swing when he said this, and as a result she dropped the wooden sword from sheer shock. Her expression changed very quickly from surprised to suspicious, as if she thought he might be making fun of her.
Finally her pretty features settled into a look of quiet graciousness. Blinking, she finally responded, "Thank you for your kind words, Shinomori-san. But who could have told you about my bokuto?"
It was an honest question, not meant to seek out more praise.
"Everyone who was at Aoiya when Shishio's men attacked had something to say about your battle with the Great Scythe. Okina-san has mentioned to me how well you held your own, and Misao seems to talk of nothing else," Aoshi replied, his tone flat.
Kaoru was silent for a moment, and then she asked, "Are you feeling particularly loquacious today, Shinomori-san?" There was a hint of a smile on her face.
"What do you mean?" he returned with true bemusement.
"You are not usually one to make conversation," she answered. "And yet, here we are."
Aoshi closed his eyes briefly. "Yes. Here we are."
For a silent moment, the two just stared at each other. Then Aoshi allowed his eyes to flicker away.
"Are you headed for the temple down the road?" Kaoru inquired, stooping down to pick up her discarded bokuto.
Aoshi inclined his head. "How did you know?"
A light blush dusted the bridge of Kaoru's nose. Somehow, this perturbed Aoshi, more than her answer did.
"Misao complains often of your time spent there," she admitted. Bravely, she continued. "I think that after you came back from fighting Shishio, Misao expected you to be around a lot more often. I believe she wanted things to be like how they were before…when she was small."
"I see," Aoshi answered off-handedly. "There are many things Misao has yet to understand."
"I think she understands more than you give her credit for," Kaoru retorted a bit coldly. In a moment her demeanor changed and she back-tracked. "Ah, I'm sorry, it's not my place. What goes on between you and Misao-chan is none of my concern." She waved her hands apologetically in front of her face as she spoke.
Aoshi waited for her to calm and meet his gaze again. Once she had, he said seriously, "Kamiya-san, there is nothing 'going on' between Misao and myself. That, she needs to understand. As do a number of other people," he added, thinking of Okina who expected nothing less than for Aoshi to declare his long-suffering, unrequited love for Misao and sweep her into his arms.
At least he could trust that Misao didn't expect that.
"I am sorry for any assumptions I made," Kaoru answered. "Perhaps it's best if you get on your way now."
She bowed, dipping her head low and pressing her palms to the dark fabric of her hakama pants before standing erect again.
Aoshi did not return the gesture. Instead he asked quite plainly, "Would you like to join me?"
He had no idea what made him ask it, but as soon as he'd said it, there was no part of him that wished to take it back.
Kaoru seemed extremely surprised at the offer, perhaps even more so than Aoshi.
However, she managed to smile brightly and reply. "I don't think I'll be able to sit still in a temple for very long. I'm far too anxious. But thank you for your offer."
"Perhaps meditation will help to calm your anxiety," Aoshi suggested.
Kaoru smiled apologetically. "Thank you. Maybe another time I will join you."
Aoshi nodded and gave his own bow before going on his way.
'Another time' turned out to be four days later. Kaoru was in the same place, except this time she was dressed in a kimono and was without her bokken.
This should have alerted Aoshi that something was up. Her furious pacing, too, should have been a big tip-off, but somehow despite all his training in observation, Aoshi missed all the signs.
"Good afternoon Kamiya-san," he greeted her, dipping his head.
She whirled at the sound of his voice. She managed a stiff bow and replied accordingly. "Good afternoon."
"What are you doing here?" Aoshi questioned, taking note of her hair tied up in a sloppy ponytail. Usually her hair was immaculate and neat, but not today.
Aoshi began to think that perhaps there was something wrong with the girl…something had upset her or made her angry. He gazed at her and decided to wait for her to come to a decision.
"I've come to accept your offer," she spoke.
Aoshi nodded his head and continued toward the temple. Hesitantly, Kaoru followed.
It was a small place of worship, with only one orange archway and one spiritual pillar. Smoke could be seen billowing out from near the edge of the woods, somewhere to the left of the prayer room.
Kaoru approached the wooden bucket behind Aoshi. She fished for a coin from her obi and dropped it in. It clattered down to the bottom and Kaoru clapped twice and rang the bell above her, signifying the beginning of her prayer.
Aoshi had little doubt in his mind as to who she was praying for.
They left the altar and walked up stone steps to get to the monastery itself. An old monk carrying a try full of empty teacups bowed as they passed.
Kaoru and Aoshi entered the temple and sat down seiza-style facing a Buddha statue.
After a few moments of prayer in silence, Kaoru spoke.
"Why do you come here, Shinomori-san?" Kaoru asked, almost impatiently.
Aoshi opened his eyes and answered shortly. "To pray." His eyes flickered closed again, but not for long as Kaoru spoke again.
"I know that much," she replied. "But what exactly are you praying for?"
"Many things," Aoshi answered, this time patiently. "The souls of my dead comrades. A way to atone for all that I've done."
Kaoru was silent for a moment and for a moment Aoshi believed she would remain that way. But that moment passed and Kaoru opened her mouth again.
"I see. You are not so different from Kenshin, Shinomori-san," she told him. "You both wish to redeem your souls. And you both give very little thought to your own happiness." She paused for a moment before asking, "Don't you ever pray for yourself? Your happiness? Your reason to live?"
Aoshi looked at her grimly. "No. I do not."
He left it at that, with Kaoru staring at him with a mixture of pity and awe. Then, very quietly, Kaoru asked, "Perhaps if you…spent more time with the people who care about you, you could find your answers. Perhaps the way to atone is simply finding a way to live on. Someone who cares about you a lot…that person could give you happiness."
She was looking down now, pressing her fingers together and blushing lightly. It was clear that Kaoru was speaking to Aoshi the words she wished Kenshin to hear.
For some reason this bothered Aoshi, and he could not say why.
"If you are speaking of Misao, let me tell you right now that she cannot give me happiness. And I cannot give her that, either," Aoshi replied bluntly.
Kaoru let out a small gasp and glanced up at him. "Of course. Only you can find your own happiness. But—"
"You misunderstand, Kamiya-san," he cut in. "My burdens will only cause Misao pain."
"I think I understand perfectly, thank you," Kaoru snapped. "It's you who doesn't understand, Shinomori-san. Misao-chan would do anything to have you smile again. She cares about you that much. She would stand by and wait forever for you!"
"I would never want that from Misao," he said. "I would never allow her to—"
This time it was Kaoru who cut him off. "It isn't your choice what Misao does or doesn't do, Shinomori-san. You can't just block her out and tell her to give up. You can't make that decision for her."
Everything she had ever wanted to say to Kenshin was now spilling out—but it was not reaching the ears of her beloved red-haired rurouni, no. Instead her words fell upon another man, different, and yet, in some ways the same.
"Misao went after you for six years because you gave her something invaluable…you gave her someone to love, and something to hold onto. It didn't matter how you felt about her in return, your presence would have been enough."
Aoshi eyed Kaoru contemplatively. "Then so it shall be. I do not wish Misao to spend her young life pining for a man who almost killed himself in bloodlust. I hope one day she will be able to let go of me, for I know no matter how much she wishes it, I can never bring her happiness."
Kaoru did not respond, her feelings on the matter were daunted by Aoshi's blunt words. She bowed her head slowly and said, "I am sorry. Again, I have assumed too much."
She tried to convince herself that Aoshi's feelings about Misao did not affect her. And they shouldn't have. But somehow she felt her situation with Kenshin was the same. Could they truly be as hopeless as Aoshi and Misao?
"But…what about you, Shinomori-san? What will bring you happiness?"
The question came out, again, before she could stop it.
"Nothing. Happiness, whatever that is, does not exist to me."
Those words cut into Kaoru, and suddenly she felt it was her holy mission to get through to this pitiful excuse for a man.
"What do we strive for in life, if not happiness?" she retorted, her eyes now blazing with her characteristic stubbornness.
"Perhaps little girls try to find happiness in life. I do not," Aoshi answered simply.
Kaoru's eyes flashed in anger. Little girl…She growled under her breath. "Your friends died for your sake—not just to save your life, but your soul as well. And you repay by sulking here, as if you can do nothing to change your misery? You brought this on yourself, Aoshi, the moment you decided to seek the title of strongest. I told you once that your sword is cursed, that it brings unhappiness to everyone around you. And Aoshi, the one that sword hurts the most is you. It is your own unhappiness that you are creating with that sword. When Kenshin fought you at Castle Edo, he left you with one thing he knew would keep you alive—the chance to challenge him again. He gave you a reason to live. But now it's time you find your own."
Aoshi stared, feeling the sting of her words. They bit into him like an angry sword, and he had nothing to say in return to this young girl's accusations.
But as he watched her talk, cheeks flushed and arms moving animatedly, he couldn't help but think perhaps he'd found it.
Maybe she had given it to him.
End Notes: Reviews most definately encouraged! I'd love to hear what you think, be it good or bad, luke-warm or just plain cold. :)