Notes: I don't usually do pro wrestling stories. But I'm a big PaiJ fan for several reasons. And me being male, they're probably exactly the reasons you think they are.

Warning: This assumes that the in-ring personas, AJ Lee and Paige, are somewhat exaggerated and yet still surprisingly accurate versions of the people who actually portray them. Which, if you believe Total Divas, is fairly true for most Divas. In other words, much flirting, cutesy pet naming, and acts of questionable sanity follow.

Summary: AJ Lee decides to share her last night on RAW with Paige. In a match. With her "baby" on the line. Even though she's not actually the champion anymore. It's AJ, probably better not to ask too many questions.

Fruitcake and Muffin's Nutty Frenemyship

A WWE Fanfic by

Nate Grey (xman0123-at-aol-dot-com)
Match 1: Fruitcake vs. Muffin

The WWE Universe had a certain way of making their feelings known, and on this edition of Monday Night RAW, the current chant said it all.

"DON'T GO, AJ! DON'T GO, AJ! DON'T GO, AJ!"

In the ring, AJ Lee did her best not to shed tears. It was clear to her now that the fans truly loved her. From the overweight man holding up the "Goodbye, Geek Goddess!" sign, to the somber- faced little girl with the "If AJ leaves, I'll be the next one to flip out!" sign.

Of course, there was the occasional attempt to start up a "CM PUNK!" chant, but AJ had long ago decided that this was a sign of how much of a mark her husband had left on the WWE Universe, rather than an attempt at poking fun at her. And even if it had been meant as an insult, she would have happily accepted it as part of her character's gimmick. She loved playing the crazy heel almost as much as she loved playing the crazy face.

Which, now that she really thought about it, probably meant something.

AJ pushed those thoughts from her mind as she raised the microphone in her hand. "I always knew that you guys loved me, but I never knew there were so many AJ addicts around here."

"AJ ADDICTS!" the crowd immediately begin to chant.

AJ patiently waited for them to finish, a small smirk on her lips. "AJ addicts, now trending worldwide, and soon to be featured on T-shirts available through WWE Shop," she thought happily.

"As I'm sure you all know, I'm retiring from in-ring competition. Don't worry, I'll still be around, as the new, exclusive commentator for the Divas division! That means that whenever a WWE Diva is in the ring, I'll be on-hand to give JBL and Cole a woman's perspective, and I'll make sure that Jerry appreciates the Divas for more than their dynamite bodies."

A loud cheer went up at this news, as many had been hoping that AJ would still have an on-screen presence while she remained under contract with the WWE.

"There is one more piece of business in the ring that I'd like to take care of, though," AJ said, her small smile growing unnaturally wide as she cutely tilted her head to one side. "I now think of this person as my partner in crime, since last night at Wrestlemania, we beat the Bellas like they stole something. So, Paige, my little English muffin, could you please join me out here?"

The crowd went nuts even before Paige's music hit, a true sign as to how much they'd been enjoying the "PaiJ" segments over the past year. AJ had to admit that she'd had a lot of fun with them as well. Paige had become both a talented Diva and a dear friend in a short time, and AJ hoped that WWE would allow their "relationship" to continue, even though she would no longer be an active Diva. Triple H, at least, seemed open to the idea of AJ interviewing the Divas, or possibly even continuing to stalk Paige and declaring herself the Anti-Diva's exclusive interviewer.

In what had become true Paige fashion, the Anti-Diva skipped down to the ring. The very sight always made AJ want to laugh. Paige was a lot of things, but made for skipping simply wasn't one of them. Her legs were just a bit too thick and powerful to pull that off well, but no one seemed to mind anymore, as it had become such a defining part of their rivalry.

"Since we're so fond of giving each other food-related pet names, pumpkin," Paige began with a wicked grin, "from now on, I think I'll call you my nutty little fruitcake."

"NUTTY FRUITCAKE!" the crowd began to chant.

AJ rolled her eyes. "Very amusing, Paige. That's just the kind of parting gift I'd expect from you. And I want you to know that I put a lot of thought into my gift for you. I know you don't care for chocolate, and I didn't think you'd appreciate a vacation to anywhere sunny, either." AJ paused to pick up the large gift box at her feet and handed it to Paige, who accepted it warily. "Don't worry, it can't bite you," AJ teased, earning a laugh from the crowd and a glare from Paige, who slowly began to unwrap the box. "I bet I can tell what you're thinking," AJ continued as Paige opened the box, got a good look, and gasped. "But I didn't steal it this time. I had it specially made just for you."

Paige slowly lifted a Divas Championship belt out of the box, but it was immediately obvious to her that this was not the same one currently held by Nikki Bella. At least, if it had been the same one, Nikki would have been absolutely furious to discover that AJ had stolen and altered it. The sideplates now bore obviously new engravings: on the left, "AJ + P = BFF!", and on the right, "PAIJ 4EVR!" Most notably, the top section of the faceplate had been spray-painted with black lettering, so that it now read "Anti-Divas Champion".

It was tacky, horribly unfashionable, and completely embarrassing.

Paige loved it on sight.

And AJ could see that, so she immediately snatched the belt out of Paige's hands.

"What the hell?!" Paige demanded angrily.

AJ beamed at her. "I know you would never want to be handed a title. So even though this isn't an official championship, I'll give you a chance to earn it. If you can beat me tonight, in my last match, then this belt is yours." AJ paused and leaned in close to Paige. "Just think, Paige. You could win my baby. Then she would be... our baby. A baby that we made together. And every time you look at her, you can remember this magical night that you and I shared."

Paige slowly drew back a little. "So, what I'm hearing is that you could have picked anyone to be your last opponent, and you picked me."

"That's right, my sweet little crumpet!" AJ chirped. "So, what do you say?"

Paige nodded confidently. "I say that you better spend all the time you can with your baby now, and make sure you kiss her goodbye. Because she's coming home with her new mum tonight. And every time I look at her, I'll think of how I beat you, again, for the last time."

"Oh, Paige," AJ sighed happily, tapping Paige's chin with a finger, and then slowly dragging it down to her neck. "No matter what happens, I'll never forget how your skin feels against mine." AJ's finger kept sliding lower, heading right for Paige's cleavage.

Paige grabbed the finger tightly, but did not remove it. "You don't get a victory party unless you win, AJ. Don't get greedy on me."

"How about under you?" AJ countered with a smile. "You can be on top if you want."

"PAIGE ON TOP!" the crowd began to chant, causing Paige to laugh and shake her head.

"You know what, AJ?" Paige asked. "Since this is your last night, I want to see how far you'll take this little game of yours. So if I lose, we'll spend the rest of the week doing whatever you want."

"Are you sure about that, Paige? We could end up with more than one baby if we're not careful."

"You only need to worry about the one you'll have to hand over later tonight," Paige assured her, tapping the belt with a finger.

"So you'll take responsibility for the others?" AJ called out as Paige turned to leave.

Paige turned back to AJ, grinned, and leaned in until their noses were almost touching. "AJ, you should really know by now," Paige said as she gently began to twirl some of AJ's hair around her finger. "Whether it comes down to pinning you, making you tap out, or even being your tag-team partner, I'm always up for it. That's what being frenemies is all about. So I'll see you in a bit, fruitcake." Paige tapped AJ lightly on the nose, then left the ring and made her way to the back, accompanied by renewed chants of "NUTTY FRUITCAKE!"

AJ smiled and remained in the ring, staring down at the belt in her hands. For once, she didn't mind at all that this belt wouldn't be hers for much longer. That was how certain she was that Paige would match and eventually dethrone her as a 3-time Divas champion, and how close the two had become in a year's time. In fact, if AJ had been the champion when she decided to retire, she would not have minded losing the title to Paige again. Really, Paige was the only one on the entire roster that AJ would gladly lose to... but only occasionally.

It happened at what was supposed to be the turning point in the match.

Paige had just tackled AJ through the ropes and onto the floor. After a slow recovery, they were going to climb back into the ring, only for AJ to suddenly gain the upper hand with a Shining Wizard, followed by an attempt at the Black Widow, which Paige would then reverse into a Ram-Paige for the win.

But as Paige slowly started to get to her feet outside the ring, the realization hit her. This would be the last time she and AJ ever worked a match together for some time, possibly ever. She had known that going in, of course, but hadn't really grasped what it meant until that moment.

In a somewhat odd instance of life imitating art, Paige actually had come to love AJ, both as a mentor and a friend. And if not for the fact that they were both involved with other people, Paige felt sure that their storyline would have become a lot more realistic than either of them had been prepared for. She was definitely attracted to AJ, and though AJ was a very talented actress, Paige felt sure that the feeling was at least somewhat mutual. Neither had dared to explore it, of course, and now there would likely not even be a chance to discuss it. AJ had promised to stay in touch after she left, and she might still make an occasional appearance backstage, but she was largely going to be supporting her husband in his new career, and possibly starting a family.

It would probably be a great life, and AJ definitely deserved to have it. Paige even wanted her to have it. But she knew now that she wanted, more than that, for AJ to stay: if not with WWE, then at least with her. AJ would never agree to that after all she had been through, and Paige would never ask her to.

Paige was thankful, in that moment, for three things: for her long hair, how much she was sweating, and the fact that it was completely in-character for her to be crying during AJ's last match. Suddenly, the pain in her body was nothing compared to the ache in her heart, and she knew that there was just no way she could finish this match. Not the was she was supposed to, at least.

Up on the ramp, Natalya could tell from Paige's abruptly jerky movements that something was very wrong. She couldn't be sure from that distance, but the most likely explanation was that Paige had hurt herself during the fall out of the ring.

"It just hit her," said a voice at her side.

Natalya glanced at John Cena, still marginally surprised by his presence. When she had volunteered herself as a special enforcer in order to keep the Bella twins from interfering, she had certainly never expected Cena of all people to join her, since he was dating Nikki Bella. If he was to be believed, he had done it out of fondness for AJ, which Nikki probably wasn't too happy about, either. On the other hand, Natalya had mainly volunteered because she felt she owed AJ for the times she'd distracted Paige, allowing Natalya to get a quick pin or cheap shot.

"You think she can pass it off as an injury?" Natalya finally asked.

"Don't think it'll matter either way," he replied. "Nobody would blame her if this was too much for her."

AJ had started to climb back into the ring when she noticed that Paige was not following her. Instead, Paige was just leaning against the ring, her head hung low as she panted heavily.

AJ waited for a few more seconds, very much aware that the referee was still counting, but Paige didn't budge, and clearly was in no hurry to change that. Now sure that something was wrong, AJ hopped down to the floor and approached Paige, who suddenly let out a loud sob and yanked AJ into a crushing embrace. For a wild moment, AJ mistook it for a bear hug and tensed up, but the very real tears on her shoulder and the way Paige's body was shuddering against hers told her otherwise.

"Sorry," Paige murmured in her ear. "I can't-"

"It's okay," AJ whispered, reaching up to stroke Paige's hair. "I'll miss you, too, muffin."

Paige's response was a half-sob, half-snort.

Though this particular finish wasn't in the script, AJ could see that Paige was in no condition to get back into the ring. In any case, there was no time, so AJ merely returned the hug, and let the referee count them both out and call for the bell. Fortunately, she was pretty sure that she could finish the segment without Paige saying anything. Unfortunately, AJ was pretty much the only one who knew that would be the case. But she was hoping the announce team would pick up the slack, and she was right.

Lillian Garcia quickly announced the double count-out, and Jerry Lawler walked over from the announcer's table, carrying a microphone and the Anti-Divas belt. "Well, ladies, that was quite a match!" he said. "But we don't exactly have a winner here. So who gets to keep your belt, er, baby, AJ?"

AJ glanced up at Paige, who was still too choked up to do more than cling to her, and replied, "I think we can agree to share custody." She accepted the belt from Jerry and put it on Paige's shoulder.

Jerry shrugged. "Okay, we'll go with that! Here are your winners and, I guess, co-Anti-Divas Champions, AJ Lee and Paige, the Frenemies!"

As bad as Paige had felt during the match, she felt even worse after it, back in the locker room. AJ wasn't making it any easier by cheerfully insisting that everything was fine. Paige felt like screaming at her to drop the act, but she knew that while AJ's in-ring persona was an exaggeration of how she normally was, it wasn't that much of one. She was happy and bright much of the time, but also unpredictable when the mood struck her. Which made it very difficult to stay depressed around her, something Paige hadn't minded until now.

"It went fine," AJ said for the tenth time. "Everybody thought you were just really sad to see me go, and you are, so there's no problem. Stephanie even stopped me in the hall and said it couldn't have gone better if we'd meant for it to happen that way."

"She was probably just being nice because you're leaving, AJ," Paige sighed.

AJ shook her head. "Trust me, when you're on your way out, nice is one thing they don't have to be. If Stephanie had a problem with it, you'd know by now. Just let it go and move on."

"Like you are?" Paige murmured, not really expecting AJ to hear her.

"Yes, exactly like I am," AJ replied at once. "I had a good run here, and yours has just barely started. Don't forget to have a good time because of one night where you weren't on top of your game. It happens."

"But I feel like I let you down, AJ! You've been so great since I got here, helping me out and teaching me-"

"There wasn't that much to teach," AJ interrupted. "Between your family and NXT, you were pretty well-prepared. I just gave you a crash course on moving up to the main stage. Any Diva could have done that."

"But it wasn't any Diva," Paige said softly. "It was you."

AJ paused and took a good, long look at her. "This isn't just about me leaving, is it? What's really bothering you, Paige?"

"Nothing, I just need some time to adjust."

"Paige, I know you spend more time with the other Divas, so maybe I'm not your closest friend around here, but I at least thought we were too close for you to lie to me. And just so you know, we are close enough that I can tell when you're lying. Because it's written all over your face right now. So is this really how you want to end things tonight, or do you want to tell me the truth?"

Paige opened her mouth to deny it, but spotting the stern look on AJ's face, she just couldn't go through with it. "It's just... don't make me say it, AJ!"

AJ smiled and gently took Paige's hands. "I think I have to, muffin. I have a feeling that if I don't, you never will. And maybe you could live with that, but do you really want to?"

"No," Paige whispered.

"Why don't we do it like this?" AJ offered. "I'll guess what it is that you want to say, and you just let me know when I'm warm or cold, okay?"

Paige hesitantly nodded.

"Well, since you're suddenly shy about it, and you're never shy, I'm guessing it's really personal. And if you can't even tell me, then it must involve me, because you're worried about what I'll say. Which is silly, because I love you to pieces, and I bet we'll be laughing over this in a few days. But I wish you'd just told me that you had a crush on me, Paige. I wouldn't have gotten mad at you or anything."

Paige's eyes widened. "You knew?!"

AJ nodded. "I suspected, and the other girls told me. Like, all of them. Seriously, you need better friends, they're total gossip hens."

"I can't believe them! Why would they-"

"Why didn't you tell me?" AJ interrupted softly.

Paige blushed. "How could I? You were engaged, now you're married, and what good would it have done?"

"Paige, a secret like that is a constant weight on you. It impacts your health, your job, everything you do to some degree. I'm not saying it would have been easy for you to tell me, or even easy for me to handle, but at least we would have been together in it. It really bothers me that you didn't feel comfortable talking to me about this. It makes me worried that we won't talk like we used to in the future. I don't want that, do you?"

"No, of course not! But I didn't want to do anything to mess up your marriage!"

"Muffin, there's a big difference between talking about your crush on me, and me crawling into bed with you. You must really be confusing me with my character, if you're worried about that. Which I'm going to take as a compliment to my acting skills, but I'm still mad at you for not telling me about this."

"But, Phil is-"

"Is my issue, and I'll deal with him, whatever happens. But since you are so worried, I'll just tell you now: this isn't going to change how he feels about me. If anything, he might invite you over for dinner in hopes of something happening between the three of us. The only thing he likes better than crazy chicks are multiple, open-minded crazy chicks."

Paige stared at her, more than a little surprised. "Um... and what about you? How open-minded are you, exactly?"

"Not very," AJ admitted. "Kissing on the job is okay, within reason. But I'm glad it won't be an issue anymore."

"So he didn't like it when we kissed?"

"Oh, he loved that. Recorded all of our matches, and yours, too. But I don't want to set a precedent of that being okay. That isn't something I want to get used to, or want used against me later on."

"That's good, then?" Paige asked uncertainly.

AJ smiled. "Sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out that way. I did enjoy our mushy little moments, Paige. And I'm glad they were with you, instead of someone else."

Paige shook her head and shut her eyes. "Don't tell me that, AJ. This is hard enough already."

"Sorry again. But I wanted you to know that I do care about you that way, at least a little. So it's not that I hadn't ever considered it, or that I didn't think we would have worked. This is just the way things turned out. I hope that's not going to keep us from being friends?"

"No, it won't," Paige sighed, opening her eyes. "I wouldn't let that happen."

"I'm glad to hear that," AJ said sweetly, just before her voice took on an edge. "Because if you make me have to stalk you in order to spend time with you, it could get a little awkward."

Paige laughed and hugged AJ. "I think I'm pretty used to you stalking me already. I still get chills every time I hear your music."

AJ grinned at her. "Make it your ringtone for me."

"What? No, I-"

"Do it," AJ whispered, letting just enough crazy slip into her voice to make Paige nervous.

"S-Sure, whatever you want, AJ."

AJ beamed at her, all traces of hostility instantly gone. "That's more like it, muffin."

End of Match 1.

Endnotes:

Originally, I was going to use this section to complain that AJ's exit was basically accompanied by a rather long mention, instead of a fantastic video package or a standout final match (6-or-more Diva tag matches do not count). But since then, WWE has added an extensive and fitting AJ tribute to their website, and I no longer feel justified in pointing out the lack of a farewell simply because of her desire to be Mrs. Punk, so I'll shut up about it.

Why did I do this? Because AJ was the only Diva I bothered to watch in recent memory, until she started feuding-friending-whatevering with Paige, which bumped the number up to two. And now there's just Paige, but with no one to flirt back with her, and the title on a Bella, I don't know how long my interest will last. I don't expect the Naomi push to pan out, I have very low expectations where the proper handling of certain women in WWE is concerned. To clarify, I'm not calling WWE racist. I have merely observed that three different former Divas decided to become (and may still be, I haven't checked since the recent channel switch) Impact Wrestling Knockouts, all held at least one championship there before or after their stay in WWE, and two seem to prove my theory somewhat. You get an invisible, tasteless, nonexistent cookie if you can name them.

My only real complaint about the AJ/Paige storyline (other than there not being a team belt for them to have won) is that a final match with them, as a team, or especially a singles match against each other, would have been a perfect note for AJ's career to end on. So perfect that it wouldn't matter who won, or if there was a winner at all. A 6-Diva tag, on the other hand... I still don't see what the point was, even if they hadn't known AJ's decision when they booked it.

I have been a fan of pro wrestling since I was a kid. Now, I appreciate it more for the so-called drama than the wrestling. For example, it doesn't bother me that AJ's version of the Shining Wizard isn't exactly like the Great Muta's. I doubt he created it with a petite woman in mind, and AJ is not a legendary foreign wrestler, so I would be beyond shocked if she could do anything exactly like he did. What matters to me is if either one can hold my attention, and they did (though in Muta's case, it IS purely because of the wrestling). To anyone who thinks AJ is no good in the ring, I can only say two things. First, she entertained me just by talking half of the time, and that's her job. Second, Mick Foley thinks she was good. Which may not mean anything to you, since he's not a female wrestler. Personally, I think any man who can get tossed off the top of a steel cage, crash through a table, and still form complete sentences after, has auto-invalidation power on any argument. But I happen to also like Mick, so I'm biased.

To anyone who thinks AJ is a quitter, I say this. The Undertaker is the only wrestler from the original RAW still even sort of active in WWE (thank you, Bret Hart, for pointing that out). And much as I love him and always will, I wish he would quit. I grew up, and I'm now aware that he is human and, more importantly, has aged. The first time I saw him unable to leave Wrestlemania under his own power, it broke my heart. And that was a few Wrestlemanias ago, when the streak was still intact. So I will never fault any wrestler for leaving while they can walk straight, or in support of a loved one, or because they've had enough. I've seen the alternative, and it is never pretty.