Disclaimer: I own nothing except the character Emily.
Author's note: Please, please review! I'll give you a virtual Twinkie! My sister edited this. She has an account under the name Alice J. Wiggin. Read her stories, too!
Chapter 1- Saving the World Is Not a Breeze.
5 of many jobs Max should not apply for
1. Sales Clerk
Max: What is that supposed to mean? I am perfectly cheerful!
Emily: Really?
Max: Name one time I was rude.
Emily: Let's look back on book 2, chapter 9 when you said to Gazzy, "I'm telling you to get out of here."
Max: (scoffs) Yeah. One. Whole. Time.
Emily: How about book 2, chapter 14 when you said, "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard" to a FBI agent.
Max: So I'm not the most cheerful person alive.
2. PetCo Worker
Emily: You would try to set them free.
Max: Not unless they're mutants.
Emily: (pulls out snake)
Max: BAD MEMORIES! (runs off)
3. Vet
Max: What?
Emily: Let's take a trip to the vet.
Max: After seeing animals tortured, I must torture myself.
Emily: Step away from Fang's needles.
Max: Shut up! I'm creating drama for the readers.
Emily: Really? By being out of character?
Max: Yup.
Emily: (face palms)
4. Worker in a foreign country
Max: What would you like?
Customer: לחם, בבקשה.
A/N: That means bread, please.
Max Did you just call me fat? (Punches customer)
5. Likes Justin Bieber's music
Emily: (Takes out stereo and plays Justin Bieber)
Max: We give Canada Paramore, and they give us this.
5 Good Jobs for Max
1. Fang's Lover
Max: You have a sick mind!
30 minutes later…
Emily: (walks in on Max making out with Fang) Doesn't mean I'm wrong. (leaves just as Max turns around)
Max: Was that…Emily, I'm going to KILL you!
2. Kick-butt Ninja Assassin
10 minutes later…
Max: (Drops inside Pentagon from the roof) HIYAH!
Emily: Oh, dear.
Max: (Comes out with a job as a spy) Well, what are you waiting for? We have to get to Alaska. The government is suspicious about the moose there.
Emily: Never would have guessed you would get a job here.
Max: You underestimate me.
3. Sara Bareilles for a day
Producer: You have your big show today!
Max: Okay.
Later On
Max: (walks onstage.) She lived in a fairytale, somewhere too far for us-
Producer: What on Earth are you singing!
Max: Paramore. (runs)
Producer: GET BACK HERE!
4. Boxer
(During practice)
Max: So, what do I practice with?
Trainer: Oh, we have pros come in. You try to hit them.
Pro #1: OK, so-OOF!
Max: Oops. Is he all right?
Pro boxer #2: He is. Bet you $1,000 you can't beat me.
Max: Sure! (punches and knocks him down) Pay up. (Gets $1,000 and spends most of it on CDs)
Emily: You know, that guy is still-
Max: I'll give you $100 to shut up.
Emily: I'll get the duct tape.
5. Bully
MAX AT AGE TEN
Max: Give me $20.
Kid: I only have $1.
Max: Do you love Twinkies?
Kid: Yeah!
Max: Good. Give me yours.
PRESENT
Max: That was four years ago! And I swear it wasn't me; it was my clone.
Emily: Who cloned you?
Max: People. Remember book 2?
Emily: Oh, yeah…