*** I don't own anything, everything goes to Dick Wolf***

Amanda was sitting on her couch enjoying the silence of her apartment. Her baby girl had finally fallen asleep. It had been a really long day; Jesse had cried all day and she couldn't do anything. The new mother was tired but she wasn't ready to go to sleep just yet. Moreover, she was expecting Carisi to come over since it wasn't that late and he knew that his friend was starting to go crazy on maternity leave. After a while, she turned on the TV but kept it on mute. After a while, she was drowsing on her couch when she heard a knock. 'Already' she thought.

The athletic woman quickly got up, turn off the TV, tried to rub the sleep off of her face and went to the door. She hadn't been sure that he would come but she found herself being enthusiastic about it. When Amanda got to the door, she looked at herself in the mirror and made sure she wasn't looking too bad. She didn't even bother to look through the peephole. "Hi, Cari-"

She stopped in mid-sentence when she saw that it wasn't him.

"Hi, darling."

The detective didn't know how to answer. She hadn't talked to him since he had come to New York, months ago, when she was still pregnant with Jesse. As far as she knew, he was still undercover miles away.

The more she looked at him , the more she saw how broken he appeared to be. He also looked older. Something had changed inside him. Something darker.

"You've had our baby."

It's only when he spoke again that she understood that he was drunk. The fact that he had used 'our baby' bothered her but didn't say anything. Amanda had never really seen Declan as the father. Yes, it was because of him that she had had Jesse and she was grateful about that, but Carisi was more of a father to the baby girl than the biological father. She couldn't just stay silent forever, she had to say something at some point, but what? "I-I -"

She didn't have the time to form a proper sentence before he continued, "you didn't want me to know that it was born? What gender is it anyway darling?"

"It's a girl," she answered quickly not wanting to anger him. She didn't know what he was expecting by coming here and moreover, what to expect from him according to his current state.

"I have a baby girl," he said less agitated than a few seconds ago. he even had a shy smile on his face. "What's her name?"

They were still standing in the door frame and Amanda didn't know where this was leading. Why was he here?

"Jesse, but what are you doing here Declan?"

He scoffed and lost his smile at her answer. " Well, a man can't come to see his newborn? I told you I would take my responsibilities."

Declan was stumbling on almost every word and Amanda wondered how he was still standing. "Declan, she's asleep and I told you I could take care of her on my own. You're always away."

His face took a shade of red darker, "what? Won't you let me see her?"

She didn't like at all that he was getting angry over this so she tried to change the subject. " What about your UC operation? Is it over? Is it safe for her that you come here?"

"It's been shut down, apparently, we weren't getting anywhere. So, yes it's safe, I wouldn't put her in danger." It was half the truth. It had been shut down but not because they didn't have any leads anymore, but because he was becoming a little bit too much at ease playing the pimp and the department didn't like that. But he couldn't tell her that. He couldn't let her see the darkness that had started to win over him. "So, are you gonna let me in or not?"

"Um... Jesse's asleep..."

"I know you already told me that but I figured we could talk somehow. It won't be long and maybe you could at least show me some pictures."

"Alright..." She reluctantly backed away from the door to let him in. As soon as he had enough space to walk in, he did; not letting her the chance to have second thoughts. She trusted him when he was sober but didn't know how he acted when he was drunk.

He quickly took off his coat but left his boots on. He made his way into her living room already knowing his way around her apartment. The man didn't even wait for the owner to follow. He still remembered the place from less than a year ago like it was yesterday.

When she had bought that apartment, she didn't know she would have a baby, but she had a spare bedroom. Before Jesse came along, she was using that room as a bureau. So now, she and Jesse had separate rooms.

When he got in the living room, stumbling a bit on his way, he saw Frannie laying on her cushion. The dog hadn't even barked when he had knocked like it used to do before. 'Amanda probably trained it not to wake Jesse' he thought.

Once Amanda had finally entered the room, after taking a minute to prepare herself for whatever discussion they were going to have, Declan was sitting on her couch. She went to sit on the rocking chair in front of him. She loved that chair, Carisi had made that gift to her so she would be able to put Jesse asleep more easily. Sitting there helped her to calm her nerve a little bit.

When she was calm enough, she looked up and locked eyes with Declan. What she saw scared her a little. The darkness had started to come back on the surface.

*** Sorry if there's any mistake, English isn't my first language but I do my best with the correction. I'm not sure where I'm going with this yet so if you guys have any idea let me know. Thanks for reading and a review would make my day. :)***