Remember I don't have a Beta, I just do this for fun.

I don't own Twilight, Stephanie Meyers owns twilight.

Now on with the show.

Previously…..

"I don't want to listen to you anymore." I spat as I turned my head on the ground, away from him. "And don't call me baby. I'm not your baby, and I never will be. Your mentally sick Edward….you need help."

"I know Bella, believe me I know. I'm working on it, but I need your help. Please give me a chance to explain."

"I don't want to hear your explanations. I just want you to go away and leave me alone. I take back what I said earlier, I don't want to give you another shot. I never want to see you again after what you just said. Just let me go."

"I can't Bella," he said sadly, trying to pull me closer to him. "I can't let you go, and I can't leave you alone, that's what I have been trying to tell you. I can not physically or mentally let you go. "

Edward

I guess I should have been happy that Bella was inclined to try again with me after the way I hurt her the last time we were together; and I suppose I should have been happy that she was willing to take me out of the damn "friend's" category, that I hated so much, because that was defiantly a step on the right direction.

But I wasn't happy, no matter which way I looked at it, because Bella was going to be dating other men while she was dating me, and that just fucking sucked.

Bella felt the need to date other people, because she had heard I had. I wanted to go out and find whoever told her that shit and fuck them up; because Bella actually believed while she was sitting at home nursing her broken heart over losing me, I was out there living it up, and that couldn't have been further from the truth.

The worst part of the whole screwed up situation was that Bella would have never heard that fuckery in the first place if I hadn't done a bunch of dumb ass shit to make it look that way.

It was all a big fucking mess of my own making; and that frustrated the hell out of me, and instead of trying to explain things to Bella reasonably I lashed out and ran my mouth like an idiot.

I was actually stupid enough to tell her about my sexual relationships in the worst possible way.

I sneered at her when I told her that I never had a 'relationship' with any of those women, but I sure fucked a lot of them.

I guess I said that just to hurt her, because I was hurting and it looked like it worked, because looked absolutely heartbroken over what I said.

It was like I just took away her most prized possession and crushed with my bare hands..

She stood there for a moment with tears forming in her eyes and with her lips trembling, before she turned tail and ran away.

I went after her like a bat out of hell hoping to stop to her before she got back to Emmett; because I knew without a doubt that Bella would run right to him and insist that they leave. He wouldn't ask any questions he would just pick up his shit and take her with him, then from that point on Bella would avoid me like the plague, and Emmett would be right there with her running interference.

That wasn't going to happen again, not if I had anything to do with it.

I looked everywhere andfinally found her running along the side the water of the pond close to the location we had left Emmett and Alice fishing earlier.

I pounced on her when I got close enough, sending the both of us to the ground.

We fought for dominance for a moment, she yelled, cried, kicked and fought me like a wild cat, but I finally got the upper hand..

She told me that she never wanted to see me again, and she just wanted me to just let her go, I just couldn't contain my emotions any longer.

Everything came spewing out of my mouth, like an open faucet. "I can't let you go," I told her." And I can't leave you alone, that's what I have been trying to tell you. I can not physically or mentally let you go."

She froze like a statue, all the fight going out of her at once. She was visibly surprised at the tears in my eyes, and the pain in my voice. "What?"

"There's a lot about me that you don't know Bella," I told her, "and a lot has happened since we broke up. I'm not the same man anymore, I don't even recognize myself. My life has taken a turn for the worse and I need your help, you're the only one that can save me now."

Her eyes widen, "Save you? How can I save you? I don't understand. Are you sick?"

"No," I replied, "Not in the way your thinking," I looked away to hide my embarrassment, "But I do have some problems that I need your help with."

"Look at me Edward." She said softly. I turned my head reluctantly and looked down at her. "What kind of problems do you need help with?" she asked eyeing me seriously, "Are you in some kind of trouble?"

I sighed. "I want to tell you everything, but I rather not have this conversation like this, the ground is rocky and cold here and I know that can't be comfortable."

Suddenly I remembered that she'd just had major surgery and still had staples in her side, and there I was wallowing all over her. I prayed to God that I hadn't done any damage to them when I knocked her down.

I tried to maneuver off of her as much as possible. "Shit Bella I forgot about your staples," I said anxiously, "I really shouldn't have knocked you down like that-"

"No, you shouldn't have; now I'm cold and wet and covered in mud.

"I'm sorry." I said.

"Don't worry about it." She said tersely

"Do you think your staples opened up?"

"No, I don't think so."

I tried to maneuver off of her as much as possible. "Bella, if I let you get up will you promise to stay and listen? I really want a chance to explain myself here."

It took her a moment to decide, before she nodded her head.

"Alright, I promise, now will you please let me up? I think I landed on a stick or big rock when I fell, my back is really starting to hurt laying here."

I leapt to my feet as quick as possible, before helping her up.

Her hair was a mess with twigs and dead leaves; the knees of her jeans were muddy and wet, seeing her like that made me feel horrible.

I looked down at my own clothes, and saw that they were relatively unscathed; Bella defiantly got the worst of it.

I heard her groan loudly, which quickly brought my attention back to her.

"Are you ok? What's wrong?" I asked anxiously

"My shoes got muddy, and I just bought these a couple weeks ago."

I looked down at her pair of chuck all-stars and winced, because they were ruined.

"I'm sorry Bella," I said, "I'll buy you another pair."

She didn't comment; she just picked up a stick and tried to rake as much mud off of her shoes as possible, but it was fruitless, they were done for.

"Will you lift up your shirt please, so I can check your staples?" I asked.

"Their fine," she said with a hint of irritation her tone of voice. She threw the stick down, apparently realizing it was useless, and looked up at me with narrowed eyes. "Why did you tackle me in the first place?"

"I wanted to stop you. "

"Well that was pretty obvious." Bella said sarcastically.

"I'm really sorry Bella; I forgot all about your surgery, and I promise you that I will buy you a new pair of shoes. I would have never tackled you if I had been thinking clearly."

"What were you thinking?"

"I just panicked; I knew you would never talk to me again if I didn't stop you from leaving." I replied.

"Well, next time please just ask me to stop."

I nodded "I'm sorry." I said again.

It felt like I couldn't say that enough. I was a complete fuck up.

"I know you told me. Ok enough about that," She said passively, with a wave of her hand "Go ahead and explain your problem to me. I'm listening."

I ran my hand through my hair nervously; it was hard to decide where to start. So much had happened, so much had changed.

I thought about every possible scenario in my head that could bite me in the ass later, if I told her everything.

She could think I was making it all up.

She could care less.

She could think I was a freak.

Eventually I decided it was in my best interest to try and distract her, because I needed more time. "It's freezing out here isn't it," I said with a fake shiver, "maybe we should walk back, and go inside where it's warm."

"Edward," she said tiredly, "Quit stalling, I can tell when you trying to avoid something unpleasant, you always get antsy. Just spit it out, what's wrong?

I sighed, "It's hard to explain Bella, I'm nervous."

"Why are you nervous? It's just me."

"I just am." I said agitatedly. "I can't think straight, I need more time."

She measured my expression for a long moment. I guess she could see how upset I was getting, because her whole demeanor changed.

Her eyes went compassionate and soft, and she spoke gently. "Ok, there's no pressure take all the time you need."

It took me awhile; I lit a cigarette and paced back and forth nervously before I told her.

"I have severe anxiety attacks now," I whispered, "I never know where or when they're going to start." I stared at a patch of thick trees behind her as I spoke. I couldn't look her in the eye; I didn't have the nerve yet to do that. "A couple months ago I had an attack while I was driving home from work; I tried to pull over, but I didn't make it fast enough, I passed out behind the wheel of my Volvo and wrapped it around a telephone poll."

I heard her gasp. "Oh my God Edward, you could have been killed.

'Yeah I know, the police at the scene of the accident told me if I hadn't been wearing my seat belt I wouldn't have been so lucky." I took a long drag of my cigarette to calm myself, my hands were shaking. "The accident put me in the hospital for a week, and I'm on medication now to control my anxiety, but nothing seems to help."

I felt her hand grasp my arm gently, "Why didn't you tell me about all this sooner."

I looked at her then. "Because I'm embarrassed as hell about it, and I didn't want to worry you. You got sick right after I moved back here and I didn't think you wanted nor needed anymore problems from me. I hope I haven't made a mistake by telling you today, and if I have please forgive me."

She stepped closer to me.

"You did the right thing by telling me Edward," She said, "I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me, and I promise I'm going to try to help you any way I can."

I pulled away from her grasp and threw my cigarette down, smashing it with my shoe. "Don't make me promises you can't keep Bella, you need to hear a few things first, and then you will probably change your mind entirely. I did a lot of shit after I started having attacks that I'm wholeheartedly ashamed about, and when you hear what I have to say I know you're going to be extremely angry and probably hurt enough at me that you'll never want to see me again.

"I think I know what you're referring too, your talking about your sexual past with other women right?"

I nodded, reluctantly.

"Well that doesn't matter to me now, I'm still going to help you."

I knew it was irrational, and that I should've been relieved that she wasn't upset about that anymore, but for some reason or another I was suddenly furious. It felt like she was saying, 'Now that I know you're mentally sick, it doesn't matter who you've fucked in the past Edward, because I wouldn't date your crazy ass now anyway, but I will try to help you, because I feel sorry for you.'

"Why doesn't that matter now?" I asked with narrowed eyes. "Is it because you've heard now what a freak I am; and now you're not interested in a relationship with me anyway, but you still want to help me, because you feel sorry for me?" I asked unjustly irate.

Her brows furrowed, "What? No…"

"Bella, it wasn't but a few minutes ago that you were rolling around on the fucking ground fighting me and crying, because I had just told you that I had fucked a lot of women while we were apart, and now you're suddenly ok with it, just like that. You expect me to believe your sudden change of heart doesn't have anything to do with me telling you what a freak-"

"Stop saying that Edward!" She said angrily, interrupting me, "I don't think you're a freak and you neither should you."

"Well, why do you suddenly not care about my involvement with other women, hmm? I may as well tell you now that the night I left your hospital room I hooked up-"

"Edward." Bella said between clenched teeth. "I don't want to hear it, Stop."

"Why, Bella? I know I would want to know everyone that you messed around with, so I could go find them and fuck them up. But that doesn't apply now for you, because you don't see me that way anymore, because I'm crazy."

"Can you give me a moment to speak asshole, or are you just going to have this conversation with yourself?" She asked with a sneer, "Now, Edward, I never said-"

"You didn't have to," I said interrupting again, "I heard it without you saying it," I grabbed my hair in complete frustration and pulled hard. "If you're willing to help; but your not willing to be in a relationship with me like we had before, because of all this, then you can just piss off Bella, I don't need your fucking sympathy."

I glared at her hard before I turned and stormed away, I didn't get very far though, because Bella started shouting at me. "Edward Anthony Cullen, you better stop this instant!"

I turned around, and watched her stomp over to me, but before she could get there, she tripped over a big branch, slipped down in some mud and landed on her ass with a thud.

Everything seemed to stop at once. There was a sharp silence, before Bella's and my eyes met.

Both of us were just stunned I guess, because neither of us said a word for like a minute.

Then she closed her eyes; bowed her head, and muttered, "Fuck" to herself.

Hearing that word coming out of her mouth surprised me, and then I realized she had just said three curse words in a matter of minutes, and that was more than I had ever heard her say in our whole relationship, and for some odd reason that made me feel a little better, because I finally felt like I wasn't alone in my fucked up situation, Bella was right there just as frustrated as I was.

As I stood there and watched her try to get control of herself, the whole thing started to actually become humorous to me, and I found myself holding back laughter. Then I visualized the facial expression she wore when she was sliding down, and I couldn't contain it any longer, I started to chuckle out loud.

Bella glared up at me, with mud splattered all over her hands and face. It had already covered her knees and shoes from our 'wrestling match' earlier. "What's so damn funny?" She growled out.

I couldn't stop I just laughed harder, I pointed down at her, laughing so hard tears were running down my face.

It took her a second, but then she grinned and started laughing along with me.

"You should have seen your face Bella as you was going down, it was hilarious."

She giggled, "I was shocked, I tried to get my balance, but couldn't."

"I know, I saw you," I chuckled, "You were ready to storm over here to give me a piece of your mind and you ended up on your ass. That's hilarious."

"Oh shut up," she said slinging mud over in my direction; luckily I was fast enough to dodge it.

"Hey, watch it." I said with mock anger, "Just because you're already covered in mud doesn't mean I want to have it on missy."

"This is partially your fault," she said looking down at her clothes."

"Yeah the shoes and jeans are my fault, but the mud in your hair, face and shirt is all you baby."

"Oh God," she exclaimed, "I have it in my hair?"

I nodded with a grin.

She tried to get up, but the ground was too slippery there, and she kept falling back down.

I just stood there watching her, laughing my ass off.

"Edward," she whined, after her fourth attempt. "Come over here and help me up."

I walked over to her slowly, I was careful not to fall down or get mud on my clothes, before I put my hand out. When she put her hand in mine, she squished some mud in it."

"Bella, damn, you didn't have to do that."

"Oh yes I did." She said with an evil grin.

"That's gross," I said shaking it off.

"Yeah I know," she said looking down at herself with a half chuckle.

"Do you want me to walk you back to my house?" I asked. "You can shower and change there.

She sighed, "No, I'll live." She said nonchalantly, with a shrug.

She walked over and sat down on an old broken tree that had fallen partially in the pond, she propped her feet up on a branch and then looked over her shoulder at me.

"Come sit beside me Edward." She said softly.

When I was sitting next to her, she took my hand in hers and looked at me intently, "Edward, I think it's pretty obvious that I still have strong feelings for you, or I wouldn't have reacted the way I did earlier when you said that about the women you slept with-"

"You don't understand about that." I interrupted, "I-

"Edward honey, will you please let me talk," She said kindly.

I sighed, "Yeah I'm sorry go ahead."

"I think you're so sure I'm going to look down on you over your problem that it's not going to make a difference what I say."

"No, that's not true. I admit I was way off base earlier, I know in my heart you would never judge me, it's not in your nature."

"Then please believe me when I say that I want to help; not because I think you're a freak, or that you're crazy, but because I really do care for you."

It took me a minute to reply, I needed to find the right words to say,

I looked out over the water and watched a bird sore into water to catch its nightly dinner, before I looked back at her. "I know you care for me Bella, but I'm afraid it's not in the same way I care for you, especially after what I told you earlier."

"Well let me assure you that nothing you've told me today has changed my feelings, I'm still just as crazy about you as I was two years ago. When I told you it didn't matter anymore to me about your past sexual relationship I meant that it didn't matter to me anymore after I heard I almost lost you for good. If something happened to you it would kill me."

"Do you really mean that Bella?"

"Yes…Now I know we have our problems, but I still," she hesitated.

My heart sped up, because I was pretty sure what she was going to say.

"You still what?" I asked urging to keep talking.

"Never mind," She said, looking down at her hands curled up in her lap.

"No please finish." I pleaded.

"It doesn't matter," She said waving me off, "the point is I still want to give you another chance, and I do want to help you."

I was disappointed. I was on the edge of my seat for her to say the three words I longed for her to say; before she backed out, and I was pretty sure I knew the reason why. She was waiting for me to say it first.

"Bella, were you about to say that you still love me?"

She looked over at me abruptly; her eyes wide. I could that I shocked her by asking that, because neither of us had ever said I love you in all the years that we were together.

It took her a moment, but she finally nodded.

I inhaled deeply, my eyes started to tear up, I was so moved it was hard for me to speak. "I still love you too Bella. I know I never said those words while we were together, but it didn't mean I didn't feel it."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" She asked.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" I retorted.

"I don't know," she said with a shrug, "I guess I just didn't want to scare you away, you were so weird about things back then, and then we broke up, and I was glad I never said it."

I nodded, "I can understand that, but I have to tell you, I bet I've wished a million times that I had told you that I loved you while I had the chance."

She sighed happily, and laid her head on my shoulder.

We sat quietly for a long time just enjoying the scenery and each other. There was no more need for words; we finally said everything that needed to be said.

It was peaceful, and I was finally happy.

The only reason we finally broke apart was because Bella started shivering. It was pitch dark by then and the temperature had really dropped. I knew Emmett and Alice were bound to be looking for us.

"Come on baby, let's get you warm." I said.

"Yeah, I guess I better get going," she said, standing up and looking down at me, "I'm freezing."

"Wait, I don't want you to go home, I meant that I want to take you to my house, you still haven't seen it yet."

"I'll have to see the next time I come over. I need to go home to take a shower, and also need to take my medicine; and besides that, Emmett and Alice or probably waiting for me at the truck, and I don't want to keep them waiting any longer."

"I'll drive you home." I offered.

She lifted a brow skeptically "Should you be driving?"

"Yes," I said, embarrassment obvious in my tone, "It…um…only affects me when I'm upset."

She nodded slowly, "Ok, I see… Well how about I go home, shower, and cook dinner for us and you can come over later."

That idea actually excited me, because it had been years since I had a home cooked meal from Bella. She was always an excellent cook, and her lasagna was to die for.

"Alright," I said, as I put a hand on the small of her back to guide her forward. "What are we having?"

"I was thinking about making lasagna," she replied. "Does that sound good?"

"Hell yeah," I said excitedly, "I was just thinking about your lasagna."

She giggled.

"Ok, lasagna it is." She stated

"What time do you want me there?" I asked.

She looked thoughtful, "I'm not sure how about I call you."

"Alright," I agreed.

When we got close to Emmett's truck I leaned down and whispered in her ear, "Can I kiss you?"

She looked up at me with a gentle smile and nodded.

"I leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips. I wanted to do more, but I knew Bella wanted to take things slowly with us at first, and we did have a lot to work out between us still, so I settled on a peck.

Emmett and Alice were waiting for us, but they didn't seem to be too upset about that. I seemed like they also had a fun time together; in fact maybe they had a little too much fun, because Bella's clothes weren't the only ones covered in mud there. Alice's jeans and shirt were caked with it and Emmett had it across his back and on the seat of his jeans. It looked like they had been rolling around in it.

Hmmm?

Bella also seemed to take notice of that fact, but she held back any comments.

Once she was buckled in the backseat of the truck, she rolled down the window and told me she would call as soon as she could.

We all said out goodbye, and I watched them drive away.

It was the first time I had been left alone that I actually felt ok about it, and I knew it was because Bella was back in my life. She wasn't there in the flesh, but she left her heart there with me.

Ok guys, I've been working on this chapter for about 4 months on and off and nothing, I mean nothing seemed right. I wanted to give up, actually I did give up, but one of my readers wrote me a sweet note, begging on her knees (Her words not mine) for me to continue. So I think I'm over the hump. I was getting tired of writing about that damn lake. I have lost more in plans for these two, so please stick around…..Remember I don't have a Beta, because I don't take this so seriously. I write and post her for fun. So please go easy on me, I never said I was a professional.