So this idea was... well it's stupid, so it should be funny. For those of you following my stuff, you may have realized by now, that I have two mascots. One, is an OC of mine named Cain. He's a Vampire who has no need for following the rules of the fourth wall. He's a little shit.
Cain: *Gasp* Profanity!
LucarioKid: See? My other is not an OC but someone who I absolutely love as a person. Owain, from Fire Emblem Awakening. Say hi, Owain!
Owain: My Sword Hand hungers for the death of the Fell Demons of thine darkest wishes upon Desolation!
LucarioKid: Hehe. Awesome! Now then, not sure if my cover art picture thing for this story shows it, but it shows me and Cain sitting on a couch and me asking, "You wanna do what?" And Cain says-
Cain: "Go on a road trip!"
LucarioKid: There we go. Now then, as you read in the summary, we do go on this stupid trip. The main idea is that for this first part-
Owain: (There are multiple parts!? Shit!)
LucarioKid: -We will mostly be going to video game worlds, that aren't high tech and stuff. The first place we go is the world of Tales of Vesperia.
Owain: (I don't know if I can do this. Kid is fine... It's Cain I'm worried about.)
Cain: (Why is that?)
Owain: AGGHHH! Get out of my thoughts!
Cain: Merp.
LucarioKid: Cain, cut that shit out! We've already talked about this.
Cain: You said not to do it to you.
LucarioKid: I said no mind reading in general. We need to start the story now. So get in your spot or something. Owain, you too.
Cain: But I'm hungry.
LucarioKid: I told you to eat an hour ago! You knew this was coming!
Cain: But I wasn't hungry an hour ago.
Owain: Sweet Naga, help me.
Cain: (Naga can't help you now, my child)
LucarioKid: Action!
They say being a writer is stupid, especially if you write on this site. Me personally? I like it. The people are pretty funny and nice. No real limitation, which some people make very sexual use of. Why are they called lemons though? Fucking hell. I'm getting off track. The best way to describe this site, is fun. The thing is, I have a special book that I was tasked to look after, which sounds kinda boring and all, except it's one of those stupidly overpowered books that whatever you write in it happens. Ya, cliché, huh?
I'm guessing you might not have thought that I didn't know that, and wrote some of my stories in it, and that caused the creation of Cain. My OC Vampire thing. He's... an interesting person. I'm sure some of you have already met him. White hair that's kinda short on the sides but longer in the middle. He cut it recently so it's more like a Mohawk now. White hair, pale skin. Dresses like a cowboy when he's out and killing stuff. Likes to wear my bath robes when he's at my house, eating everything he can get his hands on. I thought he was supposed to drink blood, but that only makes him powerful.
Personally, I think he's full of shit, but I can't prove it. He certainly doesn't pay any mind to physics or other basic things of life. Such as standing on roofs, walking through the center of the Earth so he could visit Owain in Japan without having to pay for plane tickets. That kind of crap.
But fun. Then there's Owain. I did not make him. He just got brought to life, in an experiment. I wanted to test if the book was really magical, so I wrote, "Owain is real." Nothing happened at first, until I heard someone screaming like a maniac and shouting about his Sword Hand. He was in my backyard, floundering in the pool like a dip wad. Explained everything to him, and he started to work out things himself, like we all have. Just in our own ways each.
I try to test the limits of my magical prowess, since discovering my family used to have magical connections to the world of Dusk, the place where all magic comes from. Without something to manifest my powers into, I can only make small, hardly menacing spells. Which is where the book comes in handy. The book is practically glowing in magical energy. So Owain gave me the idea to use it like a tome from Fire Emblem. Imagine my surprise when it not only worked, but I accidently blew a hole in the wall. Not my bedroom wall, the walls of time and space, straight into nothingness.
Which is how we found Nid Lein. Is basically means "Nothing World" since there is literally nothing there, at least when we first arrived. Just blackness everywhere. Like space with no stars, or anything. It was kinda creepy at first, but we discovered more about it, finding it was a calm place where no one could find or disturb us. So we spruced it up a bit, adding a grey couch that just floats there for us to sit on. A T.V., some other nice things as well. Cain added a stripper pole, but I am not inviting strippers in Nid Lein.
Most of the time that's where I go to write, since my family is about as loud as a bull in a china shop. Ya, pretty bad, eh? To be fair, Cain can be just as bad. We still don't know much of anything about Nid Lein other than we think it is accessible from any world in the universe. The funny thing is, those worlds from the video games and shows and stuff? They're real as you and me. We just don't really know how to get there very well.
We tried once, and nearly blew up my house doing it. But I was inexperienced at the time, so that was bound to happen. Trying to warp three people into a different world forcefully through space and time. Hehe... Father Time didn't like me very much. He's not as old as people think, and thoroughly kicked the shit out of Cain. The Vampire is immortal, I'm not. I only got a firm back hand. Which still hurt like a bitch. I don't think him or Mother Space know about us creating(?) Nid Lein, which is probably a good thing. I like that place.
We all stay relatively close, but Owain recently flew to Japan, saying he wanted to study more in the art of the sword, and since he fights with his kitana Missiletainn, it does make sense for him to go there. But apparently, he's studying European Knight techniques as well. Probably helps that his father is a knight. And a badass, scary one at that.
Cain just goes around, dealing with Vampire problems, since those exist as well. See, magic lets you figure out all this cool stuff you never really thought existed. Dragons, fairies, demons, prison rape, ya, it all exists. But you don't need magic to see that last one. Since that's a dark type of magic. Remember kids, don't drop the soap. You're never safe, even in your own house. Cain learned the hard way when a goblin got in the house. That was an awkward mission to slay that thing. Especially when it jumped on Owain's face and... you know what? Never mind.
Me? I go to High School. 17 years of age and I know more than most people on planet Earth ever will. But I can't go around proclaiming about Dragons and shit, since the insane asylum is not something I like. Besides, fighting Demons is surprisingly fun. I mostly watch, since I have near zero combat experience, but my magic is strong.
Just need the book to be at my peak. We've found a couple other books of magical power, but none of them are nearly as conductive as the one I have. It's probably easier to call it a tome, since it's pretty big compared to those stupid baby books people at my school read. Here's the thing. I can read it just fine, but no one else, Cain, Owain, nobody, can read it. It's weird. The book mostly tells me about the secrets of things I never knew about. The thing is, the book looks like it's got a good 800-1,000 pages in it, but the pages just keep going. I have been reading it for months, and I'm a fast reader, and I haven't even made enough to notice if I've read it.
If the book is what I'm thinking it is, it's the ultimate book that has information on everything. And I mean EVERYTHING! That's how we found out about other worlds, was through it. Weird stuff, eh? But it's kinda cool, like a mystery story. Alright, I'm a sap. Now then, this is where I stop droning on about basic information. This is how everything started. By the way, name's Travis, and enjoy the tale of stupidity, that was caused by Cain, and that one stupid question he asked me.
Travis was floating through Nid Lein calmly, his right hand on his chin, slightly rubbing it while his left was crossed over his chest. He floated here, there, just about everywhere without noticing or caring. He then flicked his right hand out to the side, snapping his finger. A large dark blue book without any words, markings or anything, other than the little worn parts on the edges floated to his hand. He flipped it open to what looked like the first page, but was in fact about the 900 page.
He started to read, holding it calmly in his left hand like it weighed nothing, while his right finger kept his place among the small words. To him it was infinite knowledge, but to others it was weird markings and symbols. He read for a few minutes before the realm tore open, and a white haired man with deep blood red eyes jumped through.
"Watch out Cain Romance!" He saw the floating Travis, seeing his singing went unnoticed. He cleared his throat. Still nothing. He searched his persons, finding the apple. He rubbed it against his chest. He then threw it at Travis, the apple stopping in the middle of the air when the young mage stuck his hand out and used his powers to stop it.
"I thought I told you not to eat?" Cain tackled the apple, gnawing it greedily.
"When?" He asked while... Caining the apple. Travis raised an eyebrow at the scene, but shook his head and turned back to the book.
"During the Author's Note. Remember when the words were bolded and not normal like this?" Cain slammed his head through a dimensional wall where a person on a computer was reading FanFiction. Cain looked at the screen, seeing the normal words and nodding.
"Got it." He then looked at the surprised person, then the house.
"Like what you've done with the place." He was then pulled back inside Nid Lein. The person staring at the screen in confusion.
"Too much crack." Travis slapped the back of Cain's head, sighing and closing the book.
"What did I say about breaking the important walls?"
"Tuh not to." Travis slowly shook his head.
"Yeeees. So stop. We have to clean up the place. Owain's finally getting back from his walk about." Cain chuckled, floating away and making UFO noises.
"Help! I'm being abducted." Travis started to pick up the floating trash, looking up at the floating Vampire.
"I wouldn't be that lucky." Cain fell down, gravity suddenly deciding to work and allowing his to land on Travis.
"Dammit, Cain! Not now with your shit!" He shrugged, applying more weight to Travis.
"Fucking shit! I'm small, that's why I use magic! You're gonna... kill me!" Cain smirked at him, sticking his tongue out.
"I wouldn't be that lucky." Travis's right eye twitched before a white light exploded from his, Cain sent flying into the air, before perfectly landing on the couch, a beer magically landing in his hands. His outfit had changed from his normal cowboy attire to grey jeans with black straps on the side, a black shirt with a grey over jacket on. Travis stood, shaking his head before seeing Nid Lein was clean.
"That was faster than expected." He flopped next to Cain, tired suddenly. Cain leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, a huge smirk on his face.
"You look tired. You need a break from the stress of everything." Travis nodded, lightly tugging at the cross necklace around his neck.
"I wish I could. But I can't." Cain gave a confused look.
"What do you mean? School's out! You have a whole summer to do stupid shit!" Travis shook his head, closing his eyes.
"I'm not that kind of person Cain. The most I do is playing video games and hanging with my friends. Studying magic, that'll be a new thing and running to keep in shape. I still have to figure out what to do about the glasses situation." Travis normally needed glasses, but had somehow healed his eyesight with magic, meaning he didn't need them anymore. He still wore them, just without the lenses, since it would be weird if he suddenly didn't need them. He scatched his dark brown hair and slouched against the couch, looking like he was going to fall asleep.
"Then take a vacation!" Travis shook his head.
"What kind of vacation could I do?" Cain thought about it, before a huge grin appeared on his face, looking in Travis' direction.
"We should go on a road trip with Owain!" Travis opened one eye and looked at him, a bead of sweat rolling down his face.
"You wanna do what?" Cain only seemed to smile wider.
"Go on a road trip!" Travis moved away from the Vampire slightly.
"Hell no. You're crazy and would get all of us killed in a day." Cain frowned slightly.
"Why don't we ask Owain then?" Travis rubbed his chin in though.
"I tell you what. Owain says we go on this trip and I will go with you. But where would we go? Drive to New York or something?" Cain shook his head, placing his beer bottle on an invisible table.
"No, no, no! See, what we gotta do is get away from the technology of life. I say we go somewhere without that." Travis gave an annoyed look.
"Mount Everest?" Cain started to laugh loudly.
"No, stupid! They have some technology up there. We need to go to some other world where they don't have technology that's very good. Ya see?" Travis started to hate the idea even more.
"No, Cain. Remember last time I opened a portal?" Cain shrugged.
"You said it yourself early in the story, you are inexperienced." Travis looked up, scrolling up.
"Shit, I did. I still stand by what I said. If Owain says yes, then I'll go. But where would we go? I don't really want to go somewhere where we'll have to fight all the time." Cain started to think, then looked to Travis.
"Give me the book." Travis was reluctant, but handed it over. Cain started to look through the book, eventually seeing a symbol of a place that looked like Earth, but was less advanced and peaceful.
"What's this place?" Travis took the book, looking at the symbol before looking at Cain.
"Terca Lumireis. Some place where they have technology but it's from ancient devices called Blastia that help people against monster. Cain, monsters. No. This place sounds like it's already bad." Cain took the book, throwing it behind him while Travis almost jumped off the couch. He would have it Cain hadn't grabbed his collar.
"We'll find monsters no matter where we go. So, we might as well find a place that has some defenses against the monsters, eh? This place sounds cool! That's where we'll go!" Travis chuckled to himself.
"I thought for sure you were going to pick Skyrim." Cain shook his head.
"Too cliché. Hey, what's this Terca place from?" He picked up his beer again, taking a swig and reclining back on the couch. Travis looked back behind him by leaning back against the couch. He clapped his hands together, the book flying back into his hands. He flipped open to a random page, running his hands over it and murmuring in another language.
The pages started to flip quickly, landing on a page with more symbols that Cain couldn't read. Travis started to read it before closing the book and lightly throwing it up, the book hovering above them a foot.
"Tale of Vesperia. Sounds like an interesting game. Couple of main characters and it a JRPG or something like that. Main character is this dude named Yuri. I recommend we don't go there and cause problems." Cain ruffled Travis' hair, causing the mage to burn the Vampire, though it didn't so much.
"We won't! Just a nice little visit! Nothing bad at all!" Travis shook his head, crossing his arms.
"That's what you always say." He mumbled it just loud enough for Cain to hear. The Vampire shooting up and raising his fists in a comical fashion.
"Oh ya! Wanna square up, Scrub!" Travis leaned back into the couch.
"No, I don't wanna hurt you-drink bleach!" He tackled Cain, the fighters rolling through nothingness, until Cain used his Vampiric powers to hang Travis upside down.
"No fair! I can't use powers without my tome!" Cain smirked grabbing the book and holding it in both hands.
"This book?" Travis shook his head.
"I swear to God, Cain. If you hit me with my tome, when I get out of here I'm going to wreck your shit in so hard you won't be walking straight for a week!" Cain rubbed his chin in thought.
"Like when me and Kita had a fuck-a-thon?" Travis nodded slowly, but a dark glare in his eyes.
"Only there will be no pleasure. Only pain and death." Cain looked at his crotch, then back to Travis.
"You have Aids?" Travis blew out of the bindings, jumping on Cain and slamming him down. He grabbed the book, standing and using his magic to pick up Cain. He started to laugh darkly, right about the time Owain entered. He was about to call out hello, but stopped at seeing Cain held in the air by light magic, Travis laughing madly.
"Prepare your anus!" Now Owain was scared. Travis laughed a little more, turning to see pale Owain. He slammed the book closed, Cain flopping to the floor, holding his crotch where the magic had been squeezing his little friends. Travis chuckled uneasily.
"You're back!" Owain shook his head, sitting carefully on the couch, probably wondering if something was going to shoot out of the couch and into his rear end.
"Unfortunately." Cain, ever the idiot, got up like he hadn't even been hurt.
"What's that supposed to mean!?" Owain just glared at the Vampire.
"Nothing Cain."
"Alright. Oh! Owain! We have a question!" Owain sighed, turning to face Cain again, surprised when he saw Cain had gotten a few inches from his face.
"Umm... what?"
"Do you think vacations are a good thing?" He thought about it, then nodded.
"Yes. They help people calm down and get a better grip on things. Why?" Cain stood happily, assuming his cool guy, anime victory pose. Basically, left hand tucked to his side, and his right hand giving a thumbs up, a huge smirk and a wink.
"Because we all should go on a road trip!" Owain didn't even need to think.
"No, God, please, no!" Cain deflated.
"Why!?" Owain gave a scared face.
"I put up with your shit enough as it is! I don't want to be stuck adventuring with you, too!" Cain tried to think of a good argument, then picked up Travis in front of him.
"But this poor boy has been worked to the bone and needs to rest and get a better grip on things." Owain smiled warmly.
"Then you take him." Now the smile was gone. Cain gave a sassy face.
"Excuse me! I played a part in raising our son, too! Just because you birthed him doesn't mean you don't have to do anything else! If you don't do this for him, I want a divorce!" Everybody froze on place. Travis tried to break free of Cain's grip.
"Really bro?"
"That's father, son. Who's your daddy?" Travis kicked back, hitting the weak spot in between Cain's legs. Cain seemed to only feel it for a half a second, before recovering and smiling.
"Besides, Owain. We still have to get him a girlfriend!" Travis groaned. Cain knew how much crap Travis got from his own family on the subject, so he may as well use that as an excuse to bring Owain along, and piss Travis off. Owain thought about it, then rubbed his chin in thought. His older brother symptoms kicking in. But what really sold it was the feeling and vibrating in his right hand. His Sword Hand was telling him he needed to do this. For Travis' sake. So he and Cain could somehow get that boy laid. Hard!
"My Sword Hand tells me... Buy the condoms!" Travis shouted in pure agony, while Cain jumped for joy.
"Fuck to the hell yes! This is going to be great, Owain! Just you see! We've already got a place picked out too! Terca Luma something or another!"
"Terca Lumireis." Cain slowly looked at him, a blank expression written on his face.
"We need to get you fucked and loosened up. Badly. Wonder if there are any kinky elf people who wear near to nothing in Terca? Ones who ride dragons, too! Ooh! This is great! Grab your bags boys!" Travis had curled up on the ground in the fetal position, but was slowly floating away.
"Why me, God? Why me?" Was all he said to himself, over and over again. Now he was royally screwed.
So this is the setup, which is awesome! Cecilio! Was it epic! Text me the answer! Or leave a review. Whatever works. Anywho, hope you guys liked this. Since this is going to be a genre nobody looks for please refer this to people who will like it. Not trying to milk people, I just want people to read it for a couple reasons. To laugh, to cry, from laughing. To be inspired, from laughing.
Cain: To get a divorce!
Owain: From laughing?
Travis/LucarioKid: Hehe. That actually made me laugh while I wrote it. And I'm allowed to make divorce jokes because I've been through one, not personally, but the one where your parents buy two different houses and glare at each other when they drop you off and separate again. That one! Yaaaa! It's actually about that.
Cain: It makes stalking him way harder.
Travis: You know the schedule for which house I'm at, ya dunce! Wait a minute. You weren't paying attention when I told you, huh?
Cain: ... What was that? I wasn't paying attention.
Travis: Oiy. Also, why did you cut your hair into that Mohawk thing?
Cain: It looks pimp. Plus, it makes Kita get hella turned on when I play the bad boy. Speaking of which, it's after five, so I have to go and have a No-Pants-Dance-A-Thon with Kita until three in the morning. Then we leave for the trip!
Travis: Someone kill me. They're probably going to do it on my bed at one in the morning when they get bored of doing it on their bed, the kitchen, the laundry room, the pool, the roof, the fridge, the walls, the ceiling, the fan, the fan while it's on, the safe, the T.V., in the T.V., the internet, and then my bed, then on me, then trying to get me to join, then kicking me out, and rocking my bed enough to where the springs break, then my laptop, then my tome. But I'm going to hide it this time. I may be grumpy tomorrow, ok, Owain?
Owain: What have you had to suffer through while I was gone?
Travis: Too much.