When did she grow up?
Recently there had been some major upheaval in the lives of Jean Valjean and his daughter Cosette, they had spent six years happily living in the Petit-Picpus convent where Cosette had received her education, but after she had turned fourteen Valjean decided it wasn't fair to expect her to become a nun without experiencing any life outside of that place. It was a decision he did not come to easily, but it was right for his daughter and that's why he chose to leave.
That's how Valjean and Cosette came to live in the Rue Plumet, they had moved there mere weeks ago but they had settled into their new life quite quickly, Cosette relished the new sights she was allowed to see now on her walks with her father and the garden she was allowed to tend too, she seemed content with her new life, which made Valjean feel content too.
Valjean had always been an early riser, that old habit from prison never did die for him, so one spring morning he awoke and washed himself before breakfast whilst Cosette slept longer in her bedroom. Their housekeeper Toussaint was laying the table for breakfast when Valjean decided to wake his daughter, he went to her room and knocked gently on her door but there was no reply so he let himself in quietly. She was still sleeping soundly, and Valjean smiled at her warmly for a few seconds before he opened her curtains and let the daylight into her room.
Cosette stirred awake at the sound of her fathers feet on the floorboards; some of them were quite creaky and she was beginning to become accustomed to this new wakeup call of his.
"Good morning my dear" Valjean said to his sleepy eyed daughter as she awoke gently that morning.
"Good morning papa" she replied weakly, and with the daylight streaming into the room Valjean noticed how pale she was looking. She was normally quite a healthy looking girl, whose transformation over the years had been remarkable considering the state she had been in when Valjean had first found the poor child, but this morning she was looking quite unwell.
"My dear child" Valjean said, going over to her bed and sitting down on the edge of it "Are you feeling unwell this morning?"
"No Papa" she said rubbing sleep out of her eyes, but once she had a moment to think about it she realised her stomach was feeling strange. Sort of sore, but not like a stomach ache or hunger pangs, it was something she hadn't felt before.
"Actually my tummy hurts a little" she said, rectifying her answer
"Hmm" Valjean said, getting a little worried about her. He placed a hand on her forehead to feel her temperature "You feel very warm, and you look awfully pale this morning Cosette".
"Am I sick papa?" Cosette asked innocently
"I'm not sure dear" Valjean said "Do you feel up to eating something? It might help, or you can sleep a little longer if you like".
"I'll get up" she said with a smile, and Valjean stood up from the bed as Cosette tossed the blankets back from herself and began to rise for the day.
Valjeans back was turned for mere seconds when he suddenly heard Cosette gasp in shock. He turned again to look at his daughter and immediately realised why her tummy had been hurting that morning. There was a patch of dark red blood on her sheet and streaks of it on her nightgown, Cosette had just gotten her first period.
The poor girl was mortified when her father saw the bloodstains; but he was equally as embarrassed to have intruded on the young girls most private moment.
"Oh…um….ah…" He stammered out when he saw the blood, trying to look anywhere else at that moment. He wasn't ignorant to the bodily functions of women, after all he had once had an elder sister, but it had been so long since he had been around a young lady he had all but forgotten about this part of womanhood.
Cosette yelped and hurriedly shoved her blankets back over the stain, not wanting her father to see it, of course it was far too late for that but she wasn't thinking straight, she was too embarrassed that he had been there and seen everything.
When she had been in the convent there were lots of older girls she boarded with and she had heard rumours of this strange curse upon women, but she had never really believed it could happen to her. It sounded so disgusting, and it made her feel sick to think of it, and now that it was happening to her it just made her feel even sicker. More than anything though she just couldn't bear the fact that her father had witnessed this, it was so shameful.
She sat back against her pillow and snapped her legs shut, as if that would somehow stop the blood flow; she was still so mortified that her father was there. All this had happened in mere seconds that Valjean had barely had time to react to all this, but he was concerned for his daughter, she looked like she was about to cry.
"Oh Cosette" he said, going over to the bed again, "It's nothing to be embarrassed about" But it was already too late, her face was crimson with humiliation and she buried her head in her hands so she wouldn't have to look at her father.
"It just means you're growing up" He told her calmly, as he sat on the edge of the bed to comfort her. "Did they tell you about this in the convent? They explained this didn't they?" Valjean asked, hoping they hadn't left his poor daughter ignorant about this.
Cosette nodded slowly, taking her head out of her hands but still not looking at him. "I know a little, I heard things…I didn't think it was real" She said quietly.
Valjean wanted to help her by talking to her more about this, but this was unfortunately a bit beyond him, he knew the basics of it but what she needed right now was a mother. Sadly though that was the one thing he couldn't give her, he could give her love and support and companionship but he was feeling a bit useless in explaining her body to her.
Valjean put his hand under Cosettes chin and lifted her head gently so she was looking at him. "If you'd like I can ask Toussaint to come and talk to you, to explain things. Shall I do that?"
Cosette simply nodded again, and Valjean gave her a smile "You'll be alright sweetheart" He said, before leaning in to give her a soft kiss on the forehead.
Once he had left her room again and shut her door behind him he breathed out heavily, leaning on the door for support. That had to have been one of the most uncomfortable situations he had ever encountered with his daughter. It wasn't often they had a crisis before breakfast, although when he thought about all those years she was in the convent he realised it had been a long time since he had really seen her before breakfast. When he had first gotten her she had wet the bed a few times and he remembered seeing that same look of embarrassment on her face as he had this morning, the poor girl. He helped her through that crisis though, and he would help her through this one as well.
Toussaint did talk to Cosette, although she was about as uncomfortable with the situation as Cosette was, but she did it, and Valjean was very grateful to her for that.
Cosette barely spoke to her father over breakfast, she still felt embarrassed about what was happening to her, but what she was feeling was nothing compared to the heartbreak her father was feeling that morning.
The moment he had seen the blood on her sheets, after he had gotten over the shock of it, he had begun to realise what it meant, Cosette was growing up.
His little girl wasn't a little girl anymore and that terrified him, until that morning he hadn't seen her as anything other than a child. He wasn't ready for this; he hadn't had nearly enough time with her yet. How could this be happening he had wondered, she still liked to pick flowers and place them delicately in her hair, she still liked her papa to read to her at night, she still wore her boarding school uniform for god's sake; just weeks ago she held tight onto her papas hand when he led her out of the convent for the first time, It was unthinkable to Valjean that his little girl was now a young woman.
But she was, she wasn't that little eight year old child he found shivering in the woods anymore, she was fourteen now. In fact that morning was the first time Valjean had stopped and thought about it.
"When did she turn fourteen?" he asked himself rhetorically, "I remember holding her tiny frozen hand in mine all those years ago. She used to be so small that I could swing her on one of my arms. She used to fall asleep on my knee and I'd carry her to bed and tuck her in. When did she grow up? Couldn't I have had a few more years with her before this happened?" He was feeling very gloomy about the very idea of Cosette growing up, but he didn't let her see how he felt, after all it was hardly her fault now was it?
"Would you like to take a walk my dear?" Valjean asked Cosette that afternoon, they always took walks together during the day now; it was something they couldn't do when they were in the convent. The only time they had together back then was the hour each day the sisters allowed, and some weekends, but it never felt like enough time for Valjean.
Cosette had been sat in the parlour reading, and she shook her head with wide eyes when her papa asked her that, she didn't want to go outside today. She was afraid people would be able to tell what was happening to her just by looking at her and she couldn't bear the thought of anyone else knowing.
"The fresh air will be good for you Cosette" He told her, knowing exactly why she didn't want to go outside.
"I can't….people will know" she stammered out, placing the book in her lap. She looked down at the floor again, her face flushing with embarrassment once more.
Valjean stepped up to her and put a hand on her shoulder, "Cosette, don't be silly now. Nobody will know anything" He wanted her to look at him but she seemed to be shrinking into herself out of shame, he remembered seeing her do that when she was little, during those first few days together when she was afraid to show her papa her terrible bruises. He knew it was best right now not to push her if she didn't want to do something, this was already difficult enough for her to cope with.
"Alright Cosette, there's no need to get upset. We don't have to go outside today if you don't want to". He said to her, and she seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. Then she said something that Valjean had never expected to hear from her.
"Are you ashamed of me papa?" She asked looking up at him timidly, which made Valjean nearly recoil in horror. He had never expected her to say that to him.
"What? Why on earth would you ask me that?" He asked, deeply shocked that she would ever think that.
"Because…." She said, looking down again and not finishing her sentence.
"Oh Cosette" Valjean said, kneeling in front of her chair so he could be eye level with her.
"I know you must be feeling very confused about what's happening to you my dear, It must be very scary" He said, speaking calmly to her. "But everything that's going on is completely normal; it's just part of growing up. I wish I could be of more use to you right now, all I can really tell you is that there's nothing at all to be ashamed of, or scared of".
He took her hands in his then, and kissed them gently "You're still my daughter Cosette, no matter how much you change. And I swear I will never be ashamed of you for anything".
"Thank you papa" she said sweetly, and then Valjean brought her in close for a hug. It felt nice to hold her like that; God only knew how much longer she would still want her papa to coddle her.
"Now, are you sure you wouldn't like to take a walk today?" Valjean asked her again
"My tummy still hurts" she explained, "Toussaint said it was called cramps".
"Ah, I see" Valjean said awkwardly.
As much as Valjean loved his daughter there was still some things he didn't need to hear, and that was one of them, although he didn't let Cosette know he was uncomfortable when she said that.
"Why don't you go lie down for a while then? You'll feel better afterwards I'm sure" Valjean said to her with a smile.
"Yes Papa" She said smiling back, before kissing him gently on the cheek.
She stood up from her chair, and Valjean watched her leave the room with a lump in his throat. He was feeling proud of her, but so very sad at how quickly she was changing.
That evening when Cosette had gone to bed Valjean decided to check in on her before turning in for the night himself. He didn't often do this anymore, well he couldn't when she was in the convent could he? He had to be satisfied with just watching the windows of her dorm and hoping that she was alright without him and was sleeping safely. When she was little and they were living in the Gorbeau House he would spend hours by her bedside watching her sleep. That was when she still needed him though, when she would wake from having a terrible nightmare and papa would hold her all through the night, she hadn't done that in years.
Valjean let himself quietly into Cosette's room where he was glad to see she was sleeping soundly. Just like he had that morning he smiled warmly at her as he watched her sleep, but he still felt that pang of sadness in his heart that he had been feeling all day. When she was asleep like this he could still pretend she was a little girl and that she would always need him, but he knew when she awoke it would only be a matter of time now until she began to want more than just him.
He walked quietly over to her bed and just watched her for a moment, then gently pushed a rebellious strand of her hair back behind her ear. He didn't mean to disturb her, but as he stood up again he accidently stood on one of those damn creaky floorboards and she stirred.
"Papa?" Cosette said quietly, blinking her eyes in the darkness.
"I'm sorry my child, I didn't mean to wake you" Valjean whispered "I was just making sure you were alright. Go back to sleep" He made his way to the door again but then he heard her voice beckoning him back.
"Wait!" she exclaimed quietly
"What is it?" he said, wondering what she could want from him at this time of night
"I need a kiss goodnight" she said with a smile that even in the darkness he could sense.
Valjean smiled back at her, feeling so glad that she still needed something from him and then he went back to her bedside to kiss her gently on the forehead. He pressed his lips to her for a little longer than he usually did, but it was bliss.
"You're still my little girl Cosette" Valjean said when he pulled away again.
"Always" Cosette replied, before closing her eyes again.
The End