"Nothing exciting ever happens here, does it?" Roxanne asked Jack. Suddenly they felt a jolt that made them think of earthquakes.
"Take my advice," Jack said, "Never, ever say that again" As he said this, a strange group of people walked in. There was a man in grey robes and a pointy hat, four small people with curly hair, two of which were arguing. There was one dwarf, one man with pointy ears and long blonde hair, one man who looked like he'd been dragged through a bush backwards and another man with three arrows sticking out of his chest.
"Excuse me," The man with the arrows said to Jack, "Could I see a doctor?"
"Yeah, um sure, just sit down there, I'm afraid that there is a four hour waiting time but you will be seen eventually,"
"If you're lucky," Roxanne added.
"And um I was stabbed a little while ago um and my shoulder still hurts, could I see someone about it?" One of the little curly haired people who had been arguing said.
"You were stabbed?" Roxanne asked.
"Yeah"
"That sounds like something out of Goldeneye" Roxanne said just as the arrow guy collapsed.
"He's not that keen on Goldeneye." The pointy-eared guy with blonde hair explained.
"MAX," Jack yelled, "CAN WE HAVE SOME HELP HERE?!"
Max came running in to reception.
"Spencer" He said to Spencer, "Can we have a trolley?" Spencer found a trolley and they managed to lift arrow guy onto it.
"How the hell did he manage to get three arrows into his chest?" He asked, rhetorically as they wheeled him into resusc.
"Well you see there were all these orcs," Another of the curly haired little guys explained, "And then there was this super orc and he kind of shot him"
"Three times?" Max asked.
"With arrows?" Lara asked.
"Orcs?" Roxanne asked.
"Yes" He replied.
"Roxanne," Max said, "Can you take…Him out of here" Roxanne led the curly haired guy who spoke a lot out of Resusc.
"What's his name?" Roxanne asked him.
"That's Boromir, he's from Gondor."
"Riiiiiiiight, and next of kin?"
"Ah right, well his dad's called Denethor, he's the steward of Gondor and his brother's Faramir"
"And I'm supposed to know who that is?"
"I thought that everyone had heard of Faramir"
"Surname?"
"Ummmm, Of Gondor?"
"Right, well what's your name?"
"Peregrin Took"
"Pippin for short." Another of the curly haired short people added.
"And my dad's called Paladin and my mum's called Eglantine." Pippin replied.
"Thank you for that." Roxanne said.
"I thought you'd want to know who my next of kin is."
"Are you injured?"
"No."
"Then we don't need your next of kin."
***
Simon called the curly haired short person with the stab wound to be examined, and the other two that weren't Pippin followed him. As Simon examined the stab wound victim's shoulder, he asked everyone what their names were.
"I'm Frodo Baggins." The injured small curly haired thing said.
"That's an odd name." Simon muttered to himself. "Next of kin?"
"Well, my parents are dead…"
"They were called Drogo and Primula." One of the others interrupted.
"Shut up Sam!" Frodo said. "My next of kin is my Uncle Bilbo."
"And where does he live."
"Rivendell." Frodo replied.
"But Frodo lives in Hobbiton!" Sam said.
"Where the hell are Rivendell and Hobbiton?" Simon asked, but no one answered him. "So…" He carried on. "You're Sam, and you are?"
"Merry. And that's my name, not my mood."
"Riiiiiiight…"
***
Later everyone was sitting in the reception, waiting for news on Boromir. Next to them was a little girl and her mother. They had picked up that her father was also in resusc. The girl couldn't have been more than 6, and looked very sweet and innocent.
The mother went off to get a drink, telling her daughter to behave. As soon as she had turned her back, the girl turned to Pippin, who was sitting closest to her.
"I'm Sarah." She said.
"Oh." Pippin replied, not quite sure how he was supposed to reply. "Um… hi."
"What's your name?"
"I'm Pippin."
"That's a girl's name! My sister is called Pippa!"
"No, not Pippa, Pippin."
"Why aren't you wearing any shoes?"
"Because Hobbits don't."
"What's a Hobbit?"
"Me."
"Are you the only one?"
"No, these three are as well, why don't you talk to them?"
"Are there only four?"
"No… why don't you ask them questions instead."
"No, keep talking to him." Merry said.
"Who are you?"
"I'm Merry."
"I don't care if you're happy or not, what's your name?"
"MERRY!!!!!! Short for Meriadoc!"
"No need to shout!" Sarah burst into tears.
"Merry, that's mean!" Pippin scolded, giving Sarah a hug.
Sarah now turned to the pointy-eared person with blonde hair. "What's your name?"
"Legolas." Legolas said.
"That's a funny name for a girl!"
"I'M NOT A GIRL!" Legolas screamed.
"Ah, go and manicure your nails!" The man who looked like he'd been pulled through a hedge backwards said, as Sarah burst into tears again.
"Stop it!" Pippin said, hugging Sarah again.
Sarah now turned on the dwarf. "Who are you?"
"I'm Gimli."
"Why are you so
short?"
"I'm a dwarf." Gimli said as Sarah's mother appeared again.
"What have I told you about talking to strange men…' She looked at Legolas, "And women…"
"I AM NOT A WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Legolas screamed, making everyone in reception look at him. "Well, I'm not." He shrugged.
"Are you like Toulouse Lautrec who dressed as a nun at the beginning of Moulin Rouge?"
"You've seen Moulin Rouge? That's a 12!" Sarah's mum said, shocked.
"I watched it with my brother." She said. "Dwarves don't exist, any way. They're like Harry Potter, they're not real."
"Who's Harry Potter?" Pippin asked.
"He's a wizard. He's cool, but there are no such things as wizards!"
"Oh yes there are!" The guy in grey robes and the pointy hat said. "I'm called Gandalf, and I'm one!"
"Where's your wand?"
"I don't have one, I have a staff."
"I have staff at school!"
Gandalf lost his patience with Sarah, and raised his staff threateningly. The pulled through a hedge backwards guy stopped him from doing something he would later regret (or maybe not).
"Aragorn!" Gandalf pleaded.
"We don't want to get into trouble!" Aragorn said.
"Hello Aragorn!" Sarah said.
"How do you know my name?"
"Gandalf just said it!"
"Oh, go and talk to someone else!"
Sarah looked around, and saw Sam. "Who are you?"
"I'm Sam."
"That's what my brother's called."
"Oh… great."
"You look like that boy from The Faculty!" Sarah said, pointing beyond Sam to where Frodo was sitting.
"That's a 15!" Sarah's mum cried, collapsing with shock. She got taken away to resusc, while Sarah's attention was still on Frodo.
"You do…"
"I don't look like Casey!"
"Who's Casey?" Merry asked.
"Don't go there Merry."
Simon appeared at that moment, and told Sarah that had both her parents had died. Frodo hid under his chair shouting, "The memories!"
"What?" Sam asked.
"Don't worry." Sarah said to Simon, not looking at all upset. "I'm going with them."
"You are?" Gandalf asked. Sarah nodded.
"Memories?" Merry was asking Frodo.
"You see… I kind of used to be called Leo and I kind of had a girlfriend called Sarah, whose parents died." (A/N: Deep Impact.)
"You… you… you unfaithful person!" Merry cried.
"It was a long time ago in a completely different universe, Merry. Anyway, I thought you and me was supposed to be a secret."
"Oh yeah…"
Luckily, no one had noticed Frodo and Merry's conversation as they were all
arguing about Sarah.
At that moment there was… a crash of drums, a flash of light, a golden ring
flew out of sight.
"Gandalf" Frodo said.
"What is it?" He snapped.
"The ring just flew over there" Frodo replied pointing over to where a man with white hair in white robes was standing.