Serenity, by potionsmaster
Rating: G. No swears. No smut. Nothing but fluff
Summary: John isn't very articulate, this is nothing new. But sometimes you don't need a lot of words to say what you mean.
A/N: Vorcha_Girl asked on tumblr: What exactly was it about your Shepard's love interest/s that made Shepard fall in love with them? Was there a specific moment? Was there something about them? So of course Shepard had more to say on the subject than I thought he would. And I borrowed ThreeWhiskeyLunch's fabulous stylings of writing to let him get it out.
For you, my loves.
If you ask John point blank, he'll rub the back of his neck, glance to the side, and shift uncomfortably while shrugging and mumbling, "I dunno…" He's too embarrassed about his lack of articulation. But what he can't find the words to say when he looks at Kaidan absorbed in a datapad on their bed with that little line furrowed between his brows in concentration, he feels pretty deeply. (And it is their bed, regardless of what Kaidan says. Regs be damned.) He settles deeper into the couch, one leg tucked up underneath him and allows himself to ponder the question instead of paying attention to the expense report in front of him. He's already read it a couple of times, anyway.
In everything else in this godforsaken war, all the tumultuous times and the upheaval of civilization as they knew it, Kaidan was as steadfast and solid as he'd ever been. Serenity made human. The one thing that anchored John when nothing else could. It was the quiet strength and determination that was ever present, bolstering his own when he's not sure he can face the next battle, on the field against soldiers or over the War Room table against politicians.
The genuine kindness Kaidan has towards everybody he meets and the willingness to listen. Wanting to see as many people come out alive as possible…collateral damage was never an option or ever part of the plan if Kaidan ran the op. It's one of the traits he liked so much in Asher, too…their personalities were similar. One of the reasons why he couldn't get his staff louie out of his head those first few months on the SR1. Feels like yesterday and forever ago at the same time.
The confidence that radiated out of the major, the sense of self and self-worth…knowing exactly who he was, and is, as a person and more importantly, being accepting of it. All things John himself had trouble with and probably always would. Yeah…Kaidan was special. He felt a soft look come across his face as he leaned against the back of the couch. It was all part of the package, and the wrapping was rather nice, too. Where Asher had been flashy, Kaidan was subtle. Asher had been golds and sparks and omni-tool oranges. Too bright to look at straight on. Fire on the field and in the sheets. Caution needed when handling.
But Kaidan…he broke the mold. Dark. Smoldering. Whiskey brown and smoke-filled promises in the cool night, silken sighs that ghost against his skin when they lose themselves in each other. Flowing, steady on, like the tides of English Bay…cotton puffs of breath in frozen air. He had a fire of his own that he kept hidden. Controlled. But he burned cold, with blue flames and biotics. Soothing. Calm. He would let John's storm rage around him and just absorb it and when John was spent, he still stood. Strong as ever.
John loved him for it. Loves him for it.
Needs him.
Can't do this alone.
The major glances up from his datapad and locks eyes with him, brown meeting blue. The calm eye of the hurricane, the serenity at the center of his storm. A self-conscious smile grows slowly on his strong face in the quiet hum of the fish tank.
"What?" comes the amused question.
"Nothin'…"
"Uh-huh. I know you better than that. What're you thinkin' about?"
Shepard just smiles shyly, letting the silence grow. He never thought he'd say it to someone. Ah well. First time for everything. He doesn't trust himself to speak loudly.
"Just that I love you."
Kaidan ducks his head quickly, blush spreading like wildfire across his cheeks and tips of his ears. When he lifts his head again, happiness is shining like a ray of sun in the dark cabin. He whispers.
"I love you, too."