Title: FEAR is just a four letter word

Pairing: Axel/Roxas

Warnings: Sex, mention of past rape, ooc(?), AU

Notes: This was done for Anonymous Kink meme on LiveJournal. Prompt was Roxas being afraid of men.

A blond boy sat on the sidewalk outside a small house, music pounding through his headphones. He swayed slightly to the rhythm, allowing it to carry him away.

A shadow cast over his eyes, cluing him into the fact that someone was standing over him. He only opened his eyes as the last dying chords of the song echoed through his mind.

"Hello, Roxas."

The boy shaded his eyes, looking up from low-slung black jeans and white tank top into unusually serious jade eyes. He tensed slightly, events from the night before flashing across his mind. "Hello Axel."

The older teen sat down next to him, staring off into distance. He fiddled with a red lock of his hear, and rubbed his chin idly. He needed a shave. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I didn't really mean what I said last night."

***

Roxas spun around, slight woozy from the alcohol Axel had swiped from his dad. He wasn't drunk, just little tipsy. Completely aware, especially when Axel pressed his lips to his. He reacted instantly.

Axel rocked backwards. "What the fuck? You bit my tongue."

Roxas just stared at him, liquid blue eyes confused and afraid. "I-I'm sorr..."

"God, I mean, I am your boyfriend, Roxas. I want to touch you, but you always push me away!"

Now Roxas was angry, "Well, maybe if didn't just attack me, then I wouldn't have..."

But Axel interrupted him again. "Is that what you see it as, attacking you?" He swore again, walking quickly in the other direction. "You know what, Roxas? You need serious help."

***

The teen shrugged, fiddling with his iPod. "Okay," he mumbled.

Axel laughed, gritting his teeth. "It's just, I feel so frustrated. I don't know where I stand with you. I mean, are we dating? Are we not? I just don't know." He stood, turning to Roxas, who was watching him with those damning blue eyes. "If you want me to leave, to go fuck myself, I will. But, I don't know if I can keep up with this, Rox." Axel smiled, blinking back tears. "I think I love you, but if you don't feel the same...what are we doing?" When Roxas still didn't say anything, he nodded. "Okay. I guess this is it."

He was stopped by a smaller body tackling his own. He was shocked to feel Roxas wrap his arms around him, holding him tightly. A wet cheek pressed to his chest. "I don't want you to go." Roxas voice was muffled, his body shaking. "I don't want you to leave. I-I can't..." The blond was nearly convulsing from the effort to breathe properly.

Axel gently undid Roxas's arms, only to turn around and embrace the other boy. "Shhh, it's okay. I'm not going anywhere. Got it memorized?"

Roxas laughed wetly, pulling back. He fumbled with his headphones that had wrapped around Axel's ear stud, which in turn cause Axel to laugh. Roxas glared at him without malice. Then, he breathed an alarmed gasp when Axel suddenly loomed over him. He stepped back, eyes on the ground as his face flushed. "Axel?" He was afraid to look up into the redhead's eyes to see the obvious hurt there. Roxas glanced down the street, thinking. He wrapped his headphones around his iPod, mentally assessing the time he had before anyone came home. "There's something I need to tell you."

Axel had always liked Roxas's house. It was quiet and wonderfully normal. Unlike his house, what with a brother known to the police and a mother who was never really all there. He glanced around. "Where's Sora?" Roxas's shy twin brother was usually around, never really connecting with anyone his age.

The blond snorted, glad for a momentary distraction. "Where d'ya think? With Riku."

Axel laughed. "Has he not figured out that Riku wants him? I can't believe it..." The two dissolved into laughter. Then, there was awkward silence.

"So?" Axel's voice was sharp in the quiet, causing Roxas to jump. "So?" His tone much lower this time. "You wanna talk?" The hurt from before came back, causing his eyes to darken a little. "Are you afraid of me?" Bingo. The look on Roxas's face was answer enough. "Why? Have I done anything?" He was at a loss for reasons Roxas, one of the people he cared most about in this world would be afraid of him.

The blond shook his head. "It's not so much of you Axel." He paused, unable to find the words. "It's what you are." He held up a hand. "And before you get all mad, it's not anything you can change."

The redhead was really confused now, "What do you mean?"

The blond sighed, his usually sullen attitude appearing. "Axe...I'm afraid of men in general." He fiddled with a hole in the hem of his shirt. He looked up through his jagged blond bangs to Axel's eyes. Whatever he found there was enough to make him relax, if only a little. "You have to understand, I've never told anyone this. So don't stop me, because I probably won't be able to start again, okay?" He laughed without humour, resting his head on one hand, unable to look at Axel right now.

"Usually, Sora and I would walk home from school with either our friends Hayner or Selphie. At any rate, I was never alone when it was time to go home. One day, when I was fourteen, Sora was sick, Hayner had a dentist appointment and I couldn't find Selphie. So, I walked home by myself. I mean what was the big dead? I've done it before so many times, why would that day be any different?" His voice was growing louder and tenser with every word. The blond fisted the material of the couch, nearly ripping into it. His breathing evened out and he continued. "It was stupid to do this, but I ducked down an alleyway to cut some time of my walk. That's when I ran into...them."

Unnoticed, Axel slid onto the couch next to Roxas, eyes fixed on his boyfriend.

"I don't even know their names. They were all bigger than me, I didn't even have a chance. Their leader was a guy with silver hair. He never stopped smiling, not once. There was a slightly smaller one with a ponytail with silver streaks in it. He had an eye patch on, can you believe it? In the fucking twentieth century, seriously." Axel didn't laugh, eyes encouraging Roxas on. "The second last one had dreadlocks and these god-awful sideburns that would put even Wolverine's to shame. The last one was blond, blond hair, blond beard. And these scary ice blue eyes that just seemed to stare into your soul." The words were coming out faster now, as if the weight of this secret was finally too heavy for the owner to carry, forcing them to spill out.

"They...were just intimidating me at first, you know? Seeing if they could scare a teenager into giving them some money. But then..." Roxas's cerulean eyes squeezed shut, trying to block out the memories seared across his mind. Axel wiped a stray tear away. He was nearly breathless with relief when Roxas leaned into him completely, without fear. "Then, one of them pulled out a knife. My shirt was gone and then..." He glanced fearfully up into Axel's eyes, afraid that he would lose him. He shakily stammered out, "Then, they got me on the ground." Roxas was quiet then, staring at the ground. "They raped me, Axel. Every one of them. I begged and cried, and they just...laughed. Afterwards, they kept my wallet. They threatened to kill my family, my friends, everyone I cared about if I told. So...I didn't. By some miracle I made it home without getting hit by a car. I convinced my family I had fell down and lost my wallet. They all believed it. Well, except Sora. I think he always knew something was up, he just never pressed me with it. From then on, I could only really let myself feel safe around girls. If I'm alone with a guy...If I see one coming down the street, I get this tightening in my chest and I can't breathe." His tears were falling faster now, as he was fully expecting Axel to walk away from the pathetic mess that was him. Just another person, unwilling to deal with him.

"Rox..." Axel's voice was rough and haggard. Roxas glanced up, surprised by the tears falling down the older teen's face. "I'm so, so sorry you had to go through something like that. The fact that you went through that alone..." Axel shook his head, unable to imagine it. His eyes, rimmed with red, were so truthful, unlike the barely-disguised lust in the eyes of those men. Roxas nearly kicked himself. How could he had ever compared Axel to them? He curled up against Axel slowly, staring anxiously into Axel's narrow face. The redhead stared back, waiting patiently for the blond to make his move. Slowly, a small hand nervously traced over the contours of his face, pausing to wipe at one of Axel's tears. Roxas blinked, fingers hesitating over the tattoos on Axel's cheek. Then continued to the lupine cheekbones, to soft lips, to that lean neck. Axel held still, allowing Roxas to simply touch him. If this would help Roxas, then he would, and could, let the younger boy set this pace. He leaned back slightly, a purr emitting from his throat at when those fingers scraped gently along his neck. Intrigued by that reaction, Roxas replaced his hand with his mouth, pressing small kisses to Axel's face. The redhead held back a chuckle. Roxas was like a newborn colt, nervous but overwhelmingly curious.

Gradually, Axel responded to the kisses, but still gave Roxas most of the control. When the blond pressed his lips to the redhead's, he tenderly traced his tongue over the seam of Roxas's mouth. The younger teen responded by opening his mouth, allowing his tongue to be coaxed out of hiding. The two muscles touched, rubbing over each other in a erotic tempo that left both short of breath. Eventually, the need for oxygen broke the two apart. Roxas's liquid blue eyes blinked a couple of times, unsure. Axel smiled, cradling Roxas's chin and running his thumb over a cheekbone.

"Beautiful." Roxas tried to look away, but Axel held his gaze. "Simply beautiful." The teen blushed slightly, making a face. "We can stop here, if you want. We don't have to do anything more."

Roxas thought about it for a minute. To his surprise, he found he didn't want Axel to stop. There was fear, yes. What was there to stop him from being hurt, again? But one look into suddenly serious jade eyes, he was sure of his answer.

"Axel, I trust you." His voice was barely above a whisper. "Please. Show me that it doesn't hurt."

Axel was taken aback, awed by the conviction that Roxas's sapphire eyes held. He promised himself to ask this question only once. "Are you sure?"

Roxas laughed bitterly, "not at all. But I trust you not to hurt me. I hope you realize how difficult that is. So, don't expect this to be perfect."

Axel silently disagreed, but wisely didn't say anything. "Okay."

He carried Roxas up the stairs to the blonds' room. He deposited his precious cargo on the large bed, leaning over Roxas on all fours. Another kiss ensued, only this one more firmer. Axel trailed his hands over the small, t-shirt clad chest. He frowned at how tense Roxas was. "Relax," he cooed. "Just relax."

He tried to, but his smouldering lust was being overridden by his fear. Roxas focused on breathing correctly, tension unwinding with each exhale. "That's it," encouraged Axel. He stroked up and down the blonds' sides. "I need you to just calm down. Put yourself in my hands. You're not giving up your control. If I do something you don't like or you get scared, just say one word and I will stop. Got it memorized?"

Blue eyes met green. Axel watched as Roxas's desire and trepidation battle each other. Desire must of won, because Roxas sank back onto the bed. His eyes fluttered closed, a peaceful expression on his face. Axel's throat went dry. God, Roxas was so beautiful that it hurt. And it should have hurt more, seeing the barriers that should have never been put up come down. But it only fed his already fierce fire of protection and love. He swore that Roxas would never be hurt again.

There was a pleasantly-surprised gasp when Axel grazed over a nipple through the shirt. The taller one grinned lazily, slipping a hand under the t-shirt to thumb at the nipple. "Like that?" Roxas nodded, an unabashed moan slipping out of his throat. Axel switched to the other side, causing the blond to writhe a little bit. Leaning back, the redhead slipped the t-shirt over Roxas's head. A slight tense was his response, but that was gone quickly. Replacing his hands with his mouth, he used his tongue to trace over the dips in Roxas's body. He mouthed a trail down the exposed torso, congratulating himself when Roxas shivered with delight. The blond squirmed when his bellybutton was licked. He gave a panicked inhale when his waistband was gripped. But again, that flash of fear was shoved viscously back into the recesses of his mind. Axel shifted to throw the pants off into the room somewhere. He eyed the small bulge starting to form in Roxas's boxers. He lightly ran his fingers around it, squeezing it gently. Roxas bucked up, moaning loudly. His cock grew harder, dampening the fabric of his boxers.

"Please." His fear was forgotten as the rushing desire caused his blood to set on fire. All he wanted now was Axel's hands on him. The leering stares of those men disappeared, to be replaced by the lustful, loving stare of his redhead. "Touch me, Axel." His voice was husky, as he whimpered. "Please."

What man could refuse a plea like that? He stripped off the boxers, pleased when Roxas showed no signs of fear. The blond leaned back though, eyes staring at the ceiling. "After it happened, I was so uncomfortable in my own body. It was like...a foreign country to me. How could I ever feel pleasure again, when that all happened without me having a say in it?"

Axel pressed a kiss to a soft cheek, his dextrous fingers stripping off his own shirt. "You're not broken, babe. I know you feel like it, but you're just a little lost." He pressed his body to cover Roxas's smaller one, inhaling the clean scent of soft blond hair. A purr of pleasure followed when the blond nuzzled Axel's neck appreciatively, softly sighing. "You're so brave for letting this happen. A broken person would have never let me get this close."

Roxas offered his neck for more kisses, biting his lip. "Then show me. I want you, Axel."

Reluctantly, Axel untangled himself from the smaller teen. "Do you have any lotion or anything like that?"

Roxas blinked, pointing at his desk. "Right there." Axel opened the drawer, grabbing a tube of vanilla massage oil. He raised an eyebrow questioningly. "Long story short, Sora didn't want it."

The redhead shrugged, settling back on the bed. "Raise up your hips, a little. Good, like that."

Roxas stared, more than a little confused as Axel coated his fingers with the oil. "What are you doing?" He wasn't afraid, just curious.

The redhead looked back, a sudden flash of sadness making him pause. "I'm going to prepare you, Roxas. It will make it easier."

The blond dropped his head back down. "They never did that."

Axel bit his lip. The answer was not unexpected, but it didn't make the action anymore unforgiveable. "I'm not them."

Slowly, one finger was pressed into Roxas's opening. Roxas exhaled. There was some pain, but not anymore than he could handle. Another finger joined the first, then a third. Roxas bit his lip as he was stretched, the sting increasing. But then Axel's fingers brushed something inside him that made fireworks explode behind his eyelids. He yelped, causing the redhead to still. He shook his head, pressing down onto the fingers. "A-again. Do that again." Axel, understanding now, grinned widely as he moved his fingers again. "What is that?"

"Roxas, meet prostate."

Roxas looked panicked, feeling like he was going to fly apart at the seams. "They never...I never..."

Axel tenderly traced over Roxas's cheek. "It's okay if you compare the two." He swiped again at Roxas's prostate, drawing a ragged cry. "I'll outdo them in every category."

Roxas lay there, feeling empty when the slick fingers left him. Axel drizzled some oil on his cock, smoothing it with his hand. Gripping slim hips, he lined his arousal up with Roxas's entrance, nudging it with his blunt head.

Roxas nodded once, unable to speak. His breath left his lungs when a hard length was pushed inside him.

Axel paused, torn between wanting to thrust into the searing heat and giving Roxas more time to adjust. The blond had tensed up, brow furrowed in concentration. He cupped Roxas's erection, thumbing at the head, hoping to distract him. Roxas gasped at the dual sensation of Axel pushing in farther and having a warm hand caresses his cock. Slowly, Axel pulled out and pressed back in.

Another cry and an arch of a back was his response. Roxas was trembling, unable to believe this new feeling. "Faster." Axel complied, increasing his speed. Roxas writhed; sweat adding a sheen to his skin. Their breathing became faster, hearts racing as both quickly treaded the path to oblivion. Axel leaned down, resting his forehead on Roxas's. Wild eyes met his as he thrust harder.

"Come for me, Roxas." Axel's voice was a sensuous purr. "Lemme see."

With a soft yell, Roxas came, coating both of their stomachs. The outright bliss on his features tore an orgasm from Axel. The two stayed like that, bodies twisted together. With a noise of regret, Axel gently withdrew. He lay down next to Roxas, stroking his hip gently. He smiled ruefully at the barely-visible bruises, kissing them apologetically. Roxas shrugged, uncaring.

"Still afraid?"

Roxas shrugged, eyes focusing on the wall. "Yes." Axel's heart fell." Just not of you anymore."

Axel considered that, cocking his head to one side. He could live with that. "Well, I'll be here until you're not afraid anymore."