A/N - I've recently been re-watching earlier seasons. You remember in the one with the cursed mummy, Castle was convinced he was going to die? Yeah, well a scene in that got me thinking, and then I "filled in some gaps". Assumes that the conversation between Castle and Martha in "After the Storm" (5x1) is a little longer than it actually was...
"Get in the closet! Go!" hissed Rick, shoving Beckett towards the cupboard in the corner of his bedroom. Beckett scowled at him, protesting as quietly as possible as she staggered backwards, Castle's shirt falling off her shoulder whilst she tried to keep the pillow clutched to her. She could hear Martha rapidly approaching, and pulled the door to the closet closed too quickly as the effervescent redhead prowled over the threshold of Castle's inner-sanctum.
Kate tried to listen, whilst trying not to listen. It felt weird. Of all the places she had ever imagined being, hiding in Castle's closet was never even on the list. She'd never seen this space before, hadn't quite figured out the Escher like nature of the apartment. After the events of last night she now knew that Castle's private en-suite was larger than her kitchen, and by a considerable margin. Hell, that bathroom was probably bigger than that first apartment over the chicken shop had been. And weirdly, the bathroom had a life-size Boba Fett standee in it. She was still trying to figure that one out.
The conversation in the room outside didn't sound like it was stopping any time soon; Martha was going on about making a virtue of Alexis' good points. Why was Martha even here? She was supposed to be in The Hamptons. Kate sighed, and adjusted the shirt, doing the buttons up slowly. At least if, for some reason, Martha opened the closet door, she would at least look respectable. Kate's mind started working over excuses as to why she was here, dressed only in one of Rick's shirts, hiding in his closet at whatever time in the morning this was. Rick would come up with something outrageous and plausible, and she tried to put herself in his mind set – alien abduction? Yeah, that seemed like a good option.
What time even was it? Seriously, how did the man not have a clock anywhere in the main room of the Loft? She had no idea where her phone had ended up, and she was fairly sure that her father's watch was either on the coffee table next to the sofa, or possibly on the bed stand – she really couldn't remember when she'd taken it off. Her mother's ring was back at her apartment where she had briefly called in after quitting her job. Kate's mind drifted to where her other clothes were right now. Plainly Rick didn't want Martha to know he was here – were there any visible signs? Where were her clothes? Kate had a vague memory that her boots had come off by the sofa; that her top was on one of the chairs in Rick's office, with his pants; her pants, hmm, where? Oh, they had been flung across his room; there had been a clatter when the belt had hit something, and she had no idea what. She hadn't seen them when she had come back in with the coffee, but she had noticed the armchair in the corner and the huge chaise along one wall. She smiled at the memory of making very good use of that chaise for round three sometime in the middle of the night, dawn just starting to spread its tentacles of light through the windows.
As the conversation continued to drone on, plainly showing no signs of wrapping up anytime soon, Kate glanced around her. There were closets within the closet, a whole series of little doors and drawers, shoe racks with what looked like two dozen identical pairs of brogues in slightly differing shades of black and brown. Kate stifled a giggle, Rick was such a metrosexual. She moved over to the drawers and made an experimental tug at one of the drawers. It slid open silently, and Kate released the breath she realised she had held at that moment. This drawer contained socks, rolled up in pairs, the next contained ties, arranged in colour shades, bow ties, and, oh my, was that a selection of cummerbunds? Who the hell owned more than one of those? This was fascinating, and, it turns out, you can quit the force and take the Detective out of the job, but you can't take the Detective out of the girl. Kate's curiosity now getting the better of her, she pulled as silently as she could muster on the handle of one of the cupboards. This one had suit jackets, again arranged by colour, and within that, quite obviously by season of wear. The next one contained button-down shirts, lots and lots of them – the cupboard was bigger than the previous one and there must have been well over fifty shirts on the rail.
The next cupboard she investigated was set in the far wall from the door, and had shelves set in it – six in all, from floor to ceiling. There were jumpers folded neatly on the top four, but the bottom two shelves were different. One had a haphazard collection of T-shirts on it – nothing like Kate had even seen Rick wear. She picked one up – it was black with "Richard Castle – Master of the Macabre" printed on it, in the font that Kate recognised from the dust jackets of Rick's books. She rolled her eyes – only Castle could be that egotistical. There were others with various designs, a Green Lantern, a Superman, a "Columbia University Student Parent", something that looked very old from a musical that she presumed Martha had been in when Rick was much younger. She couldn't help shake the notion that there was something wrong with this entire stack though – it was so rugged and dis-organised in comparison with the contents of the other cupboards and drawers.
Kate looked back at the door back to the bedroom. She could hear the voices still. She carefully worked her hand through the pile of well-worn cotton items, and was surprised when her hand hit what felt like a pile of magazines. Puzzled, Kate used her other hand to move the T-Shirts aside. She giggled – she was looking at a pile of magazines, the spine facing her. They were in see-through slip covers, such as one might use to protect rare comics or first edition classic works of fiction. But these were not the sort of magazine to attract comments regarding their literary merit. But they were old. Well, 1970s and 80s old. They were Playboy magazines, quite obviously arranged in order of issue, newest at the top. Kate picked the top magazine off the pile and looked at it. She kept it in its slip cover, realising that Rick obviously took care of these, whatever else he might use them for. She turned the magazine over, noticed a hand-written note that seemed to be signed by Hugh Heffner himself. Kate gasped – Richard Castle had vintage porn, in his closet, with a note from the Playboy King himself. Kate recalled now, that case with the mummy a few years ago. Castle had been convinced he was cursed, Kate and the boys had wound him up about it, and it had been so funny. And then he had asked her if she would look out for Alexis if anything were to happen to him. And then to get rid of his porn, and then Espo had stepped in and offered to help with that – so selfless of him. Kate giggled, this all seemed very tame, and she wasn't sure why Rick was worried.
Kate wondered what else was in this closet. She looked at the lowest shelf and realised that it too had a haphazard collection of T-shirts, plain this time, although this pile was even messier than the one that hid the magazines. She knew she shouldn't, knew she was crossing a line here, but she couldn't resist – what did he have that needed to be hidden behind those shirts? She carefully moved the pile of shirts to one side, justifying to herself that if Rick secretly had some sort of weird fetish she needed to know about it. Kate spied a small cardboard box, about the size of a large shoe box. The box slid silently to the edge of the shelf, and she carefully lifted off the lid.
Kate gasped. The box contained DVDs, a small collection, but all with almost well-known titles. "Buttman" "Buffy the Vampire Layer", "Sex Files", "Space Nuts", "Star Whores", "Spiderman XXX" and some others that appeared to share the names of well-known TV shows and movies. Kate saw the rating icons on the spines and realised that they were all pornographic. She eased one of the cases out of the box and quickly scanned the back cover. Covering her hand to stifle the giggle, she read the oh-so-serious in tone blurb describing the "plot" of the movie contained within the plastic. She opened the box and realised that the disc was missing. Kate gasped as she realised that there was a TV in the bedroom. How recently had Rick been watching this DVD? Kate suddenly realised that Martha's voice was no longer drifting through the door into the closet. She quickly put the DVD box back in the cardboard box, noticing as she did that the titles were in alphabetical order. She rolled her eyes as she shoved the box quietly to the back of the shelf, and tried to rearrange the T-shirts as best she could. Shoving the door to the cupboard shut as silently as she could, Kate flung herself onto the pillow on the floor near to the door to the bedroom as Rick opened it and gazed down at her, looking rumpled but amused, a small smile in the corner of her mouth.
"Kate?" Rick questioned, gazing down at an almost entirely naked Kate, giggling quietly to herself on the floor of his closet. Kate looked up at a puzzled looking Rick, who was still wrapped in the bed sheet he had dragged off the bed a few minutes earlier.
"Castle" said Kate, trying for sterner than she managed to convey. Rick's brow frowned, he wasn't keen on being back at 'Castle', he had been 'Rick' yesterday evening, and later last night, and very early this morning, he mused to himself. And now his, what? Girlfriend, lover, he wasn't sure, was lying on the floor of his closet, giggling to herself and staring at him. Well, at least she didn't look like she was going to kill him, which was good, given the way she had been looking at him when the door had closed on her a few minutes earlier.
"Castle, what is going on?" Kate hissed, with as much anger as she could manage to convey whilst attempting to hide the rising tide of giggles as her mind worked though the list of titles she had scanned in the box on the bottom shelf.
"Umm, I'm not sure, really. Something about Alexis, who, umm, apparently is here, in the lounge. I don't know why. Apparently I have to go and talk to her, and my mother was very insistent that I should do that now. Although I have managed to convince her that I should put some clothes on first."
Kate looked up at Rick, who was plainly flustered. She quickly glanced at the far end of the closet, where the cupboard looked undisturbed. She looked back at Rick. "Well", she said, standing up, "I am guessing that I should leave. Where are my clothes?"
"Kate!" Rick pleaded. Kate could tell by looking at him that he was massively conflicted, and that he thought she was pissed with him. Which she was, a little. But plainly something was going on in the main room of the loft, and plainly she should go home and get some clean and dry clothes.
"Castle. Rick. Where. Are my clothes?" Kate hissed, jabbing Rick in the chest.
"Umm, they're in my bathroom" said Rick, gesturing behind him to the far side of his bedroom, "I woke up a few hours ago and put them all on the heater in the bathroom to try to dry them out".
Kate smiled at Rick, who was plainly still trying to figure out how to avoid Kate killing him, even as he was trying to manoeuvre around her into the closet.
"OK" said Kate, "I'm going to get dressed, and then I'm going to leave. You know where I live, Castle". Kate swept past Rick with as much dignity as one can manage when one is wearing only a shirt and a pillow, and moved swiftly to the bathroom. By the time she came out a few minutes later, Rick had already left, and Kate couldn't resist having a peek into the closet, noting as she did that the cupboard of porn was open, the pile of T-shirts on the bottom shelf slightly disturbed, the box, if one knew it was there, clearly visible at the back of the shelf. Kate grinned, closed the closet door, and moved silently through the door from Rick's bedroom towards the loft hallway, boots in her hand, sneaking a glance round the doorway as she prepared to make a silent dash for the front door. She was so looking forward to teasing Rick later, just as soon as she'd made him grovel…..
A/N 2 - you won't believe the fun I had tracking down the titles of porn parody versions of TV shows and films that I think Castle would be into. And of course, I couldn't resist the nod to Nathan's previous body of work...