Juliet's Diary
I never believed in love at first sight until I met him. I only believed it was something dreamt up by the travelling minstrels who would sing about in the stories and parties and celebrations. I thought that as a child the only thing my future held was marriage, bearing children and being a wife, sharing the same fate as my mother. I never believed in love at first sight, I couldn't afford to, but when I met him nothing else mattered except that person across the room. In the stories there is always a happy ending no matter the circumstances, but this is reality and I have to remember there might not be a happy ending for me. I will swallow this liquid and sleep awaiting my rescue from the dark family tomb and I will dream of what my happy ending could be if this plan were to work
Nobody knows the reason why there is this feud, not even the oldest man in Verona and he is almost 50. If nobody knows the reason to this then why is there still fighting on the streets? Aren't we supposed to be civilized? If there was no feud I might be with Romeo now and these words on this paper would be different; I might not be writing at all, to absorbed in making my husband happy. But there is fighting and there is death and I have to accept this, I just can't hide behind my nurses skirts anymore, assuming that she will protect me, but maybe she will help me with one more thing since I don't think I can do this by myself. She might understand, she could help and support me, making sure I drink it, Now I am just trying to fool myself, she wouldn't do that; she would tell there is another solution or just say that I am better off with Paris again but I can't settle for that option. Father, I want to make you happy and marry Paris but I already have a husband and I either defy the law of this house or the law of the country and of God. I hope you could understand Father I want to make you proud I just can't, I have to become an adult and take my future from your hands and grab my destiny from the stars, I need to control them myself.
I have to leave my stronghold and pray I will be safe in the adult world I can't depend on protection anymore. I'm an adult now; there was a celebration where I was presented to the world as one. I still have my presents from that night, all the beautiful jewels which remind me I am an adult but I still feel like a child. I wish I could be one again; there wasn't the time to face up to responsibilities, only the time to play. I'm so scared, all the writing is a mess I can't stop my hand from shaking. I could turn back now throw the bottle out of the window and hide the dagger, run to my father and beg for his forgiveness. My hand is reaching for it almost by itself, I want to get rid of it but it's there and I have to drink it. Every time I look at it, it feels as though it is speaking in my mind saying I must drink it, saying my marriage will be found out sooner or later, it's teasing me, laughing at me, it says I'm just a young girl what would I know about the world, I'm a coward, too scared to drink it from fear of death, am i a horrible person, why is it becoming so hard to trust the friar and Romeo. It's almost threatening me to drink it. I will, as soon as I have finished writing. The dagger looks beautiful with the candle light gently reflecting off it, the handle fits perfectly with my hand, something that looks so beautiful but is so dangerous, it feels wrong for me to hold it, but it also feels right almost as if I will hold it again soon and at that time I will be certain of my future.
Can I really take this option and be with Romeo? Disaster could be coming closer as write this and I wouldn't know. I might wake up too early, I might wake up too late, and I might not wake up at all. What if I wake up and Romeo isn't there? Would I just sit there being blinded by the sight of darkness and choked by the stench of death, still holding onto a glimmer of hope that he will come and dreaming of my new life with him? But he wouldn't betray me, would he? No of course not! I have to trust him; I have no choice. I have to place my life in his and the Friars hands, it's either theirs or my fathers' but there is a reason our families are fighting; maybe the Capulets and Montagues were friends at one point and one betrayed the other, and even though I am his wife I am still the daughter of his family's enemy. Perhaps I will wake up too early and see the body of one of the people who has cared for me the most throughout my life, Would he hate me if he knew I had betrayed him and our family that has fed, clothed and looked after me for 15 years? I might be the person who will betray my lover, I don't know if I could be with the person who killed Tybalt, the one person who comforted me as I cried when we were children, the young boy who helped me up when I fell, my cousin who carried me home on his back because I was too tired to walk even though he was about to collapse from exhaustion. Could I really run away with the person who killed my most beloved cousin? Maybe I won't have a chance to betray Romeo if I wake up too early since I might have already gone mad from Tybalt's lifeless eyes staring at me, accusing me of conspiring with his enemy, his killer. I will know when I see Tybalt's body.