The punching bag flew off its chains and slammed against the opposite wall, knocking paint and dust off the cement. Steve didn't even register the sound, only that there was suddenly a lack of resistance beneath his fists. His mind cleared for a moment and he became aware of the world around him once again. With a sigh he ran a hand through his hair, grimly tracing the rough bandage on his temple as he did so. He had been having trouble focusing lately, as the cut on his head so cruelly reminded him.
It was all Tony's fault too. If that smug bastard had shown up for training today when he was supposed to Steve wouldn't have been so distracted and he would never allowed Hawkeye such an easy shot. Judging by the marksman's lousy shot he was just as surprised by what had happened as Steve was. If Clint had been trying there was no way he'd be here now.
Chest rising and falling with heavy breaths the Captain set up his next bag and resumed his relentless exercise. It had all gotten worse once Tony had arrived, two hours late and drunk. Steve had yelled and ranted for a decent half hour but Tony had just laughed it off. It didn't matter what he said, the man just didn't seem to understand what it meant to be part of a team. The need to practice and learn how to work with each other's strengths and weaknesses was essential. Not to mention knowing when to follow orders.
But Tony never followed orders. In training or out in the field. He wouldn't respect Steve's authority and never did what he was told. Strategy and planning meant nothing to him. He did what he wanted, to hell with the others. He didn't care. It drove Steve up the wall. It made him want to take Tony outside and throttle him. Or shove him against a wall and fuck him until neither of them could stand. Which is exactly what he had done today. Because that was slightly more acceptable than beating him into a bloody pulp.
BAM! Steve's fist nearly went through the punching bag that time. The more he thought about it the angrier he got. No one should be able to rile him up this much. Least of all Tony Stark.
The worst part of it all was that when it came down to it, Tony's maverick approach usually worked. He had yet to get himself killed and on a whole they had a pretty good track record. As if the smug bastard needed his ego inflated any more. It was infuriating to watch him strutting around after a battle with that smirk on his face.
Which brought him right back to the 'fuck or fight' issue. Or down here to the basement to beat up bags until his hands were numb and/or bloody. Whichever came first.
And it was at just that moment that the bane of Steve's existence decided to pop downstairs. Tony Stark, already in full red-and-gold regalia.
"Wonder Boy, there's some kind of a terrorist threatening the city with his giant flying contraption." He said, tossing a waterbottle at the blonde. "No time to shower off. Put your nose to the grind, stinky, suit up and meet us right out front. Everyone else's waiting."
And just like that, the door was closing behind him.
One last punch sent that bag sailing across the room as well. Where the hell did Tony get off giving him orders? Like he was the leader or something.
Minutes later Steve had pulled on his suit, grabbed his shield, and was jogging out the front doors to meet the others.
"Where's Tony?" he asked, noting immediately that their team was down by one.
"Flew off." Bruce shrugged, obviously feeling very uncomfortable about joining the fray. "Said he wanted an initial assessment of the situation, so he went to scout ahead or whatever. Told us to wait for you."
Steve could already hear his teeth grinding. He'd flown off. On his own. Again. No plan, no warning, no back up. The idiot either had a death wish or a personal vendetta against basic common sense.
"Alright, we'll meet him there. Natasha debrief on the situation on the way." he said with a nod to the young woman. "Alright, let's move out."
"It's some terrorist who goes by the title Halcyon thinks he's going to better the world by destroying all the technology in the world except for his." Natasha explained as they started to make their way to where they would intercept their newest 'bad guy.' "He thinks that when he's the only person on the planet in charge of tech, there won't be any more conflict over it, because it will all be controlled by him."
Steve nodded along, already formulating a plan in his head. The best thing to do would be to take out the terrorist's tech before he could use it against them or anyone else. Have Hawkeye pin point and take out individual targets from a distance while the rest of them distracted him by engaging head on.
He couldn't ignore how irresponsibly Tony had acted by taking off on his own. He was probably in the most danger out of any of them. Rushing in with some half-baked plan instead of waiting for the team would get him killed.
"He has some kind of a jet armed with all sorts of horrible things that he's taking to the ElectriCity Headquarters and plans on taking it out completely. Which will make the entire city lose power to all of its trains and subways, all of which are packed with people this kind of day."
"A very dangerous situation." Bruce pointed out breathlessly, not a fan of all the running.
Steve nodded as they ran, knowing better than to waste his breath on unnecessary words. While he didn't understand much about modern technology he knew enough to understand what losing power would mean to the city. People trapped in subways, traffic lights going out and a whole slew of other problems he didn't even want to think about right now.
A dangerous situation indeed.
When they finally approached the general area where Halcyon was spotted, they were quite alarmed to see his jet hovering harmlessly in midair. The cockpit was open, and Tony was sitting at the edge, having a chat with the terrorist. It was impossible to hear what about, but if the look on Tony's face was any indication, it appeared to be a rather pleasant conversation. He was even laughing.
Blood pounding in his ears and his fingers tightening into fists Steve barely managed to keep himself from calling out to the final member of his team. Tony was laughing. Laughing! He clearly wasn't taking this seriously.
As if he ever did.
"Alright team, while Tony has him distracted I want us to set up a perimeter. Hawkeye, you see that building there? Set up on the roofs, I want you covering from above. Natasha you're covering him. Bruce, I want you two blocks down keeping an eye on things from the back. If anything starts to go wrong you know what to do. I'll draw his fire after you, Thor," he said, turning to the god, "retrieve Tony."
Thor grinned and began to swing his hammer. Before he could even respond, he was off, barreling through the air. One arm hooked around Tony's waist, he was back down in front of Steve in a few seconds.
The jet in midair instantly spun around, the cockpit closed, and Halcyon's voice blared over several ear-splitting speakers.
"You lied to me, Stark! Forget it!"
"Goddamn it, Steve, you ruined what I was trying to do!" Tony barked, trying to shove Thor off him.
"Whatever you were trying to do was risky and stupid." Steve snapped back. "If you had talked to anyone about this, maybe we could have backed you but you decided to take off on your own again! Maybe you should have considered just how much danger you were putting yourself in."
There it was again. That feeling. The stress and the anger and the need for some physical outlet. If he didn't get himself under control soon he might lose it altogether.
Needing a distraction he turned to Thor. "Take the roof opposite Hawkeye, you'll take over drawing his fire once I get into position to defend from below. "
"You were too busy beating the snot out of punching bags to get there quick enough, so yeah, I took off before you could start barking orders down my neck." Tony snapped right back. "And for your information, what I was trying to do was working until you screwed it up!"
He was standing inches from Steve at this point, everyone else dispersed to their jobs assigned by the appointed Captain. Alone, the two of them stood in front of each other in the middle of the street, with pedestrians running and screaming in all directions.
"I was 'beating the snot out of punching bags' as you say, because of this! You're impulsive attitude. You have no respect for me, for the team, for power you wield!" Steve shouted. "You're like a child, everything is a game! You need to recognize what is really going on and grow up, we have a job to do and we can't work together if you don't know how to follow direction!"
"What's going on is a terrorist wanting to take over the world's electricity, and it just so happens I am the current leading name in electricity! I was going to lure him back to my tower with the promise of a business proposition and take him out on familiar ground, with familiar weaponry! But you wouldn't know JACK SHIT about how to work around modern technology! You aren't fit to be the leader of this mission, just like I would be unfit to lead a mission about women's hair care products!"
"You can't make decisions like that on your own! How many times do I have to explain that? What I don't know about technology I make up for with my knowledge of strategy. I have a plan, Tony. A real, well thought out plan. Not some half baked scheme I couldn't be bothered to tell anyone about! I'm sick of you only thinking of the glory instead of what's best for everyone!"
"I am completely capable of making decisions on my own!" Tony countered, stepping just a little closer to Steve. "I've been doing it all my life, and it's worked pretty fucking well so far, considering I'm not dead! I'm an adult, Steve, and I am never going to roll over and let you take charge because like it or not, I know what I'm doing!"
With that being said, he fired up his suit and took off flying with the last word, leaving Steve fuming on the street.
The need to scream and rage and destroy bubbled up inside Steve like bile in his throat. It was sickening but he knew if he simply let it go he would feel so much better for it. But it was undignified, unmilitary and wholly unprofessional. As always the warrior in him won out and he maintained his composure, back straight, head high but a fire burning in his eyes.
He had a job to do. He had to distract Halcyon so Hawkeye and Bruce could take him out. If they were lucky they could get this done before Tony caused too much damage or got himself killed.
However, their mission was proving to be much more difficult than they originally suspected. Steve's attempts to distract, Hawkeye's attempts to destroy, were all in vain. Whatever Halcyon had decided to make his jet out of, it was virtually impenetrable. Tony continued to buzz around overhead the jet and tried to blast it out of the sky in several different spots, but no one seemed to be making any headway.
Tony was smacked out of the air by a tendril-like metal appendage when he had aimed his thrusters at the bottom of the jet. Skidding across the pavement, he jumped to his feet. "The underside!" he said in a moment of epiphany. Looking back over his shoulder, he couldn't help but cringe when he noticed they were just three blocks away from the ElectriCity headquarters. "The underside's got to be the jet's weak point. It's the only place he's actually tried to stop me from attacking."
Firing up his thrusters again, he paused for a moment and groaned when he heard Steve call out to him.
"Yes, your hardassness?" he snapped, hovering a few inches off the pavement.
"If you're thinking of rushing into this then you're an idiot. He already stopped you once and your thrusters are too obvious. He'll see them coming and easily evade them." Steve said, sidling closer. "On the other hand he'll never see one of Hawkeye's arrows coming if we distract him. Help me hold his attention while we get Clint down here. Of we can hold him here long enough we should be able to stop him before he reaches his goal."
"Yeah, he'll see me coming if I come right at him from the front, but I don't know if you've noticed there aren't any rear view mirrors on that thing. If I loop around and come at him from behind, I can shoot out the bottom of his jet before he even knows I'm there." Tony argued. "And I can shoot it out much faster than shorty can get down to the ground level. He can't fly."
"He can move quickly when he needs to." Steve countered. "If you hit him from behind and miss he'll know you're there and it will just urge him forward. We need to place you between him and his objective." Steve hoped the reason in his argument would reach Tony. "He won't attack you, he didn't when you were hitting him before. Just for once Tony, let's try doing things my way."
"Whoa, whoa, what makes you think I'm going to miss? The size of his jet? I would have to literally be facing the other way to miss a target that big!" Tony snapped, his pride raising up to avoid another blow.
"It's a moving target Tony! If you miss our chance is lost. We all have particular skills Tony. Let Hawkeye use his."
He was begging now. He knew he was and he hated himself for it. It was weak and desperate but he needed Tony to see how important that was. And if that meant sacrificing his pride he would do so. Tony certainly wouldn't.
"Yeah it's a moving target, but I'm a moving person, Steve. You say we all have our skills, and my skill is flying and shooting. That's all I can do in this suit, and you seem to think I can't shoot a moving target the size of a barn!"
"I think you're being an idiot! If you miss and he realizes you know his weak point he'll kill you! Why can't you understand that?" Steve was shouting again. "Is the glory worth so much to you that you're willing to put you life on the line unnecessarily to be sure the no one else gets any recognition?"
"It's not about glory you closed-minded asshole! You are so wrapped up in your own little soldier head that you can't accept the fact that other people are capable of making decisions! You HATE IT when I do something right and you didn't tell me to do it, because it makes you a little bit less useful! Flying and shooting is all I'm good for, and you're trying to take away half of MY usefulness just because you want me to follow your orders! The fact of the matter is, I can fly right up to the jet, I don't have to take a shot from the ground like Clint, and I'm NOT going to miss! Why don't you have any faith in me, I don't fail on the battlefield, and I never have!"
He began to fly off.
Without thinking, as if it was instinctive, Steve raised his arm and threw his shield, hitting Tony in the shoulder and causing him to lose the little altitude he had. He was beside the man seconds after he hit the ground and quickly latched onto him, gripping his arm so tight he probably would have fractured it had it not been for the suit.
"You're not listening to me Tony." he hissed. "Yes, I want you to follow my orders, but not because it makes me feel less useful. I don't give a damn about that. I spent most of my life being useless, I can handle it. What I care about is the team and keeping all of us safe. If that means barking orders and beating some respect into you I will. Now you will go along with this plan, you will do what I say and you won't complain. Understand Mr. Stark?"
Lying on the ground with a super-strong man standing over him, a vision of blonde fury, Tony felt the hot rage that had been boiling inside him suddenly get doused under a wave of frigid terror. Steve was all authority, all muscle, he was raw power. Tony paled as he felt the pressure on his arm through the suit. Steve could punch a hole through his head, break the concrete, and end him within the time it took for the billionaire to blink.
For a long time they had been intimate. For a long time, Tony had allowed the older man to take him, use him, and almost abuse him. He got his own gratification out of it. But to realize what he'd been doing, and to realize it so suddenly… his head was spinning.
At any time, Steve could have ended him. He could have thrusted just a little harder and broken his back, he could have pulled his hair just a little bit rougher, and snapped his neck. The number of times he had the opportunity to put out Tony's lights… the fear rooted in his stomach and sent ice spiraling through his nervous system.
Here was that same man, angry, holding onto him. Holding him down. He was powerless. His only option would be to raise his other hand and blast him, but not only would that start a fight they didn't have time for right now, but it probably wouldn't even work considering how tightly his arm was being held.
"Yeah. Okay." Tony muttered, casting his eyes away, unable to keep his voice from shaking, unable to look into those burning blue eyes anymore.
Steve dropped Tony's arm so it fast it was as if the metal had burned him. He had never thought his speech would work. If he had known all it would take to get Tony to fall in line was to let him see how royally pissed off he really was...he probably would have done it a long time ago.
Or maybe not. He didn't like the way Tony was avoiding his eyes. He didn't like the perceived weakness in that compliance. He wanted respect, not fear. Knowing he had managed to make Tony Stark, one of the most confident and brave men on the planet, fear him made his skin crawl.
"Yeah. Good. Alright, you remember what I said?" he asked, desperate to get away from this conversation and get back in the action.
"Mh."
Tony offered no other words. He was off in a second, speeding forward to catch up with the jet, which had made its way halfway down the next block.
Steve shook himself and gave the signal to Hawkeye and Thor. Once they had joined him on the ground he debriefed them on the new plan and took off after Tony, his powerful legs carrying him down the length on the street in seconds. He needed to help Tony hold the man back. Leaving him alone was too risky.
Halcyon, however, seemed to pick up on their plan almost immediately.
"Cameras, Stripes. They're quite the innovation!" came his voice over the intercom.
Tony felt a spike shoot through him and he groaned as he realized how badly he was going to be ridiculed for that later. He could already hear Steve, "What if you'd gone rushing in, and he would have seen you with those cameras!"
His jet went flying backwards in time to miss the arrow that Hawkeye shot forward, which made the archer visibly upset. He never missed.
Zooming in with that same camera, Halcyon watched as the quiver on the archer's back spun to attach the tip to another shaft. It was electrical. His attention was then focused on something else – Tony Stark shooting blast after blast at his windshield. A tiny, hair-sized crack appeared at the side of his windshield.
In a moment of panic, he unleashed his secret weapon, that he had been saving for the ElectriCity headquarters. Lucky for him, it could be used more than once.
Slamming his fist down on the button in question, a wave was sent out all around him.
Standing right next to Steve, the Captain was the first to notice Clint's quiver light up and go dead. The archer cursed, and it didn't take much for him to realize that the jet had just sent out an EMP wave.
And in the next instant, the jet was plummeting from the sky. It had been affected by its own EMP.
"It looks like it's sending out a continual wave. If we found the way to shut off the wave, everything electric would probably start functioning again within seconds." Bruce observed as he looked over the archer's quiver.
"I want you, Hawkeye and Natasha on that jet. Now." Steve barked. "Thor you're with me."
Tony.
The name reverberated in his mind as his eyes searched the skies for their friend. He hadn't seen Tony go down having been too busy watching Halcyon but if that wave interfered with everything electrical there was no way the Iron Man suit would still be functioning. And Tony had been so high up...
He found himself praying for a miracle. Maybe Tony's suit had managed to hold out long enough for him to get out of range. Maybe he had directed his fall and ended up going through a window to a softer landing. Maybe he was alright.
However, as he turned the side of the jet, all his hopes shattered. Tony was lying on the ground, writhing from side to side, his movement jerking and strange. The mask was up, his face exposed – eyes wide and frightened. He closed them, coughed, his back arched and he groaned.
The light in his chest had gone out.
Steve felt his face pale and in that moment he was the scared, uncertain, skinny kid from Brooklyn again. Tony was there on the ground, dying right in front of him and there was nothing he could do.
"Have you figured it out yet?" he yelled at the others, falling to his knees and pulling Tony onto his lap. "We need that thing shut down now!"
Tony's eyes were open again, staring unseeingly upwards as he choked. He was clearly having trouble breathing, and he continued to writhe on Steve's lap. Tears of effort and fear were collecting at the corners of his eyes, and with the next blink they were sent sliding down the sides of his face.
"Halcyon's activated a failsafe!" Bruce called out the cockpit of the jet, while Natasha tied up the terrorist in question. "We can't just pry up the button, or the EMP will never turn off!"
"Figure it out!" he shouted. He slid one arm under Tony's knees and the other under his back and easily lifted the fallen man. "How far do I need to go to get him out of range of that thing?"
"I can't say exactly – probably at least five hundred feet!" Bruce called. "Maybe more! Keep going down the blocks until you see traffic lights on again!"
Steve didn't even have time to nod before he started running. He couldn't remember ever running so fast in his life. Running after Nazi terrorists seemed like a morning jog in comparison now. The muscles in his legs were burning under the strain and Tony's writhing form was heavy in his arms. Still he pushed himself, not stopping until he was sure he was seeing signs of electricity. Only then did he slow to a stop and gently lower Stark to the ground.
"You!" he shouted, pointing to the first person he saw, in this case a teenage boy sitting in front of an apartment building. "Call an ambulance. This man is badly injured. Now!"
The boy didn't hesitate, immediately pulling out his cellphone.
The light in Tony's chest began to flicker, and then came back to life. His body was still spasming gently, and his eyes were still wide open. His breathing was irregular, his gaze unfocused, and his fingers clenched tightly in the material of Steve's sleeves.
"It's going to be alright Tony." Steve said softly, letting the other man cling to him. He wouldn't have denied him anything in that moment, especially not a simple comfort like a sleeve to hold onto. If it was a comfort. Maybe he was holding onto him out of anger, as Steve had grabbed Tony's arm earlier. Just because he couldn't voice it didn't mean he didn't feel it.
Steve wouldn't blame him if he was angry. He wouldn't even fault him for hating him right now. Everything that had happened was his fault. If he had listened to Tony's plan instead of sending him in front Tony would be laughing over their victory right now, instead of trembling in Steve's arms. If he died that blood would be on his hands, no one else's.
"Ambulance'll be here in ten minutes, mister Captain sir." The teen said from the stairs of the apartment building.
Steve nodded, but didn't look away from Tony's face. His eyes were slowly coming into focus, and at the same time, slowly starting to close.
"Tony, you gotta stay with me." Steve begged, giving the scientist a little shake, trying to rouse him. "Keep your eyes open Tony! That's an order!"
"I think I've had enough of your orders." Tony muttered tiredly, wincing at a sharp pain in his chest.
Steve knew that such flippant remarks were usually meant to be humorous but he couldn't find it in him to laugh. He was too frightened to be anything but serious.
"This is the last one Tony. If you follow this order you'll never hear another one from me." he promised.
Tony's fingers were beginning to loosen on Steve's arms, his eyes still fluttering. "I didn't… know… mh…" he winced again, the pain in his chest worsened. "That EMP… I didn't know it would affect my –"
He seized up and coughed, blood shooting from his mouth and flecking across Steve's cheek.
"Don't talk, you're only going to make it worse." Steve said. He took Tony's hand from his arm and held it tightly in his own. "You can explain to everyone later. For now you just need to hold on until the ambulance gets here."
But Tony didn't catch the last part of his sentence. His eyes closed and his head fell back, lips slightly parted. The boy on the stairs cried out in fear, as if he thought it were somehow his fault. Tony's whole body went limp in Steve's arms, and with the suit on it was damn near impossible to tell if he was breathing or not.
"Tony! Tony, wake up!" Steve screamed, shaking the unconscious man as if he was just sleeping. This couldn't happen, not like this, not now. He wasn't going to lose Tony over a stupid mistake.
He was still shouting when the ambulance pulled up next to them. He didn't stop until the paramedics pulled Tony out of his arms onto the stretcher and then he was silent. He didn't say a word as he followed them into the vehicle, didn't move the entire ride to the hospital. He only spoke as they were wheeling him into the emergency room, giving them Pepper's name and number before falling into one of the waiting room chairs, resuming his previous stupor.
Pepper was breathless when she arrived, tears smearing her makeup down her cheeks. She fell to her knees in front of Steve, her hands on either side of him on the arm rests.
"What happened." She demanded breathlessly, her voice cracking with tears.
Steve blinked a few times, his eyes slowly coming into focus. Long seconds passed before Pepper's words pierced the growing fog in his mind but when they did it was like a blinding ray of sun, burning away all the uncertainty and throwing his guilt into sharp relief. He cringed, pulling as far away from Pepper and her terrified tears as the chair would allow.
"We had a mission," he started.
And then it all came pouring out. His annoyance at Tony taking off on his own, his plan, his and Tony's fight, how it was his orders that had resulted in this. How, if it hadn't been for him Tony would be home having a drink right now. It rolled out of him, wave after wave that only made him feel worse but dried the tears on Pepper's cheeks, turning her fear to angry resolve.
"So what now?" she asked when he was done. "What's your strategy now?"
Bleary eyes opened, tears pouring down Tony's face as he regained consciousness. Not from sadness, or fear, or even pain. Tears were running down his face from the moment he regained consciousness.
His eyes flickered open, but he wanted to keep them closed for now. He wanted a few more hours of blissful unconsciousness. He knew Steve would be there, ready to tear right into him about how stupid and reckless he was and how easily he could have been killed.
But it wasn't Steve's voice he heard – a doctor's instead.
"You're very lucky to be alive right now, Mr. Stark. And you probably hear that a lot more than most people do."
Chocolate eyes opened and stared around the room. Pepper was sleeping in a chair beside his bed with her legs pulled up modestly beneath her, leaning over the arm rest. But Steve was nowhere to be found.
"That thing in your chest – I don't remember what it's called – "
"Arc Reactor." Tony interrupted, not thrilled with it being called a "thing."
"Right… well it made for a very, very difficult surgery. We can't get close to your heart with our tools because of the magnet, and we can't afford to turn off the reactor because of the proximity of the shards. If that reactor of yours ever goes out again… you have a window of about thirty seconds to get it up and running before those shards get into your heart and tear it up from the inside out."
Tony paled and icy fear gripped him again. He hadn't thought it would be that severe, but he was literally a dead man walking now. He would have to come up with a failsafe, and fast.
The doctor left after a few minutes of checking vitals, and Tony turned to Pepper. Reaching out, he gently shook her awake.
"Pepper… Pepper, where's Steve?"
He froze for a moment as Pepper slowly blinked into consciousness. He had meant to say something else. Anything else! "How are you?" perhaps, or "How long have you been there?" or even "So hey, I'm not dead!"
But the first thing out of his mouth was Steve's name. He flushed.
Pepper didn't answer immediately. She hugged Tony first and fussed with his pillows, chattering on about how lucky he was and how long he would have to stay in the hospital and don't you even think about leaving early, everything except his question. She was stalling, clearly.
God, how mad was he?
"Pepper!" Tony finally snapped, cutting off her review of his new schedule. "Where is Steve?"
"Gone." she answered. "He left once you came out of surgery."
Tony groaned and went limp on his pillow, finally raising his hand to wipe away the strange tears. "Probably went back to the tower to write a novel on how stupid I am in battle." He grunted, wiping his nose on his forearm, which had almost begun to run.
"No Tony." Pepper said, settling back into her seat. She picked up a box of tissues and handed them to him. "He's gone. He quit. Steve said he was going to get back his things and then he's leaving."
"WHAT?!"
He hadn't meant to shout quite so loudly, and sitting up that fast probably wasn't a good idea.
"And you just let him go?! Where's he going, did he say?!"
"I didn't ask, lay down!" Pepper responded, on her feet in a moment, trying to coax him back down onto his pillows. "And yes I just let him go. I thought it was best. He did nearly get you killed."
"No, he - !" but Tony couldn't really argue. If memory served, Steve did nearly get him killed, but that didn't mean he wanted him to go away. "Look, just get ahold of him, and get him here. Tell him I'm ordering him. And if you don't get him here, so help me, I'll get on my own two feet and get him myself."
"I don't know how to get ahold of him. He doesn't have a cell phone, I don't know where he's going and he's probably left the tower by now. You've been out for three hours and he doesn't have much to pack. He doesn't even have credit cards we could use to trace him. He's gone Tony." she explained calmly, praying Tony would let this go.
"Then you get off your ass and you track him down on foot or I will!" Tony said, clearly up in arms about this. "I am prepared to march right out of this hospital to find him because goddamn it as much as I hate him I'm not letting him go!"
And just like that, the tears were back before Tony even knew they were coming.
"Tony, Tony, please calm down." Pepper begged putting and arm around her boss's shoulders. "I'll send someone to track him down but I don't know how much good it will do. Why is this so important to you?"
Tony hunched over on the cot, shaking his head and gripping the material of the sheets. He watched as dark, wet splotches appeared, as tears dripped off his nose. He didn't know why he was crying, he wasn't sad.
"I just… I don't want him to go, alright? Just… bring him home."
"I'll try. But I can't make any promises. And if you try to leave this hospital one minute before the doctors say you can I'll have you tranquilized. You understand?" Pepper said, using her most threatening 'you-will-do-as-I-say-because-I-know-what's-best-so-there' voice.
Tony shook his head again, but said nothing. He clenched the blankets tighter in his fists and his body tensed before he allowed Pepper to lay him back down.
"Don't just try." Tony said suddenly, grabbing her hand as she made her way to leave the room to make phone calls. "Bring him back. I can't… th-the team needs him, okay? Don't let him talk you out of bringing him back. I need him."
Pepper shook her head. What he was asking seemed impossible but she had never seen Tony so adamant. Not when it came to other people.
"You really care about him that much?" she asked.
"I just… I need him." Tony repeated, turning his head to look out the window. A lump had formed in his throat, and he got the feeling it wouldn't go away until he saw Steve again.
"I can see that." Pepper said, placing her hand on Tony's for a second, offering the little comfort she could. Then the touch was gone and she was at the door, already punching numbers into her phone. "I'll bring him back Tony. But it might take a while. Until then just try to put it out of your mind. If you don't you won't get better."
Somehow, Tony doubted he would be able to put it out of his mind.
He laid there for days, getting word back every few hours on the process. It sounded like Steve had vanished off the face of the earth. Tony had Pepper scanning cameras, looking high and low across the city. He had her checking outbound busses, trains, ferries and airplanes for any sign of him, he had her looking at homeless shelters and motels, and still he couldn't seem to be found.
Nine days passed, and with every day that went by without any news on Steve, Tony's condition seemed to deteriorate. He wasn't eating, and was dropping weight by the pound, his heart rate was unsteady, he was up to four IV's, and still the doctors couldn't seem to find out what was wrong.
It wasn't until they finally sent in a therapist for the man did they make any headway.
"It's not the first time we've seen it," the doctor explained to Pepper over the phone. "But it's not terribly common to see people dying of a broken heart."
Pepper could hardly believe her ears. A broken heart? Tony Stark, who feared commitment and emotional ties more than death was dying of a broken heart? It didn't seem possible. She knew Tony wasn't an emotionless man and she knew that he and Steve had had a physical relationship for some time (it was hard to hide that kind of thing, living in close quarters and knowing each other as well as she and Tony did) but it was a shock to discover how far Tony had let it go. She had assumed it was casual, a way to work off the stress and tension that so often resulted when the two men were in a room together for more than five minutes. But seeing Tony now she couldn't deny it.
"You could have told me you love him." she said, coming into Tony's room and sitting down on the bed next to him. "Or are you still in denial about it?"
"Have you found him?" Tony asked, completely glazing over her question.
"We have a lead." Pepper sighed. "Nothing certain yet but someone claims to have seen him up near the border. I've got people doing interviews and follow ups, checking every possible avenue for smuggling someone into Canada but if he's crossed the border this is only going to get harder."
"I'm about thirty seconds from getting up and looking for him myself." Tony warned quietly, turning his head so she couldn't see how sunken his eyes had become. He hadn't been sleeping really, unless he was artificially put under, for health's sake. He felt sick and weak and angry and scared… so, so scared.
"Tony, you're not going anywhere." Pepper told him. "You wouldn't make it ten feet. What you're going to do now is talk to me. I want to know what's going on. Please, let me help you."
Something inside Tony bloomed open. Maybe it was the fact that he'd already spoken to a therapist about it, maybe it was the fact that he trusted Pepper. He talked and talked, about how his hatred for Steve metamorphosed into lust, into love. About how he resented him, how he couldn't possibly live without him.
He talked about his childish need to get Steve as angry as possible, for fun. He talked about how he felt when they laid next to each other in bed after their passionate, angry trysts, how he felt when Steve would roll over and take him into his arms, pull him against his chest.
He talked about how his heart would flutter when Steve complimented him, and how his heart would soar when they skipped fucking and went right to making love.
He talked about how he ached when Steve was truly angry with him, and how he hated his childish need to always get the last word with him. He talked about how he wished he could make up when it got to times like that, but his pride always got in the way.
"I never thought I'd be the type to fall in love…" he was almost whispering, voice hoarse, his tears matching the ones rolling down Pepper's cheeks.
"Oh Tony," Pepper whispered, reaching over and pulling him into her arms, holding him as tightly as she could. It wasn't enough, they both knew that, but it was all she had. Tony was so open and vulnerable right now and it broke her heart to see him like this. There was nothing she could have denied him at that moment. "I never could have imagined...We'll find him, I promise we'll find him."
The days seemed to grow longer, blending into each other as they stretched on, with still no sign of Steve. Tony was put on a respirator, and he spent the majority of his days crying without realizing tears were there. He usually just stared out the window of his room, speaking occasionally to the nurses and to Pepper before he retreated once again within himself.
"There's no medication for heartbreak." The doctor reminded Pepper one day, three weeks after Steve's disappearance. "We're losing him."
Pepper watched Tony slipping farther and farther away. He was fading, anyone could see it. His fellow Avengers certainly did, the few times they came to visit. Tony had forbidden Pepper from telling them what was going on but they seemed to know. Not the details but enough to know better than to ask. For that at least she was grateful. She didn't think she had the energy left to lie to them.
Every minute of her day was filled with searching for Steve, so much so that her usual duties were falling to the side and she had to work doubly hard to catch back up. At this rate she was going to have a heart attack of her own. But she didn't think about that. All that mattered was finding the wayward hero. The problem was that he was always two steps ahead of them. They'd found a trail after the first tip but they could never seem to pin him down. He was too quick, too smart.
Then, almost two weeks after her talk with Tony, Pepper got a break. Steve was in a motel in a small town called Caledonia. Within an hour Pepper was on Tony's helicopter, heading for the border.
Tony brightened up for the first time in weeks, sitting up and waiting anxiously. He constantly checked his phone for news, looking at the clock constantly and cursing time for passing only one minute at a time.
It didn't take much to bribe the motel owner into handing over Steve's room number and key. Pepper eagerly let herself in and was immediately taken aback. The room was a mess. Clothes everywhere, the bed unmade, phone off its hook. Nothing at all like what Steve's room at the tower had been like. He had always been the neatest of all of them, thanks to lingering habits from his military days. For a moment Pepper thought she had walked into the wrong room.
Then she saw him. The slumped figure of Steve Rogers sitting on the edge of his bed, back to the door.
"Guess you found me." he said quietly. "Did Tony send you?"
Pepper stepped into the dimly lit room and closed the door behind her. "Yes. He wants me to bring you back."
Steve sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Why? Is he going to have me executed for my mistake or does he just want to rub his superiority in my face? As if I don't feel bad enough."
"Neither. He says he wants me to bring you home."
Steve's whole body stiffened. Home? How could anyone call that tower home? Sure he'd lived there but that didn't make it a home. He'd lived on army bases and those felt more like home than Stark Tower ever had. At the tower he was always tense, always angry, the only time he ever relaxed was when he and Tony were laying in bed together after screwing and Tony let him hold him for a few minutes, allowing him to pretend it meant something more. Then they were back at each other's throats and he realized how stupid it was to think like that. That wasn't a home.
"Why? I thought he'd be glad I was gone. He never stops complaining about me."
"He's dying, Steve. He's dying, because he's worrying about you. He needs you." Pepper said, not daring to walk any closer. "He needs you to come back with me, and talk to him. For his own sake, or he will die. His heart is breaking, and I don't think it can take much more abuse."
Steve laughed hollowly. "He needs me? I almost got him killed. I'm the last thing he needs. Besides, he doesn't even like me. Saying something like that is a cruel lie. I thought you were better than that."
Pepper's fists shook and she stormed across the carpet, seized Steve's shoulder, and shoved him around to look at her.
"I am NOT about to let Tony die in a hospital room because you are being too stubborn to come apologize. Running away like a coward isn't fixing anything! Hiding in Canada doesn't erase what has happened, and as much as I would like you to disappear from Tony's life forever, he's currently dying because he thinks he's lost you! You are going to get on your feet, you are going to march with me to that helicopter, and you are going to face Tony or God help me I will drag you back myself."
Steve came dangerously close to responding with "Sir, yes sir!"
Too shocked to argue or say anything at all Steve just nodded and let himself be pulled to his feet and marched out the door. He had always known there must be a reason Pepper was the only person Tony ever listened to but he had always supposed it was something like an embarrassing photograph she threatened to release to the public or something like that. He hadn't expected her to be so fierce.
Feeling pretty smug Pepper shoved some of Steve's disheveled clothes in his bag and followed him onto the helicopter. Once they were all buckled in and the pilot had begun their take off she pulled out her phone and sent Tony one short message.
Got him.
Tony felt like he could breathe for the first time in weeks. He laid down in his cot and fell asleep almost instantly, relief washing over him in peaceful waves. The lump in his throat finally, finally gone. He could rest easy, Steve would be there soon.
Steve had every intention of simply walking in, saying his apologies and walking right back out, but when he saw Tony sleeping on the hospital bed he froze. The picture before him was like something out of his nightmares. Tony was a shadow of himself. He was so thin he looked as if he hadn't eaten in weeks, and his skin was so pale it had turned grey, except around his eyes. The skin there was dark as if bruised, speaking of his exhaustion. It made Steve feel sick to his stomach to know he had put Tony in such a state.
He didn't move. He was still standing there in the doorway when Tony awoke, looking everywhere but at the man himself. He wanted to turn and run but he feared what Pepper might do to him if he did. He was pretty sure he could out run her but what she would do to him when she found him, he didn't even want to think about it.
"Dick. I didn't say you could leave." Was the first thing out of Tony's mouth.
He cursed himself. He had wanted to say a hundred thousand other things.
I waited for you.
I missed you.
I longed for you.
Why did you leave?
I can't live without you.
I'm glad you're back.
I love you.
Tears once more made their way into his eyes as he sat up, wincing as a pain shot through his chest.
Steve wanted to say something harsh back but seeing Tony in pain he couldn't do it. Instead he took two more steps inside and held out his arm to offer support but held himself back from actually reaching out and touching Tony himself. It wasn't that he didn't want to but after putting Tony in this condition he wasn't sure if he was still allowed.
"You shouldn't move too much. I'm not going to leave if you stay laying down." he said, his tone just short of scolding.
"Don't tell me what to do." Tony sighed and sagged, lying down a moment later and casting his eyes out the window. "Quit standing around would you? Take a seat. You're making me nervous."
His fingers tightened in his sheets, his body thrumming with excitement and dread and apprehension. His throat was tightening worse by the second, and he could feel his eyes watering involuntarily. He was trying to cover up the inundation of swirling emotions with cocky and clever words, but he doubted he was very convincing in his present state. He was thrilled, and he was frightened, and he was this close to breaking down into tears.
Steve was back. Steve was home.
It was almost too much for him to handle.
Hesitantly Steve took a few steps into the room and lowered himself into a chair. As soon as he was fully seated he felt himself come apart. Ever muscle seemed to relax at once so that he found himself slumped forward in his seat, his head dangling forward, eyes shut. He never would have allowed himself this kind of undignified stance before, it was unmilitary, unprofessional and all together not the way he wanted to be seen, but now he couldn't find the energy to right himself. He even wondered if he was crying but could not summon up the strength to check.
Tony was alive. He had known that he would survive before he left but he had never imagined it would be like this. Stark was a ghost of what he used to be and knowing that it was his fault made Steve's chest ache and his hands tremble.
The room was silent and heavy for a very long time. The only sound was the two men's breathing, Tony's much more shallow and pained. He was still looking out the window when he spoke, and his voice sounded… lost.
Lost, afraid, and close to tears.
"Why did you leave me?"
He hadn't meant for it to come out exactly like that. He wished he could have sounded angrier. He wished he didn't add 'me' on the end, and made it so damned personal. He wished he could take it back. The least he could do was avoid looking at Steve.
"I was scared."
The answer was so simple yet so hard for him to say. He was the great Captain America. He didn't get scared. And he certainly didn't admit it. But he couldn't lie to Tony. He couldn't sit there, before the very man who had caused him such terror, and lie about it. He had been scared when he left and he was scared now. That was the truth of it.
"Bastard."
The word was harsh, but Tony's voice was soft. It was as scared as Steve. Tony was as scared as Steve.
"Come here."
Lifting his blonde head, the ex-avenger witnessed a sight that made his heart ache and his stomach drop. Tony was looking directly at him, both arms outstretched – inviting.
Inviting Steve into his embrace.
Steve wanted so badly to throw himself into those welcoming arms, he was so desperate to let Tony embrace him and wash away all the pain that they had both endured but it was all so unreal. Tony never wanted to hold him or be held. Intimacy was so foreign to Tony that it almost seemed painful to him. The few times Tony did allow that kind of closeness he was always so stiff that Steve let him go before he wanted to.
Now that it was offered it was almost too much.
Steve stood and moved within Tony's reach, stopping just short of falling into those wonderful, welcoming arms.
"Why now?" He asked quietly. "You never want to touch me unless we're having sex. So why now?"
"Don't question me; I might come to my senses."
Seizing hold of the front of Steve's shirt, Tony pulled him forward onto the bed and jerked him close until he could wrap his arms all the way around the blonde.
He felt so solid. So real. He was really back, sitting dumbfounded in Tony's arms, still void of movement.
He could remain still as long as he wanted, as long as he didn't pull away. He felt so perfect in Tony's arms, the curve of his chest meeting the curve of Steve's ribcage. Chin to shoulder, nose to collarbone, inhaling his scent. So crisp and clean and Steve. Fingers tightened in the back of his plain white tee, and there was the unmistakable wetness of tears on his chest.
"You're not allowed to leave unless I tell you to. And that's an order. Got it?" he mumbled, sounding much less threatening than he meant to.
Steve nodded and lifted his arms to hold Tony loosely in his grip. It was different, being held instead of being the one doing the holding. It was nice. It was warm and comfortable and right.
"I could have gotten you killed." He muttered. It wasn't really an apology, just a statement, but nonetheless it was painful to say.
"Yeah, but I almost get myself killed a lot more often than you almost get me killed." Tony said noncommittally. "Figured it was your turn by now. Doesn't mean you're allowed to skip out on your duties. You're the leader of the team. We can't function without you. I'll deny it later if you ever bring it up again, so take it for what it is right now."
"You shouldn't be this kind." Steve said. His grip on Tony tightened, like he was trying to press his apology into Tony's skin and purge his guilt through their embrace. "You were right. I don't know what im doing. I act as though I understand but this isnt my time. I need to relearn everything. I can't be a good leader until I do that."
"Running away to Canada isn't the way to do that." Tony said, turning his head to the side and resting his cheek on Steve's pectoral. "Listening to your team is the way to do that. You aren't going to learn how to lead in this time period if you don't lead in this time period. It's a learning experience. It's about time you failed at something. But you can't give up. Weren't you mister try-five-times-to-get-enlisted?"
Steve laughed. "Those are classified files. No one is supposed to know that." He wasn't surprised though. If anyone was going to break into his records it would be Tony. It was kind of endearing, knowing he cared enough to look into his history.
"I want to be a good leader Tony. I was before but that was different. We were at war and everyone knew what was expected of them. This team is so chaotic, I don't even know how to begin."
"Then stop trying to put a whirlwind in a bottle. If it won't be contained, it won't. Work with it instead. Different times call for different measures. Or… keep doing what you're doing and see how long it takes for someone to end up back in the hospital."
"Its not just the team." Steve admitted. He felt himself blush. "Its you too. I don't know what to do with us. I don't know what you want or expect from me."
Tony felt his throat tighten, and the urge to flee came to the forefront of his mind.
"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now… for now, let's just focus on making it through this shit alive, m'kay?" he said hesitantly, desperately wishing that Steve would let it drop.
Steve sighed but said no more. He should have known Tony wouldn't be ready to talk about this yet. Sure the cuddling had been a surprise but with Tony one had to take things one step at a time. Trying to push for anything more was likely to send him running.
I don't want to lose him. Steve thought. I love him.It was a startling thought but he couldn't stop it. Once it was out it was stuck in his mind. He loved Tony. It was as simple as that.
Clearing his throat, Tony suddenly pushed Steve away by his chest. "Well, okay then. It's settled. You need to change your shirt and I need to find out if I'm allowed out of this sterile shithole." Ha patted Steve on the hip before throwing off his covers and teetering to his feet, making his way to the door. His bare feet stuck out awkwardly beneath the paper pajamas he'd been forced to wear, and he was clearly off-balance after spending so much time lying down. Clinging to the door jamb, he swallowed down a curse. He hated feeling weak, and it was even worse because he knew Steve could see him. He didn't want to be pitied, and he didn't want to be helped. He wanted to be capable, and he could barely stand. Anger filled him to cover up the helplessness, and he ground his teeth.
Steve stood up and moved to the door. He didn't take Tony into his arms, support him, as much as he would have liked to. But he stood beside him, his arms out and ready in case Tony needed it.
"I don't think you're supposed to be out of bed yet." he said mildly, trying to cover his concern.
"Yeah, well I don't like being told what to do." Tony said, leaning more fully on the door jamb and swatting away Steve's out stretched hands. "So, go sit down or something. I've got a Pepper to find."
However, he wasn't even one foot out the door when he was met face-to-face with, surprisingly, Clint. They blinked at one another, as if they were both surprised the other was there.
And then Bruce's voice –
"Tony? Are you supposed to be out of bed?"
Looking over Clint's shoulder, he saw the rest of the Avengers lined up behind the short man, Bruce, Thor, Natasha, even Pepper.
"Tony, oh my God, get back in bed!" Pepper cried, pushing past Thor, who stood aside quite quickly.
"Hey look, new record at Pepper hunting." Tony said, out stretching his arm and putting it over her shoulder in a friendly manner, to mask the fact that he was still feeling pretty weak in the legs.
"You get yourself back in that bed this instant! Honestly, Tony, what were you thinking?" she chastised, ushering him back into bed and fussing with his blankets. Steve watched with an odd mix of amusement and jealousy. Tony trusted and relied on Pepper in a way he would never let himself rely on Steve. It was good to know he could be that open with someone but at the same time it hurt to know it wasn't him.
He's still yours. Not hers. he reminded himself. Tony wanted him, at least a little. He wouldn't have sent for him otherwise.
Turning to his team he forced himself to smile. "So have you all been keeping up with your training?"
Instead of a response, he was suddenly swarmed by three sets of arms, belonging to Clint, Natasha and Bruce, all wrapped in a tight hug. Thor stepped up and put his arms around all four of them, giving a back-cracking hug.
"No," Cint answered with a wheeze a moment later.
"We've been waiting for you to get back." Natasha clarified, also wheezing from Thor's tight hug.
"In my defense, it's unsafe for me to go hulking around at the best of times." Bruce mumbled, suddenly very interested with the floor.
Steve rolled his eyes but couldn't maintain a suitably disdainful look. "You don't need me to train. Now I suppose you're going to expect me to get you back in shape. I hope you're all prepared."
He was trying to reprimand them but he knew he was smiling. His team had waited for him. They had missed him. They still wanted him, despite his mistakes.
It was more than he could have hoped for.
"So, looks like I'm out of here tomorrow!" Tony suddenly announced, as he felt that Steve was drawing close to tears.
"On bedrest at home." Pepper added austerely.
"Which means, he'll be off in the suit by noon." Bruce chuckled nervously.
"I've had Jarvis put the suits on lockdown." Pepper countered. "As is his lab, his cars and his motorcycles." She gave Tony her best "no-nonsense" look, "And that's that. I don't want any argument."
"I agree." Steve said, taking up his previous seat next to the bed. "Bed rest is what you need."
Tony let out a long, drawn-out groan, wriggling uncomfortably, "I've been resting for weeks now. I'm going stir crazy! If I don't get out and move soon, I'm gonna totally lose it."
"Tony," Bruce suddenly said, "Iron Man is as important to us as Captain America is."
"If you're not in tip top functioning shape," Clint cut in, "We can't function as a team."
"We need every part. Including you. If you go gallivanting off while you're in this state, chances are we're going to lose you." Natasha concluded. Thor was looking very awkward and clearly wasn't going to say anything.
Sagging on the mattress, Tony sighed heavily. "Fine. Fine, I'll rest more. But there is such a thing as too much rest I'll have you know. And you – " he pointed directly at Pepper. "You are going to have to deal with me after I'm finally off bedrest and I'm bouncing off the goddamn walls."
"Maybe Steve will be kind enough to keep you company for a while." Pepper responded. She shot Steve his own look, making it very clear what she meant.
I'd be happy to. Steve tried to communicate in his own silent way. He would be perfectly happy to sit by Tony's bedside for as long as it took for him to get better.
Tony snorted and looked over at Steve, an odd half-smile crossing his features.
"I said he couldn't go, that doesn't mean I want to spend every minute with him for the next week." He said rather jovially. "But I guess it's better than sitting around with no company at all."
Looking across the faces of his team – Pepper's stern expression matched by Steve's forced seriousness, Bruce's awkward, silent floor scuffing and Clint's stiff posture, Natasha's relaxed happiness and Thor's all around obliviousness – Tony just let himself relax. He'd been dangerously close to losing them – to losing everything.
He was a man of second and third chances. He wasn't going to mess it up this time.
Maybe he'd go to practice more often, just to shake things up.
If it'd keep Steve off his back.
Looking over at the blonde again, his expression softened. He'd been close to losing Steve, but he came back for him. For the worthless, cynical, unappreciative Tony Stark. He didn't deserve Steve. But then again, he didn't deserve a lot of the stuff he had.
Did he have Steve?
Yes, he decided.
Yeah, he's mine. Steve is definitely mine.