Disclaimer :If you recognize the names they belong to JE. Some are mine who just wanted to have a little play time with JE's gang. Not being paid just having fun.

Rangers POV:

Ever wake up knowing something is going to happen that will change your life. Change things so that your plan that you had worked out for yourself won't work anymore. That's where I'm at right now. I'm sitting up in my bed gasping to catch my breath. Not sure what woke me up or what was wrong but something in my gut was screaming at me that there was something wrong. I looked over at the clock and noticed it was slightly before 5am and figured I might as well just get up and start my day. I slide over to the edge of my bed and drop my head in my hands trying to figure out what it is that has me so strung out. Just as I'm about to say screw it and get moving, I feel the bed next to me shift. I look over and see a mass of curly brown hair peaking out from under the blanket, Steph. The sight before me brings a flash of a memory that I haven't thought of in quite some time.

I'm sitting on the bed getting ready to leave. I turn and look at the small body that I was just curled up around. Dark brown hair poking out from under the blankets.

She sifts around so she's now facing me. Her silky hair falling across her face just slightly. Her face makes her look so much younger. Not that we're very old to begin with. But the troubles of the world fade off her face while she's sleeping.

She latches onto the pillow I was using and takes a deep breathe then sighs into the pillow and relaxes some more.

I know what I'm about to do in the next few minutes will crush her more than anyone else and I shouldn't do it. The problem is she scares me. The feelings she opens up within me while we're together scare the crap out of me. I don't know how to deal with it.

I never realized that I could feel this way towards her. We've known each other for years. Been best friends, inseparable most of the time. Hell she grew up in my parents house.

Here I am about to walk out the door on her. To disappear into the world of the Army just to get lost for awhile, to put space between her and these feelings inside me.

I lean over and kiss her forehead one last time, apologizing for doing this and wish her the best of luck in life. She has had a very hard life and I can only hope and pray that what i'm about to do doesn't set her back from the progress she's made over the years.

I stand up and toss my clothes back on and walk to the door. As i'm about to walk out, I turn to take one last look at the one and only love of my life, laying asleep in the comforts of her bed. Wishing I could be the man she deserves, one who doesn't run away because he's scared of the what if's of life.

I close the door and run out of the house as fast as I can. I kept running until I reached my cousins house.

I climb up the tree that will bring me next to his open window. Its late and I know he's sound asleep.

I climb thru his window and walk quietly over to his bed to wake him up.

"Les man come on wake up. Its time. Come on man wake up." He stirs and then sits up. While rubbing his eyes he asks " Los man whats up? What are you doing here so late? Where are we going?"

I tell him while grabbing his back, "you remember all the talk about joining the Army? Well its time lets go. I checked yesterday and filled out all the paperwork for us. The bus leaves in about 2 hrs. If you don't get your ass in gear we're gonna miss it and then be in deep shit."

He jumps from his bed and tosses on his clothes. I head for the window with him following behind me. Les has always followed me. Be right by my side step for step.

As we get out on the street and head down town to the bus station he finally asks me the question I was hoping he wouldn't, "what about little one? Where is she? I thought she would want to see us of."

I sighed and turned to him looking him in the eye, "she's sleeping. I didn't tell her we were leaving. I left her a note to tell her that we were going into the Army to make something of ourselves that she would be proud of. It will be better on her this way instead of being awake at this hour crying over us leaving."

I turn and start walking again praying that he will accept that explanation and drop it. I don't want him to know that I'm running away. I look back at him and see he's following me but is clearly lost in thought.

We get to the bus stop and I see the recruiter standing next to the door going thru some paperwork. I grabbed our folders out of my backpack and walk over to him.

I hand him the folders that have all mine and Les' paperwork for us to be sent to boot camp. He looks over it briefly and then looks up at my and Les.

"You boys ready for this? Its gonna be the ride of your life."

We both nod and say "yes sir" at the same time.

"Alright boys get your asses on the bus. Your the last ones and then we can leave."

We get on the bus and find seats. I look out the window and towards the part of town where I left my heart. In bed still with her.

My eyes well up with tears and I let a few of them fall. I close my eyes and take a deep breathe reminding myself this is for the best. She will forget me and my cowardly ways. She will move on. She will find what makes her happy in life and thrive at it. So determined, so feisty, so brave and strong. I whisper softly "adiós mi amor, mi corazón, mi alma, mi compañera." (my love, my heart, my soul, my mate)

I shake my head to clear the memory when i felt the bed next to me shift. The memory of that night so long ago replaying almost exactly the same way. However, I'm not leaving for the military this time. I get up and head to the gym. I need to blow off some steam and figure out what has me so wound up.

I get down to the gym and jump on the treadmill. Running always clears my head and allows me to think clearly. I start to think over all the people in my life. My friends Tank, Bobby, Lester my cousin, but I couldn't come up with anything. Nothing has changed in their lives that I could think of. There was nothing overly dangerous for them going on.

I thought about my company and the same applied there. Nothing. Things were working smoothly. My next thoughts were of my parents and other siblings. I don't talk much to my parents. Haven't since before I joined the Army. Same goes for most of my siblings. Thinking of them brings back memories of my lost friend. I wonder where she is, what she's doing, how she's doing. I have to stop thinking about these things. She's in the past. That's where she needs to stay. This brings me to the woman currently asleep in my bed. Oblivious to the world going on around her right now, Steph. My babe. I sigh as I slow down the machine I'm one. Steph's been pushing me lately more and more about having a committed relationship with her. She wants more than the friendship we have. We're friends, co-workers, and occasionally bed partners. I love her as a friend. A good friend at that. I know she'll never screw me over. I can trust her completely. She's in love with me I see it in her eyes when she looks at me. Makes me wonder if its me that she's in love with or the thought of me. A hero worshiping type of love. I'm the best at what I do. I have to be because there is no one else out there who can do it. I'm able to shut off my emotions because I feel like I have no heart. I left it all those years ago sleeping in bed next to a spit fire of a young woman.

I need to stop this thing with Steph. She needs to move on and find someone who can love her back completely. Its not me that's for sure. She's a beautiful woman that's for sure. She could have any guy she wanted except for me. I haven't broken things off between us because I know it will break her heart. She's a good friend. I don't want her hurt and I know that if I come clean with her she will be. I stop my thinking and head for the showers. I looked at the clock on the wall and noticed that its almost 8 am. I've been down here for almost 3 hours lost in thought. I need to get on with my day. I figured I would shower down here to limit the possibility of having to face Steph and her wanting to join me in the shower. After having thought after my lost love so much I just can't face Steph right now. I'm afraid that I will say or do something to hurt her. After my shower I head to my office to get my morning reports before heading to the morning meeting with my core team.

I walk into the conference room and see everyone there. Tank and Bobby are sitting at the table while Lester is pacing back and forth in front of the window. I close the door and ask "something the matter Santos? Somewhere better to be than here?" "No man, just this weird feeling that I can't figure out or shake." This stops me in my tracks and I just stare at him. We've been side by side together for so many years that he gets a lot of the same feelings I do on situations. But for him to come right out and admit it tells me something is different this time. I wonder if he's picking up the same thing I am. I'm broken from my thoughts by Tank clearing his throat and saying "alright whats going on here Rangeman, both you and Santos are acting strange. 1st with your longer than normal work out this morning and now with your reactions towards hearing Santos' comment. Something is off today what gives?" "I'm not sure what it is. But it doesn't matter right now. Now is the time to get to work. Here are the copies of the morning reports. We have anything on the table today that I need to know about?" "Nope all clear today bossman" replies Bobby. "Alright dismissed get to work." I leave the room and head to my office to get started on my paperwork.

Around noon I'm save from my mountains of paperwork by a knock on my door.

"Enter" comes my quick reply. I lean back in my chair as Steph walks into my office. She comes and sits on my desk in front of my chair.

"I missed you this morning. You didn't come back up for breakfast."

" Sorry babe. I had too much work to get done this morning. What are you up to today?" She's silent for a moment and I look into her eyes and see there's something she wants to ask but she's not sure if she should. She always things I have ESP but she's just so easy to read. She doesn't understand how she has all this little tell tale signs about almost everything. I try for a joke to get her to speak to me "That busy really? Wow I think I should have a talk with your boss. Seems he's working you too much or something." It gets her to laugh a bit and she lets out a breath on a sigh. Just the reaction I was looking for.

"So whats on your mind today?" She jumps off the desk and sits down on my lap, "Whats going on between us Ranger? I mean where do we stand with each other?" I let out a sigh not something I normally do around others. I look her in the eye and decide to just let my words fly without giving them much thought. Go with the flow for once.

"Why do you need to keep pushing me on this topic? What is so important about defining what we have between us? If I answer your questions you push on me then its out there. Its defined what we are. Then start the what if's. What if I told you an answer you didn't like and you ran out of the building right in front of a bus. What good will it do to start with what if's? They change things. I like things how they are and don't want them changed. I like living in the moment without the what if's floating around our head's. Does that make sense? I just want to be in the moment right now. Not worry so much about what tomorrow will bring." She's sitting on my lap with a puzzled look on her face.

I wonder if I scared her a bit with all that I said. She opens her mouth then closes it as if she doesn't quite know what to say. "Alright if that's how you want to work things then sure I guess I can handle that." Comes her reply while looking down at her hands. I can tell she's not happy with what I said so I try to help her understand a bit more.

"Steph you've told me that you don't know if you want to get married again. I told you the same back a couple years ago about how my love doesn't come with a ring but a condom might come in handy. That was my way of saying that I don't want to get married. Not now and i'm pretty sure I won't in the future either. You've told me and everyone else that you don't know if you want kids. Great because to be completely honest with you neither do I. I have a daughter that I barely know. I've tried to change that, to get to know her more. But the fact is she was unplanned. An accident. I was dunk, stupid, and young. Releasing built up frustration for a night. When I joined the Army I decided I didn't want children that I might one day not come home to. I knew what I was getting into and it wasn't fair to them. I still feel that way. Don't get me wrong I love my daughter very much. A child, a precious gift, but I'm not parent material." I hope that she understands a bit more now without me having to relive the past more than I already have. I'm not ready to deal with that. The only person who knows about everything is Les. Steph looks me in the eyes looking for something. I'm not sure what exactly but she must have found it because now she's smiling.

"Your right Ranger. We'll live in the moment. I never thought of it as you have put it. I'm sorry I've been pushing the issue. I know you love me, in your own way as you put it." She then sticks her tongue out at me and then continues "but your way is all you know and that's all I can ask for." She leans forward and kisses me softly while I thank god that she accepted what I said. I'm just not ready to tell her that I love her but I don't think I will ever be in love with her.

We're broken from our kiss by a knock on the door and the 3 stooges come in before I tell them to.

"What am I in the wrong office since you guys feel the need to just come in on your own?"

"Nah Rangeman. You guys have been locked in here long enough we figured it was time for a breather." States Tank with a chuckle at the end while sitting down on my couch. Bobby and Les take the chairs and sit down in them while Steph snuggles deeper into my lap.

Les starts in with his wise cracks to Steph. She throws them right back to him. Before we know it all five of us are laughing so hard we almost have tears streaming down our faces.

My intercom buzzes and I try to gather myself before hitting the button, "Speak!"

"Um boss there's a call for you on line 2. He said his name is JJ and that you better get your quote scrawny ass on the phone."

"Alright Hal thanks." Les hears who is on the line and says "Man you better put him on speaker phone so I can chew his ass about the last time I saw him! He'll get his payback I promise!." I had to laugh at that. JJ and Les were always trying to one up each other. I hit my speakerphone button for line 2 and say "My scrawny ass, what you mean my scrawny ass. I'll show you my scrawny ass Big bro! How you been JJ?"

The only reply I get is a low sad sounding "Los." I think my heart stopped after hearing him. JJ is my oldest brother. We don't talk much but we are good together. He is always there when I need him just as I am for him. I look up at Les and see his eyes are wide open. I'm sure I have the same look in mine.

Steph is sitting stunned on my lap. I haven't told her about my family or who they are at all. Tank knows a good chunk about my family but not all. Bobby just knows that I'm the baby of the family and that I don't talk to anyone much.

"JJ whats wrong man? Talk to me."

"I need you here with me Los. Wheres Les? I think he needs to be here as well."

Les speaks up "I'm here cuz tell me what you need and its done you know that."

"I need you guys here like a month ago."

"Alright big bro you need just us or a team? Give me an idea of what you need so we can get off the ground" I tell him.

"I'm gonna need a full team. My team is too close to this and I don't want to take any chances. The same will go for you and Les I'm sure. Once you get here and I tell you whats going on completely. You don't need to worry about all your toys. We have more than enough here for you guys to make use of."

His statement has me wondering what is going on if he and his team are "to close to this" and that Les and I will be as well. I understood what he meant about toys. Weapons. He said full team I'm wondering how full so I ask.

" As many as you can spare will be the best I think. There's all different kinds of things that will need to be done so those without the clearance will still have things that can be done to clear up time for those who have clearance."

This really has my mind racing. So its something close to home but yet government sanctioned. Must be something with his team. He's a Navy Seal going on 30 years of service here soon. Must mean one of his team mates are in trouble. But why didn't he go to his handler. They would've contacted me I'm sure. Its not unusual for me to have to go in to bail out other special force members. So I ask him.

"Because this mission was from the top of the chain. No one was told of the information except for a select few. One of those if something happens we know nothing of it type things. Well something happened. Last check in was almost 2 months ago. A month is normal but anything more than a month and half its a sure thing something went wrong." Came JJ's reply.

"Alright big bro just hold tight we'll be on our way shortly. I'll bring a team of ten with me. Any requirements as to who you don't want?" I ask as a last quick question.

He hesitates for a moment but answers " only those who you trust completely and you have no problem with. I know that you haven't many people about issues from your past if you've told anyone at all. So keep that in mind. Those you trust the most and know will understand things that might be hard to understand. You know about me and what that could mean. I'm gonna jump off here and get things ready for you and your team to arrive. I'll have someone waiting for you at the airport. My man Hawk will be in touch with your pilot to make sure you get where you need to properly."

"Alright man just hold on we're on our way. Where exactly are we heading? I never know where you might be crashing at these days."

He laughs lightly and says " Virginia man, we're in Virginia for the time being." He then hangs up and I'm left stunned.

I have no clue what is going on and I don't like that. I like having as much information as possible and he really didn't tell me much accept for a few warnings. At first I had thought about bringing Steph with us but I'm not to sure if that's such a good idea. I look at her. I noticed now that either she moved or I moved her off my lap at some point. I'm not sure which one it was. She was now sitting on the couch next to Tank with a complete look of confusion on her face.

"Do it man. You know you want to and need to just to get things straightened out between you. I see that look on your face. Don't second guess it. There's only one person I can think of that this is about. I know your confused and can't figure it out because your brain doesn't want you to figure it out. I knew the moment JJ said that it was gonna hit close to home for us. Then he mention bringing up the past. It explains the feeling we've both had today. There's only one person in our entire life time that has affected us both the same way at the same time. You know I'm right on this" states Les while looking me hard in the eyes.

When he looks at me like this I can't help but wonder if he doesn't hate me a bit for me dragging him off to the Army and leaving her alone. He's right though. Now that I think of it there is only one person this could be about. But how did she get lined up with JJ is the question I have now. But that will have to wait for another time. We need to get organized and leave.

Its only a short flight to Virginia from here but more time sitting here talking the longer its gonna take to get things figured out. "Tank I need you to get Cal, Ram, Hector, Woody, and Boots into the conference room for a briefing. I'm gonna call up the pilot and get him on the move so that we can get off the ground in the next 2 hours." He nods and leaves. "Bobby, pack light. JJ's got a full medical set up and his own doc just in case but pack what you might think you'll need for possible situations. Sounds like a mission gone bad so keep that in mind while trying to pack light and fast. Conference room in 10."

"On it boss!" Came his reply as he headed out the door.

I lean on my knees with my head in my hands.

"Ranger whats going on? Who was that one the phone? Your leaving? For how long?" I look up at Steph and wonder how to handle those questions and this situations.

I look to Les to see if he has any ideas and he just stares into my eyes like he was a moment ago. "Babe" I let a small sigh out " The person on the phone was my oldest brother JJ. He's a Navy Seal. I'm not sure exactly whats going on but I have a feeling that a person from mine and Lester's past is in trouble. JJ asked for our help, which he doesn't do very often, but when he does it means its bad. So I don't know how long we'll be gone. I'll be honest with you. I know that you coming with is such a great idea but if you want to you can."

" Why don't you think its a great idea? I've helped you before with things. Do you think I won't be able to handle this? Is that why you don't want me to go?"

I knew this was gonna take longer than I wanted it to. With a small tip of a smile I tell her "No I'm sure you can handle anything thrown at you. Your gonna probably end up learning things about my past. I'm sure some of it will hurt and bother you but you'll be able to handle it. However, if its who I'm thinking this is about I'm not sure how my reaction will be and that is what I'm not sure you'll be able to handle. If your coming with we need to get to this meeting so we can get going." I stood up and headed towards the conference room.

Looking around the room I see everyone is sitting here waiting to be told whats going on and when we leave. Everyone here minus Steph and Hector, were all in the military. So they're all ready for things like this. Briefing then leaving type of situations.

"Alright guys here's whats going on. My older brother called and asked for help from me in the form of a team. It seems a mission went wrong some how and they need help. We'll be flying out of here in about an hour. I need you to pack quick and be down in the garage in 20 mins. Only bring necessities. He said that they have plenty of weapons for what we might need there with him. So don't worry about back ups or stuff like that. Ram bring your rifle just in case though. I'm not sure how long we'll be gone but anything we might need extra can always be picked up later. Bring your vests with just in case. Hector bring your laptop with. Dismissed!"

Everyone jumps and heads out of the room to get ready and geared up. I grab Steph's hand and all but drag her up to my apartment.

In the apartment she tugs on her hand and all but shrieks " I can't pack in 20 mins are you nuts. Plus you haven't told me whats really going on so I know what to pack. What about my family and Rex."

"Steph your not packing I am. I'll pack for you. As for you family call them now and tell them that your going out of town for work for a bit and not sure when exactly you'll be back. As if they can watch Rex for you or I can have one of the guys go get him and bring him back here."

I turn and head to the bedroom to pack our bags. I know she's not happy but will just have to deal or stay here. This is one of the many reasons I don't like relationships. To many questions asked, too much time delayed when time is of an essence.

I've always got a ready bag stashed in my closet for times like these that I can just grab and go. It has everything I might need and if not then I can grab it somewhere else or improvise.

As I'm tossing Stephs uniforms in the bag thinking this will make things easier with the short time we have she walks in and stops.

"Ranger, your only packing my Rangeman uniforms. What about anything else?"

I look up as I'm zipping shut her bag. "This is not a vacation Steph. You don't need anything else. I have your bathroom stuff and clothes. You don't carry a gun often enough to even waste the time with that. Anything else like I said in the meeting can be picked up later."

I grab the bags and head for the door. I stop at the door and look back and notice she hasn't moved. I sighed, I seem to be doing that a lot today gonna have to watch that so it doesn't become a habit, and head back to her. I grab her hands and bring them up to my hands for a light kiss.

"Steph I know this all move fast but it needs to. I'm sorry I don't have more information to offer you right now or more time to delve into things right now. I wish I knew what was in store for us once we get there but I just don't know. Having to work like this is one of the many reasons why I don't do relationships. When I get a call I don't have time for questions or answers. I have enough time to grab my bag and be on my way. Simply because I'm the one that gets called when things are going horribly wrong. If you come with just know that there are gonna be things that I can't tell you. Its not a not wanting to tell you its a simple I can not tell you otherwise I will get in life or death trouble. That's what JJ's comment about clearance was about. There's gonna be details and situations that you can't know. So if you ask me a question and I tell you I can't tell you. Please understand and drop it ok?" I plead with her trying to get her to move. She nods and I head for the door again. This time she's right behind me.

By the time we get down to the garage everyone is there waiting for us. I notice Aldon is there waiting as well for my instructions. I walk over to him. "Your senior on staff while we're gone. You've been here long enough. I'll put in a call to Boston and have one of the leaders up there come down to help out. You know whats going and how things work. I'm counting on you to keep it running. If there is something that you and the other leader can't handle we all still have our cells on. I'll call and check in. Dismissed!" I turn and head for the vehicles so we can get on the move.

We get to the private airport that I use and I see the pilot is just finishing up his pre-flight checks. He nods to me and I know we're ready to go as soon as everyone is aboard.

We all get settled in and the pilot comes over the intercom that we're ready to take off. Once we're in the air I stand up and walk over to the fridge. I need something to drink.

I grab the first thing I can and pull it out. Just happens to be a bottle of beer. I wish it was something stronger to be completely honest. I chuckle at that. I'm not normally one for drinking but right now I could really use a few hard shots.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Steph stand up and start to walk over. Just as she passes Lester he reaches out to stop her and shakes his head no. I can see she wants to disregard him but listens anyways and walks over an sits down next to Bobby.

I grab another beer and head over to sit down next to Les.

I had him the other beer and take a drink of my own. Downing half the bottle.

He looks at his then looks at me. " I feel your pain cuz. I loved her just as much as you. It was always the three of us. I never stopped thinking about her. Its probably why I can't stick with just one woman. I feel like I left my heart the night we joined up. My heart and my soul. I can see it in your actions and know you feel the same way. I've always followed you. Ever since we were just learning to crawl in abuela's kitchen. Why did we run Los? I never did figure it out. Why did we just up and leave her?"

He turns his head and takes a drink.

I'm not exactly sure how to answer him. I don't want to because it will just serve as a reminder that it wasn't just me that I failed. It was all three of us.

" I was scared. I didn't know what to do with the feelings that she caused me to have. I thought I wasn't good enough and managed to drag you in with me. I figured she would be fine without us there. She was always good at finding her way thru anything anyways."

We were quiet for awhile after that until Les stood up to get another beer.

"You were a self centered bastard Los. You still are. You and your chicken shit ways. Gets to rough on you emotionally lets run away. Don't like the answer well force your answer harder. Someone doesn't want to do something well you'll just sweet talk them into it. I loved her just as much as you and yes I'll admit I followed you just like I did as kids. Like always. Just like I probably always will."

As he walked away I looked up and noticed everyone was looking at us now. I know they all heard and I'm sure they all have a million questions. At least they fear me enough not to ask. Except Steph. I know she's gonna bombard me the 1st chance she gets. Damn! I close my eyes and lean my head back in the seat. They always say the past has a way of coming back and biting you on the ass. I have a feeling its not just gonna stop at my ass but swallow me whole!