I tried to kill the pain, but only brought more (so much more)
I lay dying and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming
Am I too lost to be saved, am I too lost
I am immobile. I can't even shift, and I idly wonder how many bones are broken. I move my head slowly to look up at the cliff I had thrown myself from. I see the unwanted images behind my eyes of my baby son. I held him as his life ebbed away, and I had sobbed over his tiny body.
My God, my tourniquet
Oh return to me, salvation
My God, my tourniquet
Oh return to me, salvation
My only hope is that the pain will go away soon. How long does dying take, anyway? I waited for the throbbing that covered every inch of me to subside. My eyes closed, trying to force the hurt away. That's when I saw the beautiful golden man.
Do you remember me, lost for so long
Will I be on the other side or will you forget me
I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming
Am I too lost to be saved, am I too lost
I feel myself be lifted into his arms. I cry out loudly, more in surprise than in pain. "I'm sorry, am I hurting you?" he asks silkily. I sigh and moan in response. The golden man carries me, not seeming bothered by the extra weight, a long way.
My God, my tourniquet
Oh return to me, salvation
My God, my tourniquet
Oh return to me, salvation
The golden man had been murmuring to me in a satin voice, and then a similar, yet different, voice becomes audible. "Carlisle," the other person says urgently. I assume vaguely he is referring to the golden man. Is his name Carlisle? I sigh again, shifting my weight. I'm too numb to feel the pain anymore, and a warm cloud begins to overcome me.
I want to die!
The next thing I remember is a wild burning. I scream out loud. "I'm sorry, Esme," the golden man, Carlisle, says remorsefully. How does he know my name? "It will be over soon." He sits by my side for who knows how long, talking to me the whole time. Sometimes I shriek in pain, and I feel his cool touch on my shoulder.
My God, my tourniquet
Oh return to me, salvation
My God, my tourniquet
Oh return to me, salvation
My wounds cry for the grave
My soul cries for deliverance
Will I be denied
Christ, tourniquet, my suicide
It takes an immeasurable amount of time for the burning to go away. I no longer feel my heart beating, and I wonder why that was. Was I finally dead? I opened my eyes, and the first thing I see is the golden man. "I'm Carlisle," he says, a slight smile playing at his lips. "And you're Esme. Welcome to your new life."
before you kill me, chocoholic4eva, i know this is depressing. what can you say about a poor innocent morbid little girl? i'm sorry. but i thought it was really good, and i'd never written much about Carlisle/Esme before. and yes i changed my pen name. like it? like the oneshot? review! please don't ghostread so i won't have to track you down and PM you heart-wrenchingly to review me. hehe! lovelovelove, m