Leaf Village? Seriously?
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Note: This would be SO much easier if we had more information on, say, half of the characters. Ah well…
"Do we really have to be here for this?" Sarutobi Hiruzen whined. His teammates, Koharu and Homura, echoed the question.
Senju Hashirama sighed. "Yes, for the last time, you need to be here. If you're going to be my brother's successor, you have to be ready to take over at any time. As such, you need to have an understanding of the process of government and what better what to learn that than to be here for its creation?"
"But Sensei said the Uchiha eat puppies!" Homura said, wide-eyed.
Hashirama shot a look at his brother. "I thought we talked about your habit of saying things like that in front of your students?"
"That we did," Senju Tobirama agreed readily, glaring at Homura. "And I could have sworn that we talked about not telling my brother every little thing I do…"
"I'm serious, Tobirama," Hashirama said quietly. "This peace is fragile enough as it is, we do not need to be filling the heads of Konoha's future leaders with such blatant propaganda."
"They know I don't mean it," Tobirama said dismissively.
"I wouldn't bet on it," Hashirama disagreed. "They do rather hero worship you, you know."
"They're not stupid," Tobirama insisted.
"No, but they are children and children are rather impressionable," Hashirama pointed out.
"Fine," Tobirama huffed. "I'll try and tone it down around them. I make no promises though; you know I've been saying things like that for years."
"Which was fine until we wanted them to start a village with us," Hashirama acknowledged. "If they think we go around telling people that, they're not going to trust us."
Tobirama snorted. "Madara's not going to trust us anyway."
"If we can convince the rest, Madara will have no choice but to go along with it," Hashirama said confidently.
"Where are they?" Koharu asked irritably. "I'm hungry and they were supposed to be here twenty minutes ago!"
"Maybe Madara was held up by one of his satanic rituals," Tobirama suggested. "I hear he's in negotiations with the devil: his soul for immortality."
"Really?" Koharu asked, eyes wide.
Tobirama nodded seriously. "Really. In fact, I-"
"Tobirama!" Hashirama admonished.
"Oh, right. Never mind, children. I'm sure Madara's not REALLY involved in satanic rituals. Well, not many, anyway, he is an Uchiha and who knows what kind of things they get up to in their spare time-" Tobirama broke off when his brother kicked him under the table.
And not a moment too soon as Madara strode into the room, his brother Izuna at his side. "So sorry we're late," Madara said glibly. "Izuna kept bumping into walls."
Eying the bandages on Izuna's empty eye sockets distastefully, Tobirama muttered, "I wonder why…"
Ignoring him, Madara guided his brother to a seat before taking one himself. "Now, what was it you wanted to discuss?"
"As you know, the formation of a village is proceeding remarkably well," Hashirama began.
Madara grimaced. "I know."
"We can't keep calling it 'the village', though. We're going to need a name for it," Hashirama continued.
"How about 'Village Hidden Among the Flaming Acid'?" Madara suggested innocently.
There was an awkward silence.
"Personally, I like Konohagakure," Tobirama offered.
"For the last time, Tobirama, we're NOT calling it 'Village Hidden Among Tree Leaves'," Hashirama's eyes flashed his annoyance. "I mean, that's the least threatening name for a village ever!"
"No, that would be 'Village Hidden Among Rainbows and Sunshine'," Tobirama corrected. "Easy mistake to make, though. "
"Is it supposed to be a threatening name?" Izuna spoke up. "If it is, then it can't be very effective with recruitment, which is a high priority right now."
"Well, no," Hashirama admitted. "But we don't want to be seen as an easy target, either. If we were to be attacked right now, the village would not be ready. We could probably fend them off, but it would be a severe obstacle in our plans to settle down."
"Well, wouldn't calling it 'Village Hidden Among Tree Leaves' do the trick as it's an allusion to you fancy gardening tool?" Hiruzen asked reasonably. Or so he thought.
Hashirama slowly turned to glare at his brother, who was pointedly looking elsewhere. "You told them the Mokuton was a 'fancy gardening tool'?" he hissed.
"…Maybe…" Tobirama admitted.
"…Why? Just…why?" Hashirama demanded.
Tobirama shrugged. "Well, you grew an entire forest in about fifteen minutes."
"Because that deals with wood! Gardening implies fruits and vegetables. Or flowers!" Hashirama pointed out.
"Don't worry, Hashirama-sama," Homura assured him. "I'm sure if you put enough effort into it, one day you can branch out from just trees to tomatoes and flowers as well."
"Your death will be slow and painful," Hashirama assured his brother, who was trying valiantly not to burst into laughter.
"You know, it's times like these that remind me why I took on a team of apprentices in the first place," Tobirama smiled fondly.
"We love you too, sensei," Koharu beamed at him.
Madara, who had been following the exchanged with amused eyes, decided to add his own two cents. "I think Konoha is a fine name for a village. It has my full support." He nudged his brother.
"Mine too," Izuna agreed absently.
"Fine," Hashirama conceded crossly. It was a stupid name, but he wasn't about to start arguing with Madara. Not over this, when they still had much more important things to discuss. "Then there's the constitution. I trust you both have looked it over?"
Madara, to his surprise, glared at him. Well, that in and of itself wasn't too surprising and he did that every other time he looked in his direction. He didn't quite understand what he had supposedly done this time, though, until the Uchiha clan leader put his arm around his brother comfortingly. "It's okay, Izuna, he didn't mean to be so appallingly insensitive."
Hashirama stared at Madara incredulously. He had taken his brother's eyes under very suspicious circumstances and Madara had the gall to blame him for a perfectly innocuous turn-of-phrase? Of course he did.
"Do you ever turn those off?" Hiruzen asked, pointing to Madara's Sharingan.
"Nope, never," Madara replied promptly.
Hashirama could swear he heard Koharu whispering something about 'demon possession' and Homura responding with something along the lines of 'satanic ritual.' Dear God, this wasn't going to become a problem, was it? Because he really had enough of those.
"I'm sorry if I offended you," Hashirama finally responded diplomatically.
Madara nodded his acceptance magnanimously. "To answer your question, yes, I have. And due to Izuna's…condition, I have read it to him as well."
"What are your thoughts on it?" Hashirama asked, determinedly neutral.
"Is it Section 17 really necessary?" Izuna asked.
"You mean the 'Government-Sponsored Genocide' clause?" Tobirama asked. "All it states is that in the event of a coup, the government has the right to defend itself."
"By wiping out the entire clan," Izuna pointed out. "That seems to run contrary to your stated goal of peace."
"It is for the sake of peace," Tobirama argued. "We're going to be enough of a target as it is. If we're united, we can defend ourselves. If a coup is causing a civil war, we'll be easy picking for whoever wants to knock us down a peg."
"It sounds like that shouldn't be a problem unless you're planning a coup," Homura piped up. He eyed the Uchiha suspiciously. "Are you?"
"Kid, we haven't even finished founding Konoha yet," Madara told him, sounding annoyed.
"That doesn't answer the question," Koharu insisted, equally suspicious.
Madara sighed theatrically. "No, we are not plotting a betrayal. Should I ever decide to do that, though, I'm officially adding you three brats to my list."
"He threatened us!" Koharu complained.
"He said 'if' not 'when'," Tobirama assured her half-heartedly. "And if you're that convinced it will be an issue, then we'll just have to make sure to step up your training, huh?"
"Are you going to have a problem with Section 17 or can it stand?" Hashirama asked.
"I suppose it will be okay, so long as it cannot be used lightly and multiple people have to unanimously agree to do it. The Hokage and his guardian council, for instance," Izuna suggested.
"That's a great idea," Madara agreed, looking slightly dreamy at the prospect of being Hokage. "This isn't exactly an issue, but I have a suggestion about the proposed ANBU forces."
"I'm listening," Hashirama said.
"The line of work they're doing, pretty much anything the Hokage needs, is going to be very dangerous, both for themselves and their families, if their identities are known. We need some way to hide who they really are," Madara explained.
"I suggest animal masks," Tobirama deadpanned.
Hashirama closed his eyes out of sheer frustration and took a few deep, calming breaths. "Tobirama, that's not-"
"A bad idea," interrupted Madara. "That would be a perfect and easy to remember way to deal with code names, too. Whatever animal is on the mask is their alias! Of course, that means there can only be so many ANBU so there aren't any repetitions, but as the elite, the numbers are always going to be small."
Realizing that the more he opposed his brother's inane suggestions – none of which he seriously expected to pass – the more Madara would support them, just to irritate him, Hashirama reluctantly nodded his agreement.
"Is that all?" Hashirama asked, praying that it was. Between the Leaf Village and the elite Black Ops forces dressing up like animals, he really wasn't sure how much more he could take.
"Almost," Madara said, his eyes glittering. "I challenge you, Senju Hashirama!"
"You want to spar?" Hashirama blinked, surprised. "I thought we agreed that that was too destructive to do within twenty miles of the v-of Konoha," he corrected, realizing he might as well get used to calling it that now.
"No, no. I challenge you to…a game of shogi!" Madara declared dramatically, pulling a shogi board out of his cloak and placing it on the table.
Never one to back down from a challenge, especially one issued by Uchiha Madara, Hashirama began to place his pieces into position.
Tobirama watched the ridiculously intense game silently for a few minutes before turning to Izuna. "Why does everything they do have to be so goddamn epic?" he wondered.
Izuna shrugged. "It's in their nature, I suppose. 'Fated rivals' and whatnot."
"Hey, I've been meaning to ask you: did you really VOLUNTEER to give your eyes to Madara? Because that's kind of…yeah…" Tobirama trailed off awkwardly.
"…In a manner of speaking," Izuna said finally. "We were both going blind and my eyes could save his. I'm afraid saying anymore would be against-"
"Clan policy, I figured," Tobirama admitted. "After all, Madara is the head." He paused. "You know how the villagers are meeting to decide on who the First Hokage is going to be next month?"
Izuna inclined his head. "Yes," he said simply.
"It's basically going to be one of two people: my brother or yours. How do you think Madara would handle it if Hashirama won?" Tobirama asked seriously.
"…Not well," Izuna admitted. "He'd probably see it as a sign that Hashirama was plotting to crush the Uchiha and had already swayed everyone over to his side."
"That's what I was afraid of," Tobirama sighed. "But you know, people are probably going to pick Hashirama."
"Why do you say that?" Izuna inquired.
"Your brother was against the alliance in the first place so people will wonder if he's really committed to protecting it or if he just wants power over my clan. Additionally…Madara's Sharingan kind of freaks people out. The Mangekyou itself can be passed off as having witnessed a friend die in battle, but some people are still going to assume he murdered whoever it was. And then there's the fact that he took your eyes. They're going to ask themselves how much he could possibly care to protect them when he did that to his own brother."
"I see," Izuna sighed. He smirked. "In a manner of speaking. How about your brother? How would he handle a loss?"
Tobirama considered the question. "He wouldn't be happy, certainly, and he wouldn't trust Madara's intentions so he'd keep a close eye on him, but he wouldn't make a fuss. We've worked far too hard for this peace to back out because of a little leadership dispute."
"I wish I could say the same," Izuna murmured.
"Hey, Sensei, is it true that the Uchiha are planning to summon Biju to come and kill us if Madara isn't chosen as Hokage?" Hiruzen asked, coming up beside him, followed by his teammates.
Tobirama glanced quickly at his brother. Hashirama was so caught up in the game with his rival that he didn't seem to be aware of anything else. Madara looked much the same. He grinned.
"No," he said clearly, for Izuna's benefit, while nodding fervently. Yeah, he probably shouldn't, but they were smart kids. What harm could it do?
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