A/N: So this is a bit of an experiment for me. I've never posted anything without a beta reader before, and I have never posted anything M rated. So to anybody that does give this a read, any comments on what you think, good or bad, are hugely valuable to me.
And also, I wrote this absolutely ages ago (turns out that even with the anonymity that the internet offers I am still a total coward who has only just worked up some courage). And, sadly, I am currently not up to date with Blue Exorcist (I feel so ashamed), but free time is a pleasant dream of a time long past for me at the moment.
Whispers in the Dark
It was the middle of the night, a summer breeze drifting lazily through the open dorm room widow, bringing the sent of cherry blossoms in from the tree outside.
The figure on the bottom bed shifted slightly in his sleep, sticking one leg out of the covers. On the bed above his room mate clenched his fists and teeth, trying to get a hold of himself.
Why? Why did he feel that way? Yukio knew he shouldn't, he couldn't. He knew he'd be looked down upon, told he was wrong, spurned, rejected. But he couldn't help it, couldn't help wanting him.
Sharing a room with him made it even harder, he couldn't escape, find a reprieve. He was so close, yet too far out of reach. His sent was heavy in the room, tempting and suffocating Yukio, intoxicating him and making him feel like he was going to burst with want.
It was torturous, but he couldn't change rooms. They were brothers for a start, he was the only family Rin had, he couldn't push him away knowing how much it would hurt his twin. He also didn't want to give up what time they could be alone together. It hurt, and stretched his self control to almost breaking point, but it was worth it just to see his brother smiling at no one else but him. He could block the rest of the world out, pretend it was just the two of them, make believe that Rin felt the same way and chose to be with him. That when he made them food it was because he was in love with him, and when he calmly got changed when Yukio was in the room it was because he was comfortable and intimate with him.
Yukio lost himself in his fantasies, in a way he could only do in the dead of night. He pictured Rin in nothing but his boxers, as he had seen his brother just before he got into bed that night. He imagined the object of his desire looking bashfully at him as he slowly pulled his underwear down, revealing himself to be erect and wanting. He pictured his brother timidly touching himself, cheeks burning with heat, putting on a show for his beloved. He held on to the image as he ran his own hand slowly down his body, slipping beneath the fabric of his pyjama bottoms.
He was already hard and wet from thinking about his brother in such deliciously bad ways. The Rin of his dreams parted his lips, letting a moan slip past them. Yukio stifled a moan of his own as he began to stroke himself. He had to be very careful not to make too much noise or shake the bed.
He closed his eyes, pretended it was his brother's hand moving across his skin, pumping him while he touched his twin in return. Using his free hand he reached under his pillow and retrieved the crumpled shirt stashed there. Brining it to his nose he inhaled deeply, drinking in Rin's sent from the garment
It was fortunate Rin had absolutely no inclination or interest in doing chores. Yukio did all their laundry, as well as everything else, and Rin never noticed when items of his clothing went missing for a week or so before turning up clean, dry and ironed in his draw.
The young Exorcist buried his face in his twin's shirt, filling his senses with his brother and using it to muffle his pants and gaps.
His fantasy Rin was whispering forbidden things in his ear, asking for more, begging to be touched. Yukio quickened his pace, trying to keep the rest of his body still in an effort not to rock the bed. He started to loose his concentration as he felt his climax nearing, letting his fantasies run wild through his mind, random and jumbled. Rin below him, writhing in pleasure. Yukio kissing his way down the half demons body. His brother on his knees, teasing and tasting him. On top of him, back arched, crying out in ecstasy.
His body tensed up almost to the point of pain as he reached his release and coated his hand in warm stickiness. He had to bite down hard on the shirt he was holding to his face to stop his moan from escaping.
After giving himself a few moments to cool down and catch his breath, he slid quietly from the bed and padded softly to the bathroom to clean himself up.
When he came back into their bedroom he sat down on the chair at the desk on the other side of the room, facing the bed and gazing at his brother as he blissfully slept, unaware.
What did I do to deserve this? He wondered, am I a bad person?
Well, falling in love with your brother hardly makes you a good person, but do I really deserve to suffer like this?
It wasn't like he'd ever intended for this to happen. They'd always been close, as you'd expect from twins, and Rin had always looked out for Yukio, even when he was small and terrified at the world around him. He'd always been very grateful to his brother for everything he'd done, and had the desire to protect him in return, especially as he began to understand just how dangerous Rin's life would become in the future. It had all been for him, all the training, everything, it was all for his brothers sake, and before he knew it Rin had dominated every thought in the Exorcist's head.
It wasn't long before Yukio noticed he had inappropriate feelings towards his twin, he would catch himself staring whenever Rin changed his clothes, wondering what it would feel like to run his hands over that body that was so similar to his, yet so different. And the young Exorcist found it almost impossible to resist the urge to sniff anything his brother had used, clothes, books. His bed.
Yukio sighed and hung his head in defeat. He was a monster, more so that his half demon brother, there was no point denying it to himself.
What kind of ugly creature would feel such sinful urges towards his own brother? He'd already spent himself, but he still felt heat flush his body as he pictured what he wanted to do to Rin.
It was all there in his head, every tiny detail, every gasp and moan, every caress and every kiss. He'd thought about it a lot through the long nights he spent awake, struggling to cope with his loneliness.
He thought about it almost every night, but he knew he could never have it. Rin wasn't a monster like him, he knew where their boundaries lay.
The young Exorcist felt the now familiar sense of sadness and desperation. He wanted Rin so badly it hurt sometimes. He looked up to where his Exorcists coat hung by the door, over his guns and their holsters.
I could use my gun. I'm an Exorcist and he's a demon, well part demon anyway. I could pin him down, hold him at gun point and take what I wanted from him.
A shiver of dark temptation ran down Yukio's spine. No. I couldn't do that to him. If he doesn't want to give it to me that I can't ever have him.
Standing up, he made his way back across the room to the beds, treading careful so as not to disturb his roommates sleep. He lent down, bringing his face close to that of his brother, his beloved. Very softly, he brushed his lips against Rin's, wanting desperately to kiss him properly. How he wished he dared do this when his brother was awake, that he could kiss him properly and be kissed in return.
After he climbed back into bed he finally closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, just as Rin's eyes fluttered open below him.
He brought his hand up to his tingling lips. Another dream about Yuki, he thought with a gentle sigh. That dream had felt so real it was almost like his brother had really kissed him, like he prayed his twin would.
He wished he could blame it on being a half demon, but he was pretty sure other half demons weren't sick enough to dream of a brother in such a way. And Yuki even had a demon parent himself, though he hadn't inherited any of his power like Rin had, and he didn't have such sinful urges for his twin.
Rin gave another sigh. It was a miracle his brother still stood by him despite all the trouble he and his blue flame caused, he couldn't jeopardise their relationship by letting his impure feelings become known to Yuki. His love would always be something he could only fantasise about in the middle of the night.