A/n: I don't own anything in the story except the plot. Please write questions (letters) to sugar-pixie@juno.com or in reviews and who you want to answer them.

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We had been watching them for three months. We knew where they went and when. We knew everything to know about them, even what they ate for breakfast. Oliver Wood preferred Wheaties, the breakfast of champions, while Pansy Parkinson liked orange juice and toast with pink pineapples on top. Lord Voldemort would always have his bowl of warm oatmeal flavored with a bit of honey and cinnamon. But that is beside the point. The point is, well, actually I don't know what the point is but we got them.

My name is Brittany and my friend is known as Carrie but no one knows her REAL name. Duh duh duhhhh… We made a vow one night. A solemn vow to capture 3 people. 3 certain people, and make them write an advice column! They would have to answer 100 letters each without magic before we would let them go. So begins the story that changed the lives of 5 people forever.

We snuck up behind Wood while he was going over the Quidditch plan. Pansy was primping in the mirror while muttering,

"Yes Draco, I love you too. Of course I will marry you!" We think she was a tad delusional.

Lord Voldemort was staring into the living room of some kids house. He was trying to watch his favorite weekly show, Blue's Clues. He was humming the theme song when we got him. Stuffed him in a bag and took his wand. Take that. We gave him a pineapple instead, a pink one.

We had thought for hours about where to take them and finally decided on an old abandoned department store. It would provide entertainment as well as torture devices.

We hauled them there using a flying elephant. No one noticed on the streets except for that one kid. He looked up, looked down, did a double take then…

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" His mother told him to shut up.

Lord Voldemort was trying to make smoke signals from the back of the flying elephant but he couldn't figure out how to light the elephant's skin on fire. We had confiscated their wands at the very beginning of course. No sense getting blown up at the very beginning! We had an advice column the write! Tally ho!