What Really Happened

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone

Author's note: Read, and laugh at this stupid story or I shall sic the locusts on you!

Description: Rose tells her version of Titanic, which is. . . interesting.

Brock: Rose? Are you ready to tell us about Titanic now?

Rose: ::staring off into the distance::

Lizzy: ::talking as if she were talking to a two year old:: Nana, the man is talking to you.

Rose: What? I don't want a banana dear, I just had one a little while ago.

Lizzy: No Nana, that's you. The man ::points to Brock:: wants to talk ::points to her own mouth:: to you ::points to Rose::

Rose: Oh sorry.

Brock: Okay, now Rose, tell us about Titanic.

Rose: ::thinks for about two minuets:: Titanic was an awfully big ship, the biggest in the world. It smelled of fresh paint and linen. It was a dream ship, to everyone but me of course. To me it was a ship of fools. . .

::Begin flashback to Southampton Docks::

Everyone: Look at the big ship! It's a big ship! I wonder where my shoes are. . .

::A car beeps and everyone shuts up and parts like the Dead Sea. The car comes to a stop and the door opens::

Rose: Fool! Help me out now!

Ruth: I think she means you, Lovejoy.

Lovejoy: All right, don't get your corset in a twist ::grabs Rose's hand and yanks her out of the car, causing her to fall flat on her face::

Rose: ::kicks Lovejoy in the love stick:: How dare you fool! Now go wake Cal! He fell asleep while we were driving and I don't want to wake him because I'm spoiled and stuck-up and waking someone is beneath me.

Lovejoy: ::in a high pitched voice:: Yes ma'am.

Lovejoy: Cal, wake up! ::grabs Cal and yanks him out of the car::

Cal: ::still asleep:: Kinky, aren't we Greg?

Lovejoy: Wake up!

Cal: Huh? Where's Greg?

Rose: Who's Greg?

Cal: Ummmmm. . . no one ::his eyes then cross::

Lovejoy: Cal, where are your glasses?

Cal: Rose threw them out the window after I told her to please lower her voice when she was yelling strings of curses no lady, wait, nobody should ever be saying at the driver.

Rose: ::scoffs:: Let's board the ship. Even though it's no bigger then the Mauritania and ships that small are beneath me, we still have to go back to America.

Cal: ::looking at Titanic:: From what I could see, which isn't much thanks to a certain somebody, Titanic's bigger by 100 feet.

Rose: ::smacks Cal across the face:: You dare contradict me fool?

Cal: ::looking like he's going to cry:: No. . .

Rose: Good, now go fetch Mother and Trudy. Oh, and make sure Trudy takes ALL the luggage in by herself, we don't want her being lazy like last time.

Cal: Yes ma'am.

Rose: Hurry up fool! The ship won't wait forever. I'll be in the cabin. ::Rose boards the ship, huffing haughtily the whole while::

::End flashback::

Rose: So, that starts the beginning of the voyage. I'm tired now and I want to take a nap. Lizzy? Where's the bedroom dear?

Lizzy: I'll show you Nana.

Rose: I don't want a banana yet, dear. I'll have one when I wake up. ::Lizzy leads Rose off to the bedroom::

Well, that's the start of a strange tale. I hope it was somewhat amusing.