Part 1

I liked him first. I mean, I suppose I could have said something about it. But she should have known, you know? In that annoying, best friend mind-reading way.

Scratch that, I loved him first. And now it's all turned to shit because of Delly fucking Cartwright. Because she couldn't keep her slutty body to herself.

Delly was a good friend, don't get me wrong. Always there for me when I was stressed or in one of my vicious moods. My sometimes harsh words never shook her, didn't even make her flinch.

But she always got the boys that she wanted. Always. Once she set her sights on him, she had him. Whether it took just a flirtatious wink or weeks of subtle pursuing, she got the guy in the end. So when she set her eyes on none other than Peeta Mellark, I knew that I'd lost him for good.

I should have known better than to introduce them to each other in the first place. It made sense at the time; he was one of my best friends and so was Delly. But looking deeper, they were alike in ways that Peeta and I weren't. They liked the same annoying, generic pop music, drank the same drinks, and loved the same movies and books. They were both blonde-haired and blue-eyed. A very cute couple as my mother had referred to them.

Prim saw right through the fake smile that I had plastered on my face when they announced that they were a couple, though. She saw the way I looked at him and acted around him. I was only ever as happy as I was with Prim when I was with Peeta. They were the only two people in the world that could get a genuine smile or laugh out of me.

Peeta and I had met when we were four years old. He approached me, holding a small, yellow dandelion, and presented it to me.

"You're prettier than all of the flowers." I wrinkled my nose, because in four years of life no one had ever told me I was pretty. Not my mother, or any of my many aunties and uncles.

"This is a weed," I responded, giving it back to him.

"What's your name?"

"Katniss."

Silence.

"Can we be friends?"

"No."

"Why not?" Peeta asked, sticking out his bottom lip childishly. Even back then I thought it was cute.

"I don't have any friends. I wouldn't be any good at it."

"Oh I don't mind. I'll show you how. I have lots of friends."

I had considered it, but Peeta must have taken my silence as a yes. He sat down quickly beside me and grabbed my hand.

And neither of us have looked back since.

"I love you, Delly Catwright. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

Peeta was on his knee in front of me, his hand held out dramatically. It was empty now, but in about three hours it would be holding a tacky, sparkling engagement ring.

I knew it was the kind of thing Peeta hated. Too flashy.

Whatever it takes to make Delly happy, of course, I thought bitterly.

"It's.. Great, Peeta. She's going to love it so much. Don't mess it up." I winked at him and he only snorted.

"Seriously, Kat, I've been planning this for months. I have that god-damned speech engraved in my brain. I won't mess it up, trust me."

I rolled my eyes at his cockiness and pointed towards the bathroom. "Now go shower 'cause you smell disgusting, Mellark. No one's gonna marry you if you stink like that."

He only grinned at me in response and retreated to the small, white bathroom, locking the door behind him. He had gone for what must have been at least a six mile run, something he only did when he was incredibly angry or nervous. This was at least the tenth time that he had practice-proposed in the last two weeks, and after about the third time, I started to long for him to be doing it for real. But it was not real. Just pretendBecause he had a better option somewhere else; an option that I had made available to him. And I hated myself for it.

"Katniss fucking Everdeen I am engaged!" Peeta bellowed, slamming the door behind him and dropping his keys noisily in the small dish in the hallway.

"Good. I wouldn't have let you in here if you had fucked it up!" Peeta pouted petulantly at me and reached into the large fridge in their kitchen, grabbing two beers.

"Are you drunk, Peeta?" I asked, laughing at how long it took for him to actually find the beer, despite it being in the same place as it always was.

He scoffed. "No." But when he tossed the beer to me, only for it to go about a meter off course and fall to the floor, he shrugged. "Maybe a little."

I rolled my eyes and picked it up, setting it on the counter and getting a fresh one from the fridge. "So, tell me. Did she gush? Squeal? Cry? Oh that's it, Delly's definitely a crier."

He sat down next to me and swallowed a large gulp before replying. "Got it in one, Everdeen. She did all three." Peeta's smile was cocky, and he was clearly pleased with himself.

"Of course she did. Finish your drink and then we're getting you into bed. You still have work tomorrow, no matter how engaged you are." I joked, winking at him. He just laughed at muttered a whatever to me, swigging his beer.

About an hour later, Peeta was well past tipsy. And he can get incredibly cuddly when he's drunk, which was the last thing I needed. I may have been in love with him, but Delly was still my best friend; I would never betray her like that.

"Ok, time for bed. It's late, and I am not looking after you tomorrow when you're hungover." I snapped playfully, grabbing his forearm and pushing him up. When he was on his feet, he stared down at me. Peeta had always been much taller than me, but not in an awkward, lanky way.

"Wait, Katniss." Peeta's gaze made me feel two feet tall.

I raised an eyebrow at him in response and tried to quell the butterflies raging in the pit of my stomach. I had stood up without thinking about how I would end up, and of course it put me mere inches from him. I inhaled deeply, taking in his inviting scent of cinnamon, and I could feel the heat rolling off his body in waves.

"You're pretty."

I took a second to try to come to my senses. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around his neck and have my way with him until the sun comes up, but I couldn't.

"You're drunk."

He doesn't love you.

He's engaged to your other best friend.

He's just drunk.

The voices in my head were screaming at me to just go to bed already, and I knew that it would have been the wise decision. But there was this one tiny voice that was whispering softly to me.

Kiss him.

You love him. More than Delly ever could.

I felt like I was being torn in two. Without realising it, and without my brain's consent, I had begun to lean slowly towards him, my eyes fixated on his beautiful, full lips.

Peeta seemed to realise what was happening, and he, too, looked conflicted. Something that I couldn't quite put my finger on flashed in his eyes for a split second, and then they fluttered closed. His lips were so close, but his face suddenly paled.

His hand flew to cover his mouth, and he ran in the direction of the bathroom. Peeta was far from a lightweight, so he must have had a lot more than I thought at dinner. He had only had two beers with me, and beer never made him sick. I could hear him emptying his stomach, so I grabbed a towel from the kitchen drawer and a glass of water and went in to rub awkward circles on his back and whisper soothing words to him. If there was one thing Peeta hated, it was being sick.

He finally stopped about ten minutes later, so I wrapped an arm around his waist and led him to his bedroom. I sat on his bed and stared at the photos on his wall while I was waiting for him to change. Most of them were of us, and as they went from the left to the right they gradually got newer.

I noticed that as they moved from left to right, the amount of photos of me, smiling and laughing - or scowling - into the camera, decreased. And there were more of Delly. But, all of the photos of Delly were when she was perfectly clean and made up. Almost all of the photos of me were taken outdoors; after swimming in the lake my father used to take me to; after hiking through the woods; lying soaked to the skin after a rain storm.

The last photo of me on the wall - and the newest - was taken about a month ago before a fundraiser for Peeta's art course that he held for children. I was smiling shyly at the photo and my cheeks were slightly flushed, because Peeta's hand had snaked around my waist and had been grasping my side tightly. He had looked particularly sexy in his perfectly tailored black tuxedo, and I had had a hard time controlling my gaze as it swept over him; trying not to linger anywhere.

I hadn't been anything special that night in my simple red dress. Many people had asked that night how long we had been together, but all Peeta offered in response was a slight shake of his head and a timid smile in my direction.

I, too, had a copy of the photo in my bedroom, but mine was in a frame.

I felt tears begin to burn behind my eyes as I realised that Delly was slowly replacing me. I hadn't thought much of it until now, but the photos had been a visual representation of what had been inevitable. I left the room and sprinted to my bedroom without saying goodnight to Peeta. I flopped face-first down on my bed and, for the first time since I first saw Peeta and Delly kiss three years ago, I let my tears soak my pillow until the early hours of the morning.

When I finally did find sleep, it was restless, and disturbed with graphic nightmares of losing Peeta. I lost count of how many different visions of him dying I saw, but I woke up screaming after a particularly bad one.

Peeta was by my side within a minute, holding me and brushing away the fat tears that were tracking down my cheeks. I saw him, thought of Delly, and took the opportunity to cry to him. I pretended that he was comforting me about the whole situation. Sobbing into his thin t-shirt, I held him as close as physically possible as he whispered soothing words in my ear.

After about an hour I managed to calm myself down enough to be able to speak to Peeta. He asked what the nightmare was about, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him that it was about losing him; his blood soaking my hands and clothes while Delly laughed mercilessly in the background.

Even though it was seven in the morning, I felt my eyelids begin to get heavier by the minute. Peeta also noticed, and layed me down in my bed. He gave me a chaste kiss on the forehead, but I grabbed his hand when he began to move away.

"Stay."

I could see him debating whether or not he should, considering he's now engaged, but his eyes softened after a moment. He climbed into my bed and I curled up beside him, resting my head on his strong chest. I was almost completely asleep when I heard him murmur something in my ear.

"Always."

"Katniss!" I winced as I heard Delly's shrill voice calling my name. I had decided to stop wallowing in my misery and went to the store to get some much needed groceries. I hadn't seen Delly in weeks, before her and Peeta's engagement. It just brought up painful thoughts.

Clearly it had been a bad idea.

"Oh, uh, hey Delly!" I replied half-heartedly, trying to conjure up a smile. I had only gotten about two hours sleep the night before, and although they were spent curled up next to Peeta, they were not nearly enough to transport me out of the vile mood.

"I really need to talk to you, it's important. Can we go somewhere quieter than this?" Delly looked so enthusiastic that I couldn't help but say yes. We paid for our stuff and walked across the street, into a small cafe.

The time we spent talking reminded me just how damn likable Delly is. It is physically impossible to hate this woman; even when she's marrying the man you're in love with. She kept conversation flowing the entire time and it felt natural as opposed to awkward and forced. Her stories and jokes never failed to make me smile. This was the reason we were best friends in the first place.

We were polar opposites; Delly loved everything and everyone - she was a social butterfly. Always smiling, laughing and making friends with whoever was up for talking. Whereas I was completely introverted. Being on my own made me happy, and helped me concentrate on whatever I may be doing.

"So, Kat, I was wondering.. Would you like to be my maid of honour? This wedding wouldn't even be happening if it weren't for you, and I owe you so much. You deserve this. You also deserve to find someone as amazing as Peeta to make you as happy as I am."

This hit me like a tonne of fucking bricks.

"Which is why I want to introduce you to my cousin Gale. You guys would seriously get on like a house on fire."

The last thing I wanted to do was hook up with someone else while I was pining after Peeta.

But maybe, just maybe, it might make him jealous. Peeta could be pretty territorial when he wanted to be.

"Gale sounds nice."

But then there was the whole maid of honour thing. What the fuck was I supposed to say? Oh, I'm in love with your fiance but of course I'll run around after you on your wedding day like a little slave and watch you two be perfectly sweet and in love. Sounds like a hell of a lot more fun than just being bitter in the background and getting drunk.

"What about being my maid of honour? Please?" Delly was looking at me like I was the best person in the world at that moment, and it made me feel like shit.

"Oh, uh, I don't know Dells.." I said quietly, about to suggest one of her other close friends.

"Please Katniss! It would mean so much to me!" It broke my heart how hopeful she looked, so I just blurted out the first words that flew into my head.

"Sure."

I got home that day to an incredibly welcome sight;

Peeta shirtless. Baking my favourite cheese buns.

"Hey." I tried to sound casual, but the word came out as more of an exhale. If he noticed, Peeta didn't draw any attention to it.

He turned around and his eyebrows furrowed together. Shit. He had clearly noticed the deep, grey bags underneath my eyes. That day had been one of the most stressful days of my life. Between Delly and the whole maid of honour fiasco and unexpected clients showing up looking for extra supplies of herbal remedies to last them through my two well-earned days off, I had gotten completely exhausted and run down. It wasn't like I could afford to turn them away, though. I needed to save for Peeta's wedding present and enough air-fare to go and visit Prim over the Summer, and I had begrudgingly accepted the extra business.

"Are you okay?" he asked, looking genuinely concerned. I waved him off and quickly changed the subject.

"I have news." I tried to sound enthusiastic, but my voice came out slightly cold.

His face lit up slightly, but I could still see concern in his stunningly blue eyes. "Oh? What's that?"

"Well, Peeta Mellark, I am now officially your soon-to-be wife's maid of honour!" I had managed to get my voice under control for this, saying it in a sickeningly sweet voice.

Peeta seemed to consider this. He looked a little but dumbstruck, and not necessarily in a good, shocked with excitement way. More of an 'I'm not really happy with this but I better pretend I am' way. If that look exists.

He reached up to scratch the back of his neck. "Oh, that's- that's great, Kat." He gave me a half-hearted smile and expected me to buy it.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked, my mind racing with a thousand possibilities. He could know about my feelings. He might not want me to be involved in the wedding. The list went on and on.

"Oh.. Nothing, I just.." He trailed off, leaving me petrified.

"Spit it out, Mellark." I winked at him and tried to go for light-hearted, but it felt forced and unconvincing. He flinched slightly at my tone, knowing I was trying to be enthusiastic, when clearly there was something bothering me too.

He shook his head, as if to clear his thoughts, and waved me off. "Nothing. Just tired, I guess."

I raised an eyebrow at him, but didn't attempt to push the subject any further. I was still worried, but that was the thing about Peeta; if he didn't want to talk about something, the only way to make him talk was to give him time and gentle persuasion. For someone who was so in touch with his emotions, he could be pretty closed off when he wanted to be.

I suddenly realised how close he was standing to me, and how much I wanted to kiss him. Heat was practically radiating off of his still bare chest, but a shiver ran down my spine in response to his closeness. Our almost-kiss from the other night came into my mind, making a spark ignite in my lower abdomen, spreading what felt like liquid fire throughout my veins.

Suddenly, something snapped in my head and made me jerk away from his intense stare. Without even looking at him, I could sense Peeta tensing and taking a deep breath. I could have sworn I heard him mutter a string on curses under his breath, but I couldn't be sure. Peeta never swore.

"So I'm going to bed." I completely disregarded the fact that it was only seven-thirty in the evening and still partially bright outside.

"Yeah.. Yeah, so am I. G'night." He swept past me and headed towards his bedroom, seemingly muttering to himself.

And that's when I broke down in tears. Ever since we were teenagers, when we had to leave each other, whether it was to go home or go to bed, we always hugged goodbye. Always. But tonight, he had just completely forgotten about it.

Completely forgotten about me.

A/N.

So yeah, hungover again, blah blah blah.. This isn't going to be long, probably three chapters at the most that will be about the same length/possibly longer than this. I don't have the time or patience to write 5,000 words at a time, and I can be a bit of a procrastinator.

So reviews make me smile. mwah x