Richard Castle, semi world famous author and partner to one Katherine Beckett, had seen a lot of things in the last four or so years since he'd been trailing her for his Nikki Heat series and nothing had shaken his faith in her until now.
"How am I even supposed to trust you?" she demanded, much to his outrage.
How could she even ask him that? Their fight last year, before she'd been shot, had been bad but this... this was something else; this was worse because now she claimed not to trust him and that hurt. "Because of everything we've been through together!" He said, the fury in his voice was barely contained and for a second he thought he might snap.
"Four years! Four years I've been right here, I bring you a cup of coffee every day just to see a smile on your face." He paused for a moment, was that a reaction? He couldn't tell; he was too busy being angry and hurt.
The argument went on but he began to lose track of it, of what they were saying, but the gist of it was clear; it was her life and he should stay out. "You're right." He told her finally, because he knew he would never win. He had waited for an entire year just for a hope, a small sliver of hope, that she would let him in.
"It's your life," he said finally, a small hint of defeat in his tone, "but I'm not going to watch you throw it away." The words pained him to say, but he buried that for now, "I'm done," he told her before leaving.
"Is that really what you want to do?" asked his daughter, snapping her Castle out of his day dream, bringing him back to the present and realizing that he was about to make a very, very risky move in this chess game against Alexis
"Well I do like living my life on the edge," the author quipped, tapping his fingers against the kitchen table. The two were playing their weekly round of chess; a tradition started when he'd finally made the choice to get out of the city and move permanently to the house in the Hamptons.
Once brilliant and full of life, the aging Rick Castle's blue eyes had faded with time but there was still a mischievous glint in them as he studied his daughter. Alexis Castle, soon to be Alexis Clarke, stared at him before moving her eyes down to the board.
Her fiancee, Scott, would be here in a few hours but until then the two played chess or talked about ideas for one of Castle's new books (He was determined to write until the day he died). Alexis worried about her dad out here alone; ever since that fight with Beckett years ago he had never quite been the same, even if he pretended he was.
It was one of the reasons she hadn't really dated, until Scott came along and swept her off her feet. They'd met at the local hospital where she worked as a pediatrician; having had enough of dead bodies while interning at the morgue.
"It's your move," Castle finally said, snapping her out of her thoughts for the time being and shaking her head.
"Sorry, I was just thinking about how much I worry about you." They bantered like this from time to time, and each time he told her the same thing.
"I'm fine sweetheart."
Rolling her eyes she took his castle and motioned for him to go, "You always say that, but it's got to be lonely out here, doesn't it?"
He pretended to ignore her for a moment before looking up at her. "Sometimes, but I manage." What he didn't tell her about was the nightmares; the nightmares about the murders he'd seen, the shooting of Kate Beckett... and about the fight. He had a lot of nightmares about the fight.
He'd considered calling her so many times after it, just to make sure she was okay, but he he'd never been able to work up the courage to do so. He had talked to Esposito and Ryan from time to time to check on her, but even that had stopped after about a year.
Rick had put it behind him for awhile until his mother's death when he had almost called her again.. Then he had seen her at the funeral. He had kind of hoped she'd be there, but once again he hadn't been able to approach her.
They had locked eyes, and both had taken a step forward, but then life had intervened and Alexis had pulled him away while Kate had been pulled aside by Lanie. That had been the last time he had seen her and she had been so beautiful. It always took his breath away how she had managed to be both beautiful and intimidating at the same time.
"Dad?" came the voice of his daughter, snapping through the memories that he found himself lost in more every day.
"Sorry sweetheart I uh..." A wave of exhaustion hit him and he let out a yawn, "Do you mind if we cut things a little short today?" He yawned again for extra emphasis and tried to pretend he didn't see the disappointed look in her eye as she nodded.
Alexis stood up and walked over to her elderly Father to kiss his forehead "Let me call Scott, you should get some rest."
Scott picked her up about twenty minutes later and Castle walked her to the porch; even for an elderly man he was surprisingly quick. "I love you, Alexis." he told her gently. The redhead stopped before shutting the car door and looked up at him, a strange look on her face, "I love you too dad."
After she left he must have drifted off to sleep because when he awoke to a pounding at his door the entire house was dark except for the little part of the living room that was lit up by the moon. When he got up to open it a familiar pain shot through his leg and he winced; damn arthritis.
Ignoring the pain he walked over to the door and opened it to find a face he never thought he'd see again; her hair was gray now, and her face was wrinkled but she was still the most beautiful woman he'd never laid eyes on. Her Hazel eyes rested on him and while they weren't as full of life as they had once been he could still get lost in them.
"Kate..." The surprise in his tone was obvious; and he hated that she still had that effect on him, even after all these years.
"Hey Castle." Her voice hasn't changed much, except it's softer; but it sounds like pure magic to him and he just wants her to keep talking- which she does, "I uh..." She paused and shook her head, "It may sound silly but I just, I needed to see you one more time.."
"No... no not silly, I've been thinking about you and there's been so many times I wanted to..." He trailed off because he can tell from the look in her eye that she understands, so instead he clears his throat and steps back to invite her in, "Can I get you a drink?"
"Just water thanks." The former cop said quietly and stepped inside, "I always wondered what it was like here." she mused, "You rich or something?" As she looked around Kate Beckett couldn't help the wistful look;one of her biggest regrets, and she had many, was that she had never accepted his offer to go up to the Hamptons that year in time.
"So I hear you're working on a new project," Beckett called as she moved towards the living room to sit down, "A return to mystery novels?" After they had split up, so to speak, he'd stopped writing Crime novels and had began experimenting with other genres; with a particular gift for horror and suspense. Nikki Heat and Jameson Rook had been retired; getting the happy ending that Kate Beckett and Richard Castle had never gotten.
"Oh, I have about five projects I'm 'working on' any given day." The author replied as he headed into the kitchen and got two glasses of water before heading into the living room and sitting beside her. "I was thinking of doing an autobiography, I mean I didn't do a whole lot in my life but those four years at the precinct? Those were..." He trailed off, because no single word seemed good enough to describe that time of his life, "extraordinary." he finally said, recalling the very first dedication he'd written to her.
Their eyes locked and for a moment something sparkled in the retired detective's eyes and for a moment Castle felt his heart skip a beat; no one had ever quite had that effect on him before, or after, Katherine Beckett and it was good to feel that, even if it was just for one more day, "So..." he finally spoke up after what seemed like hours of silence but most have just been minutes; she'd always had that effect on him.
"So..." She repeated, "Javier and Lanie got married and even had a kid, Ryan's got two little one's at home." She said, catching him up on the lives of the other two detectives he had called friends at the 12th because it seemed easier than admitting she missed him, that she had never quite filled the hole that Richard Castle had left in her life. She never had been good at admitting her feelings, maybe if she had been they wouldn't be sitting in his living room like complete strangers...
She sipped at her water; hoping to drown out those thoughts and instead looked down, "Both Javier and Kevin amaze their kids, or used too at least, with tales of how they worked with the.. semi famous author." Beckett gave him a mischievous smile when he opened his mouth to protest and she shrugged, "Admit it Castle, you weren't as famous as you pretended to be."
Rick shut his mouth and shook his head, "You wound me Detective." he finally said, a hint of the childish smile he'd always had for her forming on his lips as he sipped at his own water absent mindlessly to buy him time to think of something to say. "I missed you," he finally said, not for lack of other things to say but even Castle had to admit that things would've been so much different if they could have just spoken up about their feelings.
Her smile faded and she did something Castle hadn't really expected- she leaned forward and gently laid her hand on his "I missed you too."
They shifted into a more comfortable silence and both just focused on their drinks for a few minutes; her hand still resting on his and for the first time in what seemed like forever they both seemed at ease. Castle had always been good at reading Beckett, though he'd found that he'd still had a lot to learn despite that, and even though it had been a long time since they'd seen each other he still could.
"You look good."
The retired detective shook her head, "Remember the last time you said that to me?" she asked with a mix of curiosity and fondness to her tone.
"Yeah I do..." Castle smiled at the memory, "You were so angry at me and I was so... clueless, one of my biggest regrets, y'know? Not calling that summer, Gina must have caught me picking up the phone about... 50 times that summer and insisted I get back to writing, I was miserable without you." He confessed.
Kate blinked, taken aback by his confession and her heart skipped a beat, "You were...? But you guys.." Way to sound confident Detective She thought and sighed, "I thought you and Gina.."
"Oh we did, but not in the Hamptons... I mean we did but I never really pursued a relationship with her until we got back in the city because I didn't have a reason to, but I came back and I didn't know you'd broken up with Demming yet and I couldn't face that, I couldn't..."
Kate winced when he brought up Demming, the robbery detective had seemed like the perfect distraction from her then developing feelings but the distraction had put a rift between them and it had taken her forever to finally figure it out (Plus a little 'talk' from Lanie the summer he'd disappeared).
"Castle I.."
His blue eyes locked with hers again and he raised a hand to silence her, "Don't, it was a long time ago and I never meant for any of that to come out; but at the same time if we had been more open with how we feel, if we had been more honest with each other maybe.. Just maybe things would be.."
"Different." She finished for him, "I was just thinking that, if I had been more honest with how I felt, with what I wanted- especially to myself, then I wouldn't have lost the best thing that ever happened to me and neither of us would be sitting here asking each other what if."
Rick couldn't help but stare, she asked that to? That had been the one mystery, the one question that he had never been able to solve; he'd lost nights of sleep over it at first, but part of him had started to accept it. Acceptance had been the hardest part, he hated just accepting not knowing, he needed to know- needed answers, that's why working with the 12th had been so fun, solving mysteries... It was one of his proudest achievements- the work he'd done with the NYPD (Next only to raising the best daughter in the world of course).
"Do you need to get back to the city?" He finally asked curiously, hoping she would say no, "You could uh.. stay the night if you like? And yes, I think even I'm getting too old for a safeword." He quipped lightly.
Kate bit her lower lip before emitting a small laugh, "It's good to see somethings never change, is it still Apples?" She asked, one wrinkly hand moving up to twist her graying hair around her fingers.
"I was actually thinking of changing it to Shiny.. or Pineapples." He mused, "But the second one seems like i'd just be ripping myself off.. "
"Heat Wave, I remember- I read it still, I heard they were going to remake the movie actually and this time it'd actually come out in theaters and not go straight to DVD," she said playfully, "I reread the Nikki Heat Books a lot actually, it's the only part of you I really had left after the way we... after the way I ended things."
"That wasn't your-"
"Wasn't it? You were trying to look out for me, you told me you loved me again, and I reacted like I always do.. I retreated back into my shell, I pushed you away and just hoped you would come back." She confessed, because in her mind he deserved to know, "And I never tried to get you back out of sheer stubbornness, which in hindsight I should have known would make me do something stupid like not tell you that I..."
"I know."
"You do, but how? I mean I never..."
"I know you, Kate- I know... and nothing's changed for me either, y'know? Nothing's..." He was cut off by her leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to his cheek and biting her lip, "I love you, Kate." The words absently made her reach down and press her fingers to her chest where she'd been shot; the scar was still there and probably never would go away.. But she'd learned to live with it, she'd learned to live with a lot of things.
"Let's go outside." She said finally, "It's a nice night outside and, things always seem much clearer under the stars." She stood up and motioned for him to follow and he nodded in response. The duo headed outside to the white porch swing Castle had installed when he and Alexis had moved out here.
They spent the next hour or so talking and Castle must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew the sun was rising and Kate was fast alseep; her head resting on his shoulder. He wiped one of his eyes clear and paused when he noticed something; he'd always been a stickler for the details.
She wasn't breathing... Kate Beckett wasn't breathing. She'd died, sometime in her sleep from the looks of it. "You weren't supposed to go before me," he mused, a hint of a smile on his lips "Or maybe you were, considering what you did for a living."
The author's eye lids were heavy, and not for the first time his body ached- sore and tired muscles screaming for rest,and he gently wrapped an arm around her still warm body, "I guess I'm still following you around." he mused, his voice thick with exhaustion and love, "Always." He whispered softly as his eyes closed again.
Note: So, after a long hiatus I've found a new show I quite enjoy in Castle, and I hope to put out a few more fics for this fandom,but that's only if people like this one. I've heard this is a lot like the movie the Notebook, but I've never seen it so that was unintentional. I don't own anything in this fic, seriously I don't, so please read and review! And sorry for the bad title, I literally couldn't think of anything else.