A Real Childhood
I own nothing in this story. JK Rowling owns Harry Potter, and Reptilia28 is responsible for this challenge.
Harry is killed at 17 during a fight with Voldemort. He's sent to his Death's office (explained later) and finds out that this isn't the first time that this has happened.
Harry's Death (who can have a human name) is mad at his arrival. Apparently, people dying before their time is a black mark on the various Deaths' records, and Harry is getting perilously close to getting this particular one fired.
When Harry asks what was supposed to have happened, Death goes off on a rant saying how he was supposed to have killed Voldemort, found his soul mate ("Some Granger girl...") and lived to be a centennial age. But since Harry keeps getting into life-threatening situations for one reason or another, he keeps dying before that happens. Harry is surprised about the soul mate part.
Death gives Harry a paper to sign that allows him to retain his memories (the previous times, he wasn't given this option for some reason). Harry is deposited to a previous time of the writer's choosing.
Eventually, Harry gets it right. He kills Voldemort, gets the girl, and lives to a ripe old age of whatever. And Death doesn't get fired
Harry had to have died at least three times before this one.
The memory keeping contract must be included.
Death must refer to Hermione as "some Granger girl" when Harry's soul mate turns up in his rant.
"Bloody hell, where am I?" Harry asked himself. "I do seem to get into all sorts of trouble," Harry thought with a sigh. Harry was standing in a tan colored office cubicle in front of a lady sitting at a desk. "Think," Harry thought desperately. "I was just at Kings Cross station talking to Dumbledore about whether or not to come back to life. I chose to come back to life, and he gave me all of his power (i.e. I know this didn't happen in the books, but I need it to happen here). I then woke up and Narcissa Malfoy was sent to check if I was alive. Oh, bloody hell! She must have felt my heart beat and notified Voldemort who, in turn, killed me again," as Harry was coming to this revelation he felt another light bulb illuminate in his head. "I'm dead!" Harry said rather than thought.
The lady at the desk looked up. "Yes, you are. You seemed to grasp that a lot better than most people. Please state your name, how you died, and then head to the lines to be checked for if you're going up or down."
Harry gulped nervously but reconciled himself with thoughts of his parents and Sirius. "I'm Harry Potter. I was… shot by a … terrorist." He wasn't sure if this woman knew about magic.
The lady at the desk looked up once more. "Harry Potter. AGAIN! The boss is going to be so mad! I assume that it was Voldemort again?"
"Er, yes, it was Voldemort, but what do you mean by 'again'? Wait a second, have I died before?" Harry asked nervously.
"Very astute," the woman said. "Yes, you're correct. I'll let someone else explain it, though." The woman at the desk then proceeded to pick up a muggle cell phone and call someone. "Yes, boss #2, yes I know you told me not to call you that, I know that you're at a party right now, but Harry Potter's just arrived. Yes, I know that you want to see him, but remember that if he dies one more time your job is on the line. Yes, please apparate over. Bye." The woman then proceeded to say to Harry, "I believe an old friend of yours is on the way over in 3, 2, 1-"
CRACK!
Harry jumped at the noise and saw their intruder. It was a man with long black/brown hair and those famous grey eyes. Yes, it was Sirius Black.
"Sirius!" Harry ran over to Sirius and gave him a hug while trying to hold back tears.
"Pup!" Sirius said. "Didn't do much growing since you last died, did you," he said with a smirk and a wink.
Harry still felt like he was going to explode of happiness but still wanted to ask his question. "Sirius, I still don't understand the "died before" concept."
"Well, Harry, you wouldn't have, would you. You obviously inherited James' poor brain instead of Lily's super gigantic genius one. Being absolutely serious (snicker), though, yes, you've died three times before. You died after following me into the veil, you drank the poisoned mead instead of Ron and he wasn't quick enough to think of a Bezoar, and you died when you went to King's Cross station. Believe me, we had to pull a lot of strings to send you back there so that Dumbledore would have the misconception that he was right about you not being able to die by old Moldywarts' hand until the horcrux was destroyed."
Harry breathed deeply. It was a lot to take in. "Sirius, I'm so sorry. I really shouldn't have believed my nightmare and you even died becau-" Harry never did get to finish that statement as he was quickly hit by a silencing and petrifying spell.
"Do we have to go through the same routine every time, pup? It's always such a happy reunion and then all of a sudden a completely unfounded apology. Harry, had I had a dream that you were being tortured, I would have showed up immediately- damn the consequences. You even tried to see if I was at home first, but my traitorous house elf Kretchur lied to you. Bellatrix and Kretchur are the only ones I blame for my death."
Harry was still uncertain but he nodded that he had gotten the point.
Then Sirius shouted in a tone that put Molly Weasley's proudest yell to shame, "On the other hand, Harry, WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU THINKING RUNNING INTO THE VEIL AFTER I HAD PASSED THROUGH IT. CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'VE COMMITTED SUICIDE! I understand about the other two incidents, which gave me two black marks, by the way, but that, THAT WAS ATTROCIOUS BEHAVIOR. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF." Harry turned his head and saw the assistant tiptoe out quickly.
"I AM VERY DISSAPOI-"
Harry mentally cut Sirius off with his thoughts. He then remembered what Fred and George once told him- you always had to cut Molly off before she got into her stride. Harry decided that he would try the same tactic with Sirius.
"Sorry, Sirius, but what do you mean by black marks and why was I still alive in 7th year?" Harry cut in quickly.
Sirius gave Harry the evil eye for stopping his lecture but nonetheless answered his questions. "I get a black mark every time one of my clients dies before they are supposed to. Four marks and I go to hell rather than heaven when my serving time is done. As for the other question, you were alive because you weren't killed by Voldemort. The prophecy says that you can only die by his hand and he can only die by yours until one of you is finally dead. As fate is higher up than any of us grim reapers, you have to complete the prophecy. Now that Voldemort has killed you, though, your blood in him allows you to return. So basically, you're immortal."
"What am I going to do now, Sirius. I'm dead again but if I die one more time you lose your job and go to hell?" Harry asked. He had put his godfather's eternal resting place on the line.
"Well," Sirius said, "If you sign this," he said pointing to a contract on the now vacant desk, "you get to keep you memories and choose when you return. You can return anywhere from a second before you died to the second Lily was impregnated."
"I'll sign," Harry said quickly, "but I want to save my parents from Voldemort. If I return about ten minutes after I'm born, I can spend time with my parents just-in-case they die, kill Voldemort with my extra power from Dumbledore, pretend to be a child genius, prevent you from going to Azkaban, and kill that traitor, Wormtail."
Sirius replied, "It's you're choice. Just be sure to remember that everything inside of you is transferring to your child body. Your vocal cords and power level will still be intact but I will put a spell on them so that they sound like you're child's voice."
"I have one condition, though," Sirius said. "I get to use you to play the biggest and bestest prank on Lily and James. The second you're sent back, you have to use wandless magic to summon a pepper-up potion, say "mama looks tired," and force-feed Lily the potion through wandless magic. Then when you see James you have to say, "I wanna ride a stag proudly. Lily didn't know about James' unregistered animagus form and it'll be hilarious."
"Done," Harry said and signed the contract.
"One other thing, Harry. Trust all of the Weasleys except for Ginny. She's been giving you love potions. The only reason you were able to break up with her when you went horcrux hunting was you're inability to be controlled by the imperius curse. You fought the love potion well, but Hermione is your soul mate (I know I was supposed to say "some Granger girl, but Sirius knows Hermione well).
"No," Harry said, "Ginny wouldn't do that. Would she?"
"Sorry, Harry, but she has. You would have been unable to kill Voldemort because of her selfishness if you hadn't been able to resist the potion."
"What about Hermione being my soul mate? I only love her like a sister and she loves Ron," Harry said.
"No Harry, you convinced yourself that you only loved her like a sister when Ron started dating her. She gave up on you thinking that you would never want a bookworm and instead took what she could get, Ron."
"Also, Harry, I'll have all of the horcruxes destroyed before you arrive. I now have one last gift. You may choose ten things that you want to bring with you to the past. They can be anything at all. They can even be things like the power to speak to birds. It cannot include the power to kill Voldemort, though."
"First, I want to bring Hermione with me. She will have all of the same powers as me. Can she be informed?"
"Sure, pup, great choice."
"Let's see, next, I want all the money in the world multiplied by 100 and put into my trust vault without anyone being suspicious. Third, I'd like the ability to do any magic I wanted by just thinking what I wanted done with the intention that it should occur. Fourth, I want all the knowledge in the world in my head. I will be able to understand it. Fifth, I want the ability to talk to everybody and everything. I will be able to talk to dogs, goblins, the wind, even people from other countries. Sixth, I want to be the heir to any family that I choose just by stating, I, Harry James Potter, am the heir of… Seventh, I want power over the Ministry of Magic. Eighth, I want never to become corrupted by money, power, or evil. Ninth, I want everyone to see me as Harry Potter, not the boy who lived or the boy who killed Voldemort unless I specifically choose to use my fame. Lastly, I want the knowledge of what the outcome of every decision will be."
"Wow!" Sirius whistled. "This is the best selection yet."
Harry's head was still whirling when Sirius said, "alright, Harry, I'm going to send you back now. I'll be checking in monthly. Good luck!"
With that, Harry was propelled into the winds of time.