Feel free to criticize, I can take it. Everything belongs to Jane Austen. I hope you enjoy my take on Pride and Prejudice!
Something About New Neighbors
"Do I love you, my oh my! River deep, mountain high!" Only in the shower would I be able to sing to my heart's content. Outside of the shower, I had to face the reality that is my family.
I got dressed in my baggy sweatpants and old T-shirt. Barefoot, hair dripping, I ran down the stairs and into the kitchen. "Ma, I'm going to pick up Jane from the airport." My mother was a stout, five feet six inches tall, and stood with a look of utter disbelief on her oddly shaped dyed-blond head. The wooden cooking spoon in her hand was red with marinara. "Elizabeth! How could you leave the house in such a state!" She wagged the spoon dangerously close to my shirt. My father peeped his head in the kitchen, wiggling his brows conspiratorially before disappearing into his office. I bit my lip to keep from smiling.
"Ma," I said, exasperated, "I'm going to put some shoes on of course." The marinara dripped onto the stovetop.
"Why can't you act more like a woman? For god's sake, you're nineteen years old and still acting like a twelve-year old tomboy!" I grabbed a cookie from the jar we always kept next to the refrigerator and shuffled out of the kitchen, my hands over my ears.
"Don't worry ma!" I yelled, "No one at the airport is going to pay any attention to your unwomanly daughter!" I pulled on my sneakers and grabbed my father's car keys.
Forty minutes later, I was waiting at the baggage claim for the arrival of my sister. She and I both went to the same college, but Jane had stayed after for a few weeks to work on a project with her political science professor.
"Lizzy!" I heard from my left, the sound of my beautiful blond sister lifting my spirits. I ran to give her a bear hug. "Living without you for two weeks was torture," I said, "ma was just about to cut my head off and serve it for dinner."
"Lizzy, you know mom loves you."
I shook my head and changed the subject. "She's cooking." Jane's sculpted eyebrows rose, an expression much like the one my father liked to use.
"That's never a good sign." She said, looking for her luggage.
"You're telling me." I put a hand on my hip. "Ma usually leaves the cooking to Mary. Oh but don't worry, she hasn't started cleaning yet." When our mother cleaned, the family was on its best behavior, prepared for the worst.
"What's happening?"
I picked Jane's pink duffel off the baggage carousel, thinking.
"Well, considering ma can never keep a secret, I'm guessing we'll find out tonight. She's so excited for your arrival Jane. I was tempted to tell her your flight was delayed…" I brushed a hand over my hair, a glint in my eyes.
"Lizzy," Jane admonished. We walked out of the airport and into my father's Buick.
Back at home, ma was interrogating Jane about the men in her life, or lack thereof, Dad was lost in a book, and Mary was in the kitchen cooking. I guess the news wasn't going to be as big as I thought. I went in to help with the meal.
"What's up with ma Mary? She was cooking."
"Oh," Mary pushed her wire-rimmed glasses back up the bridge of her nose. "She doesn't know I'm in here, I just didn't want to eat such a terrible dinner."
"I feel ya sis," I said, slapping a thankful hand across my middle sister's back and stealing another cookie. I peeked into the living room. Ma kept lecturing poor Jane, who looked tired and a little irked, although I'm sure only I could see this. To the rest of the world, Jane looked politely engaged. But to me her eyes begged for assistance. I hopped over to her rescue.
"So ma, what's the latest gossip amongst the Longbourn Ladies?" The Longbourn Ladies was a group of women of my mother's ilk who gossiped about the young men and women of the town and the various scandals that occurred between them. Oh, they did all this under the guise of a knitting group.
My mother couldn't knit.
Jane smiled, looking at her shoes. I beamed at our mother.
"Lizzy, I've barely had a chance to talk to my eldest daughter, who I haven't seen in god knows how long, and you choose to interrupt me." Her anger was only halfhearted, as her frown quickly turned to a knowing smile. "Lucky for you, I do have some news. That old stone mansion off of Netherfield road has finally been rented out, and to a very prestigious family!" What was this, the eighteen hundreds?
"Oh," I couldn't help but be disappointed. I didn't really care about how prestigious my neighbors were. "Well if that's all, I think I'll set the table." Ma went back to lecturing Jane, who was drooping with fatigue. I had to save her.
"Oh Jane, Charlotte wants to speak with you, she's on the upstairs phone."
"I didn't hear a phone ring, did you Mary?" Mary had popped back into the room unnoticed. A ninja she was. She looked at me and I nodded imperceptibly.
"Oh yeah ma, your ears must have turned bad." Jane ran away gratefully and ma commenced arguing with Mary. I checked my cell phone and looked at my messages. I had two from Lydia, and one from Kitty. Joy. I called Lydia.
"Come pick us up!" She screamed into the phone. I cursed under my breath.
"Why? Can't you walk?" I mean, she and Kitty were at the park, which was only about a mile away.
"Lizzy, it's like, a twenty minute walk! Come on, don't you like driving?"
"That's irrelevant. You see, right now I don't like you. And right now I'd rather spend time with Jane."
"But—"
"I'll ask Mary, but that's all I'm going to do. Can't you get any of those football idiots to help you out?"
"They're all going to George's house to have fun. But I can't go because mom wants us home to see Jane!" Oh god, I thought, my youngest sister was the spitting image of my mother.
"Right. Well I'll call you back after I ask Mary."
Mary wanted to get away from ma, so she picked Lydia and Kitty up. Idiots, the both of them.
Lydia and Kitty sulked, slumping in their seats at the dinner table, while dad spoke of various work related nuisances.
"Yes yes, dear, so what do you know of the Bingleys?" Ma interrupted.
"Oh absolutely nothing," dad replied, "but I'm sure you know a lot, considering their wealth."
Ma ignored the snub, and filled the family in on Mr. and Mrs. Bingley's extremely successful overseas trading business while we all tried ignored her. Apparently, Charles was Jane's age, and apparently, he was the perfect husband for her. I finished eating and went upstairs to take another shower. My temples ached.