Title: "…Out with the Old, in with the New"
Author: TxJAG_b ~ TnJAGAz
Email:
Rating: G/PG Some language, no violence
Spoilers: Could be, let's just say for the sake of argument there is….
Classification: Humor…
Summary: Takes place after 'The Four Percent Solution'. Harriet is on reserve status, AJ has retired, Cresswell's in charge, Jen has moved out of Harm's building, Sturgis and Harm have buried the hatchet and Mattie is back with her father, Tom. In this story, Mac's Corvette, not the Ford JAGMobile is totaled and now she needs a new car….
A special thanks to my beta, Karen, for suggesting I do this. No I haven't abandoned …FMS, I'm just taking a break to post a short humorous story.
Disclaimer: The characters in this story are the property of Donald Bellisario, Belisaurius Productions, Paramount Pictures and Columbia Broadcasting Service Entertainment – this story is for non-profit entertainment of JAG fans only. No copyright infringement is intended or implied.
Chapter 1
1325 Zulu/ 0725 Local
Toby's Car Care Center
Georgetown
"$25,000?"
Lieutenant Colonel Sarah MacKenzie's eyes flared when she read the total written estimate the mechanic had just handed her.
Sarah MacKenzie's shock rapidly gave way to Lieutenant Colonel MacKenzie's anger.
"$25,000 to get my car repaired?" She repeated with a hard edge in her voice.
The mechanic wasn't fazed. He heard it before about a thousand times before from hundreds of customers.
"Lady, that's just to get it operational again and I'm not guaranteeing it will keep running for long."
She gave him her best drill Sergeant death stare. "What kind of mechanic are you?"
He smirked. "An honest and realistic one, Colonel." He said to her as if talking to a slow child. "You ran head-on into a tree at what? Fifty-five miles an hour?"
"It was forty-five and the roads were slick," she replied coldly. She fixed him with her 'I'm a pissed off Marine' look.
He was about to give her a sarcastic 'yeah right' like he cared if she was a Lieutenant Colonel in the Marine Corps—
Harm walked into the shop office at that moment and surveyed the situation: Ticked off Marine on one side, smug mechanic on the other. Not good.
"Is there a problem?" He asked, knowing full well there was.
Mac turned briefly to acknowledge his presence. "I'm handling it Harm," She turned back to the mechanic 'Toby' or at least that was the name embroidered in white script on the red oval patch on his dark blue coveralls.
"You mean you're going to charge me $25,000 to repair my car and you can't even guarantee it will run afterwards, Toby?"
"Colonel…Ma'am…." It was simply amazing how quickly Toby became more polite when a 6'4" Navy Commander stepped into the office. Mac wasn't buying his polite act and neither was Harm.
Toby's voice oozed greasy condescending charm – probably a male signal to the good Commander about how dumb this broad really was despite being a Marine Corps officer. "…you dropped your engine into the dirt when you hit that tree and the frame is bent in not one, but several places…truth is, we can repair the superficial damage and replace the engine, but-"
"But what?" inquired Harm 'innocently'. He hoped the man would continue sawing on that limb he was standing on. He really hated it when he had to help push someone like this lowlife off that limb.
Mac gave him her 'butt out, Navy' look. Harm winked. Mac wondered if the Top Gun lawyer jock had lost his mind.
Toby hadn't noticed the subtle exchange between the two officers. He was too busy treating Lieutenant Colonel MacKenzie like a high school cheerleader.
"Well Ma'am, Sir, when a car hits a tree head-on at fifty-five-"
"Forty-five," Mac corrected through clenched teeth.
That threw Toby momentarily. "Right, uh, forty-five miles an hour, it kinda knocks things loose-"
"Knocks 'things loose', Toby?" Mac the attorney immediately zeroed in on his casualness, "What kind of 'things'?"
Harm stood behind her, pulling himself up to his full height, to make sure the man could see all 6'4" of him. What Toby focused on though, was the mille rhinds on the Commander's shoulder boards.
Toby had a buddy that was in the service and had spent some time in the brig for partying a little too hearty while on shore leave. The cute little number who had bailed him out and got him a slap on the wrist had worn the same shoulder boards – a JAG Corps attorney.
Oh Crap.
"Toby?" Mac said sweetly. She knew he had just figured out just who he had been trying to snow, "Knocks what kinds of things loose?" Mac had adopted a dumb broad lilt to her voice, repeating her question in a surprisingly soft tone. Harm braced for the storm that was about to hit. He had been unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end of her bait and switch tactics many times before.
Toby's audible swallow was followed by a row of sweat beads on his forehead near his hairline.
Harm stood looking impassively at the man – Mac was getting ready to eat him alive.
Toby began his mechanics' song and dance. "Well, there's the electrical system; wiring sometimes comes loose weeks, even months after the wreck. Taillights, headlights, the whole ignition could be affected."
Harm and Mac stood like two angry parents talking with a wayward teenage son, waiting patiently for more.
"…then there's the fuel lines," added Toby in a sage sounding voice, "the impact could cause fittings and seals to come loose, cause a slow leak, even cause the car to catch fire."
No response.
"There's also the coolant and heater hoses, the fittings and clamps might be slightly bent meaning-"
"Meaning the hoses might fall off later, say on a bumpy road…." said Mac as if the light of his superior thinking was breaking her out of the darkness of her female ignorance.
"Exactly, Colonel, exactly…." Toby inwardly breathed a sigh of relief, glad that the lady light Colonel was buying this.
Trouble was that Toby didn't know Harm and Mac had heard this kind of weaseling explanation thousands of times from hundreds of clients.
"I see," said Mac pretending to be deep in thought. She wasn't buying it and neither was Harm.
Harm smiled a self-effacing smile. "So how much, in round figures, would it cost to get it running, safety wise, of course."
"Of course, yeah sure," said Toby quickly realizing that the lawyer knew what he'd been trying to do. "Um, probably about $20,000, I mean, $15,000, yeah $15,000 will get the Colonel's car moving again."
"Mac, what do you say?" said Harm as he pretended he was bargaining with her. Mac quickly caught on to what he was doing, but wanted to make Toby sweat a little more.
"I don't know Harm, you know how I am with cars, gosh, they are just so powerful and complex and I'm really ignorant about them." She smiled sweetly at Toby. "Of course, if I get taken, I'm sure their home office would love to hear how US soldiers are being given inflated estimates."
Toby's eyes flew wide open at that comment. "Ma'am I assure you, we don't do anything like that here at-"
"So for, $25,000, you would do any…say…follow-up work that needed to be done…at no additional charge, of course," Mac smiled a sickeningly sweet smile. She had him.
"Of course Ma'am," said Toby weakly, "at no additional charge."
"Great," said Mac beaming him her DI smile, "Outstanding Toby."
For his part Toby looked like he had just lost a prune eating contest. "Yes Ma'am, no problem at all…always happy to serve our servicemen and uh, servicewomen."
"Good, good." She turned to Harm "What do you think, can you drop me by here, say Thursday afternoon to pick it up—you did say Thursday afternoon, right Toby?"
"Yes Ma'am, she'll be ready Thursday afternoon."
"Great!" She gave him that big smile again. "Oh and Toby, just get her running again. I'll take care of the rest myself." Mac's sunny smile had disappeared behind a face of hard stone.
Toby looked to Harm for sympathy and found none. "Yes Ma'am, just like you said, enough to get it running."
"Thanks Toby," Mac walked past Harm as he opened the door for her. Harm turned and gave Toby a warning look that needed no words to be understood.
Toby nodded his acceptance of his fate.
The two JAG Corps attorneys walked toward Harm's Lexus
"Can you believe that guy?" Ground out Mac as she stalked over to his SUV.
Harm carefully opened the passenger door and gently guided the angry Marine into her seat. "We'll make a call from the office to the local Better Business Bureau and the Falls Church fraud task force." Then another more pressing thought filled his mind. "Did you say Bud was bringing his minivan over here later this week?"
Mac settled into the seat and fastened herself in. "Yes, he is," she said in sudden realization that she wanted Bud to avoid having to deal with this slug. "I'll let him know to take his van to some other mechanic." Harm shut her door and crossed around in front of the SUV opened the driver's side door and slid in behind the driver's seat.
"Do you think Toby will get his feelings hurt?" Harm said in jest
Mac smirked at his comment as he turned over the engine. "I'm sure he'll be devastated."
They had traded small talk on their way back. At first Mac had been sullen and fired off sarcastic comments. But with Harm's cajoling and good-natured jokes, he had her smiling and joking as they drew nearer to Falls Church.
As the Commander neared the intersection where they turned into the JAG Corps Headquarters parking lot, he looked over at Mac. The Marine Lieutenant Colonel's brief, sunny smile had disappeared behind clouds of wistfulness. She had been so happy when she got bought that Corvette and sold that old Jeep Cherokee so many years ago.
"Hey Marine, penny for your thoughts…."
Mac blinked as if shaking herself out of a daydream, and gave Harm an embarrassed smile.
"Sorry Harm, what did you say?"
He made the turn into the lot and headed for front gate where the two guards waited to inspect their security admission badges. "I said ' penny for your thoughts.'"
"Nothing in particular really, it's just I…I really liked that car," she said with a hint of sadness in her voice as she looked out window at the parking lot.
"Yeah, she was a beauty," Harm said smoothly, "but I'm really glad her owner got out of it okay."
"Thanks," she said with a small winsome smile.
Harm pulled up to the gate guardhouse and stopped. Both attorneys handed their id badges to the Corporal who saluted them when the Lexus stopped. After Harm and Mac returned the salute, the solider took their badges turned around and conferred with the Sergeant in the gatehouse.
After a quick but routine check, he handed the badges back to them. They exchanged salutes and he waved them through.
"Where are you going to take it to get it fixed?" Harm said continuing their interrupted conversation.
"Well it certainly won't be Toby doing the work," she snorted. Then she relented, not wanting to waste any more anger on that jerk. Mac blew out a frustrated sigh. "Not sure yet, Toby was *supposed* to be the best."
"The best?" he repeated with a hint of doubt.
"He was recommended by my neighbor, from two doors down." She explained
"Are you sure he wasn't getting a cut of the profits Mac?" Harm quipped, trying to lighten her mood again. He pulled into an available parking space next to Sturgis' BMW.
It worked. "Funny Harm," she smiled again, and then she turned serious thinking about the task ahead of her. "Well, I guess I'll have to get a rental until I can find a replacement-"
"A rental? No Mac, don't do that. Their rates are impractical and their insurance is ridiculous. And don't forget, many have GPS receivers so they can track you if you're speeding-"
"Are you implying that I speed, Navy?" There was a hardness to her voice. Harm knew it wasn't true anger. He knew she was just trying to rattle him.
"No, not at all," he winked at her, "but let's say for the sake of argument, you were late to a meeting with a client…." While he let the thought hang, he turned off the SUV and put it in park.
She held up her hands in surrender. "All right Harm, all right; you've made your point, so what do you suggest?"
It was evident he already had an idea in mind. "How about leasing?" he suggested as he pulled his keys out of the ignition.
"A leased car?" Now Mac sounded doubtful.
Harm turned toward her. "Yeah Mac, leasing a car is a good option. You get to try out a model to see if you like it-"
She wasn't completely convinced this was such a red-hot idea. "You're leaving out the part about getting my car repaired – who's going to repair it?"
"I will." He replied confidently.
"You will." She repeated incredulously as she unbuckled her seat belt.
"Yes, I will…with Sturgis' help." He smiled sheepishly at her as he undid his safety belt.
"You and Sturgis?" She rolled her eyes at this inane idea and gave him a sarcastic smile. "Harm, this is not a Sunday afternoon job, we're talking about major repairs."
"Sturgis and I have done this kind of work before, and I know where we can rent the equipment we'll need." He said defensively.
"Harm, my car isn't a science fair project for you two boys to fool around with-"
"Mac, the shape it's in now, you'd be better off to drive it straight to the junkyard. C'mon Marine, let us give it a shot." It was rare when he pleaded with her about anything. She thought it was kinda cute.
"Okay Counselor," she relented, "but I want weekly status reports." The tone in her voice indicated she wouldn't budge on this.
Harm began grinning and threw her a mock salute. "Aye, aye Colonel."
"Cut that out." She said shaking her head while giving him an amused smile.
-TBC…