Waffle: What up, bitches!? Waffle here! I know a bunch of you peoplez out there love Adventure Time, and I also know that a lot you hated how the episode "Too Young" ended. Well, this little Mass Effect crossover takes place a day or so after PB dumps him, and while it might piss off fans of FinnXBubblegum, fans of other pairings might love me for this. Zhug-Zhug is too busy cleaning out my new Rancor pit, which I will now use in case the flamers start liking the Yaoi pit, so I'll let Yuffie from FFVII do the Disclaimer!
Yuffie: Aw! Why me!? I don't even work here!
Waffle: *Sigh* I'll write a Yuffentine fic after the upcoming Mass Effect Story I have planned.
Yuffie: WHOOO! *turns to readers* Waffle doesn't own Adventure Time, Mass Effect, Final Fantasy, or anything else referenced in this story, and he's not making money off of this! Flamers and trolls will be tossed into the new Rancor Pit, after a certain crackhead caveman cleans it up for Sprinkles!
Waffle: Sprinkles? Really? *facepalms* You're really lucky I love you...uh, as a character, of course. Anyway, on with the crossover!
If you've seen the Land of Ooo firsthand, you'd see a wonderful, whimsical place full of magic, science, and colorful characters….that, or a massive pot fantasy devised by a bored young man with a desire to be a child again. This bizarre world of candy people, fire wolves, vampires, and a slew of other fantastical creatures is home to many worthy heroes and devious villains. However, things aren't as glorious as they should be for a certain member of the hero side of things.
Lying forlorn on a small hill in a grassy plain was Finn, the well known champion of Ooo, and quite possibly the last human in existence. It had only been a few days since he helped Princess Bubblegum return to her proper age, and the candy kingdom was more than happy to have her back as ruler, instead of a certain Lemon-headed prick who tried throwing everyone in the dungeon. Things didn't end so well for the hero with the white hat, as his beloved princess had cast aside her romantic ties with the human boy, in order to devote herself to ruling the Candy Kingdom properly. Finn understood her reasoning, but he couldn't instantly accept this as fact. He was the last of his kind, and despite having the comfort of his brother figure, Jake the dog, he still felt alone in a sense. He had grown to admire the pink-haired princess, but with this development, he felt as if no one could help him.
"Ugh…I get why it happened, but….did it really have to happen?" The grief stricken hero asked himself.
Finn was normally a massive ball of positive mojo, seeking adventure and excitement wherever he went, always eager to help anyone in need. Now, he was a heartbroken little boy, in need of something to cure this fit of sadness that came over him. Luckily, or unluckily, depending on the observer, a strange whooshing sound filled the air, and the sky went dark, swirling in the form of a glowing vortex. No one in all of Ooo had seen this happen before, but a fanfiction writer would call this "the portal of plot convenience."
Suddenly, a humanoid figure fell from the portal, landing in a one-man heap. "What the Glob!?" Finn blurted in shock, bolting off to find out who or what this newcomer was. As he reached the person, he discovered that the person was male…a HUMAN male! Not one of those fishheaded people that He mistook for his own kind, but an honest to Glob human! The man looked to be 25, with very short black hair, with a light mustache-beard combo to complete the look. He wore a suit of futuristic looking black/grey armor, with a hard line of red outlined with white running down one of the arms. On the chestplate was a small logo that said N7. On his hip was an odd looking handgun.
"Ugh…Garrus, why do I let you talk me into this shit?" The man grumbled to himself as he sat up, holding his skull in his hands. Finn raised an eyebrow curiously, wondering what this guy was going here. "Hey, are you alright?" He asked. The armored stranger managed to look up at the boy. "I feel like a Krogan stepped on my head, but otherwise, I'm okay. " He told the younger human, who looked familiar. "Your name's Finn, right?" He asked.
Finn nodded, kinda surprised. "H-how do you know my name?" He asked the stranger. "Meh, I somehow end up in this world every time my buddy Garrus talks me into smoking space pot, so I tend to just explore until it wears off. I heard about you and your heroic exploits from this pretty little hallucination I met with pink hair. I may sound kinda sick right now, but I almost wanted to eat it. By the way, I'm Commander Shepard, but just call me John. Or Shep, thanks to a certain hooded thief." The hero of the galaxy explained.
Finn felt his temporary depression creep up on him once again, and he lowered his head. It was Shepard's turn to raise an eyebrow. "Did I say something wrong, kid?" He asked, hoping he didn't go and do something stupid within the short amount of time he had been in this story. Finn shook his head. "No, you didn't. It's just….well, she and I just….broke up, I think is the best term." The champion of Ooo said, still clearly forlorn. Shepard nodded in understanding. "Wanna talk about it?" He asked. Finn was confused. "You've only known me for thirty seconds, and you want to talk about my breakup?" He asked.
The commander gave a light shrug. "It couldn't hurt. After all, I'm an interactive RPG protagonist. Playing shrink is kinda part of the job description. Plus, if we didn't talk about it, bringing it up would be pointless, and we'd have a plot hole bigger than the Grand fuckin' Canyon." He explained, confounding the young blond even more with his blatant destruction of the fourth wall. The boy sighed, and then gave the armored man a nod.
"Alright. Well, if you already met her, that means you know that she's a princess, and that I'm the hero that always comes to her rescue. Well, mostly from the Ice King, but he's just an old perv with a stupid crown, but I help out her kingdom all the time. She and I are close friends, and I really liked her. I still do, but she's decided to focus on ruling the kingdom the right way, so...you know. I understand it, but I wish it didn't have to happen." Finn explained.
Shep listened to Finn's story intently, understanding the pain the boy was going through. "I get where you're coming from. Having a close relationship end is never easy. I once had a very close thing with a soldier on my ship. Her name was Ashley Williams. Tough, strong-willed woman. She always had my back. She was a stubborn one, but I liked that about her. My ship got blown up, and I ended up dead, until a group called Cerberus brought me back. I started working with Cerberus to save the human race, but then I met up with Ashley again. She hated Cerberus, didn't trust them, and was pissed to find out that I was working with them after she hadn't seen me in two years. I tried to explain the gravity of the situation to her, but like I said, she was stubborn. We ended up going our separate ways."
It was Finn's turn to listen intently. "Wow…how did you get over it?" He asked.
Shepard managed to give a light smile. "Well, nothing lasts forever, buddy, especially when you take on the role of hero. Sometimes things come along, and the situation just lets everyone but you feel good about it. Time and friends heal all wounds, kid. That, and having three possible female romance options in the sequel didn't hurt either. I ended up with my old friend Tali. Reliable, beautiful, in a subtle, bucket wearing kinda way, and she gets incredibly flustered when I'm around. She's like an alien version of Hinata, and I love her to death, but she can get fierce when she wants to. The point is, in the life of a hero, a lot of things come and go, including love interests. It hurts at first, it always does, but the best cure is to move on, and keep your options open. " He explained.
Finn nodded at the space soldier's advice, smiling at him. "Wow. Thanks, Shep. I'll remember that advice. It's gonna take a while to heal, but I'll be okay." He said.
The commander's smile could only widen at the boy's words. "Good. Oh, and speaking of keeping your options open, I ended up talking to a sexy vampire lady the last time I came here, and I think she's got a thing for ya. I've got an eye for this shit, man. Maybe you have a chance. Oh! Next time I smoke that space pot, you should ask her out! I'll be your wingman! That would make one hell of a mini-sequel!" He told the boy excitedly.
Finn's face turned a dark crimson, enough to make the aforementioned Vampire Queen hungry. He kinda imagined a bit of a pervert joke for that little scenario, but that only made it worse. "I'll think about it." He told the commander. Shepard gave him a playful whack on the shoulder. "You better! I don't the FinnXMarceline fans to feel shafted!" He joked, confusing the poor blonde once more.
Suddenly, the "portal of plot convenience" appeared in the sky once again. "Well, I guess the pot's wearing off. See ya in the sequel, if Waffle ever gets off his ass!" He said with a wave of the hand, the portal sucking him into the sky, leaving the blushing human boy to think about the possibility of him and Marceline being closer.
Meanwhile, Shepard returned to his vessel, the SR-2 Normandy, and walked into the main gun battery, meeting up with everyone's favorite Turian. "Garrus,where the hell do you get that space pot?" He asked. Garrus smirked at his long time friend. "You know I can't reveal my source." He told him.
Meanwhile, back in the Waffle Cave…..
Waffle: Ha-ha! I LOVE causing hijinks! No matter how batshit crazy my methods are, things always work out great!
Yuffie: Okay, Waffle, story's over, now get started on the Yuffentine fic you promised!
Waffle: Oh, sorry Yuffs, but Vincent just called. He says if I write that story, he'll have me deep throating a bullet in five seconds. *Whispers:*First time I've ever been thankful for a death threat.
Yuffie: What was that?
Waffle: Oh, nothing, nothing. Anyway, read and review, peoplez!