This was originally meant to be a one-shot but got a little too long. It is not at all serious. There is no angst, no drama, no sweeping romance. This is something that I know is never going to happen and I know it is out of character; it's just meant for fun because I can.

I guess you could technically call this a songfic because there are lyrics in the second chapter, but it's so much more than that. Even if you're not a fan of songfics, you should give this a try. I think you'll be glad you did. Please read and enjoy.

Disclaimer: I own nothing Rookie Blue or song titles from Alice in Wonderland.

The rookies were sitting at their regular table at the Penny waiting for the last member of their group to arrive. They took advantage of his absence by discussing what they had been unable to decide on for the last couple of weeks. "What are we going to get Dov for his birthday?"

"I have no idea." Traci said in defeat. "If he really wants anything, he just goes to Gramma and she gets it for him."

"He really likes my can crusher." Chris offered.

Gail just shook her head. "Are you going to stop letting him use yours?"

"What? No."

"You live together Chris. What makes you think you need two can crushers?" Andy wanted to know.

Chris turned red and wondered if he should even risk sharing his second observation. "The only thing he talks about wanting, that he doesn't already have, is a girlfriend."

"Do you know anyone?" Gail asked Andy.

"No. Trace?"

"No, but that gives me an idea."

They all leaned in, eager to finally make a decision. Traci grinned, "Remember talent night at the Academy."

"No...Not again." Chris moaned. When they were all training, someone in their class had the brilliant idea to have a talent night. The girls had talked Chris and Dov into getting up and performing a song with them. And although they had ended up laughing about it afterward, Chris was not ready to put himself through that again.

"Yes, again." She confirmed. She wanted them to rewrite the lyrics to a song and perform it for Dov at a birthday party that they would throw for him.

At first Gail looked excited. Despite Chris' reservations, she had enjoyed herself the first time. But then she heard Andy's argument. "I don't know Trace. I don't think I want to make a fool out of myself in front of the entire division."

She had a point; what would Superintendent Mom have to say about that?

"Come on, Andy. It'll be fun and Dov will get a kick out of it. He'll love it; three hot women dancing and singing just for him. These are things he has dreams about."

Andy laughed; Traci was absolutely right. The only thing Dov talked about more than being a cop was his attraction to the opposite sex. He would love it if they played to that, and if they could combine both it would be even better. She still didn't like being the center of attention though and Traci knew that.

"If it makes you feel any better, we'll wait till right at the end of the night. By midnight, most everyone will have gone home; it'll probably just be us, Jerry, and a few stragglers."

"Alright, I'm in." Andy conceded. "But no cameras or video phones."

"Fine. Gail?"

"I'm in, but I agree with Andy...no hard evidence. What do you think, Chris?" Gail asked.

He had been sitting quietly watching the back and forth between the women wondering if they were ever going to acknowledge his presence again. "It's perfect. You guys take care of the performance and I'll take care of the party." He offered.

"Fine; you're off the hook." The girls agreed quickly, remembering Chris' two left feet. "But if you need us to bring anything, let us know."

Over the next few weeks, the women practiced whenever they had a chance. The first few nights together were spent laughing and giggling as they wrote and rewrote the lyrics till the women were satisfied. After that, they would get together at Andy's or Traci's and practice dance steps to go with the song.

Chris had to continually cover for them at the Penny though, as Dov kept asking where they were. He couldn't believe how many 'ladies nights' the women were having lately. The senior officers were becoming suspicious as well and they were beginning to question Chris' story. Jerry was the only other person who knew because of his relationship with Traci, but he was sworn to secrecy. Whenever the topic arose, he would just mutter that he had been told it was ladies night too.

The night before the party, the women had their final rehearsal before Gail headed back over to Chris and Dov's to help Chris with some last minute preparations. Dov had been told about the party but he had no idea about the song.

"OK, so it's up to you to make sure that you and Jerry are sitting on either side of Dov at the end of the night. Traci will get Jerry, Andy will get Dov and I of course get you." Gail finished with a kiss.

"Actually..."

"What?" She looked worriedly at Chris hoping she wouldn't have to call her friends to try and figure out a last minute wrench in their plans.

"What do you think about having Swarek take Jerry's place?"

"Are you kidding?"

Chris could see how Andy felt about Sam and he was pretty sure the feelings were mutual. She had broken up with Luke weeks ago and he figured they just needed a little push. And he was willing to be the one to do it. "No, I'm completely serious. If I could find a way to get Swarek to sit next to Dov, then Traci could take Dov, and..."

"Andy would have to perform the song for Swarek." Gail finished.

"Do you think it's crazy?"

"It's genius." Now she just had to decide if she should warn Traci...but what if he couldn't make it happen.

Party night came and everyone had been enjoying themselves for a few hours. As predicted, the majority of people had cleared out the closer it got to midnight. It was turning out just as the women had hoped. They knew they wanted to do this for Dov, but they really didn't want a big audience. It was hard enough being a woman on the force; they didn't want to give people a reason to question their seriousness. But Dov was their friend, and he was worth a little ribbing.

Sam was getting ready to leave with Oliver and came over to thank Chris for inviting them.

"Are you sure you have to leave sir?"

"What's the matter, Diaz? You gonna miss me? I didn't know you cared."

"It's not that sir." Chris stuttered out. "...it's just. I really think you should stay for a bit."

"Am I missing something here?"

"It's just the girls have planned a surprise for Dov and they're waiting until just before midnight to reveal it. I really think you'll want to be here for it."

"What are they giving him?"

"It's just something they did for him, but I really think you should stay."

"Seriously?" Sam racked his brain trying to think of something the women could have done for Dov that he himself would care about.

"Trust me, sir."

"Fine." There was just something about the way Chris said it that told Sam's gut he should agree.

"Great, now just make sure you're sitting right beside Dov at eleven forty-five." Chris instructed.

"What? Now I have to be sitting beside Epstein when this goes down." This was just getting weirder by the minute.

"Yes, sir."

"I have a feeling I'm going to regret this." Sam moaned, thinking he was probably crazy for listening to Diaz.

"I have a feeling you won't." Chris mumbled as he left. Sam was pretty sure he had heard him correctly but couldn't for the life of him figure out what the women would have planned for Dov that he would enjoy being a part of.

Sam walked back over to Oliver and Jerry. "You ready to go buddy?" Oliver asked.

"I think I'm going to stay till midnight now. I'll head out right after; you can go if you want though."

"Why?" Jerry asked suspiciously. He had been sworn to secrecy but if Sam wanted to stay just until midnight he must know something. "You know; don't you?"

"Know what?" Sam asked, obviously confused.

Jerry quickly realized that Sam had no idea what was going on, but he had to wonder why Sam knew just enough to make him want to stay. Jerry couldn't help but imagine Sam's face when the women, specifically McNally, came out to perform for Dov. He had seen their moves and Sam was definitely going to be surprised. He started to laugh and Sam started to get angry.

"What the hell is going on Jer?"

"You'll see." Jerry said chuckling to himself as he walked away. He leaned in to Oliver on his way by. "Stay if you can; you won't want to miss this."

Oliver quirked an eyebrow. It definitely sounded promising and by the look on Jerry's face, he knew it was going to be something to see. He quickly phoned Zoe to tell her he'd be a bit longer.

Jerry headed straight to Chris; he had a feeling that Sam was going to be more than just an innocent bystander. "Have I been replaced?"

Chris wasn't sure what to say and was hoping the senior detective wouldn't be too upset with him. "Um...well...I..."

"Relax, Diaz. It's all good." Jerry assured. He knew how Sam felt about Andy; he was pretty sure everyone did. "I can't wait to see how this plays out. I have a feeling I might enjoy it just as much...if not more."

"Great, Sir. Thanks."

The women had been mingling all night; Andy had had a chance to chat with Sam a few times. And when she wasn't talking with him, she spent the better part of the time stealing glances at him when she thought no one was looking. More than once she caught him doing the same. They would then exchange shy smiles before resuming the conversations they were supposed to be involved in.

At about eleven forty-five, Sam told Oliver he wanted to go talk to Dov before they left; Oliver was hesitant but agreed. It was rare that Sam willingly started a conversation with Epstein that wasn't work related so Shaw had a feeling it had to do with Jerry's promise.

At the same time, the women were heading to Chris' room to get ready. Andy looked over to make sure that Chris had Dov in place. Her eyes widened when she saw Sam taking the seat meant for Jerry. Gail grinned at the look on Andy's face and exchanged a wink with Chris when she met his eye. He did it.

"Why is Sam sitting beside Dov?" Andy panicked.

"Crap." She muttered under her breath as she immediately headed over to the guys. Traci and Gail followed closely behind.

Traci whispered to Gail. "What's going on?"

"Chris convinced Swarek to stay for the show...told him he should sit next to Dov."

"No way!"

"Yes, way. Now you just have to convince Andy to switch places with you."

"You're damn right I do. I sure as hell am not taking Swarek."

"Hey." Andy greeted the men before walking directly over to Sam. "Why are you sitting with Dov?"

Sam could tell she was uncomfortable; she obviously was not expecting him to be there. What is going on? "What do you mean? It's his birthday; I'm just sitting here helping him celebrate."

Jerry was standing behind Sam with a smirk on his face trying his best to avoid looking at Gail and Traci who both looked like the cat that ate the canary. Oliver was beside Jerry, shifting his gaze between everyone trying to put all the pieces together.

"But...I mean...are you sure you want to sit there?" Andy asked, lowering her voice so only he could hear. "I mean you know Dov; he won't stop talking and you know how much that bugs you."

Sam couldn't understand why Andy was so insistent on him not being there so he looked over at Chris to ensure that he hadn't misunderstood. Chris gave him a quick nod, trying to silently confirm that all was well.

"I'll be fine, McNally." Sam assured her.

"OK, then." She said half-heartedly, trying to determine her next move.

Gail and Traci grabbed Andy's arm effectively making her decision for her. "We gotta go." They insisted.

They headed back to Chris' room to change as they heard Oliver crack some joke about women traveling in packs and how he thought it was only the ladies room they were supposed to go to together.

As soon as the door closed, Andy was already trying to back out. "I don't think I can do this."

"What do you mean? We've been practicing for weeks."

"I know, but I didn't expect Sam to be sitting next to Dov. I thought it was supposed to be Dov, Chris and Jerry. I don't know...anybody but Sam."

"You can't back out now." Gail insisted as she changed her shirt and shoes. "Besides, I don't think Swarek will be complaining."

"Well that's Traci's problem." Andy threw back. "...because I'm still taking Dov."

"No way."

"That was the deal; Gail got Chris, I got Dov, and you got Jerry. I can't help it if Jerry bailed."

"Andy, there is no way I can take Swarek; you're the only one that could get away with this. Besides, Gail's right, Swarek will not be complaining if it's you."

Andy wasn't so sure and she was trying to find another argument as she reluctantly changed clothes. She had just pulled on her heels when they heard a knock at the door. Chris knew Andy would be in a panic so he passed in a tray with three shots before letting them know. "It's time."

Gail and Traci looked expectantly at Andy knowing that it all hinged on her. There was no way they could do this without her matched up with Sam. Andy met their stares before shaking her head and throwing back her shot. "What the hell." At least she would have an excuse to get close to him.

The other two girls laughed and threw back their shots. "Yes!"

Chris went back out to the living room to get everyone's attention. Jerry helped him clear out the area in front of Dov leaving Sam, Dov and Chris' chairs free of any obstructions. Dov looked up questioningly as Sam just looked a little frightened. What had he gotten himself into?

Chris stood in front of his friend. "Dov, we weren't sure what to get you for your birthday so we decided to combine a few of your favorite things into one night...a party with friends, free flowing alcohol, a little music...and women who love to dance."

Chris moved to sit down but then jumped back up quickly. "Oh and the use of any and all recording devices is strictly prohibited." He watched the remaining group grumble and put their cell phones away before retaking his seat.

A grin lit up Dov's face. He wouldn't have? But why else wouldn't they be able to record this? Would Chris have actually hired strippers for his party? Rock and roll, Diaz!

Dov's questions were answered as soon as he saw the girls come out of Chris' room and march towards him, but there was no way he could be disappointed. He could tell by the gleam in their eyes that he was in for a treat. And when he saw their matching shirts he just had to laugh.