Summery: Buffy and Spike talk while on patrol, one year after her death.
Rating: PG
Feedback: Yes Please! I live for it.
Author: scarletrose ;aka' Scarlet
E-mail: scarletr@localnet.com or scarletrose022002@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: The characters associated with Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the intellectual property and are owned and financially controlled by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and various networks.
A/N: A special thanks to Midnight's Shadow - a beta and a great friend
One Year Can Seem Like a Lifetime
The night air was thick with the smell of the fresh summer cut grass and blooming trees. The quick thunderstorm had rejuvenated the earth. The only sound that was heard was they're feet swishing though the damp grass. The silence was unbearable, for the last two hour Buffy had hardly spoken more that two words to Spike. There was a bark of a command when the vampire had attracted earlier, but not much else.
The silence was killing Spike, he knew that something was wrong with her, but she wasn't saying a word. It had become almost routine for them to talk while they patrolled, a friendly night chat just between friends, but they weren't just friends. Some where along the way they had become more than just friends. Maybe it was when he risked him life to protect Dawn, or that he had know how she felt having to crawl out of her grave, being brought back to this cruel world that they called home.
Whatever it was, there was no going back. Finally he could stand it no longer, "What wrong, Buffy? " His voice was normal, no hint of the fear he held inside. Silence and Buffy were his greatest fears. If she stopped talking, shut down as it were, he feared she would go back to the way she was right after her return, closed off, empty. That fear haunted him most of all. Losing her the first time was painful enough, and couldn't bear to loose her again. He would die first.
"Nothing."
"Don't give me that Buffy, there's something wrong and I know it." He let his fear turn to anger. The anger he could handle, but fear was something he buried deep down inside. The big bad that had killed two slayers couldn't be afraid of silence, or the lose of another slayer, but this was Buffy. She was more that just a slayer; she was his slayer, his love, his life, or the reason for his continued existence.
"You won't just let it go will you?" she sighed.
He shook him head and mumbled,"No." She knew he would grill her until she broke. She took a deep breath and slowly released it as she looked into his endless blue eyes. "Do you know what today is?"
Spike blinked, as the question caught him off guard. For a moment he couldn't think of anything that was, of any significance today or the week, for that matter. It was a nice normal summer night, right? So why was it all of a sudden it was more than that. Then the realization hit him, his eyes widened and him mouth dropped open.
"Yeah" she said softly. "One year ago tonight, I died."
Spike walked over to her and gentle placed his hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, luv. I didn't remember. I didn't want to remember, the pain of losing you was too much. When you came back I wanted to pretend it never happened. I'm sorry."
"Well, I can't just forget. I wish I could, but I can't. One year ago, I died. I left my family and friends behind and dove off the tower. I was in heaven Spike. I know I was. My mother was there, she held me like she did when I was a baby. Wrapping her arms around me and felt safe for the first time in a long time. I felt safe. Sure I missed them, but some how I know you were all safe. I knew you would keep your word and protect Dawn."
Think about all the things that had happened in her live over the past year was too much. The tears pooled in the corner of her hazel eyes and a lonely tear escaped. Spike gingerly cupped her cheek in his hand and gently brushed away her tear. His other hand wrapped around her waist, and quickly pulled her into his loving embrace. Buffy completely broke down in his arms, "They brought me back. Why Spike? Why did they do that?" she cried.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know what they were doing until it was too late. You were already back."
"Would you have stopped them if you did?"
"Back then I would have, but now …" His voice trailed off not knowing how to tell her that he had secretly wished every night for her return. "If I knew than that now we would be this, I would honestly have to say no. I wouldn't have stopped them. I would have found a way to make it less painful, but I wouldn't have stopped them. Buffy, I don't regret anything that has happened between us. What has happened between us made us what we are. It has showed me how much I really love you and that is something I do not regret"
Looking up into his beautiful and loving face she could see he meant it, he didn't regret this, and neither did she. He had been her rock since she had returned. He knew her wants and needs, he knew her better than she herself, somedays. Her only problem was she hid her feeling for him from everyone. She had wanted to tell him several time but just couldn't. She had tried to tell Willow and couldn't. The only one who knew anything about them was Tara, even then she couldn't admit she had real feelings for him.
"Me neither. I like this, us. I don't regret it, but I want more. More that us sneaking around, more than us just..." she paused looking for the right word.
"Shagging." he offered.
"Yeah" she sighed. "How is it that you know exactly what I'm thinking?"
That made him chuckle, "Slayer, I've always known. That's what I think drew us to each other. Me being the Big Bad 'grrr' that I am and you being the good and pure Slayer that you are, but somewhere along the way we changed."
"I became a little darker and you became a little lighter."
"Now who's finishing whose sentence? See we fit, somewhere in between, in that grey area. We fit."