Chapter 1: Gloria
Never before had she considered removing their lifelong symbol of love from her finger, but as of now she wasn't so sure it meant much of anything. No matter what happened she would always love Bob. It was just hard for her to believe that he returned that sentiment. Then again, it was never easy feeling loved when you knew that you were the backup plan.
It was possible that his feelings had changed towards her since their marriage. And it was possible that he was as hurt as she was right now. That was the problem though, it was all possibility, there was no certainty anymore. She couldn't hear him tell her that he missed her and be fully convinced. She would always be wondering whether or not he actually wanted her, or if he was fantasizing about that other woman every chance he got.
Now, she didn't think that he had ever cheated, and he wouldn't. That confirmation however, failed to alleviate the betrayal that was currently residing within her chest and suffocating her. It was physically paining her to know that her happiness had depended on some random stranger's response, and it made her feel like an idiot to think that she considered this a happy marriage.
This wasn't even a marriage. It couldn't be. This was him settling and her being dragged along through his delusion of a happy home. Perhaps she could be overreacting, but who wouldn't in her condition?
That was how this whole thing started, she finally found some happiness and he had to go on about how this was a bad thing. This baby was inconvenient to him. Bob, of course fought to the death, telling her over and over how that wasn't what he meant and how he would be there for her and he would love the baby. That was when it slipped, his version of trying to convince her that he was glad she was the one he married.
"It's not about us, Emily! Everyday I wake up next to you instead of Gloria is a great day!"
Those were the words that lead to the confession, the words that should have made her feel better, yet the very ones that shattered her.
That was when she started to wonder why he felt it important to bring it up now. They had fought before, even worse than they had been up to that point, and yet that was the first time she had heard of Gloria being brought up in a fight. It was as if he were trying to tell her something.
That was when it hit her, maybe he was trying to tell her something. This wasn't about the baby itself, it was about the woman that he was having the baby with.
Sure, she was slightly emotional, and sitting alone in her bedroom after a huge fight, but it just seemed to make sense. Why else bring her up in such a fight? Why mention it now after so many years? It could have been a good thing that Emily finally found out, but it was nice living in oblivion. Especially now that there was a baby on the way.
In that moment, she felt her entire world come crashing down around her. Even if it seemed unlikely and he said everything he could to combat the irrational thoughts swirling around her brain, it made sense. It made sense that he would try to let her know without truly letting her know. Telling her about Gloria somehow seemed less hurtful than telling her that she was the wrong woman to be having a child with, the wrong woman to be tied down by. She was just the wrong woman.
Falling back against her pillow, she gasped. She wasn't sure as to how long she had been holding her breath. She wanted to sob, but she couldn't she was too shaken, too shocked to react. All she could do was sit there and stare at the empty spot in the open closet where Bob's suitcases were usually stored.
Oooooo
Bob sat on the edge of the rented bed in a run down motel. He could have afforded nicer, but it didn't matter. This was only a few miles from his apartment and it was the first place he saw with an opening. Besides, he didn't want to spend too much money, they had a baby on the way. There would be better, more important things to spend the money on.
It was true that he didn't like thinking about those things: the expenses, the sleepless nights, the loss of a huge part of their social life and freedom. And it was definitely true that he shouldn't have taken all of that out on Emily. He was just scared. This whole thing was overwhelming.
It was one thing when they were actually trying for a baby. Back then he was prepared for it, and even wanted it. The problem though was that after each failed attempt, he grew less and less hopeful. He started convincing himself that they didn't need a baby, that their life was perfect the way that it was. Now, that was all he could see. He didn't want things to change. After all of this time telling himself that things were perfect, he finally believed it, there was no going back from here.
All he wanted now was to rewind and change the words that came from his mouth. He never had to pretend to act happy or any of that, but he went too far with it. There was a point of no return and he had crossed it.
Eventually they would work this out and things would go slightly back to normal, but it would take forever to get back to the exact place that there were. There had been some real damage caused and he would have to prove himself to her all over again.
Sighing, he looked over to the phone. The last half hour had been a fight between him and himself as to whether or not he should go ahead and call Emily, or wait and give her her space. He was worried about her. This was something so small, so insignificant, at least it was in his mind. He waited to break up with Gloria, so what? He even asked her to marry him, so what? Emily was the one that he was with now. Emily was the one that he got excited to come home to everyday. Emily was his everything. How could she not see that?
He'd had enough. There was no way that he was going through the night without even trying to patch things up with her. This was ridiculous. He stood up and grabbed the phone, quickly dialing his number.
"Come on, Emily," he muttered to himself.
Oooooo
Emily lay there, the phone piercing the silence. She turned onto her side, clutching her pillow as she cried. She desperately wanted to go answer the phone, but she couldn't get the thought of Gloria out of her mind. It was clearly Bob that was trying to call, yet somehow it didn't matter to her that he wanted to immediately apologize. What he did was wrong, and it made her realize something deeply disturbing about the man she called her husband.
Even more troubling was the fact that it wasn't even what he did that hurt her. People sometimes have feelings for others, people get rejected and they move on, it's apart of life. It was the way that it came out that unsettled her.
She and Bob never had a perfect fairytale relationship. He wasn't there to take away every problem that she faced and she wasn't always able to give him the exact help he needed every step of the way. No one could have that, but there was always that shred of hope that he had instilled within her. The way that he loved her, the way that he was there for her, he allowed her to retain that naive, innocent view of love and with one small sentence, he took all of that away from her. He popped the small bubble that she had been living in this entire time, tearing the rug out from her and standing there watching as she crashed to the floor.
Oooooo
He hung up the phone with a sigh. There was no hope for tonight. All he could do was go to bed and try again tomorrow.
Not all that long ago they both sat up all night because Emily refused to go to bed angry. It was a promise they'd made to each other, that they would never go to sleep before solving a problem. This was the first time they would truly break that rule, the time where it mattered most. Then again, part of him wondered how they could have been so innocent, so ignorant to believe that every problem could be solved within a few hours.
The more he thought back on it, the more he missed that time. There was something so much simpler, so much easier about what they used to have. They were on the same page, not on everything, but on the things that mattered. Perhaps that was never the case though. Come to think of it, she had always wanted children, and part of him, even though on board for a while, never really wanted them.
Despite the fact that this was technically about Gloria, the only reason there was any fight was because of their conflicting feelings on kids. She was the happiest she could be and he was disappointed. He should have at least been able to feign happiness, just for a few moments for her. But he couldn't, and he allowed that show enough to the point where she was convinced that he wouldn't even be there for her.
This was his fault.
Without a second thought, he got up from the bed and grabbed the keys. There was no way he was about to let this night end before he got the chance to try and make this right. Letting this go would be abandonment and he needed to prove to her that she was wrong, that he would support her no matter what happened.