Okay, so I was listening to the Billy Dean song Trying To Hide A Fire In The Dark, and it really hit me how well it describes Elliot, especially in these later seasons. Though he is technically back with Kathy, the way he looks at Olivia is undeniable. It really is like trying to hide a fire in the dark. So I wrote this and used the lyrics from the Billy Dean song, Trying To Hide A Fire In The Dark. The first part is definitely more on the M side. I hope everyone enjoys it, and please remember to review!
Disclaimer: Not mine!
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Elliot Stabler was a Catholic.
He was a Catholic when he met Kathy and sinned by sleeping with her.
He was a Catholic when she came to him and told her she was pregnant with his child, and he chose to do the right thing and proposed to her.
He was a Catholic the first time he held his newborn daughter in his arms and promised her the entire world.
And now he was a Catholic as he watched his partner and wished that she was his.
Olivia caught him staring at her, and she smiled at him before returning to her paperwork.
He closed his eyes. What was she doing to him? He was married, and he would not be unfaithful. But unlike other glimpses at women, she held his attention, captivated him. And sometimes he wondered if he was strong enough to fight what his heart was screaming at him.
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Later that night, after another long day at work, Elliot came home. By the lack of noise, he knew that the kids were in bed. Kathy was on the couch waiting for him, and as soon as he came in, she got up and took him by the hand. Then she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him deeply.
His body instantly reacted to her, just as it always had, and he allowed her to pull him into their bedroom. The room was glowing with flickering candles, and he closed his eyes as she began stroking him through his jeans.
She pulled him down onto the bed with her, fighting to undo his pants as she kissed him hard.
As he reached between them and gently cupped a firm breast, the thought of Olivia came into his mind. He groaned as he imagined Olivia fondling him, writhing beneath him.
"Elliot," Kathy whispered huskily.
"Hmm?"
"Look at me." She wrapped her legs around his waist.
He hesitated. If he opened his eyes, he just knew that she would see Olivia reflected back at her.
"Please."
Finally he opened his eyes as he reached under and lifted her up, then pushed into her. She cried out, and for a second, he wondered what Olivia sounded like during sex.
From the thoughts that I've been thinking
I should think of an alibi
Though I'm innocent
I've still got a guilty mind
There's no place that I can turn to
When she turns out the lights
To keep her from seeing
You burning in my eyes
Afterward, Elliot stared up at the ceiling. Kathy was cuddled up to him with her leg draped over his. But he couldn't relax.
Kathy snuggled closer to him, kissing his chest.
He exhaled deeply, closing his eyes. This was driving him insane. He had always been able to deny temptation, because he always considered himself lucky. A beautiful wife, four amazing children, and a house. What more could a man want? Especially a devout Catholic man.
Her hand moved down his chest and lower.
Beside the bed, his cell phone began buzzing angrily, demanding his attention.
Kathy sighed angrily as Elliot pulled away and grabbed his phone.
He held it up and looked at it. Liv. He turned over and got out of the bed as he answered it. "Yeah, Liv?"
Her eyes narrowed as his voice turned from aroused to concerned. She never heard that tone except when he was talking to her. She turned onto her side, away from him.
When he closed the phone, Kathy spoke. "What did she want?"
He yanked his shirt on. "She's at St. Matthew's. Some dumbass was driving drunk and hit her."
"Is she okay?"
He leaned over and kissed her. "I don't know. I'll see you later." He headed out of the bedroom.
She listened as the door closed, and once again she was alone.
Because of Olivia Benson.
It's like trying to hide a fire in the dark
Carryin' around this torch in my heart
I cannot conceal it, cannot put it out
It's like trying to hide a fire in the dark
Trying to fight a flame I never meant to start
It's out of control, nothing can help me now
Elliot found himself thanking God when he got to the hospital, and Olivia's doctor said that since he was her next of kin, he could take her home. After seeing her and making sure for himself that she was okay, he started on the paperwork. He didn't have to think twice about the fact that she would need someone to look after her for a while. Of course he would do it. He was the closest thing to family she had. No one had to tell him that.
Within an hour, he had her prescription filled and was taking her home. Much to her chagrin, he had refused to move until she took one of the pills. She was in obvious pain, and he wanted to take it away from her.
By the time they finally pulled up to her apartment building, the medicine was kicking in, and he had to help her out of the car and into her apartment. The dawn was creeping in as he led her to the bedroom. "Just get comfortable, and I'll get you some water," he murmured.
She grunted softly, and he quickly went to her kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water. Then he headed back to her bedroom. But as he stepped in, he was surprised to find her standing in front of her bed, in only her panties. He swallowed hard as arousal fogged his mind.
She turned around and glanced at him. Her lids were heavy, and she watched him for a moment before grabbing a t-shirt and pulling it over her head. Then she climbed into her bed and settled in against the pillows.
He could barely move. Her body was perfect, naturally tan and so soft looking. Finally he walked out of the bedroom and collapsed onto the couch, staring into space.
At first it was no problem
Flickering thoughts of you now and then
Nothing intimate
That she could call a sin
Then you sparked my imagination
Temptation 'bout to drive me wild
These flares of desire
You can see for miles
Later that morning, after nearly being shot for waking her up so many times while she was trying to sleep, Elliot stood in the kitchen and made breakfast for them. He knew she would be getting up soon, and he had already called in and apprised Cragen of the situation. He insisted that they both take a week, and threatened Elliot with suspension when he tried to argue. He smiled. Cragen was very protective of Olivia.
He flipped the pancake, grinning when he heard Olivia stumble into the kitchen. "Morning, sunshine."
She grumbled and glared at him. "What are you still doing here?"
"Making you breakfast."
She looked at the pancakes, and her stomach growled.
"Powdered sugar, right?"
She nodded and grabbed a bottle of water, then went to the couch and sat down.
After breakfast, they both sat down on the couch, and he watched her. There was a nasty gash on her forehead that made him grimace. "You feeling okay, Liv?"
She nodded. "You can go back home, El." The last thing she wanted was Kathy accusing him of cheating on her again.
He sighed softly. "Maybe I should..." But on an impulse, he reached out and gently smoothed her hair back.
She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. But when she opened her eyes again, he was gone. She sighed heavily.
He stood outside of her door for a while, his eyes closed and his head resting against a wall. What the hell was he doing?
It's like trying to hide a fire in the dark
Carryin' around this torch in my heart
I cannot conceal it, cannot put it out
It's like trying to hide a fire in the dark
Trying to fight a flame I never meant to start
It's out of control, nothing can help me now
It was two o'clock when he got home, and he was surprised to see Kathy on the porch, her arms crossed tightly over her chest.
He raised an eyebrow as he opened the door. "Kathy?" He quickly got out of the car and jogged up to the porch. "Everything okay?"
She chewed on her lower lip. Even with the concern evident on his face, it was nothing compared to what she had heard last night when he was on the phone with his injured partner. "Elliot, we have to talk." She knew that she had to do this. It was the right thing.
He stopped in his tracks. He knew those words. "About what?"
She shook her head. "We've gone through this before, so I'm not going to even beat around the bush." She pointed to the duffel bag by her feet, then looked at his crushed expression. He knew what was coming. "I'm done, Elliot. I put the papers through today."
"You're... you're divorcing me?"
She nodded. "I'm tired of being second to her."
"Kath, you know you're-"
She held up a hand and shook her head. "Just don't, Elliot. I'm tired of hearing it. I shouldn't have even asked you to come back."
He sighed. "Then why did you?"
"Because I thought it was the right thing to do. But it's not."
He stepped closer to her, hesitating before he leaned forward and kissed her cheek. He was filled with questions and hurt, but just like before, he didn't want her to regret him. So he grabbed the bag and walked away from the house.
She watched him go, then went into the house to hide her tears.
He yanked the door open and threw his bag in, then got into the driver's seat. But as he started the engine, he paused. Where was he going to go? A motel?
Then he looked at his cell phone, laying abandoned in the seat beside him. He grabbed it and studied it for a moment.
He knew that Olivia wouldn't turn him away, but what would happen? He slowly opened the phone, startled when it started to ring.
"Hello?"
"El..." Olivia's voice was soft. "Maureen just called me. Are you okay?"
He closed his eyes. "I... I think I am..." He swallowed thickly. "Liv..."
She knew what he was trying to ask. "I already made up the guest bedroom."
A sigh of relief escaped him. "Thanks."
"Yeah, well, you can make it up to me by cooking dinner and giving me a massage, okay?"
A deep chuckle escaped him. "Of course. I'll be there in a half hour."
"I'll see you then."
He closed the phone and pulled away from the curb, smiling.
The next few months were going to be hell, but at least he wasn't going to be alone through it.
And if he thought about, really thought about it, he knew he had never been alone.
He had her.
It's like trying to hide a fire in the dark
Carryin' around this torch in my heart
I cannot conceal it, cannot put it out
It's like trying to hide a fire in the dark
Trying to fight a flame I never meant to start
It's out of control, nothing can help me now
The End
A/N: There it is. I absolutely adore the song, and I think it really fits El. I hope everyone enjoyed it. Thanks for reading, and please remember to review!