Summary – Spencer promised herself she wouldn't fall for anybody this year.
Disclaimer – I only own SON in my dreams.
Author's Note – I guess you can say that this is based on my own life. Not all of it though. I've obviously got to add a lot more stuff to make it an actual story right? Enjoy.
Italics - diary entries
Cry Love
By: Her Tears Of Darkness
XXXXKXXXX
Do you want to know who I saw driving back from the library with mom today?
Her.
Yes, I know it's crazy, but really, I saw her. Well, I saw some figure that looked like her. So, I'm not entirely sure if it was her, but yeah…
Do you want to know what I felt when I saw her?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Why did I feel nothing?
And the last day of school too. I felt nothing. I knew that was probably the last time I would get to see her and yet, nothing.
I don't understand myself. How is it that I felt absolutely nothing when I saw the love of my life for the very last time?
I want to cry…scream…something!
Damn it. What is wrong with me?
XXXXKXXXX
Exhausted from helping her mom and dad clear the house of all the crap in it, Spencer went down to her favorite area of the house, the basement, where half of it was her room. It was weird seeing it empty now, since it was usually filled with boxes of random things, bikes, cribs and toys from when her and her siblings were younger, and on her half, her bed, desk, hundreds of books, a TV, video games, ect.
She sat on the floor and looked around. There were so many memories here. Laugher and tears, days when she would just play her video games all day, days when she would close herself from the world, days when she and her friends would turn off all the lights and crank the music up high and dance all night long.
It would never be the same.
Now she was moving to the middle of nowhere. A place unfamiliar with no basements to isolate herself in, no friends to hang out with, no girl taking her breath away at the sight of her…
No more her at all.
There were tears in her eyes, but she didn't feel as they were for her.
No, they weren't for her at all.
XXXXKXXXX
Maybe I'm over her.
Maybe the thought of moving 2000 miles away has made me realize that there's nothing here for me.
I made this promise to myself, remember? I promised myself that I was finally going to tell her that I loved her.
I spent nights and nights working up the courage to tell her.
Then came that day, that cold morning in December when I decided that it was time.
I had felt a mix of nervousness and excitement that I'd never felt before. I loved it.
It was all I loved about that day.
XXXXKXXXX
Spencer watched as unfamiliar lights, buildings and even trees came into view from her window on the airplane. This was it. Despite her earlier protesting, she really was excited about this move. A chance to start over new, reinvent herself.
It was her chance to be free…happy again.
She wanted to forget Ohio. She wanted to forget all the heartache and tears and nights she would spend talking to herself. Of course there were all the happy moments she had, but it wasn't enough to block out all the pain. She didn't know if she'd even be able to handle spending one more year in that place.
She stepped off the plane, taking her first breath of the unfamiliar and fresh (not really) L.A air. Even the people seemed different as she was walking into the airport, and even cute boy smiled at her while she was getting her suitcase.
She was going to like this place.
She would force herself to like this place.
XXXXKXXXX
I'm going to make another promise to myself.
One that I'm definitely going to keep.
No more falling in love.
No more crushes.
No more hoping that this certain person will love me back.
It's over.
No more falling for anybody.
No more girls.
Especially girls.
XXXXKXXX
Author's Note – Boring chapter, I know, but it's only chapter 1. Review?