I woke up feeling sick to my stomach. The window overlooking my bed was open, but no breeze came through. Only the annoying sounds of early morning. Plus the obnoxious buzzing and humming of weed whackers from the new landscaping crew in our condo complex. Can illegal immigrants really make it all the way up to Michigan? Why not. Summer was officially here, and I should be happy. Maybe I would have been if my pajamas werent stuck to my skin, and I had slept better. It was a long night full of tossing and turning, being itchy, getting super pissed that my fat cat chewed my new headphones in half, and thinking about everything that was wrong with my life. Everything but sleeping. Back to the sickness. I am a nervous person. I worry, it's what i do. And today was my first day of work at the zoo. My title was "guest relations representative". Awesome. I am not a people person. What am I getting myself into? I am lucky to have landed a job at all. After being laid off several months ago, I was going stir crazy sitting at home all day. Not to mention being flat broke, and at least a month behind on all my bills.
When you have that kind of time on your hands, it gives you the chance to think. What I thought about most days was how terrible the winter had been. Everything fell apart within days of each other, like God personally wanted me to know that I am a gigantic loser. I lost my job, my best friend moved across the country, and worst of all, I lost Jacob. We had been together for 4 years. I was sure we were going to get married one day. I always said I would never tie the knot, that it was a foolish concept created to trap people into what would surely become a loveless cage of misery. Like a Thailand prison. I lied though. I dreamed about it just like any other girl. We had broken up more than a few times over the years, all for stupid, childish reasons. But this time was different. I knew deep down to my core that he was never coming back. My heart had been filled with a void, a black hole that hadn't gotten any smaller. Only less visible. We hadn't spoken at all in 6 months. I never thought I would have made it that long without him. But I did. This idea gave me the strenth to pull myself out of bed and get ready for what was sure to be a disastrou-"YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU , YOUR SEXXXX ISSS ONN FFFFFIIIIIIIIIRREEEEE!!!!!!! " Oh my gosh! My alarm clock scared the fricken crap out of me!! I always wake up a few minutes before it goes off. It was insanely loud! I couldn't help but laugh though, what a sweet song haha. Maybe today would be tolerable.
I slid my new khakis on and looked around for my uniform shirt. My butt looked amazing in these pants! I found the top, a light blue polo with a tiger over my lady lumps area. Nice guys. I ran down the stairs, two steps at a time. Charlie hated that. He said I was going to break my neck one day, being as clumsy as I am. But this time he just smiled at me when i safely landed on the wooden floor in front of the kitchen. He must be excited that I finally have something to focus on other than missing Jacob. The past winer was rough on Charlie , too, he worried about me. I felt awful and selfish for that. In the beginning he always tried to get me to talk about things, but all I ever wanted to do was sulk in my room. He was always so careful when he spoke to me, like he might break me if he said the wrong thing. He never saw me cry one time, and I was glad. Charlie would probably run away if I started the waterworks in front of him. He was a good dad, just awkward with some things. I think he wished I had been a boy instead. He understood that everything was hard for me to handle, and had eventually given me space to adjust to it all. That was just what i wanted. "Hey Bells, I bet you're excited for your first day back to work!" he said, and I could'nt tell if he was making a statement or asking a question. "Time of my life, I'm sure". I mumbled. I decided a little bowl of cereal would do, I was still feeling gross. Applejacks of course, my fav. I ate about 2 bites and felt full. Charlie got up to leave. He wished me luck and kissed me on the forhead before slipping out the front. I figured I should do the same, I had a little bit of a drive ahead of me. I grabbed my purse that was too small to hold all my junk, and a fun size bag of crunchy cheetos for later. Yum. Hopefully my nervous sickness would subside long enough for me to eat them later. I locked up, and stepped out into the hazy, suffocating morning. My little black Jeep was waiting for me by the curb. Blah. Away we went.