DOES MERCURY TARNISH? SCANDALOUS ACCUSATIONS COME FORTH ON THE MERCURIAL TRIO!

A Teen Witch Monthly Exclusive

May, 2023

For years we've followed the lives of the Mercurial Trio: Albus Potter, Rose Weasley, and Scorpius Malfoy. We've seen them grow from precocious ten-year-olds to young adults, rocketing through the social strata at Hogwarts. Who can forget their formal debut at the Harry Potter Day ball in '20, as their performance both on and off the dance floor was hailed by many as a work of art?

But how much do we really know about Albus, Rose, and Scorpius? Are the children of our nation's beloved war heroes as squeaky-clean as they've made themselves out to be? A classmate of theirs at Hogwarts has some interesting opinions on the matter:

"Well, how close can three people be?" our anonymous friend asks. "I mean, it's a little unnatural, isn't it? You always see them together – and the 'darling' and 'love' is just… And the kissing, too. Sure, in public you just see them kiss on the cheek, but who knows what they get up to in private?"

Scandal indeed! Readers will remember that it has been two years since the very public breakup of Potter and young Angelina Moran, who's since moved to America. (Whether she moved that distance to separate herself from the scrutiny of her association with Potter is unknown, but she has kept quite a low profile on that side of the Atlantic.) In all that time he hasn't been seen dating anyone else. Surely he's finding his comfort somewhere – is it perhaps closer to home?

"And now that we know about James, what other secrets is that family hiding?" our source asks. Our friend later goes on to –

++TMC++

"That bitch!" Rose exclaimed, dashing the magazine to the floor. "That two-faced lying sack of hippogriff shite! We made you, Swinburne!" Rose continued, referring to the author of both this piece and the interview from the aforementioned ball. "We made you, and we can tear you down just as easily."

I put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her, and gently guided her wand away from the magazine. Hogwarts has a very strict policy forbidding the use of fire in rooms without fireplaces, and Flitwick's classroom did not have a fireplace.

"And don't you dare tell me to calm down, either," she said, brushing my hand away, but gladly keeping her wand clear of the magazine. "She literally accused me of fucking my cousin. Literally. In print. Maybe that's not something that troubles you pureblooded types, but where I come from, that's rather repulsive."

Scorpius, who was no man's Gryffindor, had backed himself up to the opposite wall watching the proceedings. I stood behind her, rubbing her shoulders, and gave her a quick kiss on the top of her head.

"For fuck's sake, Albus, can you just not? That's exactly what they're talking about!" she said, pushing me away. Scorpius build up the courage to walk over to his girlfriend, but the look he gave made him think twice about that move.

"Both of you, just leave me alone. I'm – I'm going to get some air," she said, and dashed out the door.

"Dashing out the door like that – I guess there's some Weasley there after all," Scorpius snarked. This time it was my turn to shoot him a look

"Not the time, love," I said, and he seemed grateful for my gentle chiding.

Walking past the Gryffindor table at suppertime that evening was not quite as horrific as it could have been, although with James now in our debt, that was probably to have been expected. There were a few under-the-breath remarks from some of the girls about how Rose's no-show must have been because Scorpius and I had worn her out, but we simply ignored these and made our way to our tables.

At our own tables, however, we were a bit more surprised. Not being Gryffindors, there were no gross displays of contempt or ridicule. However, a hush fell upon our erstwhile friends the moment we sat down. Well, perhaps nothing quite so dramatic, but it certainly felt as though we were being pointedly ignored.

The only student who wasn't ignoring us was Clytemnestra Lambton, Angelica's old friend, and the only one she kept in contact with after she left for America. While her closeness to That Irish Girl kept the rest of Slytherin house a good distance from her, she still managed to get a dig in every once in awhile. This particular evening, she was sitting at the end of the Slytherin table, rather conspicuously holding up a copy of the Teen Witch Monthly with the offending article, making kissy-faces at Scorpius and me. At one point she wagged her finger between the two of us and mimicked a longer kiss, as if asking us to follow suit. One of her housemates smacked the magazine out of her hand, and somehow she found herself with a lapful of stew, so the meal wasn't a total waste, but both Scorpius and I could tell that something was very wrong. After supper we picked up a calmer Rose in the Ravenclaw common room, and took a long walk towards the lake, with a quick detour a few metres into the Forbidden Forest, where we set up a strong series of privacy wards.

"Well now, darlings. That was a little more awkward that was necessary," Scorpius said. "I mean, of course Lambton was a right twat about the whole thing – that's just her nature. But it's not as though the 'Puffs were exactly happy to see us."

"Do you think they've read the article?" I asked.

"Of course they've read the article," Rose replied, smacking me on the arm. "Everyone's read the article. Half the bloody school has a subscription to that rag, and that's such a juicy piece of gossip that I'm surprised it took until supper to make its way around to everyone else."

"So, what's our strategy then?" I asked. "Do we go after the leak or the magazine? Do we go legit, or do we keep it hidden? Do we make a public example, or do we just have them fear for their lives?"

"I'm out for blood," Rose said. "I say we start with Lambton, then go with the magazine. Perhaps we send some pictures of what we do to Lambton over to Swinburne and that bitch editor."

"You mean Madam Norma?" Scorpius said. Rose shot him a look so toxic that it withered some of the grass we were standing on.

"We're sure the leak is Lambton, then?" I asked. "I mean, isn't that a little too easy?"

"Occam's Razor," Rose replied. Scorpius and I looked at her mutely in response.

"What?" she asked, seeing our quizzical expressions. "It was from one of mum's books, alright?

I shook my head, chuckling. "Alright, then let's go after Lambton…"

The plan was to ask the other Slytherin sixth-year girls to rifle through her things looking for some kind of communication between her and Madam Norma. From our own experiences, we knew that Norma did everything in writing, for times just like these. At this point, Lambton was so used to having her things messed about, that she wouldn't have thought anything of it. After we found the letter, we were going to have a spell set to trigger as she stepped through the Great Hall doors, that would force her to read aloud the entire exchange between herself and the magazine at the top of her lungs. Then we'd start a campaign to have all of Hogwarts (except the Gryffs, of course) request refunds on their subscriptions because of such shoddy journalism, naming Norma and Swinburne by name, of course.

The raid on Lambton's things took place on a Wednesday night, when she was in Astronomy class. On Thursday morning between breakfast and the first period Defence, she pulled me aside. She was walking with a noticeable limp, and had the beginnings of a shiner underneath her right eye.

"Call off your fucking attack dogs, Potter," she said. "I didn't do it."

"Bullshit," I replied. "You've had it out for us since second year, and everyone hates you, so you have nothing to lose. Why should I believe you're not the leak?"

"Look, I don't know why you shouldn't, but you shouldn't. I might hate your guts, but I wouldn't deliberately fuck with you like that. That's suicide, as I'm finding out."

"For what it's worth, I'll have a word with some people. You weren't supposed to be physically assaulted like that."

"Sure, whatever," she replied. "I'm sure it was just an accident that I tripped up the stairs. Go fuck yourself, yeah?"

I rolled my eyes and made my way to class. Our next move was to have Lily surreptitiously ask the rest of the Gryffs if they were the ones in contact with Madam Norma. We'd ruled her out because of the line about James, and she was excited to put her budding Auror skills to some use. She also came up empty. We were becoming increasingly tense around each other, and our easy-going mannerisms had faded nearly entirely away. I had stopped wearing eyeliner altogether, and Rose was more distant with us than she had ever been. Even Scorpius seemed a bit rattled by everything. It had got so bad at one point that we caught him wearing a brown belt with black shoes at breakfast.

The Sunday after the article came out was a particularly warm day for early May. The three of us were sunning ourselves down by the lake on separate towels for perhaps the first time since we started at Hogwarts. I wanted to grab my friends' hands, but I wasn't sure if they'd let me. My stomach clenched at the thought of being turned away.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Jennifer Lane, the Hufflepuff 6th year prefect and Quidditch captain, holding Betsey and Lacey – the two pseudo-twins from whom I'd first heard that James's secret was out – by the scruff of their collars. In each of their hands was a small pouch of Galleons. I stood up and brought down the privacy wards.

"Hi guys," Jennifer began. "These two have something they'd like to say."

"We're very sorry that we were the ones who spoke with Miss Swinburne," one of them said.

"She offered us a lot of money, and we couldn't turn it down," said the other, alternating sentences.

"Here's what we were paid."

"75 Galleons each."

They dropped the pouches on the ground, and took off at a dead sprint once Jennifer let their cloaks go.

"I'm going to hang them from the chandeliers by their tits," Rose said in a low growl. Scorpius enveloped her in a hug. Jennifer started to leave, but I picked up one of the pouches and handed it to her.

"Tell them they need to apologize to Lambton from Slytherin," I said. "Have them give this to her."

Jennifer tossed that pouch right back at me. "Nah, she's a bitch," she said. "I'm sure she got what's coming to her. You guys okay?"

"We'll be fine," I replied, and Jennifer gave me an awkward hug. "You guys hang in there. That must have sucked."

"We'll want them to help us take down TWM," I said. Jennifer nodded and made her way off. I turned around to see Rose sitting in Scorpius's lap, sobbing into his shoulder. I placed a kiss on the top of his head and made my way back to the castle to sketch out a strategy for revenge.

I'd come up with a doozy of a plan that evening, and we were to discuss implementation the following night after supper. However, at mail call that afternoon, my father's owl landed on my shoulder with a rolled up clipping from the Prophet, as well as a note from Dad. The clipping was an announcement that Prophet Publishing, Ltd., was purchasing Teen Witch Monthly, and would be making some changes in its editorial staff. I passed it around to Rose and Scorpius, and they both nearly fell over laughing. I kept the note to myself, however.

"Remember, son. The Sorting Hat said I'd do very well in Slytherin, too. Love always, Dad."