Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto, and Shikako Nara belongs to Silver Queen, I've just borrowed them for a while. (I'll put them back, I swear!) This fic is listed under Silver Queen's Heliocentrism list, alongside other much better fics set in her DoS universe. Check them out!

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Never Bet Against An Aburame:

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How could Shikako have fallen for it, of all things? She just had to open her mouth and inject her own stupidity into the conversation. OK, so she's a Nara- everyone knows she's not stupid- but in this instance one could argue the point. She honestly didn't think that her words would make it worse. Otherwise, she would have kept her thoughts to herself. By all reasoning it shouldn't have happened. Really, she didn't make it worse for everyone else- only herself. Then again, everyone else also had to live with the consequences of that regretful mistake. (People actually took pictures. Pictures! She was certain those would haunt her until she died.) She was usually so good about filtering her words, too.

In hindsight, when Sasuke and Kiba got into that ridiculous argument, there was no way to save the situation. She should have known better and just walked away. Shino, he really did try, but his words of sage advice couldn't really be heard over the loud arguing between the two overly competitive shinobi. She could see the veins on his forehead pulsing with his frustration. The boy was seriously developing issues when it came to interacting socially. When the first punches were thrown, the bug loving boy ended up backing away hastily to lean against a tree and simply observe the oncoming storm. Hinata, hands held up over her mouth to hide her expression, eyes shied away, hid behind the tree to wait out the shouting, occasionally peeking from over Shino's shoulder, only to vanish once more behind him.

They'd been arguing over whose team gets to use the training grounds. It was team seven's regular training grounds, the one with the memorial cenotaph of all places, so it was a moot point for them. Kiba didn't seem to think so, as their teams training ground had been suddenly commandeered by team three, with absolutely no explanation as of why or how, and had Maito Gai and his students running circles around the place while various projectile weaponry was launched and ricocheted against every available surface. This happened at constant intervals, with Tenten providing the never-ending supply of sharp, pointy weapons and Neji blocking them to redirect them into various trees, rocks, and occasional passing ninja. Apparently turning your team mates and fellow Konoha shinobi into shish-kebobs was considered appropriate team bonding exercise. (If Gai's exclamations of glee every time someone dodged or failed to dodge a projectile weapon heading right for them were anything to go by!)

Kiba, to say the least, was not amused. Neither was team seven.

When the fight between a disgruntled Sasuke and an irate Kiba started, Kakashi-sensei had (wisely) mysteriously vanished. She knew for a fact he had scheduled team seven's use of the field, as he always does. Apparently Kiba thought his team should be allowed to use it, since it was quite large and they could divide the space, and took offense at being told they would be needing to wait for the entirety of the space to become available rather than sharing. Kakashi-sensei was the one whom informed him of this, as he sat at the base of a tree and organized things in his hip pouch. His refusal to allow team eight to participate in the training got Kiba on edge. At Sasuke's agreeing grunt, (a mere grunt!) the damage had been done. Kiba turned on him like- well, like a rabid dog, actually- complete with Akamaru's growling warning in the Uchiha's direction. (Neither were man or dog enough to confront Kakashi-sensei themselves, apparently, so Sasuke was the next best target of their ire.)

Kakashi-sensei had even accidentally left his hip pouch behind, in his haste to get away from the noisy teens. He'd said something about "I hear Tenzo calling me~!" and was gone in a swirl of leaves. This Tenzo, whom she'd met a few times previously, wasn't even in the village at the moment, Shikako knew. She'd overheard him mentioning he had a mission as he headed out with a team of mixed jounin and chunin, saying goodbye to the gate guards (Raido and Genma this time) as he'd left that very morning (and they had headed out to the training grounds.) He was due back in a week. If their Sensei really had vanished for an entire week (as her growing suspicions made her wonder) when he'd promised some personal training with them, again, she was going to put a fast drying glue and sparkly glitter confetti exploding seal on every entrance to his home, just because. Also, the same at Gai's place, where she knew he would hide. And that tree where he liked to hang out instead of sitting on the bench below like a normal person. With her luck it would be the one day he chooses to sit on the bench, though.

Despite the aggression aimed their way, solely from a vexed Sasuke, team eight just wasn't leaving. Hinata was tapping her index fingers against one another as she turned her back to the quarreling duo. Shikako, from her vantage point crouching on an overhanging limb in the tree above, measured just how far she could reach to catch their shadows simultaneously. She judged they were well within the range of her jutsu.

"Any bets I can resolve this issue with one move?" Shikako asked offhandedly, a wry grin on her face as she observed the chaos before her.

"I know I can." Shino stated confidently, his voice barely filtering through the bustle playing out in the clearing. "But if you cannot, decisively, stop them with your one move, and if it turns out that I can, then there is a penalty. Why? Because this is a bet, of course. What is the penalty? You must obey my whim for the next twenty-four hours, Shikako-san. The same goes in reverse."

"Oh, you're on."

"Uh... uhm, that's not really necessary... We don't have to fight!" Hinata tried to call out to the quarreling boys scuffling in the clearing. Sasuke had Kiba bent over in a painful looking headlock while Akamaru was lifting his leg in Sasuke's direction, unbeknownst to the other shinobi as he was right behind him and out of his line of sight, therefore the Uchiha was about to get an unpleasant surprise. Deciding it was best to stop it now, Shikako sent her shadow tendirls out to the group to capture them.

Successful, she manipulated their limbs caught in a shadowy choke-hold, trying to get them to look her way, though they fought her fiercely in the opposite direction until they were both facing the large white dog. Fighting against their restraints, the boys only had a moment of horror to realize they both were caught in the line of Akamaru's less-than-dynamic marking.

The dog, uncaring of human social issues, continued to show them his opinion of the altercation. His human, he believed, was being an immature pup.

"Hey, buddy, no! Not on me!"

"OH MY GOD." Sasuke's panic made his voice crack.

The shock of getting pissed on broke Sasuke out of her jutsu. Her shadows snapped like twigs. His sharingan flaring to life, the Uchiha screamed in rage as he jumped the dog, whom dodged with speed and a yelp back into the bushes. Due to Sasuke's grand fireball, said bushes weren't there for very long. Leaving Kiba to struggle and writhe alone against Shikako's shadows, Akamaru was not seen by him for the rest of the day. ("Why is your tail singed and smoking?" Kiba's mom Tsume asked, when Akamaru returned home without his partner a very short time later. He wagged it slowly, looking forlorn, and went to hide in the laundry room. Fearing something bad that the dog couldn't convey had happened, she found her partner and headed out to track Kiba down after that.)

Not being able to move on his own, Kiba was unable to dodge the fresh assault coming his way when Sasuke turned on the Inuzuka with righteous anger.

Shikako, having been sure that her shadow stitching tendrils would stop them fighting long enough for them to hear her out, was appalled by the problem that before she could even open her mouth to suggest a compromise, Sasuke had broke free. She wanted to stay in the practice of manipulating objects and people without having them mimic her precisely, which is always good to be able to do on the fly, so she employed that jutsu rather than shadow possession. Just the fact that Sasuke had broken free and proceeded to pummel Kiba with his fists was enough for her to slowly come to the realization she was now Shino's servant...provided he was able to stop the altercation himself. She turned her eyes down in his direction, calculating. He wouldn't make bets lightly. He stood ramrod straight, watching the fight unfold, a few insects idly crawling across his face, though she still couldn't see his eyes. As she released Kiba from her shadows, she felt it. It only took a moment for her to see what was happening.

This did not bode well.

Sasuke, exhausted, fell over face-first into the grass, a slightly drooling Kiba landed on top of him. A cloud of insects flew out from their clothing, returning to their master's awaiting arms.

Shino turned to stare through his dark glasses at the girl in the tree, "I win." His insects had siphoned away their chakra to the point they were exhausted!

Hinata (the little traitor) let out a small giggle, then looked horrified up at Shikako when she realized what she'd done. Shikako honestly couldn't blame her, and snickered as well.

Now, according to Shino, she had to spend the next day wearing a spare green unitard and orange leg warmers she must borrow from (an overly enthusiastic at her sudden youthful interest) Lee. He seemed genuinely touched by her request. She decided not to tell him what it was for.

She also had to wear a mask she'd pilfered from Kakashi's pouch that day when he left it behind, with her hitai-ate on her head in a lopsided angle like him, complete with holding an Icha Icha book (also pilfered from said pouch which told them just how fast he wanted to get away) no matter what she was doing, for the rest of the day. Chakra use was also forbidden for that 24 hours period, so she couldn't make a quick escape to avoid scrutiny by passersby... To make matters more complicated, she also had to adopt Sai's mannerisms and speech patterns. She didn't want to know how Shino knew Sai and how he behaved. Those were puzzles she just didn't have all the pieces to solve.

It was either going to be hell, or she'd have way too much fun with it. Either way, she was never making a bet with Shino again. Upon telling her the requirements of her loss, he wore a small, thin grin, which to him and other Aburames was the equivalent of cackling like a lunatic.

~...~

Tsume entered the clearing, backtracking Akamaru's trail. She saw her son, bruises blooming all over his exposed face and arms, laying atop that Uchiha twerp, also coated with bruises, both of them face down in the grass. They were laying in a very awkward looking position which she, in her amused pondering, figured the female population of Konoha would pay good money for a picture of. (Too bad she didn't have her camera.) They were covered in Akamaru's scent, which made her raise her brows curiously.

Kuromaru came up behind her at a run, and slid to a stop beside her. He took one look at them with his one good eye, his only ear twitching, took in their scent, then exhaled slowly. He turned right back around to walk home, already done with the situation. "You deal with the pup. I'm going home." He could hear her laughing all the way back to the Inuzuka estate.