AN: Well! You guys just can't get rid of me, can you? ;) If you've read my stuff before you've probably noticed I tend to write on the heavier side, content-wise, for my longer stories. However, I'm just a sucker for happy endings so don't worry, babies won't hurt forever. I toiled for AGES over how to present this one. I wrote it starting from here figuring I'd add the beginning later but it never came. So to preface: this is Elsanna. They are sisters. As of yet, there's no smut but it's rated M for content. Their "unsisterly" relationship is more implied than anything. It's more about how their relationship bends and twists and nearly breaks because of what happened, and how they eventually find their way back to each other. Warnings:non-graphic insinuation of rape and abuse, PTSD, dissociation, panic, guilt, could be triggering for any ED-soldiers as it mentions Anna's thinness. Other than that, enjoy. Xo.
Come Back to Me
By MSSmysterygirl
The soldiers who brought Anna back wouldn't let Elsa see her at first. They came back on a ship that docked at just after midnight, and a carriage was driven almost onto the ship to collect the princess, and the royal guards would not let Elsa near, despite her doing everything in her power except ordering them to let her near. In the back of her mind she knew there was a reason she was being kept away.
Kristoff was there because Elsa had asked him to be. He had come immediately. He leapt out of the carriage as it pulled up in front of the gangway, ran right onto the ship and disappeared into its interior. One of Elsa's handmaidens turned her gently around as Kristoff and two soldiers escorted a hunched, slow-moving figure down the gangway and into the carriage. The driver snapped the reins harshly and the horses took off into the night, toward the castle.
Climbing back into her own carriage, a few hundred feet away, Elsa had to bite down hard on her lip to keep from bursting into tears in front of her handmaiden and driver and God himself, who could have been sitting right beside her and she wouldn't have noticed in that moment. "T-to the castle," Elsa's voice wavered as she spoke to her driver. "Please," she added, because she was nothing if not polite.
Kristoff met Elsa at the castle door. She all but fell into his arms, weak with worry, and he gathered her up against his rough coat, gently rubbing her shoulder. She clutched onto him like a frightened child, using nearly every ounce of self-control she had not to cry or inadvertently turn Kristoff into a snowman.
After a few moments, she found herself able to pull back and look at Kristoff. She was hoping he would have that easygoing twinkle in his eyes that she was so used to seeing. She was waiting for him to tell her that Anna would be fine. But he didn't.
"How is she?" Elsa managed to ask.
"She's… in bad shape," he confided, not meeting Elsa's eyes.
Elsa felt her blood turn cold in her veins. Despite the rumors that had flown around after The Coronation Catastrophe (as Anna sometimes called it) and the ensuing not-so-eternal-after-all winter, her body temperature was the same as anyone else's and she was, in fact, warm blooded. Although not right at this moment.
"I want to see her," Elsa said flatly. "Now." She started to push past Kristoff.
"No, wait," Kristoff grabbed her arm as she passed, then let go of it immediately. "Your Majesty, Your Highness, sorry, Elsa." He pinched the bridge of his nose."Whatever it is I'm supposed to call you, please just give her a little bit. The staff is, uh, cleaning her up." Kristoff shifted uncomfortably. "She just… she just needs a little time. And with all due respect, you'd probably set off some kind of blizzard if you saw her right now. So please, just wait."
He was probably right about that last part, Elsa decided. Instead she went to her bedchambers and paced the giant rectangular rug for an hour until someone knocked hesitantly on her door. The room immediately frosted over and Elsa flung the door open so hard she almost ripped it right out of the wall. One of Anna's handmaidens stood there, her eyes red-rimmed and her hands shaking.
"Y-Your Majesty, if you'd like, you may come and s-see the princess now. She's in her—"
Whoosh.
"—bedchambers," the handmaiden finished in a cloud of snow and ice crystals as Elsa blew past her and charged down the hall.
When Elsa reached Anna's door, she pulled up short and stopped. She took a deep breath, reminded herself that there were members of the staff in there who, first of all, didn't know about Anna's and her unsisterly relationship and second, didn't need to see her cry. She was their queen for heaven's sake. She needed to keep control and not show emotion, just as she had for years as a young girl. Conceal, don't feel. The familiar saying played repeatedly in her mind. Steeling herself, Elsa knocked three times and opened the door.
Stoically, she approached the bed where her sister lay, motionless. Her eyes were closed, her long lashes resting gently against her cheeks. Her head was turned just slightly to the side and her lips were parted just the tiniest amount. Her hair was wet from just having been washed and was gently framing her beautiful, innocent face as she slept. She looked thin, Elsa noted immediately.
Anna's other handmaiden, Lara, was standing beside the bed. Her face was wet with tears. "Your Majesty," she bowed slightly to Elsa.
"Wh-what happened to her?" The words somehow found their way out of Elsa's suddenly dry mouth. Her heart pounded against her ribs.
"Well," Lara said, unable to look at Elsa. "It appears, Your Majesty, that she was being kept with the soldiers from the Isles."
Elsa's eyes strayed back to Anna's sleeping figure. "What do you mean 'kept'?" Her voice remained even, despite the fact that she could feel tears pushing at the backs of her eyes. She felt her control over her icy magic slipping and clenched her fists to keep from accidentally starting a series of snow flurries.
"Sometimes, Your Majesty, soldiers like to keep a woman around to, ah, entertain themselves with. Apparently the General tried to get information from her and when she refused to give it, she was sent by train to the camps where the soldiers stay. It was there that she was found by our soldiers, Your Majesty."
It took nearly a minute before Elsa could push down the emotion enough to get any words out. "They — they used her?" Ice began forming at Elsa's feet and spread steadily outwards.
Lara pretended not to notice the ice as fresh tears sneaked their way out of her eyes and coursed down her cheeks. "Y-yes, Your Majesty, it appears that way."
It was hardly surprising that Lara was reacting this way. Anna had the kindest heart, the purest soul, the sweetest nature of anyone Elsa had ever known. The fact that someone would - could, even - hurt an innocent young woman like that, regardless of whether or not she was royalty, was nothing short of horrifying.
Elsa could feel herself coming apart. Her body was literally shaking with effort. "Thank you, Lara," she almost whispered, trying her damnedest to keep a full blown snow tornado from springing to life in the middle of the room. "You may go."
As soon as Lara departed, Elsa sat gently on the edge of Anna's bed. She studied Anna's face as she slept. She almost appeared peaceful. Elsa had hope that maybe Kristoff had been exaggerating when he said Anna was in bad shape.
Elsa shifted herself on the edge of Anna's bed and the motion brought Anna back to consciousness. Her eyes opened slowly. They were unfocused and dull. There was no emotion, no life in those amazing teal eyes as they stared, almost unseeing, into Elsa's own blue ones. It was obvious that Anna had mentally gone somewhere very far away to deal with what had happened to her.
Elsa absolutely shattered. She covered her mouth with one hand and burst into tears. Her stomach twisted helplessly, over and over, and Elsa was glad she hadn't eaten anything in almost half a day because certainly it would have made a reappearance now. She catapulted herself off the edge of Anna's bed and strode quickly over to the fireplace. She grabbed ahold of the mantle and tried desperately to get herself under control, jagged spikes of ice popping out all along the length of the mantle shelf. After a minute or so of deep breaths, she turned back around, now just crying silent tears.
She slowly approached Anna's bed again. Anna had turned onto her side, facing away from Elsa — another sign that there was absolutely nothing exaggerated about what Kristoff had said earlier. Elsa perched carefully on the edge of the bed again, and laid a gentle hand on Anna's shoulder. The moment her hand made contact, Anna reacted. Her thin shoulders drew upward towards her ears, her back muscles tensed and she held completely and utterly still.
"Anna, it's just me," Elsa whispered hoarsely. "I won't— y-you're safe now." Elsa squeezed her eyes closed when Anna didn't react at all. All Elsa wanted was for Anna to look at her. She wanted to hold Anna, tell her how much she loved her and that everything would be all right. She was home now. She was safe. Elsa was here and wouldn't let anything happen to her. Except she couldn't say that because she hadn't stopped this from happening in the first place. She should have been more vigilant. She should have protected Anna. Should have done something, anything, differently. She hadn't directly hurt Anna this time, but she might as well have. "I'm so sorry, Anna. I'm so, so sorry."
Anna took a deep inhale, but didn't respond.
"I should have protected you more. I should have done something to stop it, to save you. I would do anything to go back and do it differently now. You are… the most important thing — the only important thing — in my life. You are everything to me, Anna, and I wasn't there for you. Again. God, I'd do anything to go back and take your place. I—I wish it had been me."
No sooner were those words out of Elsa's mouth that Anna finally came alive. She flipped over so fast that Elsa actually jumped. Her lovely, turquoise eyes were looking up at Elsa intensely. She spoke one word, and one word only, but that was all it took to convey everything.
"No."
Her voice was flat and void of emotion, so unlike Anna that Elsa actually sobbed. This was not her sister. Hans and his brother, with the help of their soldiers, had taken her vibrant, fearless, happy sister and destroyed her heart and spirit. Elsa wasn't sure, at that moment, if she'd ever get her back again. But, she realized, there was a glimmer of Anna in there. By saying no, Anna was saying she didn't want Elsa to be in her place, to go through everything she had just gone through herself. Anna was selflessly protecting Elsa again, just as she had against Hans the first time.
Anna had been willing to die for Elsa. She hadn't known she would turn to solid ice in the instant right before Hans' sword would touch her. For all she knew, Hans would strike her dead with his sword instead of Elsa, who was his intended target. Anna had known that and still put herself between his weapon and Elsa without even a second thought. Not only that, she had run away from Kristoff to do so, thereby cementing her devotion to and love for her sister above all else. Elsa had sworn to Anna and herself, after that incident, that she would never allow Anna to be put in a position like that again. And she'd failed.
Elsa picked up Anna's cold, shaking hand. Anna flinched but didn't pull away. Progress. "God, Anna, I'm just so sorry. I failed you. Again. I promised you I'd never let—"
"Stop," Anna's hollow voice interrupted. She said no more, but that was enough. She didn't want Elsa blaming herself anymore. This was no more Elsa's fault than it was hers. Somehow the fact that the Southern Isles had a major group of officials as well as royalty turning against Arendelle, and the princess and queen in particular, had escaped the knowledge of everyone. Neither Elsa nor Anna had seen it coming. Anna knew that. Her eyes were starting to close again. All she wanted was to drift off, back to blissfully empty sleep. As the darkness closed in on her and her eyes began to roll back, she squeezed Elsa's hand. She wanted to say, I love you. I don't blame you. I love you. I'm okay. But she couldn't, especially not that last part. Because she wasn't okay, and she honestly wasn't sure she ever would be again.
Things went from bad to worse over the next few days. Rather than improving, Anna actually became more withdrawn, sleeping most of the time and refusing to eat, getting up only to use the bathroom with the help of Elsa or one of her handmaidens, and even that was becoming less and less frequent. She hadn't eaten in days and barely drank. Elsa begged her, pleaded with her, but Anna would just close her eyes and turn her head away. She was already so thin, so fragile, and Elsa couldn't imagine that she could go on like this much longer without disappearing altogether.
At night, Elsa would sit on the edge of Anna's bed and hold her hand, rubbing her thumb gently over the back of Anna's hand until she was too tired to sit up anymore. Then she would sit in a chair next to the bed, rest her head on the edge of the mattress and doze on and off until morning, nightmares plaguing her constantly. However, the nightmare she found upon waking was worse than anything her exhausted, distraught mind could conjure up. Elsa had to delegate most of her work out to other people because she flat-out refused to leave her sister.
Anna's sleep was fitful at times but she also had periods of sleep so deep that Elsa sometimes thought she was dead. She would literally have to put her hand above Anna's mouth to feel if any breath was being exhaled and she would nearly collapse with relief when she felt Anna's breath warm against her hand. When Anna would open her eyes and look right through Elsa with that dull, blank stare, Elsa's heart would break into a thousand pieces. Once, she had to excuse herself and went into Anna's bathroom where she cried so hard she threw up in the sink.
Finally, on the fifth day, Anna barely woke up at all. Elsa found herself so unbelievably angry. Angry with the soldiers of the Isles. Angry with Hans and the entire royal family. Angry with Arendelle's soldiers for not finding Anna sooner (although deep down she knew that wasn't their fault), but most of all she was angry with herself for letting this happen to Anna.
"I want to freeze them all," Elsa sobbed into her folded arms, resting on the edge of Anna's mattress. "I want to freeze them forever so they can never get out. Never see their families. Never hurt anyone ever again. I want to build a huge snow bird and fly over there and freeze every single person living there." Her voice gave out and she just shook with silent sobs, convinced that her sister would just fade away right here in the bed. All because she failed to protect her the way she'd promised. Snow swirled angrily around the room and icicles hung from every beam in the ceiling as well as the chandelier. The fire flickered in the hearth as Elsa's icy wind blew through it and up the chimney.
A minute passed, then Elsa nearly jumped out of her skin as she felt a hand on the back of her head. She froze. Every snowflake in the room suddenly halted right where it was and hung eerily in mid-air. She didn't dare move her head for fear that either Anna would remove her hand or that it would turn out to be Elsa's imagination after all.
"Shh," came Anna's almost inaudible whisper and her fingers softly moved through Elsa's hair, and that just made Elsa cry harder because even in the horrible state Anna was in right now, she was trying to comfort Elsa.
"It should have been me, Anna. It should have been me." Elsa wondered briefly if she was going to throw up again. The guilt was just so heavy it felt like a rock sitting in her stomach. Anna's fingers continued their gentle massage through her hair and Elsa felt herself winding down. Her storm was quieting and the snowflakes were starting to fall softly, silently to the ground, dissipating into thin air inches above the ground. One by one the icicles hanging from the ceiling spiraled away into millions of tiny ice crystals.
Anna had always known how to thaw out her sister's ice. It was a shame Elsa hadn't let her into her heart sooner.
Elsa fell asleep with her head under her sister's hand and, for the first time in days, she didn't dream at all.