Clutching at Shadows

by Sofipitch

"Never,"..."never was anything at once so frail and so indomitable. A mere reed she feels in my hand!...I could bend her with my finger and thumb, and what good would it do if I bent, if I uptore, if I crushed her? Consider that eye, consider the resolute, wild free thing looking out of it, defying me, with more than courage, with stern triumph."

Title: Clutching at Shadows
Fandom: Percy Jackson & the Olympians
Author: Sofipitch
Rating: PG-13
Summary: He can't crush her.
Characters: Luke/Annabeth
Warnings: Spoilers. Kinda.
A/N: Again, the quotes that inspired this are almost as long as my written work.

'"Never,"..."never was anything at once so frail and so indomitable. A mere reed she feels in my hand!" (and he shook me with the force of his hold). "I could bend her with my finger and thumb, and what good would it do if I bent, if I uptore, if I crushed her? Consider that eye, consider the resolute, wild free thing looking out of it, defying me, with more than courage, with stern triumph."'
-"Jane Eyre", Charolette Bronte
"How we clutch at shadows as if they were substances, and sleep deepest while fancying ourselves awake?"
-Thomas Carlyle

She had always been tiny. She had always been smaller than you and you know that it will never change. But despite everything, despite knowing her so well she came as easy to you as breathing, her size fools you. She is an indominable spirit, a flame that simply refuses to be put out. You could though. You know how. She is stubborn. Moves on faith. You know how to smuther her. You know what she will fall for.

You could kill her in an instant.

But you don't.

Do you know why you don't? Why when you're almost there, when you've got your hands wrapped around her neck, you feel yourself unable to squeeze?

No, you don't understand. This rush. This pounding in your head and heart. The way your hands tremble when you think of how she should be here. How she should've chosen you and not him. You don't completely understand it not yet.

You don't want to understand it. Because if you did. You would give up. You would let everything you've worked so hard to accomplish now lay to waste. Why? Because you're a coward. Someone easily manipulated that cannot control emotions such as anger and jealousy. A coward. That makes you more vulnerable to her. You are not sure you really want this, but you want to play brave. So you do.

But she's there. She's always there. Even when you pretend you don't want her to be anymore, she will be waiting for you. You know this, yet it angers you. No, she shouldn't be trying to convince you to be with her. No, she should be with you. She should honor Thalia. Does she not remember? You want to be by her side, yet she defys you and you will not stand for it. Because you are not a coward. Or at least you don't
want to be. But you have yet to discover what cowardice actually is.

Then you would understand.

You love her. You've always known that. But to what extent, you are still unable to understand.