You're tainted.
You know it,
He knows it,
She even knows it.
You know it hurts, but you don't stop.
You do it every day to her.
Slushy her, insult her, blame her, ignore her, everything.
You see how it kills her.
The shine in her eyes fades every time you do something harsh.
The smile takes longer to come back after her eyes fill with unshed tears caused by you.
Her head isn't held as high after San and you laugh at her.
It kills you inside because you remember how it used to be.
When you were young and the only problem to make friends was not being yourself.
You remember seeing her and feeling fluttering feelings inside of you.
Specifically when she took your hand and asked to be your friend.
You had giggled and said yes not noticing someone in the shadows.
That night you were told never to talk to her again.
You didn't obey.
She was your best friend and you were hers.
And by the time you were nine you knew something had changed.
You had fallen in love with a girl.
And the panic set in.
You avoided her until she came to your house.
Father was furious, he forbade you from seeing her again.
It helped and killed you.
Now you wouldn't be tempted to talk, but it hurt her and killed you.
You moved away that year.
Father hoping a new school would correct you.
It didn't.
You were tainted.
Now years later you've taken it to torture her.
You wouldn't stand anyone hurting her.
Yet you do.
You know it's the only way to be close to her.
Hurting her is the only way a safe relationship works.
But to ease you and her, you lie and tell you its to help her get out of Lima, Ohio.
And when you tell her this as you're suppose to write an original song for Regionals.
It kills you.
It breaks her.
But it's broken you worse.
At least that's what you feel happened.