March 29th, CENTURY: 24 1/2
DEEP, inside a secret laboratory, HIGH on top of the Earth...
A mechanical voice was heard.
"Unlocking hatch - Cryostasis Program Terminated"
The hatch slowly undid itself and two latches folded back. And then two voices could be heard.
"... Well, now he's unfrozen."
"This is a bad idea. Pure and simple."
"I've waited TOO darn long for this, Simmons! And get ME a JUICEBOX! I'm bored!"
"Of course..."
He didn't see where the voices came from by the time his eyes finally opened. All he could see was... a lot of steam. And Cold. In fact, his entire body felt like it was shivering. If he actually had a voice he'd probably end up screaming, but he didn't HAVE one.
His first thought was, Huh. I feel like I've been asleep. For a long time. Also... I REALLY need to pee.
If worse came to worse he could pee on the pristine floor: it didn't look like there was anybody around. Plus, it was REALLY dark. That was all he could see-
His mouth hung open for a bit, as he discovered his body getting warm- he started bending his hand into a fist. He did this several times till he could fully feel it- feel the brown, scratchy, itchy, rough skin.
My heads spinning. Who am I?
Wait. I remember now. I'm Wile E. Coyote.
So it was- he remembered his full name, his animal biology, his everything.
Now that he remembered, it was only the first step. The second was stepping out of that cold metal chamber- which was more like a stumble. Wile fell flat to ground with a smack! It was all wet.
His first response was holding up a tiny, white sign with the word, "Ow" on it.
Wile got up, eager to find out where he was. He remembered who he was, but where he was was different.
It was a giant facility, all in blue tones, and surrounded on all sides by a vast amazing darkness with stars blazing as far as the eyes can see. Being a genius, he deduced he was in space- but that was impossible! He thought it couldn't be possible, but he could see it, and that's what it was. All his entire exposed self had suddenly gone numb, like being locked in an Ice Cream storage room. His teeth were chattering uncontrollably.
So Cold. So VERY, VERY, VERY, COLD. Like Metal. Like a Vo-
The irony of it was that he froze; like he suddenly remembered something.
Like the emptiness of a Void. Like a machine that can open one.
A Void.
Wile shook his head. NO, get it together MAN, First, find out where exactly you are, then worry about details later!
Wile stood up. He wasn't going to dwell on bad thoughts any more than sitting hunched over on the floor. As he turned around he could see the cold Metal Pod he'd been housed in, the one he'd awoken from... He felt scared and his ear lowered. And then, as he looked slowly to his left, he could see that there were more of those pods.
Very odd. Those pods look like something out of Lost In Space-
He couldn't finish because now he broke out in a big, long, yawn. On instinct, he also had to scratch his belly, that had felt completely unfulfilled for God knows how long. As he finished he walked over and inspected the pod. Like a washing machine, his mind was beginning to start up, rather frighteningly quick.
The machine was a cylinder in overall design, on a steep platform, and geared toward the purpose of holding in anything of a natural, organic shape. Inside, were six prongs leaking out a luquid, washing out over his body. The cold had been the water around his body. At the containers' base was a set of lit numbers saying,
"MARCH, 12TH, CENTURY 24-1/2"
Now Wile had a good reason to begin shaking. As he carefully read over that label like a fortune, it became obvious what happened.
He'd been frozen in that container. In FACT, the machine was probably keeping him inside, until at some point, someone had allowed said chamber to defrost. Once it was liquid, the container was unsealed. Being kept underwater was probably what kept him from feeling the prongs sustaining his life force pop off of him.
But... he thought distantly, still staring at that date. That can't be right. I was born on November 1948. I was...
Wherever that was going, ran into a wall- And so did Wile as he clutched his head, now undergoing a severe headache. He went smack! into the glass wall in full force. The glass didn't break, but he threatened to break out in tears, a busted lung, or an even worse headache after what he saw.
Wherever he was, the room was placed on top of an extremely high peak, overlooking what had to be the brightest and most futuristic looking cities in history. And par for the course, there were flying cars, floating ads, and not a single place to be seen that wasn't lit up in lights. It had all the praise of Hollywood written in it. It was huge. Far as Wile's eyes could take him, nothing but square mile of high-tech, silver-lined, impossible wonders of mechanical madness.
It was breathtaking, and like a shining paradise, but whatever the reason...
Wile felt like was going to faint.
Okay, so I'm in a completely different time. Well, specifically, the future. I've been frozen, to a time, and space, divide... I'm not sure... how the universe... survived!
That was just weird.
Wile heard a sound from far away, which was that of a door sliding open. Out of habit, Wile snuck behind the pod he escaped from and snuck a small peak.
A man stepped out from from the door opening, and it was very squat, funny-looking man with curly-red hair and a gigantic light-bulb on top of his head. He was reading off a large stapleboard, with a bunch of important papers on it. He had on a big white lab-coat, the sort that crazy mad scientists usually tend to wear.
"All right, I've just got to check the bio-signs of the first patient, then it's TACO Night, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la-la, la, la!" the strange man was scatting jovially. He went to one of the similar pods that was farthest to the left, while Wile remained hidden. He looked a little obnoxious and idiotic to be looking like a scientist. He had a small I.D. card on his chest that had the Initials: I.Q.
Is that his name? And... what's...!
Wile could see that this "I.Q." was talking to a tank that had an unidentifiable, bill-mouthed "shape" floating inside. By this time, Wile was getting a little paranoid and anxious; he thought that what happened to him, and his ending up quite possibly in the future as a result- that man had something to do with it. There was no doubt about it. But really... he looked too stupid to actually be a competent scientist
The scientist man, who name might have been I.Q., walked in front of a console, just like the one that stood in front of Wile's can. "Look's as if his temperature readings are normal," said the man, talking up to the container. "He's doing quite well... his down seems to be holding well against his skin..."
Then the doctors' eyes widened, as he noticed the container that Wile was in was not only empty, but it was just recently deactivated. "Huh? What on Earth?"
I.Q. rushed over and looked horrified to see the messy water all over the floor. Additionally, he was surprised to see that there was something hairy hiding behind platform. "What the-!"
Wile didn't need any more provocation. He proceeded to run frantically out of the room, ignoring the frightened, angry cries, of I.Q. who was yelling. "Hey! HOLD ON A SECOND! STOP! WAIT A MINUTE! SECURITY!"
I.Q. kept shouting for security, then later, became so obsessed with that, he forgot to fully inspect the broken tank.
Everything went past Wile's face like a blurry movie reel. He had no idea where he was going, and the thought of being caught by anybody in a world he didn't recognize was starting to sound scary. He kept thinking, I'm going to caught, I'm going to get caught, I'm going to get caught I'm going to get caught...!
Then somehow, he found he had escaped the huge building, that loomed over on high like a throned king. Either way, the streets were as mean as they looked from looking down that height. On the other hand, he didn't want to risk being caught, and the first opportunity he got, he ducked into a small alley, and sunk behind a trash can. Overhead, police sirens flew past the scene like soaring eagles, and Wile E. Coyote sat behind the dark of the can, feeling traumatized. Wile E. Coyote had no idea what happened.
GROWL GROWL
For the first time ever, he was very hungry.
Well, there had to be an eatery in the town didn't there? The problem was he'd have to go out into the open. And WORSE, he realized with a hungry groan, he could smell food not too far... it smelled meaty, drooling delicious... so GREAT... Juicy...
Police did come down the alley minutes later and found no escaped subject from the Protectorate. Only later would they be called in to make a hasty investigation at Neighborly's Ground level Restaurant at the "Headspinner District".
Meanwhile...
Ignatius was struck dumb by the sudden turn of events, all of which seemed a little off.
"And you're positive that it was a Coyote, sir?"
"Yes, Johnson."
"But that's utterly ridiculous. They're usually predators, they tend to stay territorial and act a little savagely, especially when it comes down to hunting food."
"Yes, I know."
Johnson was laughing, finding some of this hard to believe. While he never majored in animal studies in college, the one thing he retained was a minor on coyotes, their natural habitats, the deserts, and that certain elements, some he had no idea of what, were possible reasons that led up to their extinction by the first century, the same time as when Space Flight, and Rocket Engines were made possible.
"I thought they were extinct," Johnson said.
"Yes, so did I," Ignatius yelled. "But unfortunately, I'm not so sure about that. I never actually took any study classes on Animals. FACT, the only studying I've ever done was centered on the Protectorate's top secret "Project"."
Johnson looked perplexed. "Hold on, sir. Are you talking about... him?"
"Hmm?" Ignatius was in thought and hadn't heard. Johnson said it over again. "Oh, that, no that's not what I meant, I was actually referring to the effects of the Florana Styglepag Jumping Beans in a Three-Bean Salad. No, the OTHER thing- not so sure about that. He's a genuine born earthling with all the qualifications... alledgedly," he said this while staring down at a taped piece of newspaper on a centuries' old football game.
"But it's a little out of protocol immediately recruit an Earthling that doesn't possess the mental capacity to actually comply with the demands of serving his sworn duty to protect the the planet!" Johnson yelled.
In a rare moment, Ignatius swiftly turned around and gave Johnson one of the most serious glares he'd even seen. Searing, noble, and a little defiant, you almost immediately knew what he was going to say next.
"Johnson, have you actually fully achieved all the qualifications to become Head of the Protectorates? Your last test says otherwise."
Johnson fell silent, then rode into stammering. "Ww-well I... I-I'm a outstanding high-ranking officer of the commanding B-forces, and Officer Soliel is on equal status same as me..."
"But, and pardon the expression, I, no, this universe, needs someone who will probably be treated like the underdog. Maybe not a legitimate hero or a Cookie-cutter one... Commanding officers like you. Now don't give me that look. You have an outstanding record, and you've been nominated for "Best Clean Cut Hair Award" 5 years notwithstanding. Aurora? Her best asset deals exclusively with her fast clean-up record and pursuit of galactic villainous threats. However, that has all the efficiency of machine with 5x the input to 4x the output. Furthermore, we need someone who can bring peace back and forth between the planet Earth and Mars."
He fell silent. "I know this is a gamble, but at the least, it's something worth betting on."
"You're really banking all the Earth's hopes on this, Professor?"
"Yes, Johnson, yes I am. But that's not important now. We need to worry about this minor dillemma."
Johnson took a more professional pose. "As it turns out, Professor, I'm already launching an investigation into that matter. Several of my top men under me are in fact busy at the moment scouring the streets for any trace of the mysterious felon. However I would like to request any more information on the subject in question."
"Yeah, I got nothin'," Ignatius answered simply.
"Yes, Professor, that is an ample level of information should- wait. WHAT?" Johnson gawked.
"There is nothing on this guy. The coyote? I had no idea he was in that container, until today." The professor and Commander continued walking down to the cafeteria.
Johnson fell silent and found something was off about the Professor's story. Ignatius continued on. "You didn't know? This facility, though particularly this floor has always been used for the study and experimentation involving Cryogenics. I wasn't the original owner of this facility, but I bought it out after the business went bankrupt and unleashed to a private firm called "Sundance Industries". This was where I came up with the idea to start the Protectorate."
Johnson stopped dead in his tracks, surprised by this new revelation. When Ignatius saw that he stopped, he stopped also and turned around to say, "the Price was, well... give or take $100,000.00. And this was just after I graduated college with a Grant that was worth $700,000.00, in my collaboration science experiment that resulted in the theory of developing capsules that would keep the subject from gaining any weight. It was a STEAL."
Johnson folded his hands and at the moment was at a loss for words. He decided to careful what he'd ask next. "Professor? Does anybody else know what you yourself have just told me?"
"No. And I trust that you will never speak of this with anybody else," said Ignatius, who raised an eyebrow with Johnson. Johnson, a little betrayed that his trust was being tested in this way, assumed a defensive tone. "Sir, you have my honest word! I am an elite member of the what I know is the most powerful defense the Earth has. We are also its humble servants. I would never dishonor or betray its trust in any way by divulging sensitive information of any kind that would implicate and force asolvement."
Ignatius didn't sense any kind of mistrust or falling in the Star Mallory Johnson's tone, and he confirmed this with a strict nod. "Good. Then I should also probably divulge something else... I'm afraid that unlike our other future prodigy, who we recently discovered had been accidentally frozen and moved here secretly out of the public eye, I had no idea that there was another subject that'd been left behind by the previous owners."
Johnson stared dumbly at him.
"What?" I.Q. yelled. "It was an accident! It could happen!... maybe."
Johnson suddenly had a thought he voiced before it slipped his mind. "Hold on, Professor. If the other subject escaped, wouldn't that have triggered the automatic system alarm? And more importantly, what the heck was the security doing right around the time that this Subject escaped?"
Ignatius gave a long, drawn out look of grim worry to Star Johnson, before switching his attention to the staple board and the small, unusual piece of torn Newspaper clipping layered in the far back. "That's what worries me, Johnson. But unfortunately, I think we should you probably keep these questions on down-lo-lo for moment. I just need you to track down this missing experiment this uh... um..."
"Coyote?" Johnson put in I.Q.'s mouth.
"Yeah that thing!" said I.Q.
Johnson assumed perfect military prose, saluted the Professor and said, "Yes sir."
"Dismissed." Star Johnson left.
When he was alone, I.Q. started speaking aloud to himself, muttering discontentedly. He started to rub his chin with his rubber gloves, looking more like that famous statue. "Inventory: I know for a fact that was a genuine Scraggly, anorexic-looking Coyote with that Keen look of genius mixed into his eyes. Hmm... those eyes. GENIUS... mixed in with massive levels of panic and paranoia. He certainly acted like most people who'd been frozen 3 centuries ago, and his response time was typical of newcomers to the future; but he didn't bother attempting to wait. They scare me. Like a predators'. Like 5 sets of 9-layered Bean Burritos. He may have been much more smarter than we could've let on. That and he just happened to awaken no less than 5 days before the other subject we actually brought in is awakened, and the Cadet we hired from Swinus 9 arrives."
He paused and drew in an "overly-dramatic" breath. He usually loved hearing himself talk.
"And Coyotes, if my history stands to memory, have been known for being avid chasers of an extinct rare bird, but also possessing inherited high-level engineering capabilities for the mechanical, woodwork, and technology."
He paused again. As he stepped back into the pod room containing, among other things, 4 pods, two of them empty, 1 full, and other ejected and leaving wet residue over the floor (WOAH, he'd have to call in the sanitary department later, and by Sanitary dept., he really meant Bigfoot.) he observed and noted the camera sitting in the corner, and reasoned that any form of action that took place inside the Cryo-chamber would have to be recorded from the control room, and anything inside that didn't occur without any outside force entering the room would also be recorded, and naturally that would've set off the automatic alarms.
And sent several immediate recalls to Specialists to rush in.
And they would've sent reports to I.Q. in if he hadn't chosen that specific day to check on "Project D", right when the other one had already just been released from his confinement.
And NONE came.
I.Q. came to a conclusion.
"Maybe I might have watched too many mystery flicks, but I've got a SINKING suspicion that... I have just missed my only opportunity to get in on first Free Tacos on Taco Day!"
DUN DUN DUN
- Duck Dodgers in the 24th & 1/2 CENTURY: A Qwack in Time