The Monster in Me

AN: Hello. My first go at something that many had this experience before or are going through one. I've been through one and still fighting it as I type.

WARNING! Out Of Character behavior, Yaoi, Foul language, Self-harm, attempting suicide and others that are very painful. DO NOT read if any of these offend you. I hate to see your virgin eyes being fucked. This also having a lot of true events of feelings, I'll let you all know.

Also, my grammar is a bit shoddy; I'm very slow at that. I'll try my best and I know I can get there.

I Listen to Megadeth Song: Sweating Bullets.

Link X Pipit

Thanks for understanding

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There's a monster in everyone, even in the happiest of people. Sometimes I wonder where the monster we all have is being created, how did it get here? Why is it destroying us, destroying you, destroying me? How could I make this horrible monster that boiled inside of me? How did I ever become one? I'm lost and no one understands how I can be a threat to them, to you, to myself. I understand it, I speak to it, I play with it, and I sleep with it, all day and all night. I was happy once, never had this monster inside of me. I care for those of needed help, friendship and brotherhood. I never thought of anything like this could happen to me and now look what happened. I'm a monster.

I look at myself in the mirror, asking myself if I could be any better. The doubt always tells the painful truth to me, how can I better? Can I ever be a better person? I didn't mean to hurt them, I didn't mean to make them cry and I never meant those hurtful words I said to them. I wish I could change time and turn it back I would of notice these signs ages ago. But I didn't know and now it's been done, over, finished. I'm a monster of my own mind, heart and soul. I'm not pure anymore, not happy, I don't have a soul anymore, I don't have anything I once loved and cared. I hate it! I hate everyone, all of you! I hate these stupid emotions, I hate crying, I hate talking and I hate love!

I don't want to smile or be kind. I want to be this monster, the new me. The rage, the hate fills my veins, my heart and my soul. I don't have feelings anymore. I feel suffocated in this room it feels so good. I laugh and scream; I kick and bang my head to the wooden walls. This new sensation is like a drug. The war inside my head, the fighting that carries on, images of blood flash through in my mind ended me into the world of chaos. I can hold off this urge to hit someone, somebody, somewhere and anywhere. I want to taste blood, the fear, the rage in my fists. I hit the bedroom wall and laughed, this energy to hit someone is driving me crazy! Someone open my dorm room door so I can smash your head in.

I want your blood, I want your fear, and I want everything your heart beats for!

My wish is granted as someone opened the door. For me however, I became blind with this unexpected outburst.

Everything went black.