Memories

Face woke up from a strange dream, where he and Hannibal were at a wedding party but suddenly the Colonel disappeared from his side. The LT walked everywhere to try to find him but the place was very large, with a beautiful house and garden and a tennis court too; at some point it started to rain and he ran back into the house only to find Hannibal's mother asking him where her son was. Mr and Mrs Smith were going to give their birthday gift to Hannibal's grandmother and where was he? Face didn't know and Hannibal didn't show up so they did it without him. The old lady was so happy that she cried. She was supposed to be deceased about 20 years ago, though, and how was it possible that she was at the wedding party now? Nobody seemed to notice the strange fact, anyway.

Opening his eyes and finding himself in his own bedroom was a relief. Strange dream, he thought.

The young man glanced at the watch on his night table and gasped. 10.00 a.m.! Hannibal would be mad at him; in fact it was strange the Colonel let him sleep for so long. Clearing his mind from the deep sleep, he realized another strange fact: he was wearing pajamas. He usually wore nothing except his underpants at night, what the hell was happening?

Plus, this wasn't his room. Face realized he had been sleeping in the guest bedroom, in fact the other side of the bed was untouched and there was no sign of his lover. No books on the other night table, no signs of the older man's presence in the room at all. This was not a good sign.

Now completely awake, the Lt became aware of the delicious aroma of coffee coming from outside the closed door. His stomach grumbled and he realized he was hungry. He found a T-shirt and his favorite pair of loose pants on the chair beside the bed and he put them on. He still couldn't remember what had happened the night before, maybe he and Hannibal had a fight and he decided to sleep in the other bedroom. But why the pajamas?

Stepping out of the room, he spotted Hannibal sat at the kitchen table, reading the morning newspaper. He was wearing glasses. That made Face laugh. But the older man didn't hear him because he continued to read.

The younger man poured himself a cup of coffee and opened the fridge in order to see if there was something edible in there: scrambled eggs and bacon would be fantastic right now! Face wasn't exactly a morning person and usually he didn't have much appetite at that hour of the day but today he was literally starving.

"John, do we have any eggs? I'm starving. I can cook you an omelette, if you're hungry? I don't know why I woke up so late this morning, please don't be mad at me and don't shout. I just need to eat something and I am ready to go in fifteen, ok?"

At first, Hannibal didn't answer his questions. He stopped reading and lifted his head to watch the Lt with wide eyes, as if he had grown a second head.

"What's the matter, John? You OK?" Face asked again, growing anxious about the Colonel's behavior.

Hannibal shook himself from his stupor to see his lover standing in front of him for the first time in two years. Not that he was incapable of doing it. The younger man would do everything he asked him to do. But only if he was told to. Wake up, Kid. Go to bed, Kid. Let's go for a walk, Kid. Eat something, Kid.

Two years of it. Hannibal couldn't believe his own eyes. Maybe he was dreaming. He was so tired, he must have fallen asleep on the couch.

"Hannibal?"

Face's worried tone was something the older man couldn't resist. The kid didn't talk much usually but he was always extraordinarily aware of the Colonel's state of mind and often worried when he saw him sad or angry.

"I'm not hungry, thank you kid," the Colonel stated calmly. "How are you feeling?" he asked, hoping his voice was steady enough.

"Did I mention that I am starving?" Face joked. "I'm fine, not even a headache and I'm shocked because after last night… I mean, I'm sorry I must have been really drunk 'cause I can't remember what happened and I suppose you were mad at me when I came back home and so I slept in the guest bedroom. But thank you for the pajamas," Face declared breathlessly, smiling timidly at the older man.

"Not even a headache?" Hannibal replied.

"Nope," the Lt affirmed while trying to cook himself a decent breakfast with what little he found in the fridge. "I had weird dreams, though. Since when do you wear glasses for reading?" he asked earnestly.

"About a year now. I must be getting old, after all," the Colonel laughed tiredly, trying to mask his discomfort. How could he break the news to his lover without scaring him?

Face finished preparing his breakfast and went to sit beside the Colonel. It was strange for the older man to see the kid acting like his old self, it was quite scary in fact. He really should call his therapist and ask her how to behave.

"I… I need to make a phone call, do you want some orange juice?" the Colonel asked.

Face nodded and Hannibal disappeared into the kitchen. Once the door was closed, he half collapsed against the wall. With trembling hands he reached for the phone and dialed the therapist's number.

Christine was Face's therapist and a good friend to Hannibal also. Unfortunately she wasn't in her office and her mobile was switched off. Knowing he didn't have any choice, Hannibal mustered all his courage and after pouring the kid a glass of orange juice he exited the kitchen.

Face had finished his breakfast and was waiting for him. Hannibal knew Face had understood something was wrong and probably was going to ask him. The Colonel prepared himself for the inevitable, hoping to do the right thing.

He sat down and let out a long sigh. The younger man looked at him with a puzzled expression.

"Kid, we need to talk," the Colonel announced softly, taking Face's hands in his own.

"If it is because of last night…" the Lt started but Hannibal silenced him softly, squeezing his hands.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Kid. It's … complicated. I don't know where to start… How to explain to you… Oh God, I don't want to hurt you…" Hannibal babbled and Face paled.

"Are you dumping me, John?" the younger man whispered, the desperation clear in his voice.

Hannibal too was shocked by Face's reaction. "No, no Face. Please, believe me it's not what you think and you didn't do anything wrong. I'm not dumping you," he sighed "I just don't know how to tell you…"

"Tell me what, Hannibal? Please, you're scaring me? Is Murdock ok? BA? Or is it Adele? Are they alright?" Face asked then.

"They're fine. It's … it's you they are worried about".

"Me? Why? I'm fine, why should they worry about me?"

Hannibal sighed again and gripped Face hands even more tightly.

"Because you were in a car accident, two and a half years ago. A drunk driver. Your car was destroyed and you were in a coma for five months. We thought we had lost you but then…" unable to continue Hannibal cleared his throat and took a deep breath, "then you started to wake up, the medics were amazed by the way you responded to the therapies. Within six months and two sessions of physiotherapy per week you were back, physically."

The Colonel felt like crying, even if he didn't want to, but the memories of those days were so powerful and it was such a relief to have the kid back with him, finally, that he couldn't hold back the tears.

Face was watching him closely and tried to comfort him in some way but Hannibal didn't let him.

"Please, let me finish or I won't be able to do it again," the Colonel asked his lover softly and Face nodded.

"It was like you weren't really here. I mean, you were physically ok but mentally… they said it was the consequence of the head injury, that you would be awake and alert but not … cooperative…" Hannibal explained.

"Like catatonic?" the Lt asked seriously.

"Not really. You were responding to external stimuli but you didn't do anything on your own."

Face paled at the sudden revelation.

"Is that the reason why you were so surprised when I asked you about the breakfast a few minutes ago? Oh my God… how long? Oh my God Oh my God!" the younger man started to chant in a strained voice.

Hannibal was at his side immediately, holding him in a bear hug, murmuring reassurances in his ear. Face was tense but soon relaxed in his lover's protective arms.

"Am I going to be ok now?" he asked in a very small voice.

"I am not a doctor, kid. I think I should take you to the hospital where they can check on you now," Hannibal replied, feeling a lot more relieved now that they had talked about the accident and its consequences on Face's psyche.

"No hospital, I just need you, please…" the younger man whined. He was really back, Hannibal thought!

"No, Face, we're going," he stated firmly. Face slumped against him.

"I don't remember. Any of it. It's like you're talking about someone else. The things you said… Shouldn't I remember something? I mean, it has been how long? Two years of my life?" the younger man asked quietly, too quietly Hannibal thought.

"I don't know, Face. I have no idea why it took you two years to come back, I'm just glad you did," the Colonel whispered in a husky voice. It was hard to control his emotions now.

"What about Murdock? How did he take it?" Face asked then. He always had great consideration of the pilot and his wellbeing.

"BA has helped him a lot. Now they are in Chicago with Adele, she's been ill, pneumonia, and BA took Murdock to Chicago with him."

Face smiled tiredly to himself. "I guess BA didn't want you to be bothered with Murdock and me both at the same time?" he asked, but it was more a statement.

"Oh no, baby. No. Absolutely not. You never bothered me and you never will," the Colonel exploded with fresh tears in his eyes. "I was asked if I wanted to put you in a specialized rehab center and I told them No! I didn't want a stranger to take care of you. They said… they said that if we gave you the right stimuli, if we helped you maybe you would come back one day…"

"I just wish I had some memories of it. It's hard to believe, Hannibal, it seems you're talking about someone else to me…"

Hannibal gently cupped the younger man's chin with his big hand and kissed him lightly on the lips. Face froze and flushed a little.

"I don't care how much time it took you, baby. I don't know if your memories will come back or when they will. Right now I am happy to have you back and I would do again everything I did in the past. You're not a burden to me, don't you ever think of that. You're my lover, my other half. And I love you," the Colonel replied sweetly, caressing the perfectly shaven skin of his lover's face.

"What if this is only temporary?" the Lt asked seriously.

"What do you mean?" Hannibal answered very seriously too.

"I mean… I don't remember anything of my last two and a half years of life. Maybe this has happened before, maybe I will wake up tomorrow and I will be catatonic again. And I will not remember this conversation and…" he wanted to continue, he needed to tell Hannibal he didn't want him to spent his whole life taking care of him if he was like a puppet, that he wanted him to have a real life and find another man to live with but he couldn't. He was trembling like a leaf and sobbing in his lover's arms.

Hannibal hushed him as best he could until the kid was calmer. His priority, though, was to take him to the hospital and he reluctantly let go of him.

"Face, I know you don't want to but I need to take you to the hospital now," the Colonel gently explained but Face protested. He was afraid it was just a dream and didn't want to wake up without knowing who he was and where he was; Hannibal knew it because he had the same fear.

"Do it for me?" he asked the younger man.

This time Face nodded.

"In case I am not able to say it in the near future… I love you too!"

END