I'm what you'd call an original mary-sue.
I this first edition of Poof Chronicles, we travel to London.
Poof Chronicles 1: Professor Layton and the Peculiar Artists
Chapter One
Pieces Fall into Place and Evil Clowns Unexpectedly Attack London
He awoke to the aweful, piercing screech of the door, and the blinding glare of the light that poured through. It was way too early to be breakfast time, he knew that. He also knew that today was the big day.
"Dove?"
"Yes Sir." Despite his heavy drowsiness and him goind near-blind from the light, Clive snapped straight up, standing at attention.
"Guess it's that day." The Guard held a messed-up, nearly fallen-apart, grimy carboard box. "You're a free man, now. We have your belongings right here."
The young man could barely contain his excitement. A big smile spread across his face as he was given the box, and it became even wider when he once again felt the familiar hat inside. "Thank you, sir."
"You can change in the communal bath, then we just have you do the paperwork with the desk jockeys, and you're on your way."
"Yes sir, thank you sir." Clive was escorted out of that God-forsaken cell and to the bathroom. It was all finally over. He'd paid his debt to society and blah-blah-blah. He donned his clothes quickly, ready to get out of there and into the sun once again. He finished with his hat and nearly flew out the door, rushing though the paperwork and trying desperately to hold himself back as the gates were opened and he walked through. The heat was warmer than he'd ever remembered, and the light nearly blinded him. The noise was deafening, and the fresh air choked him. He had missed it so much.
A familiar figure who you'll all recognize sat at his desk, overlooking those same London streets. Children played, lovers met, and-more importantly at the moment-students made there way for his lecture. If he didn't get a move on, he'd be late for his own class. He donned his signature top-hat and made for the door. Grabbing his notes and lesson plan, he was ready to go. A well-natured smile on his face, and an air of utmost gentalmenly manner was about him. Creatively worded dawldling aside, you recognize him as THE Professor Hershel Layton.
"And that-" he finished, "Concludes our lesson for today. Be sure to turn in your term papers on time. I look forward to your findings on your ruins of choice." He didn't have to tell them twice. Layton lost most of them at "And that." He couldn't very well blame them. Young men and women did usually have plans on a Friday evening. He hoped they had at least retained some of the information of the early building strategies of the ancient Greek.
When he got to his car, dubbed the "laytonmobile," he made his merry way back to his quiet flat. It was a typical Friday afternoon, really…except for maybe the Housekeeper beaming cheekily at him from behind the front desk.
"May I ask, is something wrong, madam?" The good Professor tipped his hat, halting momentarily.
She hastily ducked back behind the newspaper she had been "reading." The smile was still plastered on his face. "Oh, nothing at all, sir. Don't mind me." She turned the page. He wondered if she even knew she was reading about "Scotland Yard's Newly Expanded Bathrooms."
"Curious." He simply continued his stroll to the elevator. He had to start getting his next lecture together. The Lesson plan wouldn't write itself. Though perhaps he could get some dinner first. To save this story from getting too boring, let's skip to the flat.
He unlocked the door, and faltered. Layton was almost certain he heard something from the other side of the door…but that was impossible. No one else had a key to this flat besides himself, the Landlord, and his wife, the housekeeper downstairs. Shaking his head to scatter those thoughts, he opened the door-
-and stood corrected. He was immediately embraced around the waist by a lad just over half his height, dressed in blue.
"Surprise, Professor!" The boy looked up at him and smiled. You and I know him as the Professor's faithful apprentice, Luke Triton.
"Luke, my boy!" He patted his underling on the back. "How on earth did you get here?"
"The Landlady recognized me, and it seems she wanted to surprise you as much as I did!" The boy adjusted his blue hat. "Father's job called him over here again, and we were able to visit! How have you been, Professor?"
There was a lot of catching up to do with these two. They would have to continue this conversation over tea.
Elsewhere, as our final piece came into play and place, it was a setting sun on the Thames. The birds sang some of their last songs-and were interrupted by the sound of the word "SQUID" and two teenage girls and two plushies popping right into their tree. The birds instantly squaked and nearly pecked their eyes out before fleeing the scene immediately.
"ACK! CRUD! OW! Yeah, you better run!" The raven-haired asian girl batted the assailing sparrows off of herself, as the brunetter sporting orange-tinted goggles hung by her legs, upside-down from the branch near her. "Really, Pen! Did we HAVE to warp right into a TREE?"
The brunette simply hung there, a doofy smile on her face. One of the plushies, resembling some sort of gothic, creepy rabbit thing in a knitted green deerstalker spoke up, offended. "Well, exCUSE me, princess! Mistress said Thames, and I got us to the Thames! How was I supposed know there was a tree here?"
"Do NOT call me princess!"
"….PRINCES PRINCESS PRINCESS PRINCESS-"
"Why, you little TURD-"
"Enough, you two!" The goggled girl, whom the little minion had referred to as "mistress," Spoke up, trying to right herself to get back up and sitting properly on the branch, but failing and still dangling where she was. "We can ALL be turds~!"
The other girl facepalmed and rolled her eyes. She should be used to this kind of thing by now. "Well, Pen, what do we do now?"
"Kahmelion, patience. First we have to make sure we've reached the proper destination."
The rabbit thing was offended once more. "Of COURSE we have, or my name's not Phantom! Thing, get the inter-demensional map!"
The second plushie, a little burlap fellow with big green button eyes and a drawstring head nodded and reached inside and pulled out a book sooooo enormous it looked like there was no WAY he could have possibly fit it inside his head. "Alright…what page would this be on?"
"I don't know." Phantom scratched his non-existant nose and he dropped down out of the foliage, Kahmelion helping Pen get upright. "Try under the 'Ls'."
Thing opened the book, and it looked very similar to the marauder's map-for those of you who like Harry Potter- and he flipped through the middle somewhere. "Let's see…didn't Wonkey put some post-its in here?" Thing hopped down and propped up the text in front of his partner.
"Ugh…good-for-nothing 'head of organizations' my foot." Phantom looked through the little yellow pieces of paper sticking up through the top. "Let's see…H, J, K, L! Layton…" He lifted the chunk of pages and found himself at a map of London. He traced the squiggly line representing the Thames up to the very spot where the group should be. Sure enough, there they were. Four characters. One was a brunette girl with her hair tied in a short ponytail. She had on Goggles that had headphones attatched to them. She wore a floppy long-sleeved black shirt that hung off of one shoulder with the word "Poof" written on it, red plaid shorts, knee-high black socks with a single green stripe, and vans. The next figure was another teenage girl, with longer, black hair. She wore a dark-grey and bright-green striped long-sleeve shirt, with white cuffs on the sleeve, blue jeans, and bright green shirts. The other two figures were the minions that we have already described. Kahmelion dropped down out of the tree, Pen landing right next to her with a "thunk" and an "ouch."
"Ok, so it shows we're here…but how can we be sure that we're actually in the right demension?"
"The tab SAYS 'Layton.'" Phantom replied, rolling his eyes as best as he could with a stitched red circle and an orange button. "besides," he continue, indicating a certain two figures in a café. "Who else do we know has a ridiculously large top hat and an apprentice boy blue?"
Pen raised a finger in the air from where she sat against the tree, sprawled and scrape-kneed. "Mr. Bob might~!" She had the same doofy smile, despite the blood trickling out of the wound. "My my…I think we need Cuddlemari here…."
Kahmelion facepalmed again. Phantom, however, rushed to her side. "Mistress! You have to be more careful! I'll poof and get Cuddlemari right away!" he held her hand with his little stubby one.
"No need!" Thing pulled a first aid kit out of his head, fastening the drawstrings back. "I have a kit right here. Cuddlmari insisted we take it for the sake of just-in-case."
"You guys…It's JUST a scrape!" Kahmelion facepalmed again.
"I concur!" Pen said and sprung up as soon as she was patched up. "Now, let's make our way and tallyho~!" She ran off.
"Um…Pen?" Kahmelion raised her hand in question.
Sure enough, her friend ran right back. "Um…exactly where are we going now?"
The party strolled their way through the busy streets…well, not the actual streets. That'd be pretty stupid. They stayed in the sidewalks. Thing was strapped to Pen's back like a pack, with Phantom riding around in the "hammer-space" head, as to not freak out any locals by showing them living, walking, talking plushies.
"Should be get a hotel room or something? Or should we just get some food first?"
Kahmelion absentmindedly scratched her nose. "I think my vote's on the food."
"With what money?" Phantom poked his head up out of the drawstring head. "Dude, get DOWN!" Thing hissed, pushing him back down.
"I dunno." The raven-haired girl shrugged. "I'm just happy so long as I get mah food…"
Pen imitated the Professor's thoughtful positon. "Hm….it is quite puzzling…I GOT it!"
"Well, I'm listening."
"We play guitar and get some handouts in a hat, then get the food, and sleep in an alley like hobos~!"
Kahmelion facepalmed again, staring at her friend pointedly. "Sure, Pen, we can find a lovely dumpster use a manhole cover for a pillow….sarcasm, sarcasm…SARCASM!"
Pen was unfazed by this. "Excellent!...but then what do we do with the Jimmy John's sandwiches Wonkey packed for us?...and the tent I asked him to put in for emergencies?"
"You HAVE food and shelter?"
"yes."
"Then WHY did you even suggest-ah, nevermind!" She really SHOULD be used to this by now.
Pen's eyes caught a newsstand, a little English boy in a brown cap barking out the headlines for all of the UK to hear. "Hey, kid~!" She practically ran into him, and the boy himself nearly wet his pants. "Kid, can I see a paper?"
"That'll be fifty pence."
"PEN!" Kahmelion caught up to her little weirdo of a companion. "Pen, you KNOW we have no money!" The odd duck was unfazed. She reached back into her "bag," and pulled out a warm, fresh sub.
"Would this be enough to cover it?"
The newboy eyed the offer skeptically. "Hm…do you have any chips?"
"Certainly." Pen dispensed A bag of Lays quicker than you can say "quick." "I'll Throw in a cookie if you'd like."
"Hm…alright, miss whoever-you-are, deal." The boy gave them their paper, took his meal, and was on his way.
"Did you just give that kid our food for a NEWSPAPER?"
"Don't worry," Pen waved, as if swishing any worry from the air. "We have a ton more in Thing's head." She skimmed the front page, and then opened to a random place.
"…You fail…SO much…"
"Anyway~…OOooooh…we couldn't have come any sooner! It appears our friend has been released from prison on this day~!" Pen hugged the paper, nearly crumpling it beyond recognition, and twirled around with a girlish glee. "Hooray~! I can't believe our luck~!" She clapped, and returned to her place in reading. "Ooh, and Scotland yard expanded its lavatories~!"
"Did you seriously just say 'lavatories?' Really?...wait, really!" Pen's friend snatched the paper, literally tearing it right out of her hands.
"Sweet bajeebus! I didn't think you were so interested in indoor plumbing."
"No, not the bathroom thing, nertz! Clive's a free man!"
"I know, isn't it great?" Pen formed the ever-popular "imagination" rainbow over her head.
"…I wonder if rich guys have good food?"
"…don't you appreciate my sandwiches?" Pen put on her best puppy-dog eyes.
"Yeah, keep tryin' that." Kahmelion pushed Pen off of herself.
"I…I brought you Dr. Pepper." She held up the particular beverage up to her friend's face.
"…I love you!" She snatched up the soda and downed it in one gulp. "Ok…what else do we have here?"
Pen skipped and sand tunelessly along their merry way. "We're walking while we're talking~!"
"It looks like Bill Hawkes was impeached….sweet! Serves the deuce right."
"Fist bump!" Pen and Kahmelion touched knuckles "I think I brought some stuff we can use for that..." She rummaged around in Thing's head and pulled out three items. One was an old-fashioned eighties cell phone, the next was a box of matches, and the third was a bag of…ahem…droppings….the smile spread across her face as the eyebrows raised.
"You read my mind…"
The group of teenagers and minions were gathered behind the picket fence of some large estate. How in the world did they find the exact address for his house? We will NEVER know…heck, I'm Pen, the odd duck main character. I don't even know myself.
Kahmelion dialed the number in…yeah…not sure how we got the number either…anyway, it was very convenient about he lack of caller ID on eighties phones. The dial tone changed to a ring, and through the binoculars, Phantom saw the former Prime Minister through the windows, making his way to his end of the line.
"Oh, dude, dudettes, he's TOTALLY picking it up!"
"SSHH!" Kahmelion pushed him down, so Hawkes wouldn't see a binoculared plushie spying on him and call the cops. He may not be a powerful political power anymore, but he could still call the cops. Pen barely held in her excitement. She raised the receiver to her ear, and listened for the answer.
"Hello? Hawkes Residence. Bill Hawkes speaking."
"Hey, Mr. POOPhead~!"
"Who is this?"
"I eat mop."
"I eat mop who?" Just try and say that sentence, and I DARE you not to get it.
"HAHAHA! Gross, really?" Pen dropped the phone, rolling in the grass with laughter.
"WHO IS THIS! I'll call the cops!"
"Sure, dude~!" Pen cracked up more, Kahmelion trying to muffle herself, her expression the very image of "You did NOT just say that." "Be sure to ask them to partake in a nice meal with you and your poo, sir!" Pen finished, his angry cries instantly halted by the hang up button. "What do you think? Am I a rude, annoying, ugly American or what?"
Kahmelion crossed her arms. "Yeah, you're a nasty freak alright." She got up and brushed the grass off of her bum. "Thing, give me the bag. It's my turn."
The quartet poofed with the sound of "SQUID" around to the front, hiding behind the shrubbery. "Hiding behind a bush…cliché, or classic?" Pen got the bag of…ahem…droppings…and the matches.
"I know what I must do…" Kahmelion gathered the things, her serious face most comical rather than serious. She and Pen strolled RIGHT up to the door, lit the bag, rang the doorbell, and FLEW right back into the bush, Kahmelion hiding behind it like a super-ninja, Pen diving headlong in and ending up having to be pulled back down by the plushie minions. Sure enough, the guy came right to the door. Seeing the flaming bag, he immediately did the natural thing and stomped it out!
"AH! BUGGER!" He jumped and stomped and eventually put it out…THEN he realized just what he was stepping in…. "Oh…my…"
"Hook, line, and stinker." Phantom pumped his fist behind the bush.
"It wasn't very nice, but it had to be done." Pen peeked around the shrubbery…"I must say, from what I've seen, English shrubbery is quite lovely…"
"Mistress, SHUSH!" Phantom pulled her behind again, but not before the caught a certain someone's eye.
"HEY!" The short man shouted across the yard. "YOU KIDS ARE GOING TO PAY FOR A NEW PAIR OF SHOES AND A DOORMAT!" He stormed over to the shrub, only to hear the word "SQUID," and find that the nasty perpetrators had vanished.
Pen, Kahmelion, Thing, and Phantom all laughed from the top of Big Ben.
"Ah, that was great, guys." Khamelion reclined back against the roof, being careful to stay away from the edges.
"We have taking in this wonderful atmostpher God has given us and exhaled pure obnoxogen~!" Pen unpacked the sandwiches and cold drinks from Thing's head. "alright, everyone~! Dinner time~!"
"Alright, I'm starved. It's almost dark out. What kind of sandwiches you got?"
"Good sandwiches." Pen passed Kahmelion her sandwich, some chips, and another-taller- Dr. Pepper. "Ooh~! You wanna moonpie?"
"So long as I get mah food…" She chomped on the delicious Jimmy John's. "I'm happy…hey, you got any of that cheese dip your mom makes?"
"Certainly~! Crackers?"
"Nah, I'll just eat it with mah chips…" The raven-haired girl chomped down, and her friend happily joined her. The minions couldn't eat…they were just plushies without real function mouths…or intestinal tracts…
Pen finished her sammy and scooted over to where Thing and Phantom were looking over the Interdemensional Map. It was hard to keep the large tome from falling off of the clock tower's roof. "So, what are ya'll readin'?" She peered over their shoulders. It was some sort of diagram. There were orange, bright green, red, and brighter green meters. "Why are the orange and bright green bars so low?"
Phantom continued reading over some of the notes scribbled all around the page. "We were looking up the rules of this demension. Those two bars represent you and Khamelion. This demension doesn't allow superhuman abilities, only weirdo machines and odd creatures. So, your bodies have adapted to not being able to use any of your powers.
"Aw, man….does this mean we can't use our paper meister abilities and ink-kinetic powers?"
"'fraid so, mistress."
"But you guys can still use your own powers?" Khamelion piped up from her dinner.
"Yep." Thing replied, doofy smirk stitched on his face.
"LAAAAAA-aaame!" The teen downed her Dr. Pepper. Meenwhile, Pen was getting an idea.
"Hm…" She rubbed her chin in thought… "so…let's say I…took THIS large sledge hammer-" As she said so, Pen reached into Thing's drawstring head and yanked out a hammer that looked almost identical to the one used by Ramona Flowers in the Scott Pilgrim film, "and used it to grind all the way down THIS roof-" At this point she had them all looking over the edge of Big Ben. "You would be able to poof and get me before I hit the ground and suffered a painful, splattery death?"
"Well," Phantom fiddled with his red, floppy ear, "yes, I would, but I wouldn't recommend-"
"WHEEE!" His mistress was already off, riding the sledgehammer like a board down the sloped side of the roof, sparks flying everywhere!
"HOLY MOTHER OF FOOP!" Phantom exclaimed, shocked out of his wits, and poofed after her. Kahmelion simply facepalmed and continued eating. She really WAS used to this by now.
"RADICAAAAAAL!" The air whooshed by her, hair blown up. With the sound of "SQUID!" A familiar figure was hanging onto her shoulder.
"WHAT ARE YOU THINKIIIIING!" Phantom tightened his grip so that he would not fly off, as he surely would. With another sound of "SQUID!" Pen found herself closer to the ground, a nice, safe distance. With an uffish "OOF!" The two landed. "Mistress, you can NOT scare me like that!"
"Man…haha…."She giggled, thrilled to be alive, "That was fun…I'm sorry Phantom."
"Ow…" Another voice came between them. A young man dressed in blue, even sporting a blue tie, sat sprawled on his bum, rubbing his head. Apparently, they'd landed right on him, knocking him over.
"Oh my gosh!" Pen rushed over to help him, and her plushie minion went limp, desperate to retain his cover as a regular stuffed animal. "Are you ok, dude?"
"Bugger…that hurt…" Clive looked up into her face….what in the WORLD was up with those googles? "Who…who are you, miss?"
"Oh, sorry. Call me Pen." The odd duck of an artist held out her hand to help him up…and actually almost got pulled down herself. He was at least a head taller than her. "Are you alright? Sorry for falling on you."
"Falling?" he righted himself, straightening his coat, and scanning the ground for his hat.
"Yep. I was going down the side of Big Ben and….INCOMING!" She looked up, just as the large sledgehammer crashed into the sidewalk right between them, leaving a HUGE crack and making Clive jump out of his skin. "Hey, I was wondering what happened to that!" Pen picked up the hammer and spun it around, and noticed the fellow's hat had been right underneath it. Picking it up, she dusted off the rubble and handed it to him, with a big, goofy grin. "I believe this belongs to you."
Trembling, he took his hat and hastily put it on. As the two were distracted, Phantom poofed back up to Big Ben and got Kahmelion and Thing down quick to help the situation.
"PEN!" Khamelion ran out from the alley, carrying Thing on her back, with Phantom safely tucked inside. The fury and worry were plastered on her face. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING! YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN YOURSELF KILLED!"
"COULD have, but I DIDN'T." Pen turned to face her friend, Clive still standing there, awestruck. "Now aren't we all overjoyed to be alive and have eachother?" Pen turned once again to face the young man. "So, I'm really sorry for that."
Clive looked from the top of the famed clock tower to Pen to the clock tower and back again. "Did you actually jump from-"
"Actually, I grinded down the sides of the roof on this sledgehammer like a skateboard or something. Probably one of the stupidest things I've ever done, I know." She shrugged, and slipped the hammer back into Thing's head, taking her "bag" back from Kahmelion.
"Right…and, how-"
"Ah, It's simple. When you've got a teleporting minion, and the Love of the Lord, who needs to worry so much about surviving that kind of thing?"
"PEN!" Kahmelion beaned her friend in the back of the head with a ninja-chop. "You're gonna blow our cover!"
"ReLAX, dudette. It's Clive. He's a cool guy-" She turned around to see him rushing hurridly the other way. "…where'd he go?"
The group poofed back in front of him, almost giving him a heart attack for the second time in the past three minutes.
"Heya!" Pen started. "I think we got off on the wrong foot."
"AUGH!" Clive jumped back.
"Anyway, I'm Pen." She held out her hand to shake.
"Nice…to meet you?" he returned the gesture tentavely. "Clive."
"And this is Kahmelion-" "'sup?" The raven-haired girl waved. "This is Thing-" she turned her back so that the burlap fellow could introduce himself. "And there's my right-hand minion Phantom~!" The rabbit-looking thing emerged from the drawstring head. It didn't seem possible Clive's day could get any stranger. "Hello, sir!"
He didn't even say anything. He just stared.
"So, we heard the news, congrats on your freedom." Pen hugged him, unabashed at the public display of affection. Honestly, she felt nothing was odd about hugging. "And, just so you know, we just prank-called and dog-dookied the Hawkes guy."
"You put dog droppings on a man?"
"Nah, we just left a bag of flaming poo on his door. When he stomped out the stuff and saw his loafers and door mat ruined, he was SO ANGRY-" Pen cut off and laughed, slapping her knee. "It wasn't a nice thing, but it had to be done."
"…Quite." Clive attempted to walk on, but the two girls and the odd plushies just kept following him. Oblivious and not showing any signs of taking the hint. Kahmelion just munched on some chips and Pen kept looking endearingly at him.
"Hey, Kahmelion, am I totally geeking out right now?"
"Yeah, you're a dork alright."
"Thanks for being honest."
The odd group went right into a little café. It was dark out now, and the three just sat at the table and tried to explain crud.
"So…" Clive had calmed down a considerable bit, and after the two following him around for about an hour, he was less wierded out, by their presence, if that makes sense. "You two are dimensional travelers?"
"Yep." Pen beamed, oblivious to the fact that what she said sounded like total bull. "Ever since all these fandoms started, there's all these convenient wormholes being strung from demension to demension…even some raw demensions being newly shaped by imaginaaaation~!" She once again did the little rainbow thing.
"Quite…and so you've traveled here to meet myself and Professor Layton."
Pen did a spit-take, spraying her drink right into the face of a ticked-off Kahmelion.
"Really, Pen? REALLY!"
"Not JUST Professor Layton. THE Professor Layton!" She sipped on the rest of her lemonade, as Kahmelion yanked more napkins out of the dispenser.
"Alright…and IF I believed you, what proof would I have?"
"What?" Kahmelion wiped herself and tried to get the juice out of her hair before it got sticky. "Talking plushies, a giant book with moving images and notes, a plushie who can teleport, and a plushie who can fit CRUISE ships….CRUISE SHIPS…into his head is NOT enough for you?"
"…You do have a point there."
"Hey, maybe we'll get lucky." Pen piped in. "Maybe my arch-nemesis will track us here~!"
"Arch nemesis!" He arched an eyebrow.
"Pen," Khamelion facepalmed. "How is THAT lucky?"
KABOOM!
The dust slowly cleared. Rubble was strewn everywhere, and people were unconscious or injured in some way. It had been a pretty frikin' explodey explosion. Clive picked himself up from under the smashed table, and looked around. "Pen? Kahmelion?" he coughed, and in an effort to keep the dust out of his lungs, Clive covered his face with his hat. Khamelion slowly pulled herself up. She was half-trapped under the table and a large chunk of what used to be the wall. Pen climbed out of the rocks and attempted to rub the debris off of her goggles. Thing was still on her back, and Phantom still inside, safe from the turmoil. "I do love fireworks…" She got a faraway look, as if remembering her last Fourth of July or New Year's Eve.
"YOU IDIOT!" Both Clive and Kahmelion yelled in unison. Pen rushed over to lift the stone off of Kahmelion. Clive acted as quickly as he could to help. It was a three-person job done by two people.
"Are you alright?" For once Pen's expression showed something other than silliness. Now the only look was concern for her friend, which quickly darkened to anger, and she went steely-eyed. "Phantom, Get Cuddlemari. We're gonna need more than a first-aid kit. Thing, battle sledghammer." The minion dispensed first his comrade so he could Poof away with the sound of "SQUID!" to get the squid doctor, and then handed Pen the same large Thor-like weapon from before. She held the hammer at the ready, determined. "REALA! GET OUT HERE AND SHOW YOURSELF YOU COWARD!"
A pause chilled the air for all of half a minute, and an eerie cackle pierced it, along with an orb of dark energy that flew right past Pen and hit what was left of the wall just INCHES from Clive's head.
"ENOUGH WITH THE GAMES! COME OUT HERE AND FIGHT ME!" She was determined and downright mad-as-heck.
A red and black figure floated down from the ceiling and stared directly at Pen and the group with piercing, icy-blue, catlike eyes. Black lips grinned, as he floated closer to the girl, and she moved to defend her friends. It was a jester in some sort of eerie dark costume and looked for all the world like some sort of power gothic clown. It spoke to her in a voice that chilled Clive's spine down to his toes.
"Pen, it's been far too long." He crossed his arms. "Tell me, how are you?"
"I'm not playing your stupid games, guy. Any second now you're gonna start sayin' poop that jacks up my head."
"Now now, don't be like that, dear." He was now looking right at Clive and Kahmelion. Kahmelion was used to it and was currently getting medical treatment from a plushie squid. Clive, however, was frozen on the spot. First a weird girl falls on him, then her weird friends follow him and bug him, and now there's a huge explosion at a quiet café and a weird jester floats in out of nowhere. The scary figure continued. "Ah, so is this the guy I'm going to have to torment?" Torment!
"GRRRRAAAAAAIGH!" Pen yanked at her hair with her free hand. "That's NONE of your frikin' business who he is!"
"Aw, should I be jealous?"
"DUDE, I JUST started to get to know him. Kahmelion and I are just having fun and we wanted to meet one of our favorite characters."
"Oh? What was that about it being 'none of my frikin' business?'"
"Get OUT of my LIFE!"
"How about I just make it so that you don't even HAVE a life?" He aimed his fist, and fired a black orb of energy straight for the group. Clive flinched, definitely NOT prepared to die on his liberation day…but the blow never came. Pen raised her sledgehammer and BAM! She shattered the orb, a look of pure ticked-off in her eyes. Now, she was WAY beyond ticked-off.
"You, sir, have offended my honor, attempted to-AND DID-harm my friends and whatever I can call this guy without just speaking for myself, and attacked me and my merry minions….for that, you are gonna get your face jacked-up, so HARDCORE! HYA!" She jumped off of the pile of rubble, a brought the hammer right down on him. Reala simply blocked the oncoming blow by grabbing the anvil and swinging her away, watching her hit the wall. He floated over to where she lay, and attempted to hit her again, but was once again stopped by that pesky hammer. "THWARTED! DENIED!" Pen shouted at the very top of her lungs as more and more of his dark energy failed to hit its target.
After the first ten minutes, Clive was just watching it all go down. "Is she going to be ok?"
Kahmelion was better now, fixed by the doctor-who now had his tentacles standing by-and once again sipping on some drink she found in Thing's head. "Yep. She does this kind of thing all the time."
"How is she holding back that creature's attacks?
"Eh. We think the Hammer Thing found is blessed or something. Also, she's had some experience with Reala. He gets pretty predictable after a while."
"…Quite…so, how much longer should they go at it?"
"I'd say we have a good half and hour left." Pen called from her fight. "but you do NOT want to get on Reala's bad side. He may look ridiculous, and he may ACT totally ridiculous-"
"HEY! I resent that!" her opponent called, launching shot after shot at her.
"-but he's tough business. HYA!" Pen knocked him over to the other wall…only to have him return with a vengance and pin her to the ground. "DANGIT!"
He chuckled that eerie laugh of his again, and reared back to strike. "Now, I have been waiting for this for a LONG time. Any last word, hu-AUGH!" Pen opened her terrified-shut eyes to see what had cut the fiend off. Standing over her, fist extended, was a young man in blue. She sat up and rubbed her shoulders, feeling she spots where his claw-like fingers had left little scratches. Looking in the direction of the punch, she saw Reala sprawled on the ground, laying in a pile of rubble, unconscious. The barkeep slowly peeked up from behind the counter…and hid himself once again. "You didn't see nothin,' Gerome…Nothin' at all…"
Pen took the hand Clive offered to get up, and brushed herself off, shaking debris and dust out of her hair. "Whoah, dude, did you just punch an evil nightmaren?"
That's when Clive noticed the black blood on his knuckles, as well and the glass shard from the window in his own leg. "Do you think he'd believe I was woozy from blood loss?"
"I would, but I'm sure as Billy Joel HE wouldn't! Let's get the heck outta here!...ow…ow…" She hurt with every step. Turns out, if it weren't for the adrenaline in the fight, she'd have gone done for the count long ago.
"Are you ok?"
"I think I got really banged-up during the fight…that DUECE Reala really beat me up back. Come on, let's get that glass out of your leg."
The two made their way back through the rubble and over to Kahmelion, Phantom, Thing, and a blue, orange-button-eyed squid. He'd just finished patching her up, and she looked like she hadn't even been injured in the first place. "Yo, great hustle out there. Also, punching Pen's nemesis….TOTAL pwn." Kahmelion was back to her indifference and her Dr. Pepper. The squid went over to check on Clive's leg.
"So, this the only injury? Should be easy enough. Come on, sit down."
Clive readily obliged, and Cuddlemari ran one tentacle over the site of the wound. Instantly all feeling left his right leg. He was able to yank the shard of glass-which turned out to have over half of its length submerged beneath his flesh-with no pain. Using a separate tentacle, he dispensed a bottle of some sort of medical fluid, and the cut fizzled until the bleeding stopped. With a quick wipe with the rag, and the swipe of another tentacle, the wound sealed up, leaving a long scar.
"Alright, that should fade in about two or three months or so. Just be careful about the area. It'll be pretty sensitive."
Pen sat patiently while the squid doctor took care of her next. Clive was speechless.
"What? No 'OHMIGOSH A TALKING MAGICAL SQUID DOCTOR!'"
"No, 'HOLY SHIZNIT!'" Kahmelion piped in.
"After the day I've had…" Clive panted. "I don't think there is ANYTHING that could take me by surprise anymore. I know I stood corrected earlier, but now a trainwreck through a four-way intersection on a BOAT couldn't rattle me…"
"Well, that's good to hear~!" Pen snapped up. "Phantom, get Cuddlemari back home." SQUID!
SQUID! "Ok, he's there A-ok."
"grr…" Crap. Reala was getting back up.
"EVERYBODY RUN!" Pen took Clive and Kahmelion by the hand, and they smashed right through the window and hit the ground, rolling, then getting up and pealing off to the alley.
"Pen, really!" Kahmelion exclaimed, panting when they finally stopped.
"We're gonna need a clean getway and FAST." She ignored the indignancy. "Phantom, can you get us somewhere out of the way?"
Thing dispensed the large book once again and the two minions flipped through to the L section. "We could go to the countryside and set up camp there."
"We can go to my home." Clive but in group, tracing along the map until he got over to a particular manor. "The address is right there and everything…you guys would be very good stalkers…" He finished uneasily.
"Radical." Pen pat Phantom on the back, and joined hands with him and Clive. "Alright, everyone, join hands." She said, when Clive retracted at the touch. "We have to all be touching to Poof with Phantom. Otherwise, you get left behind here to explain what happened to the cops and deal with count dork-ula when he comes to."
"Everyone all set?" Phantom was strung between Pen and Kahmelion. SQUID!
The officer poked his nightstick into the alleyway by the resturaunt wreckage. He could have sworn he heard something.
The found themselves in the courtyard, smack dab in the bushes.
"PTOEY!" Kahmelion spat out some rhododendron leaves and pulled herself out of the hedges. "If you're not dead, sound the alarm." She was met with groans and hem and haws. "Phantom, can you NOT poof us right into foliage for ONCE!"
"It's only happened twice so far, and you KNOW it!" Phantom popped out of the hedge right next to her. She punched him right back down. Pen struggled her upper half out of the side of the bushes on the other side of the walk. Thing and Clive brushed themselves off, and helped Kahmelion and Phantom out.
"Um, guys?" Pen wiggled around a bit. "I do seem so be caught on something."
Kahmelion facepalmed. "Alright, who's getting her out?"
"I'll save you, mistress!" Phantom attempted to tug her with all his might…and failed with his little stubby plushie arms. "…I think I may be a bit small…" Clive sighed and took her arms. He didn't want a weirdo teenage girl stuck in his shrubbery. With a good yank she was out…and a bit heavier than he though. The momentum caused her to bump right into him and knock them both over an onto the ground. Pen fell right on top of him and was sitting somewhere on his splein.
"Thanks, dude!"
"Don't mention it…can you get off of me now?"
"Nope."
…."Now!"
She looked at her watch. "Ok~!" The two dusted themselves off and made their way up the walk. A dumpy man in his fifties and a tuxedo answered.
"Ah, master Clive has returned! I'll have to get the Champagne to celebrate." The small man turned to see the girls, each carrying one of the minions. "Ah, and who would these young ladies be?"
Kahmelion shook the butler's hand. "I'm Kahmelion. Pleased to meet you-" She was cut off by Pen rushing forward and embracing the man.
"I've always wanted to hug a butler..." She said, fist pumped in the air.
"Um…quite…" He ducked sheepishly, patting her on the back and releasing himself from the brunette's grip. "Are you two…friends of the young sir?"
"Yeah, you could say that. Ya'll got a bathroom?"
"Right down the hall, first door on the left, Miss Pen."
"Thank you!" Pen was there and back in a flash. "Dude, your toilet is amazing!"
"Um…thank you?" Clive raised an eyebrow. "Mr. Butler-"
"Oh, THAT'S original. Name the butler 'Butler.'" Khamelion quipped, but Pen poked her in the side HARD…just to receive a ninja chop in return to the face.
"-these two will be spending the night. Can you prepare a room for them, please?"
Pen grabbed a hold of Kahmelion by the shoulders. "Dudette, we're stayin' at CLIVE'S place! I am SO geeking out right now!"
Thankfully, neither the butler nor the master of the house had heard them, and they were ushered around the place.
"And this is the library."
Kahmelion looked around in awe, nearly dropping the muffins she'd snuck out of the kitchen. "it's…beautiful….SO beautifuuuuuuul….even better than the kitchen…." True, there were wall-to-wall books
"So…" Clive turned to Pen. "She likes food AND books?"
"Hey, I like drawing AND messin' around with crazy stuff." She retorted.
Kahmleion curled up on the armchair, poring over something with lots of big, confusing words in the title. "…can I just stay here for the night?"
Clive chuckeled. "Sure…why not, I guess?"
"Have fun bein' book-crazy, dudette." Pen waved, and Phantom and Thing followed her right out the door and to the room for them.
"Here's the guest room. There's a bathroom attatched, and you can press this button if you need anything, and-"
Pen had already collapsed on top of the sheets. Heck if she was listening at all. Phantom and Thing were passed out on either side of her, and the whole group was out like a light.
"…What an odd bunch." Clive himself closed the door behind him and headed off to bed himself. As he gets in his jammies and ready for bed, let's go over today's happenings, shall we?
One: He was set free.
Two: he was taking a lovely stroll
Three: A psychopath fell out of the sky
Four: The psychopath and her friend followed him and told him about their particularly strange hobby
Five: He punched an evil clown and was dragged into their ordeals
Six: Those weirdoes were staying at his HOUSE.
Seven: He was surprisingly chillax about it.
He lay on his bed and slowly drifted off.
Clive woke up with the rising sun. The light would take some serious getting used to. He shook his head, attempting to clear it, and drew the curtains. He'd had the craziest dream last night.
"What the devil…what in the world did I eat last night? I had some strange-"
A raven-haired girl in a striped shirt bust throught the door. "Hope you're decent. I'm comin' in anyway. Just wanted to let you know: you're kitchen's on fire."
"Oh bugger…" It's real.
What will happen next on "Poof Chronicles 1: Professor Layton and the Peculiar Artists? STAY TUNED, DUDE~!
Clive: Shouldn't you know what happens next?
Quiet, you, and wave for your fans.